December 01, 2010 – 1:13AM (GMT+9; TIME IN S. KOREA)

“I’m just glad that you’re okay.”

Krystal looked up from where she was sitting and made eye contact with the figure a few feet across from her.  Krystal gave out a tired smile and nodded lightly.  “I’m glad that I am, too,” she said with a laugh.

Jessica entered the dining room that Krystal was in with two glasses of juice and water in her hands and sat in the chair next to Krystal.  Krystal folded her legs into the chair, now sitting Indian-style, or also known as pretzel-style.

“Thanks,” Krystal said softly, reaching for the glass of juice.  Her doctors and her parents, along with her members and the rest of her managers—and maybe even the rest of SM Entertainment were on her for fainting.  They were monitoring what she was eating and drinking; stating what she should have more of and what she should have less of.  Krystal saw Jessica heave a sigh as the older girl looked down in her glass of water, holding it in place on the table with both hands.

“I just wish I could have seen you sooner,” Jessica muttered.

Krystal shook her head.  “It’s fine.”  She took a sip of her juice.  “Trust me, I had practically everyone there.”

The younger Jung saw her older sister subtly perk her lips to the side, hoping the latter wouldn’t notice.  Jessica blinked.  “Everyone?” she asked carefully.

Don’t jump to conclusions, Krystal told herself.  She feigned a chuckle.  “Yeah, everyone.  Lots of flowers, too.”

Jessica sat back in her chair.  “Well…” she started to begin.  She made eye contact with Krystal briefly; she knew she was treading on ice.  “By everyone I mean—one person hasn’t been around lately.”

She’s talking about Amber, she thought to herself again.  She mentally slapped herself for always throwing assumptions out there but she couldn’t be too sure unless it was actually said.  Still—Krystal found herself playing stupid for the sake of it.  “Um?” she gave out.

“Amber, Soojung,” Jessica stated. 

November 30, 2010 – 4:34PM (PST; TIME IN CALIFORNIA, USA)

“Jeez, dude, time flies.”

Amber looked over her shoulder and smiled as she turned back around to continue conducting the activity what was in front of her—packing her suitcases.  She chuckled as she heard Jackie enter her room.  She felt a hand on her shoulder.  “Yeah, I know what you mean,” Amber answered turning her head to face her older sister with a bittersweet smile.

“No, but like,” Jackie began.  “With your injury and all, I didn’t think you would stay that long but I’m glad you did, you know?”

Amber nodded as she packed the remaining items into her suitcase and sealed it tight.  “I know,” she answered.  “But I’m ready.”

Jackie nodded slowly as she took a seat on the edge of Amber’s bed.  “I can only take that in different meanings.”

Amber chuckled.  “You should because you understand what I could possibly mean.”

Jackie made eye contact with her little sister and held it for a bit.  “How was it like seeing her again?”

“Surreal.”  The answer caused the older Liu to smile.  The tomboy chuckled again as she went to go lie down on her bed next to her sister, who was still sitting up straight.  Amber threw her hands behind her head as she stared up at her ceiling.

“I missed her.”

Jackie turned her body to face Amber.  “I know you did.”

Amber kept a small and crooked smile plastered on her face just thinking about the girl.  After she had visited her in the hospital, the rest of the day was a new and clean slate.  With the new of Il-Suk being gone, they were able to relax and just talk; it was as if they didn’t want to find the time to talk things out—they just wanted to spend their time together as much as they could.  Now, did they get time alone?  No, of course not.  It still wasn’t that easy even though Luna was trying to help in making that situation happen.  Amber laughed at the thought as she mentally thanked her group member.

“Ugh,” Jackie gave out.  “You’re so goo-goo gaga in love, it’s freaking gross, dude.”

Amber laughed as she quickly grabbed a pillow behind her and threw it aggressively towards Jackie’s direction.  The latter laughed as well as she pushed the pillow away from impacting her face.  Her laugh slowly died down as she began to trace her thoughts back to Korea.  Her face grew serious and Jackie noticed it.

“Just be careful,” Jackie pointed out, breaking Amber’s train of thoughts.

Amber nodded sullenly.  “Yeah…”  She sighed.  “I know.”

“Do you know if Jessica knows?”

Amber felt her side cringe.  “Oh god,” she gave out.  “I really hope she doesn’t.”

Jackie’s head tilted to the side like a confused dog.  “Why not?  I’ve met her before; she seems cool.”

“She is,” the latter replied.  “But not really about the gay thing.”

Amber’s older sister’s eyes squinted.  “How?  She’s friends with that only known gay actor in Korea, isn’t she?”

Amber nodded.  “Yeah but there’s a difference in being okay with your gay friend and your gay sister.”

Jackie thought for a minute and still couldn’t understand the concept.  She was too open-minded for her own good ironically.  She and Jessica weren’t that much different in age group.  And the one time she happened to meet Jessica, it was a nice meeting—it went swell; it was easy.  They were able to spark a conversation quite nicely.

“She strongly assumes,” Amber stated as she interrupted Jackie’s thoughts.

“But she just doesn’t know.”

“Exactly.  No one ever really like—you know, told her straight up.”

Jackie looked down briefly.  “And you don’t want her to know at all?”

The tomboy sighed.  “Don’t get me wrong,” she said.  “Of course I want her to know.  You know me; family is everything.  So of course one day I would like—you know, for both of our families to meet and all that.”

Jackie’s eyebrows raised.  “Wow, you really thought into this with Krystal, haven’t you?”

Amber blushed.  “It’s weird, right?”

“Not at all,” Jackie answered with a smile.  She nonetheless nodded.  “I understand where you’re coming from.  But listen.”  She scooted closer to her sister and got serious.  “Amber, you need to remember that it’s your heart first, okay?  It’s whatever makes you happy.  Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

Amber nodded slowly as she retraced melancholy moments of despair and unhappiness.  “I know.”

“I know that you want our families to be together and meet and all of those lovely things but that won’t be happening for a long time.  You know that right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“It ,” Jackie explained.  “It because a lot of people and your fans forget that idols are people, too.  They forget that you have personal and emotional feelings; that you guys have a heart.”  She added a sigh.  “I just want you to remember that always stay true to yourself despite all of the that you deal with, including with or without Krystal as your girlfriend.  You’re an idol that’s getting continuous popularity, yes, but right now, people only see you as that.  Just be careful.”

Amber nodded once again and looked to her older sister.  “Thanks, Jackie.”

“Alright,” Jackie said loudly.  “Now come here, I at this mushy stuff.”  At the end of her statement, she threw herself onto the other Liu and embraced her with a giant bear hug, causing their laughter to erupt in the room.

“Okay, okay, I need to breathe,” Amber pleaded after a short two minutes of sisterly love.  She got off the bed and straightened herself out.  “I’m gonna go for a walk.”

Jackie’s face lightened.  “Old hang out?”

“Old hang out,” Amber responded with a small laugh.  She perked her lips slightly with nostalgia.  “I have a lot of memories there.”

“Yeah,” Jackie says.  “I know.”  Jackie got up from her place and decided to walk Amber out to their front door.  “See you later?”

“Yeah,” Amber replies.  “It’s my last day here and I’ve been avoiding to go there but—” she paused as she began to put on her shoes.  “I need to see it.  I need closure.”  She gave Jackie a look.  “I owe Krystal that much.”

“You haven’t spoken to her, haven’t you?”

“Krystal?” Amber asked.  She tilted her head from side to side.  “Here and there.”

“You know who I’m talking about, Amber,” Jackie says sternly.

Amber sighed.  “No, I haven’t.  I really don’t plan on it much but the space is good enough.”

“I ran into her a couple of times around town, you know.”

Amber stayed silent at the statement.  She didn’t necessarily know what to say.  Nonetheless, she opened the front door and before full exiting, she waved to Jackie and just said she would see her later for dinner.  Jackie just went along with it as she sighed, closing the door in front of her.

As Amber continued to walk down her block, she took in the crisp fresh air of autumn.  She put her hands into her pockets as she sauntered along, entering a heavy stage of nostalgia.  She relived memories in her head of the times around this year in the previous ones.  She and Krystal were becoming very close—closer than most fans had thought at the time.  Things were starting to get heavier and heavier between the two of them—the suspense honestly killed them both.  Amber took a peak at her surroundings; the sun setting, the tree’s leaves all to a burnt yellow and orange.  And then she saw it.  The small playground behind a pretty much abandoned pre-school.  It was only two blocks away from her old high school; the pre-school simply losing business in the long run.

She took a seat in one of the empty swings and looked down to her feet.  The nostalgia hit Amber hard and it was one of the reasons why she hated being alone the most.  She over thought everything and she could only assume that that was the reason why she got insomnia to begin with.  Amber looked up to view her surroundings again.  The chill weather, the silent wind, the comfortableness that crept into her body for reminding herself that she was home—not hearing people speak Korean for a good while—not getting too confused over vocabulary.  Everything about the fall reminded Amber of how it was back then.  And everything about the fall reminded Amber of the first time she met Krystal. 

The way the younger girl immediately thought that she was a boy.  The way Krystal smiled in complete embarrassment and laughed it off as she apologized continuously for the mistake.  The way she coolly spoke to Amber in English without even second guessing her nationality.  Meeting Krystal was a taste of home—a breath of fresh air for her.  Granted, she was only in Korea for not even a day when she met the girl but given the opportunity to even hear and speak her native tongue—it was in the bag.

But then she thought back again.  Right before she met Krystal—right before she flew out to Korea; everything about the fall reminded Amber of the moment she—

“A-Amber?”

Amber’s breath hitched, her eyes widening slightly.  She felt her tongue freeze and her limbs go weak.  She could feel her heart in and her lungs sink to the bottom of her stomach.  Nonetheless, however, she found the strength to slowly get up and turn around to the figure who called out to her.

“You…still come here?” she heard her say.  Amber didn’t know how to respond.  The cat literally caught her tongue.

She saw the figure give out a small smile—a smile Amber hasn’t seen in a long time.  “So you really did come home.  You’ve really…” she paused.  “Changed.”

Amber swallowed, finding her tongue in .  “So have you,” she breathed out.  She exhaled again.

“Hope.”

December 01, 2010 – 2:22AM (GMT+9; TIME IN S. KOREA)

Jessica turned her body to face the younger Jung.  “I heard she came to see you even though she’s been in LA.”

Krystal feigned confusion.  “Yeah, so?” she shrugged.  “What of it?”  She could feel her heart in beating with nerves.  She always felt so anxious talking about Amber but her anxiety was to a T when it came to Jessica.  Amber and Jessica just didn’t belong in the same sentence.

“How was it?”

“How was what?”

“Seeing her."

“She lost weight in her face.”

Jessica glared at Krystal, clearly unsatisfied by her answer.  “Krystal, I’m not stupid,” the older sister snared.

Krystal bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted a light sensation of blood.  She could feel her limbs go numb and knots form in her shoulder blades.  Jessica lightly scoffed.  “Oh come on,” she started.  “You don’t think I’ve seen the way she looks at you?  Or the way you look at her?”  She crossed her arms.  “The thought of her even touching you down there and even—”

“Stop,” Krystal interrupted loudly, feeling her face turn hot.  She began to feel a small anger boil at the bottom of her stomach.  She shut her eyes tightly and inhaled, holding her breath.  Jessica knew and Krystal knew that.  Nothing needed to be said nor explained—at least to a certain point.  But Jessica knew.  Even if it was uncomfortable, she could feel one less load break off of her shoulders.  Krystal was well aware that she could trust Jessica; she understood that concept very well.  Family is family; blood is thicker than water.  Krystal could trust Jessica with her life.  She thought about it more, now glancing at her older sister as they made eye contact.  Krystal thought about how much it angered Jessica or even how much it confused her—all she could question was just…why?  Why did it bother Jessica so much?  Why did it bother anyone for that matter so much?

“Krystal,” Jessica started as she broke her younger sister’s thoughts.

“What do you want me to tell you?” Krystal spat as she flailed her arms.  “What do you want?  What can you possibly—”

“The truth.”

Krystal opened to respond to the answer but quickly closed it after she took two steps back.  She shook her head lightly.  She exhaled.  “The truth?” she questioned.

Jessica felt an anger poke into her sides.  She scoffed aggressively.  “Yes, the truth,” Jessica emphasized slowly.  She glared her younger sister down.  “What?” she asked.  “Are you embarrassed?  You don’t think people know, Soojung?  Huh?  You don’t think—”

“W-what are you talking about,” the latter asked, even though it came out more as a statement.  She could feel her heartbeat quicken and her nerves tighten.

Jessica’s expression lightened as she leaned her shoulder onto the back of the chair.  She sighed again.  “Whatever I can see on the Internet is whatever anyone else can see on the Internet.”  Jessica ran her hand through her hair.  “You don’t think we know about the rumors?  Pictures?  Those music videos fans make—”

“Who the hell is ‘we’?” Krystal asked angrily.  She was reaching her breaking point.  “Why does everyone care?  Why do you care?  Rumors are rumors; what is the problem?  It’s no one’s business!”

Jessica stood up and put her hands to her hips.  “I care because you’re my little sister!  That lifestyle isn’t—”

“Lifestyle?” Krystal emphasized.  She stood up, as well, feeling the adrenaline rush through her.  “What lifestyle, Jess?  Huh?  Being in love with someone who happens to be a girl?!  That lifestyle?!”

Jessica did a double take on the information was that confessed.  She blinked a few times, not believing what she heard even though that’s the entire nutshell of everything that’s been going on in one sentence.  Krystal also felt herself do a double take for literally confessing the darkest deed of her life at the moment but ironically, she felt lighter.  She felt more at ease.  She knew that this was working for herself and it felt good.  But still—either way, she wasn’t ready for this.  Krystal knew that there was never going to be a time where she would be fully ready.

“Why are you so…so… just so angry about this, Jessica?” Krystal whimpered.

“I just never expected it,” Jessica answered.  She felt exhaustion take over her body.  “You just don’t look like—a lesbian.”

Krystal scoffed.  “And what is a lesbian supposed to look like?  Amber Liu?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh get real!” Krystal screamed.  She put her hands to her face and rubbed it.  “Why are you the only one that is so pushy about this?”  She put her hands up in a light defense.  “Okay fine.”  She her lips and inhaled sharply.  “I’ve seen the sh*t on the internet and I can definitely say that fans are officially crazy but have you seen your fan base?  Girls’ Generation’s fan base is all over you and Yuri—”

“That’s not true,” Jessica interrupted sternly.

“Oh please,” Krystal said mockingly and shook her head.  “Whatever, either way—no one can confirm it besides me.  No one can confirm anything about ‘KryBer’ besides me and—”

“Amber.”

“Exactly.”

“How do you know that she won’t say anything then, hm?”

Krystal opened to answer but paused.  She thought for a quick second and played out how many people Amber told and how many people she thinks Amber told.  But she knew better.  She knew way better.  Krystal has always had trust issues with Amber simply because of her personality since Amber is a natural social butterfly but she knew better.  Amber was her’s and she was Amber’s.

“Because she’s smarter than that,” Krystal answered.  She added a very tired yet angry scoff.  “I don’t understand people like you.  I just really don’t get it.  What is wrong with being gay?”

“Krystal, you’re not even an adult—you can’t be positive that that’s what you want.”

“What I want?” Krystal asked.  She scoffed again.  “Excuse me?”  She shook her head.  “But I guess you would know what I want then, right?”

“I would have an idea because I’m already an adult,” Jessica responded.

Krystal’s mouth slightly fell in agape as she shook her head.  All she could do was chuckle out of disappointment.  “My life is my life, not yours,” the younger Jung spat out.  It was venom entering the older Jung’s blood.  She could feel it burn all throughout her body.

“I’m just trying to lead you in a safe direction—”

“Well I don’t need you to!” Krystal yelled with hands in the air.  “You’re my sister, Jessica!  Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?!  You’re supposed to be one of those people I can go to when I wanna get away from all of this—this—this bullsh*t we deal with as celebrities!”  Krystal could feel tears form in her eyes and at this rate, she didn’t care.  She just only continued.  “I have been struggling with figuring out who I am and who I want to be.”  She wiped away her tears viciously as she saw Jessica’s face sadden with some of her own tears slowly forming, as well.  “Do you think—like really think that I want to be gay?  Do you really think that I just woke up and decided to become a lesbian and be with girls?”  There was a small pause in the air.  “No,” Krystal says at a lower volume, “No, of course not.”  She choked on a sigh.  “It’s not as easy as it seems.”

“But did you honestly have to choose this?” Jessica questioned with reason.

There was a moment of silence as Krystal tried to process the question her older sister asked.  She honestly didn’t know what to say or even how to feel other than an over-rated definition of “blasphemy.”  She blinked twice with slightly agape.  “Choose…?” Krystal asked silently.  She became livid.  “You honestly think I chose to be gay?”

Jessica thought for a minute as she realized her poor word choice, mentally slapping herself in the head.  “Krys—”

“No!” Krystal screamed.  “Stop it!  Just stop it!”  Krystal began to walk away from the table the both of them were at to get a little bit of distance from each other in order to help herself remain humanely calm and stable.  “I didn’t just choose to be gay, Jessica!  I didn’t just decide out of nowhere that I’m gonna go and kiss girls and love them unconditionally—I didn’t just choose out of nowhere to not be straight.”  She ran her hands through her hair exhaling slowly.  “Honestly,” she began once again but this time at a much lower tone.  She made eye contact with Jessica to make sure her older sister saw a new set of tears falling down the younger’s face.  It broke Jessica’s heart.  “If it was really my choice, I would have chosen to be straight.  I would have chosen to not be so confused every night.  I would have chosen to not get these stupid anxiety attacks.  I would have chosen to not—” Krystal paused as she bit her lip and crossed her arms, looking away briefly.  She shut her eyes and fidgeted, feeling her heart in pulse.  A tear fell as she breathed out her last thought.

“I would have chosen to not fall in love with Amber Liu.”

November 30, 2010 – 5:15PM (PST; TIME IN CALIFORNIA, USA)

“I still can’t believe it’s you.”

Amber swallowed dry saliva as she felt her heart skip a beat.  “Yeah,” she breathed out, a chuckle escaping to ease the tension.  She quickly glanced at Hope—their eye contact breaking here and there as they both were still processing that the other was there.  Amber hadn’t seen her ex in literally two years and with the circumstances that had appeared, she sure didn’t expect to see her now.

A small silence had built up around them—the both of them not knowing what to exactly say to each other.  If Amber thought her mind was racing through many thoughts ever since she and Krystal had started, it was in for another reality check as it now occupied with Hope and Krystal at the same time.  She felt her knees tremble from the anxiety and she could see that Hope was getting nervous, as well.

“How long has it been?” Hope asked hoping to break the awkward tension in the air as she took a step forward.

Amber felt her knees lock.  “Um,” she breathed.  Calm down, she told herself.  Amber swallowed and cleared , straightening her posture.  “A long time.”

Hope lightly chuckled.  “Two years, right?”

Amber stayed silent as she nodded, the latter watching.  She saw Hope hold her left arm and shift to her left, looking away for a brief moment.  Amber took the time to observe her ex-girlfriend and saw that she even she has changed.  Despite Hope being 2 years older than the tomboy, she noticed how much she matured in the face—looking naturally older and more elegant than she ever was.  She didn’t grow, Amber noticed, still staying the same petite size she proudly held—a simple 5’1”.  Amber could see that with her matured face came the natural small eye bags of stress from college, which she could only assume Hope was already in—considering how much of an over-achiever the girl was, she could only think that Hope was in her dream college, University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA).  Amber also noticed from comparing the last time she saw her ex to now, Hope didn’t have side bangs anymore and her hair was much longer than before.  Hope had grown out her bangs, parting her hair to the right; her hear reaching down to what Amber assumed to be the middle of her backside.  Hope’s eyes were still a strikingly light brown—one of the features that made Amber fall for her hard and every single time she made eye contact with the girl, she could feel her heart ping with unresolved pain.  Amber never had a type, she knew that, but if she had to look back on who she dated before and who she was dating now, it was clear to say that she has a strong thing for Asian women—even if they were mixed or not. 

Hope was half Chinese and half Caucasian—her Caucasian mother dying only when she was five years old.  Amber could remember how painful it still was for Hope to even talk about not knowing her mother well, or even not remembering the figure of her also.  Vanessa was purely mixed.  Krystal was full Korean.  She attempted to swallow the lump that had formed in at the thought of her current lover—even if they weren’t official official, she was taken at heart.  Hope had pale skin, very similar to Krystal but slightly darker at the same time.  With Hope’s change in hairstyle, Amber had a hard time even recognizing the old ex-girlfriend she had 2-3 years back.

Hope could feel her ex’s eyes on her and could feel her face heat up.  She swallowed and forced herself to make eye contact with Amber.  “I never knew you were this talented,” she stated, referring to Amber’s new title in Asia.

Amber blinked with confusion and from interruption in her train of thoughts.  “What?”

Hope couldn’t help but chuckle at the same old cute lost expression she held.  “You, silly,” she said.

Amber swallowed again after hearing an old nickname Hope used back when they were together.  “What do you mean?” she asked, hoping to ignore it.

“Your debut.”  Hope added a smile.  “I honestly didn’t think you’d debut this quickly.”

Amber shrugged lightly and looked away.  “I guess I just got lucky.”

“I’m glad, though,” Hope responded.  “That you’re successful.”  She threw in a chuckle.  “I bought all of your albums so far and I watched some of your shows.”

Amber let out a small smile—a smile she couldn’t help give out.  “Thanks,” she said.  “But,” she added.  She added a chuckle.  “You don’t know Korean.”

“Your fans add subtitles to your shows,” Hope answered with a small smile.

Amber blinked a few times.  She mentally thanked her fans and painfully reminded herself that she was famous on the other side of the world—a gift she sometimes wished she didn’t have.  “Right,” she replied.

Hope looked down again before looking back up, now shifting to the right side.  “You’ve changed,” she repeated.

“So have you,” Amber mirrored.

“How’s your foot?”

Amber felt her saliva go dry.  Of course, she thought.  Amber’s injury was all over the news in hopes of making sure the topic of Krystal and her never escaped anyone’s mouths to save everybody’s butts.  SM sure did a good job of making sure that it was just an ankle injury, no matter how many people were suspicious, Amber had to give it to her ex manager, Il-Suk for keeping his word because he really did.  She had to think about it more, though; the foot part is all true, but the reasoning behind it?  That was ultimately debatable.

“It’s fine,” says Amber after a few seconds.  “I can walk fine now.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“So when are you going back to Korea?”

“Tomorrow.”

Hope blinked.  She felt her breath hitch.  “T-tomorrow?”

The tomboy nodded.  “Why?”

Hope lightly scoffed.  “Well, I haven’t seen you since the last time we br—” she paused.

Amber immediately saw where this was going.  “Can we—not?”

Hope clenched her teeth.  “Please.”

“Hope—”

“I’ve missed you.”

Amber had to stifle a sigh after hearing the words she was dying to hear for the first few months after they had broken up before she had left to go to Korea.  It was painful.  But at the same time, she knew that this was the closure she needed the most even if she didn’t want to deal with it, she had to.

“Don’t do this,” Amber sternly stated.

“Why?” Hope asked taking a step forward.  “I know that things between us ended on a really bad note but for the past two years, I have not stopped thinking about you and how I could have made things better between us.”

Amber looked away suddenly feeling guilt take over her body.  She knew that it wasn’t all of Hope’s fault for the break up, she was mature enough to own up to the mistakes she made on her part of the relationship.  But what everyone in Korea didn’t know was the story of how things had really gone down between them.  She made a key note to explain it one day, but not anytime soon.  Amber just knew that although there were mistakes she made on her end in the relationship, Hope was the primary cause of the relationship ending; it was surprising to see the latter owning up to her mistakes at first hand—something the old Hope wouldn’t do in the beginning.

“Amber, please,” Hope softly said.  “I want this to work between us; I’ve always wanted this to work between us.  I just—we were young.  We still are, yeah, but it’s been two years—time has passed.  We can work this out.”

“No,” Amber responded.  “We can’t.”

Hope opened to retaliate, but Amber beat her before she could speak.  “I’m on the other side of the world, Hope—the time difference is 12 hours and can even be 14 hours when there’s Daylight Savings Time.  It wouldn’t work.”  Amber bit the inside of her cheek to make sure she didn’t scream out the real reason why she didn’t want to be with Hope.  The real reasons why she didn’t want to get back with Hope; the biggest one being Krystal Jung.

“We won’t know unless we try.”

“Why?” Amber exclaimed.  “Why now, Hope?  Why all of a sudden?  Two years ago you didn’t even want anything to do with me when you found out I auditioned and got in!”

“Two years ago I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it!” Hope cried.

Amber took a step back as she did a small double-take at her ex’s words.  It was strange to her—very strange.  She was waiting for these words; but the wait soon disintegrated when she became so busy with getting ready to debut with f(x).  Amber would see pictures of Hope on Facebook whenever she still had the time to even think about social media.  The more she saw pictures of her ex-girlfriend, the more she got over her.  A small piece of her still wished that Hope had said the words she was saying a lot sooner and maybe she would have definitely reconsidered it.  Only because Hope was basically her first girlfriend and first for pretty much everything—it was a tough thing to get over.  Amber knew very well how much of herself she gave to the girl that she couldn’t get back.  But considering the fact that Amber forced herself to get over her and what happened, it was all too late.  She glanced at Hope and she could see the sincere pain she was gleaming out of her eyes, tears slowly starting to form.  She clenched her teeth.

“I just can’t,” Amber said lowly.  “I’m sorry.”  She found the courage to look into Hope’s eyes.  “It wouldn’t work, trust me.  And… I just don’t feel the same way, anymore.”

“And I’d work on that with you.”

“But I can’t.”  She sighed.  “I won’t.”

Amber began to walk away from the girl, walking passed her.  She stopped shortly, however and turned to her left to slightly look at her before she continued.  “I’m sorry things had to be the way they turned out to be.

Hope mirrored the idol’s movements.  “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“You did,” Amber replied, her tone lightening now moving to disappointment.  “You really broke my heart, Hope.”

“I know,” the latter answered.  She fully turned around to face Amber.  “So give me the chance to fix this.”

“But that’s the thing you don’t get,” Amber stated.  “I can’t.  And I won’t.  I can’t just hand things to you on a silver platter and with the way things are now—it just wouldn’t work.”

Hope stared at her feet in sadness, lost at words.  Amber was right, Hope knew.  There was no way things could possibly work smoothly with the time difference and having to constantly watch what they said to each other through the phone or even over the internet.  It would be really hard and retracing how she wanted to just jump right to it no less than five minutes ago, she began to feel embarrassed for almost seemingly looking like she was begging for the idol’s forgiveness.  But overall, Hope knew herself that she needed this—she needed some sort of closure from the other girl and she could only wish the girl thought the same.

“I have to go,” Amber said as she broke the small silence between them.  “My flight is early tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll miss you.”  Hope found the courage to make eye contact with Amber.  They both knew this very moment.  They had both said the exact same words before Amber had left to go to Korea at the end of their outrageous fight.  Except this time around, it was more upsetting and miserable—not angry and wasteful.  Nostalgia hit them hard and they could both feel their limbs go weak.  It was a goodbye they didn’t want to relive, but at the same time, they were both glad they did anyway.

Amber gave a small nod and a sad crooked smile before turning away to walk back to her house.

“Is it true?”

The question made Amber stop in her tracks, slight confusion entering her body.  She turned around half way as a response.  “Is what true?”

Hope looked away, immediately thinking that rumors were rumors and that she should let it go.  But she couldn’t help it.

“About you and Krystal.”

The question wasn’t even surprising to Amber anymore and she found herself not even getting mad.  She continued to look into Hope’s eyes, hoping that words weren’t needed. 

“I’ll see you around, Hope.”

Amber turned back around and began to walk away, still feeling her ex’s eyes on her.  She was met with silence from the other end and she wasn’t sure to question whether it was a good or bad thing.  Amber didn’t want to lie to the girl, but she didn’t want to reveal the truth either.  Too much was at stake.  Too much.  But she remembered how severe their eye contact was before she said her last statement.  And if there was one person that knew Amber well, Hope was definitely one of them.  She sighed as she shoved her hands deep into her pockets.

Now you know.