Title: TIE THAT BONDS

Character/s: Jaejoong, Key  ;YunJae, JongKey (slight)

Genre: Drama

Writer: Kolmilyo

“BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH!”

I felt the rush of blood goes up to my head and before I knew it my hand landed on my son’s cheek.  We both were surprised and I was immobilized at my place. Key slowly backed away from me and after a few steps he ran back up stairs. I heard the door of his room slammed shut.

It was only then that I finally felt my knees wobble and I just collapsed on the kitchen floor. I slapped my son just because what he said was true. He was right. It was my entire fault. He’s suffering because of my own inability to give him a comfortable life that he rightly deserves.

Pride.

I kept my son from having a good comfortable life because of my ego. It was easier when Key was still a young boy. He had been my only source of pride and joy. My world revolved around him.

At times when I came home from work tired from cleaning tables, washing dishes and taking orders from drunk customers at a diner as one of my extra work just so I could make ends meet.

I would come home and see him already asleep but he’ll always wakes up when I peek into our one room apartment to check on him.

“Eomma, you’re back.” He would say rubbing his eyes off sleep.

“Yes my Key. I’m back.” I would brush the hair off his feline eyes. His eyes that reminds me so much of his father. Yunho.

“Eomma you want me to rub your shoulders? You would feel good.” Then he would give me a hug with his small arms. The warmth of his small body was enough to wash away the fatigue that engulfs me.

“Let’s just sleep my baby. I’ll cook you your favourite pancakes tomorrow for breakfast.” I would lay beside him and cradle him into my arms. Rocking him to sleep.

“I will sing you to sleep then eomma.”

He would sing me a lullaby that I used to sing to him when he was still a baby. His voice would fill my senses like the tinkling sound of chimes in the wind. He has a good voice just like his dad.

But then again he grew up too fast. He needed a lot of things. I know the sacrifices that he has to make. The ridicule that he gets from his classmates because I could not afford to buy him the latest model of a cellphone or a new gadget that kids his age has. 

But I wanted him to have all the best for his future. I wanted him to have the advantage that I did not have that is why I’m working extra hours and take odd jobs just so I could provide for him.

“Eomma, I don’t want to go to that school anymore!” I’ve been hearing him say for a longest time.

“I’ll talk to your principal tomorrow and ask for an extension. I’ll be able to pay our dues next week.”

“I can’t see why you insist on enrolling me to such an expensive school when we can’t even afford to put food on our table!” He would say irritably.

“But I want you to have a chance of a better life than the one that I could provide you.”

“We can’t afford it!”

“Just hang on baby, we’ll get by. I’m really trying hard.”

And he’ll walk out on me. I can’t explain it enough for him to understand. My heart breaks every time that I see him suffer.

He needs a new pair of shoes. I guess I’ll just have to save my lunch budget for a while. I still have a box of crackers to get me by.

That was a few weeks ago.

Tonight had been the first time that I lost control. I did not mean it. How could I forgive myself for hurting my son? It’s not his fault. It was all of my own doing. It was all because of me and my stupid pride.

I remained seated on the floor trying to come up with a solution to end all this for my son. Should I give up now?

“You won’t receive a single cent from this family unless you’ll give up your right as his parent.”  I remember my father-in-law said to me years ago.

Key was a product of artificial insemination from woman that we hired when we decided that we wanted a baby to bless our union. But I loved Key as my own. He could very well been conceived by me if that was possible.

I loved him from the minute he was conceived and up until now, the bond that we shared far eclipses that of his surrogate could afford to give. He was mine from the beginning and no biological bond to that woman who only carried him for nine months would be able to take that away from me.

But Yunho’s parents think otherwise. To them, I killed their son and brought him to ruin. Key was the last gift Yunho gave me before he was taken from me by that drunk driver who took his life one night on his way home.

Key was mine because he came from Yunho. The love of my life. Everything would have been different if only he was not taken prematurely from me. Yunho, tell me what to do. Give me strength my love.

I slowly crept up to my son’s room.

I saw him sleeping peacefully on his bed. Cautiously I approached his sleeping form. Streaks of tears could still be seen on that beautiful face of my son. I wiped it away with my thumb. He cried himself to sleep.

“I’m sorry my baby. I promise, all would be better when you wake up in the morning.” I whispered to him then placed the blanket up to his chin. Kissed him for the last time and slowly closed the door behind me.

It’s been a month now since I left Key to them.

The morning after that last night, I went out of the house silently before he wakes up. Determined on what to do, I boarded a bus that would take me to that building that Yunho’s family owned. I entered the building and went to the reception desk.

“I would like to speak to president Jung.” I told the receptionist at the lobby.

“Your name please sir.” The lady asked.

“My name is Kim JaeJoong and tell him it’s about Kim Kibum.” I told her.

I waited while she talked to the phone looking at my direction from time to time. I gave a silent prayer for courage on what I was about to do.

“You can go up now sir. President Jung is waiting for you.” The lady said to me.

“Thank you.” And with a heavy heart I proceeded to the elevator.

When I entered the oval office, I saw my father-in-law behind his desk with some papers. I bowed to him and he motioned me to seat.

“So are you ready to concede all your rights over the boy?”  His voice hard and stern, I just nodded.

He looked at me for a long moment and gave me a stack of papers to sign. I took it and with trembling hands I signed the death of me. After I finished, I gave him all the papers back. He double checked the papers making sure that I signed everything as I looked at the picture on the table. At my Yunho.

“I understand that you would be needing compensation for taking care of my grandson for the past seventeen years of his life. I’ll be going to need your bank account number for that.” The man in front of me said and it felt like I was douched by a pail of cold water.

“I won’t need any of that. I raised him up because I love him. Thank you.” I meekly said.

“If that’s what you like then it’s good having business with you.”

I stood up trying so hard to prevent myself from crying in front of this man. I took a last look at my Yunho’s picture and quickly left the room.

As soon as I closed the door of that room my tears flowed down uncontrollably. I gave them my son! I’m sorry Yunho. I was not able to fulfil my promise. I could no longer take care of our son. I could not give him the life that he deserves. Please forgive me my love.

Forgive me Key. I’ll love you forever my baby. Please grow up like your father. Forget about me and the miserable life that I gave you. Now you’ll be able to have all the things that you need and you’ll have the best of everything. You’ll have the good future that I’ve always dreamt you’ll have.

That was five years ago.

I now live in Daegu. Far away from Seoul. Far away from Yunho’s family. Far away from Key. In this one room that I could afford with the meagre income from working in a publishing house as a typesetter. This is all I need. I could get by with this.

I still think of him. How could I forget him?

The tie that bonds us would never be severed.

The thought of him every day,  if he’s eating on time, studying at the best schools, having great friends, living a full life that was denied of him when he was with me was enough for me to live my life just to be able to see him become successful one day, even if it would be at a distance. I would be happy.

I heard that he recently graduated on top of his class and was taken as an apprentice by a Parisian clothing line. My Key, he’s as talented as his father. I’ve made a scrapbook of all the newspaper clippings that was written about my brilliant son.

He grew up to become a beautiful fine young man. I also read the numerous admirers that he has. I even saw pictures of him with several of them. There’s that Dongwoon, Woohyun, Jinwoon, Jaejin, and a lot of other guys all trailing after my baby’s affection.

“Yeobo, our son is so gorgeous that I’m worried he’d marry early.” I said to my Yunho’s photograph on our wedding day mounted on the wall beside my bed.

Recently though, this Jonghyun have been his constant companion and he seems decent. I’m planning on taking a trip to Seoul one of these days just so I could put my heart to rest to see who this guy is and what he really is like.

Also to see my baby. I’ve been doing that from time to time especially during his birthdays. I would always see him from a distance careful enough not to be seen. When he laughs, then that’s a cue for me to be happy. I always give him my present that I know he loves.

The strawberry cake that he loves so much which I personally make from back when he was still a baby would be conveniently placed on his gift table. I off course would pay somebody to deliver it to him without a name. He has so many already that he won’t notice an unnamed one.

That’s the only thing that I could do and I just hope he takes a bite. After seeing him, I’ll conveniently leave taking with me the joy that I saw in his eyes.

A knock on the door interrupted my revelry.

“Who is it?” I asked as I opened my door.

“Eomma!”

That warm familiar arms wrapped me once again. . . . . .

THE END

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*Kolmiyo's Rambling

Angela-Zhang particularly instructed me to make a story that would lift up kristalesa's spirit.

I think that although this is quite sad in general, it still fits its purpose.

Pleasure writing a story with you guys.

Much love!