2009 . 05 . 18 – 12:03am

“Hey, Amber, do you—“

The person who was speaking stopped in her tracks and froze at the sight for a split-second, not knowing what to do but apologize a million times in English within the five seconds of her exit.  She closed the door behind her and exhaled.  As she took two steps forward from walking away from the room, the door opened up behind her.

“Luna,” Amber called out.

Luna turned around, “Hm?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Amber said immediately in panic.  She swallowed her nervousness rising from her stomach.  “Please,” she pleaded.

Luna’s expression lightened, taking in the surprise she just witnessed.  She gave out a sympathetic smile, “I didn’t plan on it.”

Amber smiled back and exhaled with relief.  Before she can say anything else, she turned around to the sound of her room door opening.  Vanessa walked out shyly with her bag in her hand.  “I should go,” she said in English.  She avoided eye contact with both Amber and Luna.

“It’s late, Ness, I don’t want you traveling at this time,” Amber responded.  “Just stay the night.”

Vanessa shook her head and gave out a shy laugh, causing Luna to smile at her natural beauty, even when laughing.  Aw, Luna thought, she’s cute.  Despite not understanding the conversation going on between them, she couldn’t help but smile, anyways.

“Hello,” Vanessa said in Korean.  Luna’s eyes widened, “Oh, you speak Korean?”

The girl giggled, nodding her head, “I have Korean in my blood.”

Amber smiled at the two of them beginning to talk.  Luna introduced herself, which she totally forgot to do and they continued to talk about school, Vanessa asking her if she was excited to debut, their practicing efforts and etc.  “I’ll call a cab for you, at least,” she said to her girlfriend.

Vanessa nodded and within ten minutes, the cab arrived, calling Amber’s cellphone, notifying that it was outside of their apartment.  The band members walked Vanessa to the door where she put on her light jacket and shoes on.  She shyly kissed Amber on the cheek and the tomboy replied with a smile and a tight hug.

“Take care,” Amber said as Vanessa began to walk out.

Luna yelled out a cheerful “bye” with a wave and Vanessa did the same, saying how it was nice to have met her, despite being under weird circumstances.  Luna giggled as a response and said the same.  Amber closed and locked the front door and the two of them walked to the kitchen

“Do you want some tea?” Luna asked as Amber sat down, still adjusting to what just happened.  Why is she taking this lightly? she thought to herself.

The tomboy nodded as a response.  The girl nicknamed after the moon brought the tea pot with two mugs and poured into them both.  They both blew into their cups in silence, letting their liquids cool down.  Luna decided to wait for Amber to feel ready to talk because as always, she knew there was going to be some sort of explanation and talk about what just happened—especially after knowing a brand new fact about her band member.  She sat back in her chair, taking small sips from her mug.

“I’m sorry,” Amber let out, huddling over her mug with both hands.  She gave out a sigh and continued to stare into her drink.

“For what?” the girl asked as a response, confusion heard in the sentence.

“For being this way.”

More silence.

Amber looked up to her close friend.  Tears were starting to form and she could feel her vision blur.  “If I could help it,” she began doing her best to fight herself from choking on her tears.  She wiped a tear that fell, “I would.  But I can’t.”

Luna’s heart broke.  “Oh, Amber,” she said upsettingly.  She reached for her friend’s hands and held them in her’s.  Amber continued to weep into her drink, her head low not wanting to show her weak side of tears falling in front of her.  “It’s okay,” Luna stated.  She got up and walked over to the seat next to Amber and sat in it.  She turned the tomboy’s head towards her and began to wipe her tears.  “Really,” she reassured.  “I don’t care.  You’re still the Amber I met when you first walked through that door.  The same Amber I’m gonna be in f(x) with.  It doesn’t matter to me.”  She wiped a couple of more tears falling.  The more Amber heard the nice words, the more she began to cry from feeling so frightened coming to a realization at how people could react to her exploring herself.  “As long as you are happy with who you are, Amber,” Luna said.  She gave out a gentle smile, “That’s all I care about.”

“Thank you,” Amber murmured through her tears.  By this point, she was already sobbing and Luna couldn’t help but bring her in for a hug.  She played with the tomboy’s hair, it as a mother would to let her child fall asleep in her arms.  She continued to give out reassuring words to her friend because to Luna, it really was okay.  It didn’t matter to her.  It was discrimination to be so distraught over who someone loves whether or not it was of the same or not.  She wasn’t all for being another close-minded human being in the world.  Amber was still Amber to her.  She looked up to her as an older sister.  There was nothing else wrong.

Once Amber calmed down from crying, she let go of Luna and wiped the rest of her tears away.  She was still sniffling from the cause.  She faced her drink and began drawing random symbols and lines of all different types of directions on her mug.

“I guess I’m the only one who knows,” Luna suggested as she watched.

Amber nodded, “This is something I’m not very comfortable talking about.”

“I can understand.  I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.”

Luna smiled, “So how long?”

Amber turned her head to the girl next to her.  “How long, what?”

“How long have you two been together?” she asked excitedly.

Amber couldn’t help but laugh at the girl.  But it was comforting.  She didn’t expect to come out to her friend so soon, nonetheless, come out to her after she walked in on them making out on her bed.  Amber was just glad that what was happening was PG-13 rated at its best.  All clothes were on and they were sitting, not lying down.  Vanessa just had her hands at Amber’s face and the latter had her hands at her waist.  Nothing more.

“Two months and a half,” she responded taking a sip into her tea.

Luna let out a teasing “ooh” sound and poked the blushing tomboy next to her.  Amber laughed and told her to stop.  “Well, don’t worry,” Luna said as she folded her arms after all the hype had calmed down.  “I won’t tell anyone.  I promise,” she stuck out her pinky.

Amber smiled and entangled her pinky with her’s.  She thanked her friend one more time and the latter nodded without a problem.  Before they could say anything else, the front door had opened and they heard footsteps walk in through the apartment.

“Oh, you guys are still up?” Victoria asked.

They both nodded.  “We can’t sleep,” Luna said with a small giggle.

Sulli and Krystal followed behind Victoria and the three of them greeted the other two sitting at the table.  Luna got up to get the tea pot and offered tea causing the others to comply with the nice action and they sat down taking off their jackets and setting down their bags.  Victoria had finished with extra Korean lessons back at the studio and picked up Krystal and Sulli who had just finished their own schedules.  Krystal had a specific schedule on learning Japanese and Sulli finished filming a commercial.  Amber noticed how beat the three were but made sure to avoid any eye contact.  She didn’t totally absorb her coming out process coming to a short end so quickly with their entrance.

“Hey, you okay?” Krystal asked looking at Amber.  The latter nodded.  “You sure?  Your eyes are puffy.”

Luna stole a quick glance towards Amber.  , the tomboy thought, she always notices everything.  Amber nodded again with a smile, “Yeah, I just woke up.  I can’t fall back asleep.”

“Oh, right,” Krystal said with a small laugh.

“So what were you guys talking about?” Sulli asked as she drank her tea.

Luna and Amber looked at each other and the bright girl covered up with ease, “Nothing.”  She drank her tea.  “Just the debut in a few months and finding reasons why we couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah,” Victoria let out.

“Yeah, exactly,” Luna said.  She chuckled.  “It was nothing major, right Amber?” she looked to her left with a sympathetic smile.

Amber smiled back, “Right.”

The rest of the group continued to converse with each other for a short manner.  Krystal decided to stay the night considering it’s been a while since she’s done that.  Not that it would matter, anyways, because she saw her members practically every day.  They spoke about how their days went—the commercial Sulli shot, Krystal’s Japanese lesson, Victoria’s Korean lessons and how Amber and Luna’s went—which was pretty much laid back other than their usual.

Shortly after their group conversation, they all decided to hit their beds, Krystal taking the couch.  Amber told the girls that she’d stay at the table to finish her tea, which she purposely drank slowly in order to get some alone time; some thinking time.  Krystal caught it.  She always caught everything.  She mentioned to them that she would try and find a quick microwaveable dinner she could pop in real quick before getting to bed; the others gave their approvals and soon their kitchen/dining room area was silent.

I always get stuck with her, Amber thought to herself, shaking her head mentally.

“You sure you’re okay?” Krystal asked in English, finding what she needed.  She put it in the microwave, input the correct timing instructions and sat back down across her tomboy friend.

Amber sipped her tea.  “Yeah, of course.”

Krystal rolled her eyes in annoyance.  “You know,” she started.  “You were never a good liar to begin with.”

Amber scratched her head out of frustration.  I just came out to Luna, of course I wouldn’t be A-okay right now, she thought to herself with annoyance.  She gulped the rest of her tea down, trying to not show how the burning sensation was becoming too much for her.  “I’m fine, Krystal.”

She got up from her seat and washed her mug quickly, the sound of the microwave occupying the space in place of the silence between them.

Krystal saw Amber heading towards her room after the statement made.  She exhaled through her nose slowly.  “You know that you can trust me, right?”

Amber stopped in her tracks, her back to the younger girl.  She felt her own face drop and she was glad Krystal didn’t see it.

“Yes.  Of course I know that I can trust you.”

“So why do I feel like you don’t sometimes?”

“It’s complicated.”