Title: Maybe One Day, Maybe Someday
Genre: Not fluff lmao

On days when he would get back home later than everyone else, Seungyoon has the habit of checking in on the rest of s before settling in for bed himself. It was a strange habit that had formed over the months while preparing for Winner's debut, when he would spend the majority of his waking hours cooped up in the studio composing, often alone. Seeing the members peacefully asleep – just from his place by the door – at the end of a long, hard day always puts his mind at ease.

Starting from his own room where Jinwoo is, he would move on to Mino's room which is just across of his, then down the hallway where Seunghoon's room is, and finally to the maknae Taehyun's room.

He always checks on Taehyun last.

The weather was steadily getting chillier these days as Seoul drew closer to winter, and the cold was even more unforgiving at night. It was long past midnight when Seungyoon finally got home, his thin frame hunched up in an attempt to conserve any body heat. He had walked home from the company, having spent the last few hours in the studio trying to compose for the new album after this third night as substitute DJ on Dreaming Radio.

It had been a long night, and he had probably another four hours of sleep left, tops. Still, that didn't stop Seungyoon from starting his routine; to seek peace and comfort after a hard day from s.

Jinwoo's light snores filled the room when Seungyoon quietly pushed the door to his room open, the hood of the older's grey hoodie pulled over his head as usual. Mino's yellow star nightlight glowed serenely from its place on the wall as the rapper snoozed. Seunghoon was lying on his side, his breathing deep and calm, unconsciously bringing a little smile to the leader's lips before he stepped out and closed the door.

Seungyoon's hand closed around the door knob to Taehyun's room, stilling momentarily. Two nights ago, when he returned to the dorm with the rapper line after his first night DJ-ing on Dreaming Radio, he was greeted with muffled sounds of sniffling and a locked door when he was checking in on everyone before bed. Seungyoon had not knocked then. He knew that Taehyun was prideful but sensitive, in a way just like Seungyoon himself got sometimes, and he'd hate to let others even know about his tears or weaknesses as much as he could help it.

The news that came out of nowhere and got blown out of proportion overnight had cut the maknae deep, and it hurt the rest of the members too, for they all knew that Taehyun had no ill intentions behind those words. He was being his excited and open self; being able to perform and interact with the fans made him happy and so he was less reserved than usual. Perhaps he'd been careless with his words, yes, but that was really all there is to it. Carelessness.

Seungyoon was brought back to a time shortly after debut when the rumours about Taehyun being an iljin first surfaced on the net, and the time when he had been mocked and picked on for his feminine looks and mannerisms when he first entered YG as a trainee. Those times when Taehyun could only cry when he thought no one would hear, and when Seungyoon could do nothing but watch his light dim bit by bit as he folded his true self deeper and deeper into his soul. In those times, Seungyoon always wondered how much more the younger could take before he became damaged irreversibly.

Taehyun is a free spirit. He has a delicate soul that felt too much too deeply, and a tendency to follow his emotions in the first instance. Seungyoon didn't want the world to take that away from him, that freedom of his soul, or harden it to an apathetic shell.

Seungyoon needed his light; he needed Taehyun to keep shining.

He twisted the door knob and instantly let out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding when it gave. From where he was standing at the door, he could see a lump on the bed, quiet and unmoving. He was glad that Taehyun had at least stopped crying.

Seungyoon stepped in cautiously, crossing the room with light steps so as not to rouse the sleeping maknae, and sat down at the edge of the bed very gently as he does on many nights just like this one. Sometimes, he'd talk to Taehyun, who was dead to the world, and pour out all the feelings and words that he'd carefully saved and kept hidden away in the deepest trenches of his heart. Other times, he would just sit there and watch him sleep. It was the only time Seungyoon could be as open and honest with himself and with Taehyun. In a way, and for many reasons, this is the best form of communicating his feelings he could settle for.

He always checks on Taehyun last for this reason.

Taehyun was also lying on his side, facing the wall. Seungyoon gingerly reached out to touch his hair, but retracted his hand immediately when the younger started fidgeting in his sleep. Taehyun kept tugging on the duvet and pulling it closer around himself as he nestled his face deeper into his pillow.

"Did I wake him?" Seungyoon thought, his hand still frozen in mid-air. There would be some explaining to do if Taehyun caught him creeping on him in the middle of the night like this. Fortunately though, that has never happened so far in all the times Seungyoon came to check on the maknae.

The older male watched, motionless, for a few more moments and only relaxed when he saw that Taehyun was still fast asleep. He was curled into a small ball, and Seungyoon could feel slight tremors coming from his body. Taehyun was shaking.

"Taehyun? Taehyun-ah?" Alarmed, Seungyoon started to wake the younger up, not caring anymore about getting caught creeping or the likes. Why was he shaking? Was he unwell? Was he having a nightmare?

When Taehyun turned back on his front, looking at Seungyoon confusedly while pushing the duvet down from his torso and revealing his bare shoulders, Seungyoon got his answer. He was cold.

"My goodness, Taehyun-ah! Why on earth are you sleeping topless when it's so cold out?! You'll get sick!" Seungyoon chided, going to flip the lights in the room on. He found a stray hoodie hanging over the back of Taehyun's chair and marched back to the bed with it. The younger had wrapped the duvet back over himself so he looked like a human burrito, his head hung so Seungyoon couldn't see his expression.

"Come on." The leader softened his tone, just realizing how late it was and how tired and confused Taehyun must be getting woken up so suddenly.

He helped the younger into the hoodie, pulling it over his head as Taehyun let go of his hold around the duvet. Seungyoon saw that his arms were covered in goose bumps when he raised them to put them through the sleeves of the hoodie, and he didn't know if he wanted to slap Taehyun upside the head or hug him for being like this.

There was silence after Seungyoon was done. Taehyun looked down again, wordlessly toying with the fabric of the hoodie, and Seungyoon took it as his cue to leave.

"Well then... Goodnight." He turned to go, but the cold hand that held onto his wrist made him stop.

"Hyung, can you… Can you stay here with me, please?" It was the first sentence to leave the maknae's lips since he woke up. He said it so softly, almost timidly, like he thought Seungyoon might say no.

Seungyoon looked down at their hands, and then to Taehyun's face, only to find the younger looking back at him with strangely determined eyes that contrasted his tone.

"Of course." Seungyoon answered after only another second of hesitation, equally quietly, as if not to break whatever the spell it was that Taehyun was under for him to ask for his company.

"Just let me get the lights." Seungyoon smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, and Taehyun slowly let go of his wrist, returning him a smile that barely lifted the corners of his lips.

The younger had shifted closer to the wall so there was enough space for Seungyoon to get in. The older didn't really know what to do or if he should say anything. Taehyun had curled up facing him, a small distance between their bodies, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. Seungyoon noticed that the maknae was still trembling from the cold, although only very slightly, it was obvious in the stillness and quiet of the night. So Seungyoon closed the gap between them and slowly, cautiously, put his arms around Taehyun, giving him the time and space to back away if he didn't feel comfortable. The younger stayed right where he was, his eyes that were still slightly puffy from all the crying the last few nights looked up to meet Seungyoon's with an unreadable expression.

"Is this okay?" Seungyoon asked. Taehyun shifted closer in reply, curling up even more as if he was trying to hide in the folds of Seungyoon's warmth.

Feeling encouraged by the younger’s acceptance of this closeness, Seungyoon started to his hair slowly and gently, forming an unhurried rhythm.

"Why were you sleeping in so little, Taehyun-ah? You should keep yourself warm when you're going to sleep, the weather is turning colder these days. We can't have you fall sick you know, we need you to hold up Winner's vocal line." Seungyoon nagged with a hint of a teasing tone. He watched Taehyun's changes in expression carefully. A tiny smile was forming on his lips, but his eyes were so sad.

"You have to take care of yourself, Taehyun-ah. Okay?" Seungyoon continued to nag, hoping maybe Taehyun will react or say something. Anything.

"I'm sorry."

That was the only thing the Taehyun said, and Seungyoon's hand paused mid- in the maknae's long fringe. He thinks that his heart just broke a little. It was an apology that meant volumes, even if not spoken aloud. 'I'm sorry I made you worry.', 'I'm sorry I made a mess of everything, again.' Seungyoon knew Taehyun well enough to know what he meant with those simple words.

He held Taehyun just a little tighter, and began to say to him in a quiet and tender voice, what he should probably have said that two nights ago, when he first heard Taehyun's sniffles.

"It wasn't your fault, Taehyun-ah... You were careless, but that is all, nothing less and nothing more. And we know you, our fans know you. We know you can be sassy, or appear to be cold, but you're in fact so truly kind inside. There's nothing you can do to lose our love.

"After one day, this will become a thing of yesterday. After two days, this will become a thing of the day before. After one month, one year, nobody will even remember what it was about anymore.

"And you, Taehyunie, will keep rising and shining with your brilliant light. You know why? It's because you're Winner's main vocal Nam Taehyun."

Tears were flowing out of Taehyun's eyes silently by this point. He cried without a sound except for the occasional broken sniffles and Seungyoon's heart clenched more seeing how helpless his tears looked. They flowed in the direction gravity pulled, sliding down Taehyun's porcelain skin as if they don't mean anything. Useless and wasted, just like this. The pain on his face was palpable, his usually droopy eyebrows hanging even lower, and Seungyoon feels moisture in his own eyes.

"It'll all be okay, I promise you, so don't worry now…" Seungyoon said, wiping away the wetness that was practically all over Taehyun's face with his free hand. "Just close your eyes now and go to sleep, I'll be here."

Taehyun nodded weakly against Seungyoon's arm and pulled himself closer to the older's chest. His eyes slowly drifted shut, his fist closed tightly around the front of Seungyoon's shirt, as if afraid that Seungyoon would leave him if he let go.

"I have three other hyungs in Winner, Taehyun-ah, but only one maknae. You're my one and only maknae, so I need you to be okay." Seungyoon continued to Taehyun's hair, feeling the younger wordlessly nodding again, his warm breath coming through the fabric of his shirt.

Emotions running on high, Seungyoon started to sing, in a voice so quiet and loving, it would betray every one of his feelings if Taehyun were any more alert than he is now. In this moment though, Seungyoon couldn't muster enough strength in him to care.

"I don't know you, but I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me and always fool me
And I can't react…"

It was a song Seungyoon always sang together with Taehyun when they were practicing, and even during their free time, just for fun. Among other songs, they've practiced their harmonization on this one to perfection. His voice fell a little flatter now that he was singing it alone, without the younger backing him up with his softer and higher tone. Seungyoon's usually robust voice was but a gentle croon now.

"Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black…"

Only when it felt like the younger had finally fallen asleep, when his breaths became deep and calm just like Seunghoon's, did Seungyoon dare to let his guise of merely being a concerned leader fall. He spoke into the night, to the chilly night air, to Taehyun who would never hear him, the same way he does almost every night.

"Why do you always have to do things that worry me, Taehyun-ah... You've suffered so much all these years, my love, I know that. I wonder if you've tuned in to Dreaming Radio these nights while I was on? There's at least one song every night that I picked with you in mind, did you notice? Taehyun-ah… my Taehyunie… please don't hurt anymore. It really… It breaks me to see you like this again. 

"I have three other hyungs in Winner, Taehyun-ah, but only one maknae. You're my one and only maknae, and I will protect you with all I have, as long as I can. I'm so sorry that I can't tell this to you when you can hear me, but I still wish that somehow you'd know that you can show me your weaknesses and your tears, you can be tired and you can fall, because I will always catch you.

"Always." 

Seungyoon held Taehyun for another stretch of time that he had long since lost track of since he entered the room, then finally reached down to kiss the top of his head. Taehyun in his sleep looked even more beautiful than usual, ethereal even. He looked at peace, unperturbed. Seungyoon imagined him to be dreaming a sweet dream, and couldn't stop himself from pressing another kiss, this time to the drooping end of his brow, letting his lips linger on the soft, unblemished skin for just a moment too long.

"There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. You're beautiful, Nam Taehyun. I love you so much." 

-

When Taehyun woke up in the morning and found himself alone in his bed, Seungyoon's arms no longer protectively wrapped around him, he was struck by a great sense of loss and emptiness.

Well, of course Seungyoon didn't stay with him all through the night, it would only make things awkward between them when they wake up in the light of day to find themselves together in one bed. They both knew that Taehyun hated to show his vulnerability, that he wouldn't so much as ask for comfort even when his face is tear-streaked and his heart ached so badly he couldn't breathe. He could try to pass that moment of weakness last night off as him being delirious from sleep, but when the morning comes and the spell is broken, he would have to pretend like his request for the leader to stay by his side never took place. Seungyoon was only making things easier for him. As usual, Seungyoon was always thinking for him.

Then why is it that this hollowness in his chest felt like it could consume him whole? Taehyun wanted more; he had always wanted more, and it killed him to have what could have been for one night and then taken away so definitely. He blamed himself for being so weak, he didn't know what got into him last night. For every time Seungyoon had been gentle to him; let him rest his head on his shoulder for a while, looked out for him, been genuinely concerned, it breaks his heart a little more knowing that he could never truly have him.

Taehyun's eyes stung from the crying last night, and he got up in favour of washing away the dried tears on his face and to get a drink of water. The dorm was quiet when he exited his room; no one seemed to be up yet. It was still early after all and considering their practice schedules for the several year-end shows and events they have lined up, any and all rest time is precious.

When he was crossing to the kitchen, Taehyun caught sight of Seungyoon's figure lying curled up on the couch in the living room, and his feet switched their course, bringing him to where the leader lay, sound asleep. The sun was only just starting to shine through their curtainless windows, but it didn't seem to bother Seungyoon at all. The older male's body moved slightly with each inhale and exhale, the quiet sound of his breathing pouring into and filling up the cracks of emptiness in Taehyun's heart.

Taehyun sat down on the floor and took a moment to just look at the sleeping boy, a wistful smile adorning his face because looking was all he could really ever do. Seungyoon was only a few months older, but he had always acted like a hyung to Taehyun, guiding him, cheering him on, and protecting him. The responsibilities he carried on his less-than-broad shoulders far outweighed anyone else in the team, but he'd never so much as complained, and only gave his everything to uphold the name of Winner as five.

Kang Seungyoon was indeed an extraordinary person.

When Taehyun first entered YG as a trainee, when he passed his auditions that July in 2011 and first got notice that he would be training in a team with Kang Seungyoon as one of his team mates, he didn't even know what to think. He had had expectations for the boy named Kang Seungyoon. Having watched the boy compete on Super Star K2, as he passed through each round and continued to appear in the next episode, to when he finally got eliminated, it was only befitting that Taehyun would have anticipations of what Kang Seungyoon would be like in real life as compared to his TV personality.

Taehyun imagined Kang Seungyoon would be the cool kid among the trainees that everybody secretly admired but never admitted to one another. He would be confident, maybe even a little cocky, flashing that signature smirk Taehyun had seen only too many times on TV whenever anyone so much as looked twice in his direction.

After all, he was the Kang Seungyoon. The hottest sensation in Korea at one point in time. With just a guitar, and his husky characteristic voice, he could conquer the world.

That was what Taehyun genuinely thought. That Kang Seungyoon could conquer the world if he had only wanted to. He shone so brightly, so fearlessly on that stage, like he was light itself. And it was also while watching Seungyoon compete on the survival show that Taehyun's own dream took a more solid form.

He still remembers the first time he saw Seungyoon on the program, singing for his audition. In all honesty, unlike the rest of his family, Taehyun had never liked watching these audition programs. It reminded him too much of the same dream he had deep inside; one he had always been too hesitant to pursue and was convinced he would eventually write off at some point.

When Kang Seungyoon ended his audition piece – 'This Time' by Jonathan Rhys Meyers, he still remembers – Taehyun found his mouth hanging slightly ajar. It was nothing too ground-breaking, really; Taehyun had certainly heard people who sang miles better, had smoother technique, wider range and whatnot. Kang Seungyoon's voice was rough, unpolished, but–

But this, this scrawny boy from Busan who came with just a guitar and his soulful voice, he stirred something deep within Taehyun. Later, as he followed Kang Seungyoon's appearance on the show without fail, he felt like he now had a direction to move in, a goal to work towards, a role model – an idol, if you must – to align himself with.

In a way, you could say Seungyoon unknowingly walked him down the path he would later take in life, took his ambition and cast it in stone, so that there was no more room for second guessing. In a way, you could say that Seungyoon was his light.

In a way, it could be their destiny.

In the days that the boys spent training together in the same team, Taehyun came to find that Kang Seungyoon turned out to be nothing like he'd imagined. He was like a warm flame, always so bright and friendly to everyone, trainees and staff alike. He smiled sheepishly more than smirked. He was so generous with his words of encouragement and praise, so genuine that he melted Taehyun's initial aloofness so quickly and completely, leaving him defenceless to the older's perfection.

It wasn't fair, Taehyun thought. A mere boy who'd practically attained national fame at his age shouldn't be allowed to be so perfect. He should at least have a stuck up attitude so it would make it harder to like him. He shouldn't be allowed to be perfect, but Kang Seungyoon… he had always been extraordinary after all. 

Of course, Seungyoon wasn't really perfect, and Taehyun knew that. Seungyoon, too, lacked in many ways, and he also got less than positive feedback on his monthly evaluations from time to time. President Yang was no more lenient to him, in fact he might even be harsher, picking on Seungyoon's dancing, his compositions, everything. There were also times when Seungyoon looked completely beaten down, times when he woke up with bleary eyes but tried to cover it up with an equally tired smile.

Taehyun came to see that Seungyoon was just like him, a seventeen year old boy giving his everything, struggling to fulfill his dreams day after day. He was fallible. Just like all the rest of them. But all these only made him more wholesome in Taehyun's eyes.

Taehyun fell slowly, but he fell undoubtedly. Irrevocably.

Taehyun reached out to caress Seungyoon's face, running his thumb softly over the bags that have formed under the leader's eyes from overworking and never having enough sleep, smiling a little bitterly. He knew the reason Seungyoon was in his room last night, he had always known.

The first time it happened – that Taehyun was aware of – was the night after a particularly difficult day of composing for him, shortly after Team A won the WIN programme. The music he created that day was a mess, badly structured and without depth, unusable. He had just climbed into bed, unable to fall asleep immediately because of the suffocating fear of underperforming on their debut album when Seungyoon came into his room. Taehyun shut his eyes, tensely feeling the gentle touches in his hair, and heard Seungyoon tell him how it was okay and he knew Taehyun could figure it out. That night, Taehyun heard Seungyoon tell him he loved him for the very first time.

There were then, other times when he wasn't fully asleep but just acted like he was when Seungyoon came to his room, times even when he would lay in bed fighting sleep just so he could at least be conscious enough to feel Seungyoon's touch or listen to his words. He never 'caught' Seungyoon in the act because he never wanted the older to stop that habit. It was the only thing left that Taehyun could have for himself now.

"You've had a hard time, hyung... Thank you for always being here for me." Taehyun debated briefly with himself if it was okay to kiss Seungyoon while he was completely unguarded like this, but he knew he would surely regret it if he doesn't. And so consequences be damned, Taehyun leaned over and pressed a kiss, soft as butterfly wings, to the corner of Seungyoon's lips.

"I love you so much, too." 

-

On the day that Team A was crowned Winner, the five boys went out for a mini celebration with their families and managers at a nearby barbeque house. It was a simple and intimate affair that ended earlier than any of them would've liked.

It was only when they have all arrived back at the dorm did they realize how truly exhausted they were, or rather, have been for a while. It was like the accumulated stress and fatigue from the sleepless nights in the last 100 days of WIN, and the lethargy from all the crying they did in just one day combined was hitting them all at once. The members washed up, shared soft smiles and whispered goodnights with one another, and each shuffled to bed.

Taehyun, despite being tired as heck, couldn't seem to fall asleep. There was a lot going on in his mind that came with the win, but none in particular that his mind could seem to focus on for long. When even listening to music failed to lull him into sweet sleep, he got up and headed to the balcony, thinking the fresh air might do him some good.

When he slid open the glass door to the balcony and found Seungyoon already there, Taehyun halted in his steps, heart jolting in his chest. The balcony in their apartment ran all down one side of the unit; from Seungyoon and Jinwoo's shared room, it went pass the living room and then connected to Taehyun's room. And there, on the part of the balcony somewhere in between his room and the living room, the leader sat alone with his legs pulled up to his chest, staring out at the Han River and Olympic Expressway.

Taehyun hardly had any time to consider if he should approach or leave the leader alone when the sound of the door had already drawn Seungyoon's attention. There was a look that flashed across the older’s face when he turned and first noticed Taehyun, but before the maknae could decipher the expression, it went away in the next second and was replaced by a tender smile.

"Can't sleep?" Seungyoon asked softly from where he sat, but his voice was amplified by the quiet night and narrow enclosed space so Taehyun heard him well. He shook his head in reply.

"Me neither. Sit with me?" Seungyoon patted the floor beside him lightly, putting it in a question instead of a statement so Taehyun could decline. He doesn't though, and padded over to sit down next to the older.

Taehyun's eyes naturally drifted to the view out of the full length glass panes. It was already late at night, and only the occasional car sped by on the expressway. None of the two said anything, or maybe they were both too occupied in their own thoughts, but it was a comfortable kind of silence.

Now that he has calmed down some and could actually think, Taehyun supposed he really shouldn't have been so surprised to see Seungyoon here. If anybody would come to the balcony at night like himself, that person is sure to be Seungyoon. This is their place, their balcony, exclusive to the two of them and where they'd spent countless nights pre and during WIN talking about their insecurities, the aspirations they have for music and the visions they have for the future. It was as if the other members knew this, and they have never tried to join the two in their late night conversations. Taehyun decided that he was just… caught off guard, yes. For the older boy might or might not be one of the many things running through his mind and causing his sleeplessness on this night.

"How're you feeling, now that it's finally all over?" Seungyoon broke the silence first, turning his head slightly to look at Taehyun. The leader looked really worn out, but that smile on his face remains, as always.

"A lot of things, it's hard to pinpoint just one of them. Obviously I'm happy we won, overjoyed even, and I'm relieved that we can all finally stop living like… I always feel like I'm running on spare batteries and even then I'm just barely hanging on, you know? But it just kind of hit me, all the uncertainty about our future as Winner…

"Don't you find it funny, Seungyoon-hyung? Before this we were always uncertain about whether we would get to debut, and now that that has become a certainty, we'd probably keep feeling uncertain about whether we'll make it big, make it anywhere. Sometimes it's tiring, this never ending uphill battle, and I don't know if I'll always find the strength to keep going. Ah, I probably shouldn't say it like this right from the start…" Taehyun chuckled a bit awkwardly. He found himself saying more than he had even intended to, but it was always kind of this way with Seungyoon. The older nagged a lot as a leader, but when it was just the two of them talking about the unknown future, Taehyun never felt like he should act a certain way, or not say certain things because he knew Seungyoon would listen to them all and he would accept his thoughts entirely as he'd always accepted Taehyun as he is. 

"It's okay, Taehyun-ah. I feel that way too, and I'm sure the hyungs do as well, and that's okay. We just got to do our part well, and the rest... well, the rest is not up to us but I believe it will follow." Seungyoon said, leaning his head back against the wall, but his hand found Taehyun's on the floor and patted the back of his hand reassuringly.

Then Seungyoon left his hand there, just gently stacked on top of Taehyun's, seemingly having no intention of moving away.

"What about you?" Taehyun decided to go with the flow and flipped his hand around, holding Seungyoon's thinner ones in his. "Are you happy?" 

Taehyun's heart that had lurched violently upon the contact was still thumping wildly in his chest. He was trying to maintain his composure, hoping that his fingers were not shaking too much for Seungyoon to notice.

The leader let out a contented hum of assent and held Taehyun's hand a little tighter. "I've never felt happier in my life. I have music, and I have you guys now, and we're going to start another phase of our journey together. It's an uncertain road, no doubt a difficult and trying one, but I've always felt that if I have the rest of you right beside me, I can do anything." 

There had always been something between them, something that has no name but it was something more. Taehyun was sure Seungyoon felt it too – in their affectionate smiles, meaningful glances, and every touch, whether intentional or not – but neither of them had had the luxury of time nor the emotions to really face it head-on, what with the stress of trying to make it constantly looming over the bigger part of their conscious. Taehyun never had the courage to risk crossing the line, risk whatever they already had, and so he kept putting off trying to act on it. Maybe he could confess… when he'd prepared his heart properly and knew the right things to say, maybe he could do it. They'd be happy together. It would be wonderful. Maybe.

In that moment, Taehyun found even the soft glow of the streetlights along the expressway too glaring. It would be nice if it were darkness instead. They were sitting here and they were touching, and that familiar feeling was bubbling dangerously in his chest. Taehyun only wished that all the lights in the world would go out so it'll be just the comforting darkness enveloping the two of them, keeping them safe and hidden. So that he could do irrational things – try to lace their fingers together, or lean a little bit closer to Seungyoon, pretend that they were something more – and blame it on the night.

Me too, Taehyun thought, relishing in the warmth and gentle pressure coming from Seungyoon's hand, knowing nights like this were probably few and far between. As long as I have you beside me, I can do anything.

The next day, when the Winner boys have finally woken up from their well-deserved sleep, they were ushered into a meeting room in the YG building to talk about future plans. The room fell into silence once President Yang entered, and the boys' previous excited disposition fell away as they sat at attention.

"We have a few specifics to go over, but first and foremost, there is a new set of contract for you guys. Since you're no longer trainees but rather signed artistes under YG, the terms for your contract will naturally be slightly different." The man took his seat and started to say in his signature nasal voice. His assistants began passing out copies of the new contract to the boys.

"There are only a few additions that you need to take note of, if you would look at…" 

Taehyun saw it even before the words left President Yang's lips. The two words 'Dating Ban' in black, bold capital letters were so stark against the white of the paper that it hurt his eyes to look at it. He stole a glance at Seungyoon then, but found the older staring down at the contract with no visible reaction.

"I'm investing a good part of YG's next few years in your group, and you've all spent years of your youth training for this one shot. I'm sure none of you want some silly scandal to crush it to bits overnight. On top of that, and more importantly, intra-group relationships are strictly prohibited for obvious reasons. All of you must know how the media and society work by now, I don't have to elaborate further. Just remember that some things can never be fully contained, one wrong move and your career can be over in the snap of your fingers.

"You are YG's first boy group in eight years, and there are so many people out there just waiting to catch you out and destroy you. Much as I can try to protect you, I suggest you stay away from playing with fire in the first place." With that, the president looked pointedly at Taehyun, and subsequently all the other boys. The rest of the members were nodding in understanding to what the president was saying but Taehyun wasn't sure he could move.

His eyes fleeted over to Seungyoon again, and the leader has his expression schooled into a neutral but focused one. Taehyun didn't know why he felt a pang of disappointment at being unable to read any hurt from his eyes.

Did President Yang perhaps sense something between them? Or was it just Taehyun overthinking it and this is but a general warning to everyone? Taehyun had wondered why the president had to brief them himself if it was just about contract changes and technical things, but now he understood. He alone could drive this point straight home, and it sure as hell did. There were no consequences explicitly mentioned, but the outcome of being found out alone will be enough to destroy the very base of everything they'd painstakingly built up in these years.

The president went on to talk about other points of the contract, and when they would begin preparations for the album, but Taehyun couldn't hear any of it. He needed time to calm his heart, nurse the hurt before he left this room. He can't this up for anyone, not for himself, not for his hyungs and definitely not for Seungyoon. How long had Kang Seungyoon waited for this? Not counting his half-assed solo promotions earlier in the year, too long. Way too long.

Back then, when Kang Seungyoon was first reported to have signed under YG Entertainment, nobody understood why he did that. Not the general public and probably not even the other music producers. Even so, everyone had believed that he would return to the stage soon; the boy was already so incredibly popular that it wouldn't make sense for YG to not ride on that popularity and debut him. But as the weeks dragged on and turned into months, Kang Seungyoon gradually faded into the world of nameless trainees, and the attention on him slowly dissipated until nobody but his fans talked about him anymore. Who would have known that Kang Seungyoon would have to wait for nearly four long years to appear onstage as a singer again?

In those four years, Seungyoon's rough edges have rounded out, and much of his boyish playfulness has faded, replaced by a man with deep thoughts and a fiercely kind and loyal heart. He had died but revived himself again too many times, and Taehyun couldn't make that go to waste. He was usually compelled to act on his feelings, but for Seungyoon, he could put himself second. The older had simply waited too long for his time. He was born for the stage, to shine like light itself, and Taehyun knew that best.

When the meeting was over and President Yang left the room, the members slumped back in their chairs since the nervousness of being in the president's presence was finally released. They were in no particular hurry to return to the dorm and the hyung-line was buzzing with energy, an excited chatter starting up again.

Taehyun caught Seungyoon's eye then. The leader gave him a small nod, all the while smiling this little heartbreakingly defeated smile, before he looked away again.

It was like an understanding passed between them even with no words exchanged. Taehyun understood then, in the moment the five of them signed atop the line at the end of the YG artiste contract, that Seungyoon had decided to let go and close his heart. Just like Taehyun himself, he had decided to bury his feelings deep inside where no one can find them, and move ahead with the necessary.

-

Some things are better left unsaid, and it was like a mutual unspoken promise for both of them to never uncover or openly admit their feelings. Maybe in this way, they could pretend there never really was anything more. Maybe like this, they could hope to put it all down easier.

It never did go away, though. The love they buried, instead of slowly disappearing, was preserved well inside of their hearts like a treasure that is intangible but also undeniable.

There is a time and place for everything, but now is not it. Maybe one day, maybe in their next life, maybe in a parallel universe… maybe then, they could be together, and they'd be happy.

But not now.

Taehyun thinks about what Seungyoon had said that night at the balcony after their final battle, when he asked the older if he was happy, and remembered for himself how he had felt in the moments after Team A had been pronounced Winner. The members each had their separate reactions, and scattered in different directions on the stage at the end, thanking and hugging the members of Team B as well as their seniors from YG.

When Taehyun's arms finally, finally found Seungyoon on that chaotic stage, when Seungyoon hugged him back just as tightly as he tried not to bawl like the rapper line hyungs, Taehyun felt alright.

We were standing on the same stage, the confetti was raining down on us, we were sharing that moment of joy together, and in that moment, you were in my arms. That is all that matters. That is enough for me.

He had Seungyoon as a team mate, a reliable leader, and most importantly a hyung who will always watch over him. They will go on as leader and maknae of Winner, they will perform and receive awards on the same stage together, and walk towards their dream together. After all, wasn't that how Taehyun found his way to Seungyoon in the first place, because of a common dream? They will be able to always stay beside each other. That is enough for Taehyun.

It has to be.

A.N.: Some notes:

1. The news I was talking about regarding Taehyun here is of course, the incident where he spoke in informal register to the audience at a joint concert and the hooha that journalists basically created over nothing. The news came out on the first day Seungyoon went to DJ on Dreaming Radio, and I imagined some of the songs he'd played to be for Taehyun haha. 

2. The part "After one day, this will become a day of yesterday...." is not mine, it was a line from the drama Dream High, which I thought was really befitting of the situation. 

3. 'Falling Slowly' will always be a Kangnam song to me. Every time I listen to it I'm always struck by how much Seungyoon sounds like the male part especially during the chorus, and also they sang this while preparing to busk at Shibuya during Winner TV so ;)

4. Inspired by.... me being cold at night lmao. I don't know how it became this OTL

Also... I hope this wasn't confusing to read. The timeline kind of went back and forth, and I'm pretty terrible at writing so if there's anything you are confused about or think it inconsistent please feel free to ask me~ 

Oh yes, thank you for all the comments, subscribes and upvotes!! I do read all your comments but I don't really know how to reply so... I'm sorry but they all mean a lot to me ^^;;