I took my car key and drove to Tao’s house. It took me half an hour to be there. I rang the bell again and again then banged his door when I got no respond.

“Hey! Hey! Look hyung. You don’t just come to my house in the middle of the night and—”

“Where is he?” I went in to the house.

“I don’t remember you were this impatient before hyung. What happened anyway?”

“I have no time to explain anything, Taozi. Tell me where he is.”

“He is in the guest room, sleeping. Or I guess so because he doesn’t make noise anymore.”

“Bring me there. Quietly.”

We walked silently to the guest room and I nudged him to open the door. He shook his head and attempted to walk away. I pulled his ear and forced him to knock. He knocked and I mouthed ‘say something’ to him.

“Luhan. Luhan ge. Are you sleeping?” no respond.

“Call him out. Don’t say I am here” I mouthed it to him again.

“Do you want something to eat?”

“No, thanks Taozi. I’m just.. Going to sleep.” I nudged Tao again.

“Em.. Yeah.. Okay, but ge.. I have to get something from the room, open the door for awhile please.”

“Can’t you get it tomorrow? I’m so tired to move.”

“Luhan ge! This is my house. And that is my room, and I need to take something, and you better open this door for me right now!”

I looked at Taozi in awe. He hated it the most when someone try to tell him what to do with his own property. I give a thumb up and stay silent. Hope that Luhan will finally open the door. He didn’t want to get a kick form Tao, did he?

“What is it?” Luhan opened the door. “Min..”

He almost slammed the door when he saw me, but thanks God that Tao was quick to react so Luhan can’t even closed it now. He pushed me in to the room.

“Good luck hyung! And you! You better fix yourself and wake your sense up!” he pointed to Luhan.

“I’m older! How dare you?”

“But you are too childish! Goodbye. Minseok hyung, if you need anything, I’m in my room.” Tao closed the door.

“Hey! No!” Luhan shouted, I locked the door and hide the key.

“We need to talk!”

“No! I don’t want to talk to you. Go away, Minseok! I’m not ready.”

“You’ll take forever to get ready!”

“Then forget about it!”

“It will never happen, Lu! Please listen to me. We need to—”

“There is no we!”

“What? Luhan..”

“There will be no more we. I can’t do this, Minseok.”

“Why?”

“You ask me why? You really need to ask me why? You do know why. First, my mother is the reason why you have to suffer since you were kid. Second, I took away your father. And third! I am NOT a Lu! I am not the Luhan you know. I have nothing to give you anymore. I have nothing now, Minseok. Nothing.”

“Stop it, Lu!”

“I’m not a Lu!”

“Yes, you are. And you will always be!”

I wrapped my arms over him and he struggled to get out of my hold. He kept telling me to let him go but I just tighten my hug. The back of his knees hit the bed and we fell to it. I kept holding him and just lay above him, making him still under my weight.

“Please let go of me.”

“I will let go if you promise to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Then I will stay like this until you want to.”

He clutched my shirt and hide. He started to shake, which I knew that he was starting to cry. I his hair and tried to calm him.

“I missed you. I missed you, Lu. So so much.”

“I am not a Lu, Minseok. I am not.” he said weakly and let out heavy breath.

“Yes, you are. You are my Lu. You will always be my, Lu. Forever. My Lu, My Lulu, My Luhan. Mine.”

“No..”

“Listen to me.” I pulled up my body and trapped him. He covered his face with his hand. “Look at me. Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Of course I do.” he moved his hand, then I grabbed each of his hand and straddled it above his head.

“Then look at me, and listen to me.”

“No, we will break up anyway.” he sobbed and I gave him a peck.

“First, yes it was hard for me when I was kid, but I was not suffering. Second, you didn’t take my father away, you didn’t choose to do it. Third you are still Luhan, my Luhan. I love you not for what you have. I told you before. And that’s why I will never leave you and we will never break up. I don’t allow it. Ever!”

“But I have nothing anymore now. I’m not worth it.”

“Stop it! You don’t know how much you worth for me, Lu. Even when you have nothing, I will still be with you. I will make this work. You fought for us once, and I promise you that I will do it too. And now I’m keeping my promise. I will never let you go and don’t you ever leave me for whatever the reason is. I love you.”

“But how about our family? It’s too complicated, Minseok. I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t need to do anything. We don’t need to do anything. We’ll just stay like this. Like right now, okay?” I kissed him. “I will make this work. I’ll talk to Mr. Lu. You just need to stay with me. I will be the one to do all of the work from now. Just promise me you will stay by my side. I made a mistake once, I don’t want to do it anymore.” I kissed him again.

I moved to lean on my side and hugged him. He hid his face on my neck and kept crying for a while. I can’t hold my tears anymore, so I just cry along with him, kept caressing his head.

“You won’t leave me right?” he said at last.

“I won’t. And you have to promise me that you won’t too.”

“I promise. I’m sorry for being stupid.”

“Well, finally you admit your stupidity. And the considerate me will forgive you of course.” he let out a little chuckle.

“I love you, Minseok. So so much.”

“I love you too, Luhan. More than you can imagine.”

Luhan and I were back in our apartment, but Luhan was not his old-self yet. Sometimes he just kept quiet and space out. And he wasn’t the cheerful Luhan I knew.

We were having our dinner and I tried to lift up his mood by kept talking about anything. I am not a big chatter, so it was kinda hard for me to keep talking. But this is the only way. The dinner was becoming too quiet.

“Luhan.. Luhan..” I shook his arm.

“Oh, yes? What did you say again? Sorry Minnie.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Emm.. Well, I was just thinking about.. Well.. Do you.. Do you think that my father, my real father I mean, ever thinking about me? You know, I don’t have any idea about who he is. I just.. I wonder if he even knows about me.”

“He knows about you, Lu. I’m sure he knows.”

“I hope so.”

“Cha!” I clapped my hands once. “I have gifts for you. Wait here.”

“What’s this?” he asked after I gave him a gift.

“Just open it.”

“Minseok, is this your way to woo me? If it is, I would say you fail. Why are you giving me a pacifier?

“You don’t like it?”

“Of course no. I am twenty four years old and I’m not using pacifier.”

“Okay, don’t worry. I have another.” I brought out more gifts, all wrapped differently, and put it in the table. “Perhaps you’ll like this one. Here.”

“Seriously, Minnie. This is baby clothes.” he smiled.

“This one then.”

“Well, this hat is pretty cute. But it can’t fit my head, Minnie. Too small.” he whined, then I gave him another one.

“This.”

“Okay. Now this children shoes freak me out. Tell me something I don’t know.” he looked at me pleading, well, at least his mood was not as gloomy as before. “Oh wait. Are you proposing to me to have a child? You want a child, Minnie? Look. I really really love you, but don’t you think it’s too early to have a baby? We don’t even marry yet. I’m not ready for now.”

“Of course no silly. I’m not ready too. This is all yours.”

“Mine? Then why you give me this kind of things?”

“It’s not from me.”

“Then?”

“It’s from your father.”

“What? He never gives me such thing as present, Minseokie. You know that.”

“Not Mr. Lu. But your real father, Luhan.”

His eyes widened and he stared at me for awhile before he turned around and living the table. He walked to the bedroom and hid himself under the blanket.

“Lulu.”

“I’m going to sleep, Minnie. You go to sleep too. I’ll do the dishes tomorrow.”

“Luhan..” I sit on the bed, his back facing me.

“Leave me for now, please.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“You know about my father and you didn’t tell me. Now you suddenly give me a bunch of things and said that it was from him. And no, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself because I can’t be mad at you.”

I laid myself behind him and hugged him from behind. This reminded me of our very first fight.

“Honestly, I know it the same day as I know about my father, Lu. I want to tell you, but I can’t find any proper time to do it. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for being childish. It’s just.. All of this happen in the same time and I’m not ready.” he put his hand in mine and hold my hand in his stomach.

“I know. It’s okay. I get it. It’s hard for me too. But I want us to stick together through all of this okay?” I kiss his shoulder.

“Okay.”

“Now, I want to tell you all the things I know about your father. You ready to hear this? I can wait to tell you another time if you are not ready right now.”

“Yes, yes I am. I want to know.” he sat up.

“First, I want you to read this letter. This is the letter he left for me.”

I gave him a letter and he opened it. I leaned myself on the headboard and I pulled him to me. He leaned on me and I wrapped my arm around him. Kissing his head once in awhile.

Dear, Minseok

You must know about me and Luhan now. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you before because I don’t even think I would be able to tell anyone myself. Now you found out about it, I couldn’t stay here anymore. I’m a bad father for Luhan, I don’t even dare to face him. In the future perhaps, but not now.  I just can’t do it now.

It might sound ridiculous but I really love him. I love him since he was born. Yes, I was there. Far away from all the people who crying and laughing for the born of the Lu. I follow her all the way to China. I stalked her everyday just to make sure that she and my baby were safe. After Luhan was born, I know that I am no use anymore. All of the best people will take care of the little Lu, so I left China the day after and decided to leave my lonely life alone in Korea and never bother the boy again.

But faith brought him to you. And faith brought you to me. You caught my attention that day in the park, when you run around looking for your grandfather. I took a photo of you that day, and I silently watched you make a new friend. Then I heard his name. I decided to leave around your house in hope that I will see Luhan again one day. Well, it’s not a bad idea, but after your grandfather passed away and you moved out, I didn’t know how to see him anymore. That’s why I lived in Seoul and get a job in a hospital. People will get sick someday, or just having a cold, and I think his mom will never let him go to the clinic and just bring him to a hospital if he was sick, so I worked there.

And faith made me see him again. In the worse condition that I can ever think of. I was silently cursing myself for my choice of way to meet him. It was so painful to see him hurt like that. And when I thought he was too down, you came again, and you lighten him up.

I want to thank you for staying with him. It’s a relieved for me to know that Luhan has you now. I trust him to you. Please take good care of my son. We might or we might not see each other again in the future, but I want you to know that, as a father, I give you my blessing to have my son.

The paper crumpled because of Luhan’s hold. He was shaking and crying. He turned his head, grabbing my shirt and crying at my chest.

“He is a bad father. How can he only write a letter to you like this? He should have met me. He should have told me anything himself. He is so cruel.”

“He is not, Lu. He is hurt too, much more than you perhaps. He, is the person that donor his blood to you. I met him one day, he was standing in front of your hospital room and just looked at us. He was all smiling, it was creepy. Now to think about it, maybe you inherit the creepy side from him.” I tried to joke and it calmed Luhan a little.

“Kim DaeYong. He is known as the lonely cleaning service. I brought him home that day because he sprained his ankle. Then I found all the gifts. I found twenty four of them. For twenty four of your birthday. All of it attached with a card written one to twenty four. The pacifier is the first. The baby clothes, the hat, the shoes are the second, third and so on. Before today, I only know about the fifth gift. The fifth gift is a bracelet. Fit only for a little kid’s hand. And this is how I know about who he is. There is my photo in it. See?” I pull out the photo to him.

“I remember your baozi face that day.” he turned his head and chuckled.

“But you love me anyway.” I wiped the tears in his cheeks and kiss his head.

“Yes I do.”

“Do you want to read the letter or do you want me to read it for you?”

“Read it please.”

“Appa found you today. This little kid brought me to you today. He looks like a good kid. I hope he can be your bestfriend in the future. Luhan, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“The I love you part is written in the letter.”

“Is that means that you don’t love me?”

“I do! But that one I read is from your father. I mean I love you but—”

“I’m kidding.”

“So you have the mood to kidding right now?”

“Maybe a little. Well, read for me from the first one please.”

“As you wish, love.”

Hey guys~~ It's been a while..

I hope you like this update.. I'll finish this ASAP!!

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XOXO,

-pompom-