So I thought I'd step further out of the box and present a "variety" pairing of Lee Junki x Hangeng ^^" I know it's probably not one that you're used to reading, but you have subscribed to some of my odd pairing stories in the past and you strike me as someone who would appreciate something a little out of the ordinary, so I hope that you'll enjoy this one ^_^ Culturally, Hangeng seemed to fit the best for this story, and in my rare pairing oriented mind, he and Junki seemed to be an appropriate couple ^^'

Hope you'll like this!!!

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*Well...I tried to lay out the photos as if they were looking at each other...You probably know that your unnie is not very good with computers and graphic designs ^^" *

Ever since he was a young boy, Hangeng had always been told that, in order to lead a constructive and fulfilling life, he first needed to get a solid education, earn a degree and find a good job, then marry a beautiful but modest girl, have a family, go to church and seize every opportunity that he could to contribute to society.

With God as his witness, Hangeng had tried. He had exhausted himself with forceful attempts to jam himself into the mold that his parents had fabricated for him.

But regardless of his attempts, he just couldn't lead the life that he knew would make his parents proud to call him their son.

For more than four years, Hangeng had toiled away at university, striving to come out at the top of all his classes. His efforts weren't in vain; he had excelled in academics and his "ideal" (or rather, pre-chosen) career was well within his reach. In his second year, Hangeng had even managed to make a very good- Christian -friend, a young fellow by the name of Choi Siwon.

Hangeng truly did appreciate Siwon's friendship- the young man had an aura about him that drew him in. Siwon aimed to lead a life of goodness, following the rules of the Bible closely, volunteering his time to help the needy and proved to be an understanding and accepting person. To his surprise, Hangeng had found himself able to rectify a few of his misconceptions about "religious folk", in general. He had even begun to study the Bible, at Siwon's encouragement, and this was something that Hangeng's parents had failed to have their son do. For a fair amount of time, Hangeng had been inspired by Siwon's example and his scholarly surroundings, to integrate himself into the life that seemed to be set before him. He convinced himself that the way he had been living, prior to meeting Siwon, had been mislead and that he ought to shake his foundations and rebuild the "temple" of his soul, as laid out in the Bible.

But Hangeng hadn't truly been happy.

Throughout his entire university career, he had fought with himself. The part of him that had been inspired by Siwon was hell bent on redirecting his life to one of study, work and joining a church group. Siwon and his group of church friends were chock-full of light, of righteousness, and Hangeng was happy to identify such qualities in them. No matter how hard he tried, however, Hangeng couldn't put aside his "dark half", the side of him that wanted to question the basis of religion, that wanted to master his own destiny and enjoy life as it came, regardless of whether it meant an afterlife in the bowels of hell, or not.

Hangeng couldn't understand how it was that Siwon and company put so much trust and devotion towards something that they were unable to see. Perhaps it was because he had been, in a sense, corrupted by the ways of the world or because he had come from a Chinese background, in which "ghost worship" and material spirits were the most common, but Hangeng failed to find significance the "miracles" that Siwon would revel over. Sometimes, although he was ashamed to admit it, Hangeng wondered if his friend was a little touched in the head, or was particularly naïve to reality.

Many of the young women that Hangeng had met, thanks to Siwon, had shown an obvious interest in him...but Hangeng found himself unable to care. His aspiring girlfriends looked to him as a future husband- a rock that would supply stability and protection, a man who would fit snugly into the role of masculinity that the society and especially the church, had long since dictated.

But Hangeng knew that he could never be any of those things. He had always been a little different, in his mentality and his goals, but he had always attributed these differences to stubbornness on his part, and a lack of thourough exposure to what was "right".  

He began to realize, however, that everything- the desire to be the one who was protected, to be able to be honest with his emotions, whether they were strong-willed or terribly desperate- were all a part of who he was. After years of Bible study and aggressive attempts to model his life according to that of Siwon and his friends, Hangeng had only come to the conclusion that he couldn't change, no matter how hard he tried or how much he wanted to.

While attempting to make these changes, Hangeng only became more aware of his inner dreams to be spontaneous- to buy a modern apartment on a busy downtown street corner, to abandon his highly qualified career for something less educated, but more insightful (he secretly loved to write and illustrate mangas of passionate love between two men), and go out an change the world, rather than pray for change without taking action...

It was only after he had graduated from university, spent two long years working a job that was everything but stimulating and enjoyable and put up with so many "good girls" trying to entice him into marriage that Hangeng had put his foot down.

Simultaneously, he quit his job, stopped going to church (but did remain friends with Siwon) and was frowned upon by his parents. Fortunately, he had saved up enough money during his work to afford a small, but safe and comfortable flat in the heart of Seoul. Quite on the contrary from his previous job in medicine, Hangeng became a clerk at a high-end shoe store and devoted his spare time to writing his stories, hoping to send them off for publishing one day soon.

He could remember clearly how his mother had solemnly told him of one of her friends who had never gone to college or university and was still working in a shoestore at forty years old.

At the time, a then thirteen year old Hangeng had blindly believed that, yes, education and qualification were the ways to happiness. Such had been his mentality even in his eary twenties.

But, as Hangeng got up early every morning to go for a run in the park, then returned home for a shower, changed into a relatively inexpensive but fashinable and fresh outfit and headed off to work, he couldn't help but to feel that his mother's friend was the wisest of them all. He wouldn't say that he was passionate about selling shoes, persay, but he seeing far more light in his days, as he made conversation with customers, enjoyed a great view of the busy downtown street and browsed around street shops on his lunch breaks than when he was cooped up in his routine job, which would ultimately only have cumulated to coming home to a wife and children.

Then, Hangeng had experienced sparks, spice and envigoration for the first time as, one day, a young man, no more than two years older than himself, had walked into the store and seemed to need quite a bit of assistance in finding the perfect pair of shoes.

Junki, as Hangeng had later learned, was an aspiring actor who supported himself, in the mean time, by teaching drama and literature at a local high school. And on the couple's first date, a blushing and fluttery Hangeng discovered that Junki had taken so very long in deciding on a pair of shoes when they met because he had been unsure of how to capture the lovely Chinese man's attention.

Hangeng found himself becoming much like one of the lovestruck characters in his works. Coincidentally, his very first manga had been accepted for publishing on the very same day that Junki had asked him to marry him (when homoual marriage was legalized)...and on the same day that his parents had disowned him after he called to tell them that he was to be published and that he had become engaged to another man. Even Siwon seemed to have become a little uneasy around Hangeng, when he learned of his commitment to Junki, and Hangeng wound up spending his very first week living with Junki curled up in bed and crying in his lover's arms over the loss of his friends and his family's rejection.

But despite his tears, Hangeng had never been happier. He made new friends, with others who "swung the other way", and also with those who were not homoual themselves, but were open and unjudgmental to those who were. He had even rediscovered church, and continued to work his way through the Bible. More of his work hit store shelves and, most importantly, he had his beloved by his side.

Still, however, Hangeng had occassional moments of doubt. He wondered if homouality really was a sin, and if he had failed his duty as a creation of God. He was, after all, dishonoring his parents, even though he longed to be their son again and hadn't been able to hold on to his former friends...

Such were Hangeng's thoughts one night, which prompted him to get out of bed and step out onto the balcony, at nearly two in the morning. Even with Junki's chest as his pillow, and warm embrace, Hangeng hadn't been able to fall asleep.

The night air was chilly, and Hangeng shivered a little as he looked up at the starry night sky after glancing down at the traffic. His life had thusfar turned out so differently from his original intents, and yet, the differences had all been a result of his own choices.

Was that really all life boiled down to? A choice? Was God really not involved?

But, Hangeng couldn't help but to feel that surely, God wouldn't have allowed him to come this far if he had truly been meant to live differently.

Hot on his skin, a few tears trailed down Hangeng's smooth, fair cheeks, and eventually escalated into suppressed sniffles and sobs. He wasn't really sure why he was crying; he wasn't sad. But he was overwhelmed and confused.

Hangeng knew that the strong pair of arms that locked around his waist not fifteen minutes after he'd stepped outside, belonged to Junki and he turned, burrying his face into the older man's shoulder and crying all the more, as Junki rubbed his back, comfortingly.

"Shh..." Junki kissed Hangeng's silky hair, soothingly, until the latter's tears began to recede.

"I-I'm s-sorry I woke y-you up..." Hangeng hiccupped, having finally calmed down a little.

Junki gave his lover a warm smile that betrayed the time of the night.

"I wasn't asleep," he said, hugging Hangeng. "You haven't been sleeping very well for the past few days...Is it your new novel?"

Hangeng sniffed, and shook his head, then turned to observe the active night streets, once again.

"No...it's just... thoughts," he answered, knowing that he needed not specify the nature of his thoughts. Junki knew him well and he had shared his doubts and insecurites with him, in the past.

Hangeng managed a smile as Junki hugged him from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder.

"I know it probably doesn't help...but I love you," he said softly, kissing the side of Hangeng's neck.

Hangeng smiled wider. Junki had been right when he had encouraged him to send his work for publishing. He had been right to help Hangeng realize that there were people who would accept him for who he was and that being a good person didn't neccessarily mean taking the Bible at face value.

But Junki had been wrong about one thing, Hangeng realized, as, finally sleepy, he allowed his lover to carry him back to bed and snuggled up to his boyfriend's warm body.

Having Junki's love wouldn't bring back his old friends. It wouldn't make his parents welcome him back into the family.

But it did help.

In fact, knowing that Junki loved him took all of the pain and doubt away.

I really hope that you liked this! :) I decided for Hangeng to be a writer and artist since you love to write ^_^ Do what makes you happy. No one else can decide what's right for you. :) 

x Angela (your loving unnie <3 :) )