I used to drink black coffee to get through the day.

Our free days passed by as minutes. I usually hung out with Sohyun-ssi. We used to share a bed together and have pillow fight. I could still feel the material of the pillow in my face. 

Every morning Jihyun had made coffee and Gayoon would make breakfast. Me and Sohyun would clean the dishes and end it with a bubble fight. Me and Jiyoon had to cook dinner and Sohyun had to make the desert. At night times I could finally comfort Jihyun unnie who was feeling even more down.

Without telling our managers- with still two weeks off. She went to see her parents, without packing. Without saying goodbye to the others. She just couldn't stand it anymore. She missed them. She wanted to stop crying and close the sad chapter. When I was talking to Jihyun unnie I felt sad too.

I missed my mom, who'd give me comforting hugs. Who'd make me pancakes. I missed my dad who patted my head everytime I did something good. Who pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead before I went to sleep. I missed the fights with my brother, the way I'd throw shoes at him and call him stuff.  But when night came, I was afraid. And then I'd snug into his bed. He'd open his eyes as he grinned and wrapped his arms around me protective.

But I also missed Junhyung-oppa. The way he supported me. The way he took care of me when Jihyun unnie couldn't. The way he tried to make the same pancakes as my mom did and patted my head everytime I did the dance without making mistakes. 

But the one I missed the most was Kikwang-oppa. His scent when I dug my head into his chest. The way he'd care my cheek and play with my hair. His warm smile. The way he made me fall for him without getting too physical. 

"I'm leaving." I said while packing my bags.

"To where?" Sohyun-ssi looked at me confused. 

I looked at the picture of me and Kikwang. It actually was an united cube picture. But I cutted everyone off except for us two. It was the only decent picture I had of us.

"Unnie.." Sohyun stared at me. 'You're going to Junhyung-oppa right". I scoffed. 

"No.." I'm going to see gramps. Knowing Sohyun, who can't hold secrets.

"Mhmm.." She mumbled something but I ignored it and opened the door. Jiyoon and Gayoon unnie were doing the groceries so I couldn't say goodbye to them.

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I arrived at our dorm as I sighed. No beach, no hot weather. No there was snow. It was freezing and I sighed. I started walking and broke into a run when I saw b2st' dorm. All I could do was think about Kikwang-oppa. I was running and smiling at the same time. I was so close untill I hit the floor. I saw some feet infront of me and then everything turned numb. Vaguely I heard a voice talking to me. The person bended over to look at me- but before I could see his/her face. Everything turned black. 

I woke up in an familiar room. I was there. In their dorm. 

"I'm so sorry Dongsaeng-ah!" Yoseob-oppa was sitting next to me. 

"Mhm.." My head hurted and I looked at my knees. They had been bleeding. I sighed.

"Dongsaeng-ah!" Yoseob's shoulders started shaking as he sobbed slowly.

"Oppa!" I quickly grabbed him as I hugged him. "It's okay, it's okay! I wasn't mad!" I cared his hair as I held him tight. I wiped his tears away as he stopped crying.

"Didn't you have a month off Dongsaeng-ah?" His shoulders were still trembling.

"Yeah, I still got two weeks left." I looked down.

"Then why are you here Dongsaeng?" He stared at me confused as he then grinned. "Ah. I get it".

"You do?" He nodded as I smiled. "And, does anyone else know?" 

"No, she doesn't know it, you're playing with fire tho." He patted my head. I nodded. I know oppa. I know. 

Yoseob gave me a cup of coffee and asked me about my holidays. I told him about the hot weather and the pillow fights. The fun we had and about Jihyun- unnie wanting to go home. Hours passed by as two beast members arrived. Dongwoon and Hyunseung.

 "Dongsaeng?" Dongwoon looked at me confused.

"She's here for Hyung" Yoseob replied. Dongwoon nodded. 

Does everyone know about me and Kikwang? Did he tell them? Do the managers know? I feel so bad. I didn't tell my dongsaeng or unnies. Except for Jihyun- unnie then.

When they sat beside us I had to re-tell my story about the holidays. And after 10 minutes the door opened for a second time.

There he was, he was together with Doojoon and Junhyung- oppa. They were discussing something and Junhyung didn't look to happy with Kikwang. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes made eyecontact with Kikwang and I got off the couch. I broke into a run and hugged him tight digging my face into his chest. His scent. The scent I missed.

I could hear a gasp behind me. But I didn't care. Kikwang held me tight as I could feel him smile. I could feel it.

I let him go softly as I smiled. "I misse-" I couldn't finish my sentence because I heard a glass shatter. Junhyung had thrown a glass on the ground and walked straight to his room. Doojoon was looking at me like he saw a ghost. Yoseob had his hand infront of his mouth and Dongwoon was smirking. Hyunseung chased after Junhyung and I- for the first time- Felt akward around my oppa's.

Kikwang grabbed my chin as he made me face him again. "You were saying?" He grinned as his eyes were turned at Junhyungs room. He was enjoying something. Was he enjoying Junhyung being mad? And why is he mad anyway?

"I miss.. " I stared at Junhyungs room.

"What's wrong with him?" I looked worried as I planted a kiss on Kikwangs cheek. "I missed you" I smiled softly as I ignored the others and went straight to Junhyungs room.

His door was closed and I could hear him yell at Hyunseung.

"Why him? Tell me hyung! Why him?" 

"I-I don't know Hyung I don't know.."

"And infront of my face! How can she! How can he! What can I do?"

I stared at my feet as I heard them talk. Were they talking about me? Or did Hara cheat on oppa.