***

Jinyoung

Maybe it doesn't look like it at the first sight but if someone wants to be an idol, he needs to sacrifice a lot. I am no exception. I trained for a long time to get where I am. Maybe GOT7 only started but I see our fanbase is steadily expanding and as a group we function well together. I like this lifestyle. It's hardwork and popularity is sometimes difficult to bear but I am happy I can be a part of GOT7.

I would have never imagined, there will be a time when I will be thinking about my departure from the group. Except my family, nothing is more important to me than the group. Nothing. But Mark managed to ruin my hierarchy of values. He totally changed my priorities. How can I function when all I think about is him? I hide it, all of it because I don't know what to do. But it's killing me. Slowly and painfully.

I don't want to disappoint the fans, I don't want to leave the group, to betray the company. This year had been horrible for k-pop. Departures, disbandings, accidents... But for us it meant a new beginning. We haven't showed everything yet. How can I pack my things and go when there is still a lot, I wish to accomplish together with them?

Should I tell Mark? But how... I need to talk him. I tried but I can't forever keep everything I feel inside. Sooner or later, I would go insane. Whatever I am doing now, it's not helping, it's not solving the problem, only postponing dealing with it. I fear the confrontation but if I want for our group to continue with me in it, I need to face this. I have to tell Mark the truth and then I can pick up the pieces of my broken heart. 

As if he knew I was thinking about him, he appeared in the kitchen. He shyly smiled at me, which made me die a bit more on the inside. He took a glass of water and slowly sipped it. 

"Hey Mark..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you have a moment?" Something like fear appeared in his eyes but it was only for a brief moment and it disappeared.

"Yeah, I do."

"Great. There is something I need to tell you."

And so we went to my own mini private room and sat on the floor. I have no idea where the others are but I don't care. I need to be alone with Mark without the fear of being interrupted. It's important.

***

to be continued