“Dad, what do you mean?” Mr.Lu asked. “Are you cheating on me?” he asked while looked angrily at auntie.

“Says the one who have a son from another woman.” auntie spitted out and regretted it later. “I’m sorry for talking like that..” she looked at the floor again.

“What is this all about?” Mr. Lu asked.

“Do you know who is Minseok’s mother?” grandfather Lu asked.

“No. How am I supposed to know?”

“Huang Narae. Did the name ring the bell in your ears?”

“H—H..”

“Huang Narae. Your wife’s bestfriend. The woman you had an affair with. The woman who left you after knowing that your wife is pregnant. The woman who left with your son, Minseok.”

“It can’t be..” I spoke slowly in mandarin.

All of them looked at me because I wasn’t supposed to understand what they talked about. Luhan looked at me with wide eyes, hand gripping mine tightly.

“You know what he said?” Luhan asked me.

“I don’t want to explain it right now, but yes, I understand all of it. Grandfather, please clarify what you said. I believe that Mr. Lu is not my father because I don’t even kn—”

“Yes, he is you father, Minseok.” auntie said finally.

“This joke is not funny, you know. This can’t be happe—”

“Yes, it can!” auntie cut Mr. Lu’s words. She started to cry. “You just don’t know anything! You didn’t try to find her because you thought she left you because she didn’t love you anymore. You put out your anger on me and keeping distance from me. I can’t even say anything to you because I don’t know how!” she was shaking by now.

Luhan let off my hand. Both of us were too shocked to hear the news. Luhan started to shake too. The air was choking me, I was hardly breath. All of the things I found out today were too much for me. If I could choose, I prefer to not know any of this. Faith just playing too cruel on me.

“Now you know what I mean right, Luhan?” grandfather cut the tense atmosphere.

“I—”

“No, they are not brother, Pa.” All focus turned to auntie once again. “Luhan.. Luhan.. He is not Lu Wei’s son. I’m sorry.” she kneeled on the floor.

“What do you mean?”

“Luhan is my son, but not Luwei’s. We.. Never made it. Not even on our first night as husband and wife.”

“Ma..” Luhan fell out to the floor.

He looked at his mom in disbelief. I kneeled down and hugged his side. Auntie crawled towards us, grabbing Luhan’s hands while crying.

“I’m sorry, Luhan. I’m not a good mom to you. I just love you too much. I can’t find a way to tell you about this. Please forgive me.”

“No! How can you do this to me, Ma? You should have told me! After twenty four of my years leaving as a Lu, you just tell me that I’m not even had the Lu’s blood now? And the one who supposed to have all of this is no other but Minseok? How can you played like this?” he shouted at her. “I can’t believe you anymore!” he stood up and I grabbed his hand.

“Lu..”

“Stop calling me that name! I’m not a Lu!” he took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to think right now! Just.. Leave me alone.” he pulled out his hand from my grip and stormed away.

“Luhan! Luhan! Minseok ah.. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it to turn out this way.” she cried, holding my hands.

“I—I’m sorry auntie. Me too, don’t know what just happened. All of this was too sudden for me, moreover for Luhan. I—I’ll find him first.”

I shook out her hands and run away to find Luhan. His car was missing. He was not in clear mind to drive. I run out of the house. Asking any passerby if they were accidentally saw a red car speeding out the street and asking where it went. I hailed a cab and asked the driver to drive me to my apartment. I didn’t have any idea where Luhan will be, but I should go the apartment first to check.

He wasn’t there. I run out again. To the cafe we like the most. To the park. To our favorites ice cream parlor. To the Han river. I went everywhere to find him. I even went to some bar just to see if he was really out of his mind and drunk himself, but no. He wasn’t there either. The sky was dark when I finally felt the numbness of my feet.

I sat at the nearer bench I could find. Tears started to leak from my eyes. I was too tired to even wipe it. People looked strangely at me but I just didn’t find any consciousness to care. I sat there for I didn’t know how much time till if decided to just go back to the apartment. I walked there slowly. I didn’t even care when people shouted at me for crashing them.

I took the elevator to my floor. The sight shocked me when the door was open. Auntie was there, leaning in the doorframe of our apartment. She still smiled at me when she saw me despite her puffed and red eyes.

“What are you doing here, auntie?” I said lowly.

“I.. Owe you an explanation. Don’t I?”

“Please come in.”

I opened the door and made a movement to let her in. I the light and went straight to the kitchen to made tea for her. She looked, wrecked, if I may say. I gave her the cup and let her sipped it and warmed herself first. She must be freezing out there.

“Your grandpa was my father’s butler. And your mother, was my best friend, my sister. We always together despite our status. When I had a problem, she would always be there to help me. There was nothing that can make us mad at each other, because we always share and we will let the other to have the things. Until the day Luwei came. He and his parents came all the way from China. Our parents arranged our marriage since we were born, that’s why I learned mandarin since I was young and he learned Korean.” she let out a shaky breath.

“I was having a boyfriend when they arrived, and I was forced to break-up with him. It was a hard decision for me to made, but I couldn’t disobey my parents. They told me that I have to married Luwei, and I started to learn how to love him little by little. I was so awkward with him since the first, that’s why I always asked Narae, your mother, to accompany me. And the three of us just became good friends.”

“I never realize it. I didn’t even do when we were getting married. His parents went back to China while Luwei insisted on staying here. This may sound weird for you, but we never make love. He kept making excuse and started to change his attitude towards me. He became, cold. He barely went home and I felt like I don’t know him anymore. One night, he didn’t return home after a whole day at the office and I was thinking of bringing him dinner and being the sweet wife. But that night, I saw it. He was.. kissing your mother.. hands on each other’s body. And that time I finally knew why he was so distance to me. Because he was having someone else. And to made it more tragic, the someone else was the person I trust the most.”

“I—”

“It’s not her fault. It’s me who being stupid, and in love, and blind.” she chuckled and wiping the tears on her cheeks. “I was so desperate that time. I have no one to come to but Daeyong, my boyfriend before Luwei came. He comforted me. He treated me like how I wished Luwei treat me. I ignore all of Luwei and Narae’s calls. It won’t do me good anyway. I stayed for some days in Daeyong’s house. He cooked for me, tucked me to bed, taking care of me. I didn’t know what happened to me, but I kissed him. And it led to a lot more else. The next morning, I was so shocked to find out what we did, so I run away.”

“Luwei and Narae apologized to me, but I just shook them off. I lived my life like the time before I got married. But one day I found out that I was pregnant. I never do it with anyone else, there I know that the baby is Daeyong’s. I was too scared to tell Luwei. He will divorce me and my parents will be mad at me. I was just too scared. And the next day, I made Luwei drunk. He woke up with both of us cuddling, , and wrapped by the blanket. We didn’t do anything though. I know you must be disgusted with me by now, but that was the only thing I could think of that time. To save my baby. I will never get a kid with Luwei, so I must treasure the one I had. I told my parents about my pregnancy and made sure Narae knew it too. I told Luwei’s parents to forced him to live in China, and we did, at last. The night before I went to Beijing, Narae left a letter for me, but I never opened it until Luhan was born. I never saw her again actually since that last time in the office. This.. Is your mother’s letter to me. At least you’ll have something her to keep. I never understand what she meant by his Lu, until I found you that day.”

“I knew you and your grandpa suffered a lot because of me. But I just want to keep my family. I’m really sorry for everything. I.. Will file a divorce to Luwei. I will leave Seoul. This might sound so selfish, but I came here to ask you a favor. Please take care of Luhan. He can’t do anything without you. He can’t live alone, that’s why I need someone I can trust to stay with him. And the only one that capable of doing it, is you. Please do me this one favor, Minseok. I know that leaving is not a solution, but I hoped Luhan can have a better life without such kind of mother. Will you.. Help me to take care of him?” she looked at me, full of hope.

“I will take care of him even without you asking, auntie.”

“Good. Fine then. I will have nothing to worry about.” she smiled with tears in her cheeks. “I.. Will go.. Thanks for everything, Minseok. I can go with ease right now.”

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere. Somewhere far from all of you. I can’t even stand myself right now if I may say.” she smiled bitterly and went out.

I clutched the letter in my hand, hesitated to open it. One part of me wanted to see, but another part of me scared of what will be written there. After some time opening and closing the envelope, I finally tucked the letter out, and read it.

For my sweetest Jihae,

Congratulation for your pregnancy! I heard that the first one is the hardest one. Take good care of yourself. Don’t do any house chores. Let it to the maids because I won’t be around to help you anymore. Yes, I decided to leave.

I’m sorry because I was such a bad friend for you. I can’t give you anything but pain. And that was the thing I hate the most in myself. I’m really sorry for hurting you. It’s so stupid of me to fall for your husband.

I will bring my Lu as far away as possible from you, so don’t worry about me standing in your and Luwei’s way anymore. I will never contact Luwei after this and just disappear like a bubble.

Please live happily with Luwei and your little Lu! I don’t know if you will, but please don’t worry about me because I can survive. I am a tougher one between us, remember?

Lastly, thank you for taking good care of me. Thank you for treating me like a sister. I am so happy I met you. Bye Jihae. For now. And forever.

Your useless servant, Narae.

The paper slightly crumpled in my hands. I read the letter again and again. Feeling like I know my mom even though I never see her in person. I was reading it again for the so many times when my phone rang. It was Tao.

“Hello?”

“Hyung, Luhan is here!”

“What????”

“I don’t know what happen between you guys, but please bring your boyfriend out of my house! He is crazy! He keep weeping, then singing, then crying, then smiling to himself and I don’t know anymore. And he smelled nothing but alcohol! Sorry for being impolite, he told me to not telling you, but he is like this since hours ago! I might be the one going crazy if he stay longer. And did I say about him tearing out my pillow? Yes, he did!”