It is hard watching someone you love be upset. Ever since I met Kyungsoo hyung I had had a fondness towards him and I found that whenever he was sad I was sad too. Being and Idol was hard but being an in-the-closet idol who was hopelessly in love with one of his bandmates was harder. I remember the day I first laid eyes on him like it was yesterday.

My heart nearly stopped when I saw the older boy walk into the practice room. His pale skin peeking out from underneath a black tank top as he ran a hand through his hair. He was perfection with the voice of an angel. After that meeting I found every possible way to be near him, asking him for tips, pretending I had forgotten something and asking if I could borrow his, the list of tactics was endless. He probably thought I was just another forgetful trainee who didn’t take much seriously but I didn’t care. Just being near him was enough to keep me alive back in those days.

After a while of my constant pestering he began to treat me as if I were a younger sibling much to my dismay but it got even better when the lineup for Lee Soo Man’s new boy band EXO came out. Not only was I going to finally debut but Kyungsoo hyung was too. I can still remember the way his eyes sparkled as we sat in the first meeting with all of our members. It was his dream come true.

Despite soon debuting it was also decide that we would all be transferred to the same school and dorm for convenience. That was probably one of the best days of my life. Not only was I going to be going to school with Kyungsoo but I was going to be living with him as well and as if god was on my side he chose me to be his roommate as well.

Months passed and we had become closer than ever but my little secret still remained unspoken until the night we returned to the dorm after our performance on Immortal Song 2. We had just finished up washing and getting ready for bed and the long day ahead of us tomorrow. Kyungsoo was pulling back the covers on his bed humming ‘It’s Still a Dark Night’ and I felt myself snap internally.

“Kyungsoo,” I whispered huskily and he kind of glanced over his shoulder wonder what it was that I wanted.

“Kai,” he answered back a small smile on his lips but I could only feel like he was teasing me.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I groaned and covered my face which earned a look of confusion from the other male.

“Doing what?” he glanced around and then back to me “Do you not want me to go to bed? I mean it’s two in the morning but if you want I’ll stay up with you,”

His face expressed complete sincerity and I felt my heart skip a beat.

“It’s not about you going to bed,” I mumbled and finally revealed my face from behind my hands “It’s about me falling so completely in love with you,”

Half shocked at what just flew out of my mouth I stumbled back until I hit the desk. He stared at me with wide eyes and I slowly began to regret my existence.

“Y-You what?” he stuttered and his blanket dropped from his hands.

“I uh… I didn’t mean to say that,” I stumbled over my words and felt my cheeks burning up.

“Jongin, don’t lie to me!” he suddenly snapped and I jumped back in shock.

He’s never raised his voice towards me nor called me by my first name.

“I’m sorry hyung,” I felt my eyes begin to water and looked away from him.

That’s it he hates me now. I’m about to lose the only person I have ever shown my true self to.

“Don’t ever say you didn’t mean that,” he said sternly and began walking toward me “Say it again!”

I stared at him in shocked as he looked at me as if expecting something.

“Hyung, I was never going to tell you. Can’t we just pretend this never happened? I don’t want to lose you,” I felt the first tears begin to fall from my eyes.

“If you don’t repeat what you just said to me you’re going to lose me forever,” he said breathlessly and I ran a hand through my messy half dry hair.

“I’ve fallen in love with you hyung,” I mumbled and glanced away from him only to have him grab my chin forcing us to look at one another before he pushed his