IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR, WOW. Guess who finished her bachelor degree.... :) I finally have some real vacation to try and go back to writting reagularly like I've used to. I'm so sorry to everyone who has been waiting for an update on this story, but THERE IT IS! Enjoy, and as always let me know your thoughts in the comments down below. 

PS. This takes place 3 months after the last chapter, when Hoseok and Taehyung had last talked and when something bad suddenly happened to Tae. It will be explained further in the next chapters (what was happening during these 3 months), and for now please enjoy this short comeback chapter. 

PS2. Please pay attention to dates at both parts of this chapter, so you don't get confused which part happened first :)

________

3 months later

June 8^th

Milk.

Taehyung once again looked through the bottles inside the fridge, getting more and more annoyed by songs playing in the background. He didn’t know anything about marketing or managing shops, but he was sure as hell that whoever had chosen that lame music didn’t known what the they’re doing. In Tae’s opinion, playing some relaxing jazz songs would be much better – perfect for a situation when you can’t decide which milk you should buy because apparently there are fifty-seven kinds of it yet all look the same. He tried to remember the recipe he had read in the morning and he was almost sure it simply said “milk”, yet now he was supposed to choose between a low fat one, almond one, soy one, 3% one… Taehyung sighed deeply, his hand hurting already from carrying a basket full of groceries. He was so focused on reading the labels on the milk bottles that he didn’t notice and elderly lady coming up to him.

“For the kids?”

She asked in a bright tone, looking at Taehyung with a subtle smile and curiosity hidden behind  thick glasses sitting on her nose.

“The milk. You’re buying it for children? Then chose a full fat one.”

Taehyung send her a shy smile and shook his head slightly, suddenly feeling embarrassed by his lack of milk knowledge. Who the came up with all those kinds anyway, don’t all cows give the same kind of milk?!

“I want to bake something, but the recipe simply said ‘milk’ and now I have no idea which one should I buy and...”

The lady interrupted him with quiet giggles, slowly opening the fridge and reaching inside it. Her arm was thin, but clearly strong enough to not break under the weight of all those colorful bracelets hanging from her wrist.

“And what are you baking? Cake? Cookies?”

“A cake. Lemon cake, if it makes any difference.”

Lady send him a subtle smile and dropped her stare to the bottom shelf of the fridge. She quickly looked through all the bottles and finally grabbed one with a bright yellow label.

“1,5% will be the best. The cake won’t be too soggy.”

Her voice was chirpy and Taehyung could tell that she’s trying her best not to laugh. He wasn’t offended though, he was aware of his low milk choosing competence and was very glad the lady decided to help him. He flashed her the sunniest of smiles and took the bottle from her. The lady looked like she was about to say something, but then her eyes dropped to Taehyung arms and her soft smile quickly faded away. Her eyes shot up again, just to meet Taehyung’s stare, deep brown and slightly confused.

“Anyway, good luck with the cake.”

And as suddenly as she appeared, she was gone. Taehyung’s stare followed her until she moved to pasta aisle and disappeared completely. He stared blankly for a few seconds before putting the milk into his basket and moving towards the queue to check-out. He felt a faint blush on his cheeks, even though he knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed about his scars. His short-sleeved tshirt suddenly felt too revealing to be worn in public, like everyone around him was examining soft, red marks on his arms and wrist. Judging him.

He didn’t do anything stupid, he would never, but the lady didn’t know that. He shouldn’t blame her for the reaction she had. Nobody cared that those were just scratches, scars made by his own nails trying to… He didn’t even know. It’s not like it mattered anyway. He hurt himself, the reason and intentions didn’t matter to anyone but himself and doctors.

And Hoseok.

Taehyung stared blankly at the people standing in the line before him, watched them slowly emptying the baskets and paying for their groceries while his mind was flooded by a sudden tide of unwanted memories.

Hoseok. He came to talk. Then they argued. Then he fainted and woke up in the hospital.

Hoseok. He was in the hospital. He got a call. And then he was gone.

Hoseok. Visited him once. Left fruits. And then he was gone.

Hoseok. Texted him once if he was alright.

He was gone.

And Taehyung had no idea where he was now. All he knew was that he himself was tired and didn’t felt like baking a cake anymore. Yet there was baking powder and butter and flour and milk and whole bunch of stuff moving slowly on the line right next to him and he just wanted to go home. He could swear his scars were burning, that everyone was looking at him and he had nowhere to run, stuck in a ing queue.

Hoseok.

Taehyung closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He was fine, everything was fine. He overreacted. It was fine. He opened his eyes and everything was fine, nobody was looking at him. He looked down at the slowly moving line and groceries of the people before him, trying to distract himself from unwanted thoughts.

The woman right in front of him was clearly having a ty day and Taehyung almost felt bad for smiling to himself. Big box of tampons, 3 different types of chocolate bars, instant ramen and 4-pack of beer. Sounded like a good time for Tae, except the tampons and the whole bleeding thing.

The next person was… Taehyung wasn’t sure. He tried his best to peek at his groceries but he couldn’t make any sense out of it. Chamomile tea. Honey. Cheese, like different kind of cheese. Then some herbal , like little packets of leaves and small spices and stuff like that. And then ton of bananas. Like twenty of them. Or thirty, Taehyung couldn’t count properly because of the moving line and the period girl covering the view. Oh, and milk. The same as Taehyung’s, yellow label.

‘What in the are you going to do with all these bananas and cheese….’

Taehyung thought to himself, watching the cashier scanning all those peculiar items and counting all the bananas. He then moved forward a little bit and peeked again over the period lady’s shoulder to try and see who is the buyer and…

Taehyung immediately felt a lump in his throat, making him unable to breath. He quickly looked away, it suddenly became very hard to keep breath.

Inhale. Exhale.

Taehyung kept his eyes glued to his groceries slowly moving closer and closer towards the cashier, who was still counting the bananas. Hoseok’s bananas. Taehyung could hear him packing his things into plastic bags, quietly chatting with cashier about something Taehyung couldn’t quite understand. He tried his best to hide behind the lady in front of him, just to avoid any eye contact with Hoseok or, any worse, an interaction.

Taehyung wasn’t spiteful, he didn’t want any vengeance on his ex, he didn’t want anything from him. The past few months have been filled with medicines, healthy diet, meetings with therapists and long phone calls with mom – enough to get Tae’s mind off of Hoseok. And he liked to think he had moved on already, maybe not fully, but he certainly understood that it was the time to focus on himself and let the past stay in the past.

He would have never expected to meet Hoseok so naturally, so ordinarily, at the grocery shop, buying thirty bananas and a bottle of milk. But there he was, watching the box of tampons being scanned in front of him, which meant he was next for a check-out. And even though the period lady was right about to pay for the groceries, Taehyung could still see Hoseok’s tanned arms clumsily shoving bananas into bags, trying to pack everything as quickly as possible. Taehyung felt his hands shaking slightly, his mouth suddenly dry and ears burning from embarrassment.  It’s not like he was the one who had a reason to be ashamed of – it’s not like he was the cheater in this story – but the thought itself of talking again to Hoseok was somehow frightening. It’s been three months, and three months is a long time to fall out of habits.

“Hey.”

Taehyung quickly shut his eyes closed, wishing he could stay like that forever. He counted to three and opened them again, swiftly moving to the cashier currently scanning his groceries. ‘Let’s just ignore him, ignore him..’ he kept thinking to himself, packing the things inside his backpack and trying to not pay any mind to familiar scent filling the air around him. He wanted to stay as far from Hoseok as possible, but he couldn’t do much in that situation, the boy was standing right next to him, still packing his ing bananas. Taehyung didn’t had it in him to look at Hoseok, so he ignored him. He did so until a warm hand fell on his shoulder.

“Hey, Tae, it’s me!”

Hoseok sounded so cheerful it made Taehyung want to throw up. ‘So what, now we’re best friends again?’, he thought bitterly. He kept packing his groceries, nodding his head slightly and forcing a soft smile on his lips. He was praying Hoseok wouldn’t notice his hands shaking.

“Oh, hey, I didn’t notice you, sorry.”

Taehyung sounded bitter despite his intentions to remain neutral. To his relief Hoseok quickly removed his hand from his shoulder, picking up his bags and stepping a bit away from Tae so other people had enough room to pack their stuff. Taehyung only threw him a quick stare, but long enough to notice his brown, always messy hair and a shy smile. Hoseok just nodded at Taehyung’s response, just standing there, only two steps away from him. Taehyung couldn’t really see him, busy paying for his shopping, but he could feel him right beside, waiting.

“I haven’t seen you in such a long time.”

‘Well, no ing ….’ was Taehyung’s first thought when they both stepped out of the shop. It seemed like Hoseok wanted to talk, he stopped next to his car and faced Taehyung again, who at this point was just really proud of himself that he hadn’t burst out with curse words.

“How… how have you been?”

Taehyung didn’t see a purpose in talking with Hoseok, yet he did wanted to prove to himself that he could handle the situation and… and really move on. The situation was weird and awkward on its own, there was no need in making it more complicated. He was chatting with his ex in a supermarket parking lot – he’s chatting with someone he shouldn’t even bother to look at, yet there was so much unfinished business... Taehyung finally looked up at Hoseok, the dark circles under his ex’s eyes so visible in a bright, afternoon sun. Taehyung scanned his face, somehow skinnier and paler than he had remembered, yet Hoseok brown eyes were still warm and looking right back at him.

Taehyung took a deep breath and smiled softly, despite how uncomfortable he was feeling.

“I’m good, things are good. Same apartment, same job… nothing really changed.”

His voice brought a shy smile on Hoseok’s lips. He nodded along Taehyung’s words, dropping his stare to the ground and letting out a sigh. Taehyung wondered why did he look so…exhausted. There was so many conflicting thoughts inside his head right in that moment – he could see something was wrong, yet he couldn’t manage to force himself to offer Hoseok his help. Even asking him about it seemed like too much, showing concern would feel like betrayal on Taehyung himself – Hoseok was the one who ruined everything they’d built over the years, so why would Tae care about him at all?

He looked at the older boy, his shoulders already getting sore from heavy groceries inside his backpack. He didn’t leave yet though, as it would feel like running away, and he had no reason for that.  

“And you? How are you guys doing?”

As said before, Taehyung wasn’t spiteful but he couldn’t help himself. He liked to think that he meant it in a friendly way, but he knew the truth was much more ugly. Hoseok wasn’t his friend and that was Tae’s reasoning behind acting like he didn’t care. It somehow was easier than caring.

Hoseok looked up at him before dropping his stare again, a shadow of worry spreading across his face and wiping away his smile.

“We are...”

He cut off suddenly, making Taehyung regret his question. He could clearly see that there’s something wrong with Hoseok, yet his own pain and pettiness took advantage on him and his vulnerable position against his expartner. Seeing Hoseok’s shoulders drop, Taehyung took a small step in his direction, ready to take some action, but Hoseok quickly sensed his intentions and sent him a soft smile. Bright, but not genuine at all.

“I’m good, still teaching, you know?”

‘I know you too well, .’ Taehyung focused his eyes on Hoseok face, not really paying attention to what the boy was saying. ‘What’s wrong with you?’. Taehyung could feel his own discomfort fading away, his heart growing more and more worried about Hoseok. He tried to push the concern away, but it wasn’t easy. Five years had built too strong of a relationship to simply throw someone out of his life. Taehyung felt like an idiot. He should hate Hoseok, he should hate everything about him. Yet he couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.

They chatted for a while, arms and shoulders sore from carrying heavy shopping bags and mouth dry from talking. The sun was shining brightly on a clear sky above them, heavy humid air sticking to their shirts and making both of their hair dump. They talked about everything and nothing in particular, the only news being that Hoseok has been transferred to another school and had to move to a different part of the city. He talked about the new children he was teaching and his new flat he had just started decorating, which came in a package with really noisy neighbours and a broken windowsill. And Taehyung just stood there, listening, cracking a smile from time to time and not taking his eyes off Hoseok’s face. He didn’t talk much about himself, didn’t want to make himself look like he cared.

The conversation was short and pleasant, yet exhausting in the same time. They finished talking after Hoseok’s phone blew up with sudden calls. They didn’t suggest talking or meeting again. They just split, quickly and easily, just like they had met earlier that day.

Taehyung watched Hoseok drive off the parking lot, thinking he should had asked about Jimin.

Then he decided he would rather know nothing at all.

***

May 17^th

The night was surprisingly cool for that time of year. The moon was shining brightly on the clear, dark sky, accompanied by only a few stars. Despite the chilling wind, Yoongi kept the window in his bedroom wide open, letting cold air fill the whole room.

It’d been roughly two months since he had last seen Jimin.

It had been tough, but not as tough as Yoongi thought it would be. Sure, there were night when he had trouble falling asleep – it was one of those nights – and being alone started to become a little bit sad, but the reasoning behind their break up somehow made it easier to heal. For Yoongi, it really was easy to hate Jimin.

He moved on. Yoongi like to think that did. Maybe not enough to start hooking up with guys from Tinder, but enough to delete all his photos of Jimin and threw away all the clothes his ex had forgotten to pick up. It seemed like he moved on, yet there he was – still up at 2 am. It was easy for him to clean his apartment from every trace of Jimin’s presence possible, but he couldn’t forget. He just couldn’t. No matter how much he hated him during the day, the night was always bringing him the sweetest memories and dreams from those months he had spent with Jimin. He didn’t like to think about himself as an emotional type, but he liked to think that he cared about people he loved. And he had really loved Jimin.

The clock on Yoongi’s nightstand was showing 2:27 am when boy’s phone suddenly lit up, announcing a new text message. Yoongi looked over at the device, squirting his eyes as hard as he could to avoid the bright screen. He quickly unlocked his phone, thinking it’s probably some of his friends drunk texting him. It had happened before, and Yoongi had to admit that he very much preferred the drunk texts rather than drunk phone calls. But the message he had just gotten wasn’t from his friend. The number of the sender wasn’t saved to his phone, but Yoongi recognized it right away. There was a quick, sharp pain in his heart, but it went away before Yoongi had a chance to pay attention to that.

He lied there in darkness, only silence around him, until the screen of his phone went black again. Only then he let out a shaky sigh, trying to ignore how his hands began to shake.

When Jimin had left two months ago, Yoongi promised to himself to never let anyone hurt him like Jimin had done. Never. But he couldn’t help a soft smile crawling on his lips when he was tucking himself to sleep, the text message running through his head like a magic spell that was supposed to help him fall asleep.

485 966 367, 2:27

I miss you. I’m sorry.

 Yoongi let out a quiet giggle, looking at the phone laying on the pillow next to him.

“Of course you ing do.” he said quietly into the darkness, letting the feeling of victory to put him to sleep.