Part Seven

Cloths, sheets, pillows and everything that was touched, or smelled like Seungyoon was scattered all over the cold floor. Anger and desolation burned inside Taehyun’s heart, while he threw those things in a fit of madness. “I’m so stupid, he is so stupid,” he repeated in his mind as a mantra while he clenched his jaw and tried to hold back the tears.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked at the disaster he just made in his room. But not even those actions reduced the weight on his heart, a heart that beat in almost a dead sound.

-Taehyun, Are you ready? – It was the voice of his manager, outside of his door. It was good that everybody knew how he loved his privacy and in some way they respected it, therefore nobody could look at him in that state.

-I’m going – Taehyun answered but didn’t move a single muscle.

-Hurry up – His manager said. – Seungyoon is already in the van.

Taehyun frowned at the single reminder that he had to face Seungyoon in a few minutes. How to face someone that doesn’t want anything to do with you?, How to face someone that thinks you are his worse mistake? The pain inside him blurred his vision again while his body fell to the floor; he just needed two minutes, two more minutes and the pain will fade, or at least he could lock it inside.

Seungyoon was nervous and anxious, his head and heart were a mess. How to fix it? How to face him? Those were questions that appeared in his mind while he was still on Taehyun’s bed, as the sound of his breathing enveloped them and the guilty suffocated Seungyoon.

Carried away for the fear and guilt, Seungyoon took his cloths and fled.

He knew his action was wrong, but he needed time, a little more time to think well about it. He was the leader and he couldn’t take decisions without thinking twice, even if now he was feeling like crap.

Now he was sitting in the van, waiting for him to appear. While the anxiety made him bite his lips and a creepy monster seemed to be playing inside him, making him feel sick. 

Stressed, Seungyoon snorted. “Why is he taking so long? “ He thought while Seunghoon sat next to him and looked at him with apprehension.

-Something happened? – Seunghoon asked and Seungyoon just denied with his head – Something happened with Taehyun? – Seunghoon asked again, this time with his voice more clear and with his eyes fixed on him – Answer me – he pressed.

-Nothing – Seungyoon lied and looked away while guilt was written all over his face.

Seunghoon didn’t say anything else, but Seungyoon was sure that he would press him later.

-Why Taehyun is so late? – Mino grumbled – Kang Seungyoon you didn’t kick his yesterday, right? – He joked in his mother voice, but just Jinwoo laughed.

-Move it, Mino – it was Taehyun, which wore a pink shirt and black pants, scolded Mino while his eyes were hidden behind sunglasses.

Mino was about to say something, but Taehyun’s aura wasn’t friendly and he decided to remain silent.

Taehyun sat next to the window and didn’t even try to look towards Seungyoon at all. Without thinking Seungyoon clenched his jaw while he stared his neck’s back, it wasn’t as he was expecting something, but Taehyun’s blankness and cold self bothered him a lot.

Despite the apathy of Taehyun, Jinwoo laughed aloud for some joke Mino said while the van started to move, as always they tried to lighten the mood and Seungyoon was thankful for that.

Meanwhile, Seungyoon eyes were on Taehyun, studying every inch of his long neck as looking for any trace of their crime; his white and creamy neck, which was partially covered by his smooth hair, all of them were his last night… last night Taehyun was his.

 Without noticing, his cheeks were colored of a light red while scenes of their night together appeared in his mind as a film, an one filled with moans and hot bodies searching for a relieve and more. But above all, it was filled with Taehyun.

-- he murmured while his heart was embraced by warm feels again.

Suddenly his phone buzzed in his pocket, Seungyoon looked at it and frowned. It was Seunghoon “Tell me” were the words written on it. With a sigh, Seungyoon turned off his phone and closed his eyes without even looking at Seunghoon.

-Wake me up when we arrive at airport- he murmured and turned his head to the other side.

“And now…What?, How can I face this problem?, How can I fix it?” Seungyoon thought. He was the leader, an as a leader he had to take the right decisions for the group, for all of them not just for himself.

The flight was quiet or at least Taehyun didn’t feel it, his body was so tired that he fell asleep as soon he sat on his spot.

Sleepy, he followed their managers, staff and members to their hotel in Tokyo. They were discussing about the distribution of the rooms, Taehyun didn’t care too much about it, all he wanted was a soft bed and to be away from Seungyoon the most he could, and he was almost sure that Seungyoon wanted the same.

-I stay in this room – Taehyun heard Seungyoon’s voice, while he looked anywhere but him.

-Why? – Seunghoon protested – I want that room too -

-Because I’m the leader, and no… I don’t want to share it with you – Seungyoon replied with his annoying voice.

-Leader my , I am your hyung – Seunghoon said and tried to take the card key from his hand.

-Calm down, kids – Mino intervened with his motherly voice – Hyung, let Seungyoon keep the room, - he said with a big smile on his face and looked at Seungyoon - I’ll take my suitcase and I’m ready –

-I’m not sharing the room with you either – Seungyoon said and took his suitcase.

-Eh?-

-Taehyun, let’s go – Seungyoon said, and for the first time in the day Taehyun looked at him – Wake up, take your suitcase and hurry up – and Seungyoon turned around, following the way to the lift.  

Surprised Taehyun stayed in his spot, while he looked Seungyoon’s back.

-Taehyun, hurry up and go with Seungyoon, we don’t have too much time – said one of the managers and pushed him.

Taehyun clenched his jaw, what kind of stupid game Seungyoon was playing? After all that happened last night, now he wanted to stay with him. Frowning,Taehyun took his suitcase and followed the leader.

Seungyoon didn’t look at him, he looked at the card key as it was a precious thing, Taehyun was mad and furious. He wanted to kick Seungyoon’s flat and cut him in pieces, because Taehyun was sure that Seungyoon wanted to talk with him, he could bet that Seungyoon would tell him that all was a mistake but they can still be friends. “Friends my ” Taehyun thought while he walked behind Seungyoon.

The younger couldn’t deny that his heart was racing fast, and mixed feelings embraced him, but his pride was high. And he would face Seungyoon with all of it.

When Seungyoon opened the room, he entered and left his suitcase on the floor, Taehyun stayed a few seconds in the doorway before closing it. He bit his lips and closed his eyes, it was a lie, he wasn’t ready to face Seungyoon, he wasn’t ready to hear from his lips that he was a mistake, he wasn’t ready to…

He couldn’t think anymore, because Seungyoon’s soft lips were on him while he pushed him against the door. Surprised, Taehyun opened his eyes in shock while his heart was pounding without mercy.

Seungyoon smiled against his lips and opened his eyes; they could feel their breath blending while Seungyoon’s calloused hands caressed Taehyun’s fingers.

-What… What are you doing? – Taehyun asked with nervousness and anger in his voice.

-I don’t know – Seungyoon replied but his eyes were fixed on him, saying more than his words.

-Stop this stupid game – Taehyun said while he frowned. – You didn’t know yesterday… I’m not your , Kang Seungyoon – after those words Seungyoon’s smile widened while his thumbs caressed the palm of his hands in circular motion.

-I know you are not –Seungyoon said and kissed Taehyun lips in a soft and sweet way – I just want to be with you.

Taehyun’s heart melted for a minute, just a minute while Seungyoon lips touched him in intimate way and their fingers intertwined.

-Seungyoon… - He murmured, with his eyes closed – Stop this game, I´m… - but he couldn’t finish the words he wanted to say because they were interrupted with the knock of the door behind them.

-Guys, hurry up – it was their manager – we have a lot of things to do, in 10 minutes in the lobby.

Taehyun could read fear in Seungyoon’s eyes for a second, but with his leader voice he replied the manager without letting go Taehyun’s hand.

-Seungyoon…

-It’s time to go now – he said, but this time his eyes weren’t bright as before – We have time to talk later – he added and smiled at him, with his warm and sweet smile that made Taehyun’s belly fills with butterflies, and Seungyoon kissed Taehyun for the last time before he locked himself in the bathroom.

“What just happened?” Taehyun wondered while his fingers caressed his lips and a tingling ran through his body.

Seungyoon lay on his bed, with just boxer, while he was looking at Taehyun’s shape. The youngest was sleeping since they arrived from Shibuya night walk; they were there with the members and staff because they wanted to watch the big advertising of their debut in Japan.

They didn’t talk about what happened few hours ago, but Seungyoon didn’t regret it, he took his decision and would keep it. If he was scared, of course he was, but at that moment he didn’t want to think about it. With a warm smile he got up of the bed and walked toward Taehyun’s bed, to his surprise he was awake.

Seungyoon smiled and got into his bed, Taehyun didn’t say anything but he could feel how his body tensed at the contact of him.

His back covered with a white t-shirt, it was all Seungyoon could see and of course his long neck and smooth hair. Seungyoon grinned before he kissed his skin without hesitation, and could feel how Taehyun’s body shivered at his contact.

-It hurts? – He asked while his hand traveled from his back to his buttocks, Taehyun body moved uncomfortably at his touch.

-Shut up – Taehyun replied and Seungyoon smiled against his neck.

-That means that it still hurts, right? – He asked with a grin while his index finger caressed his spot in a slow motion.

-Seungyoon… – Taehyun protested

-Don’t worry – Seungyoon whispered in his ear – next time, it won’t be that hard – he said and kissed the spot behind his ear.

Taehyun’s hand grabbed Seungyoon’s naughty hand and carried it to his chest, where Seungyoon could feel his heart pounding. He couldn’t help but smile.

-Next time, I’ll kick your – Taehyun answered, and Seungyoon could imagine the grin on his face.

-Definitely, all this tour we will be the perfect roommates and more – Seungyoon added as a joke before biting Taehyun’s earlobe.

-That’s what you think – Taehyun mocked, letting Seungyoon’s hand go and moving his own body away from Seungyoon.

-No matter how many times you try to kick me out – Seungyoon whispered while his hand grabbed Taehyun’s – you are…. mine – he murmured while he was rubbing his nose against his neck.

Taehyun remained silent for moment before whispering – this Japanese tour will be a hell -

-And you will like it – Seungyoon said with husky voice and a big smile painted on his face.

-Bastard leader – Taehyun teased.

-Bastard maknae – he replied - let’s sleep now, tomorrow we have a lot to do – Seungyoon said in his leader voice and for the first time, he could feel Taehyun’s body relaxing against him. With a smile on his face, Seungyoon was sure that it was his best decision. No matter what, now Taehyun was his and that won’t change.

Hugging him from behind with all his body, and feeling Taehyun’s body shifting against him. Seungyoon knew they didn’t need more words, all was clear.

They were together. 

Taehyun was uneasy, and it wasn’t because of their first concert in Japan, no, it was because the “thing” that Seungyoon and he had.

“thing”

“What kind of thing we have?” Taehyun wondered every time Seungyoon kissed him or hugged him from the back, in the secret of their shared hotel room.

It wasn’t as Taehyun wanted Seungyoon to stop. No, that wasn’t the real problem.

Not even Taehyun was totally aware about the real problem itself; it was just something that was bugging him.

The uncertainty of not knowing Seungyoon’s feels towards him made him want to kick himself, he wasn’t a girl, and he didn’t need explanations or labels.

And he truly didn’t want that.

But, after all this long time of denial and mixed feels, Taehyun needed more.

He was sure about the lust, pleasure and passion that were written all over Seungyoon’s face every time their bodies claimed for relieve or he even tried to look for more every time he could see sparks on Seungyoon’s eyes, when they were just lying on bed talking about all and nothing, but then Taehyun realized that it could be a mirror of himself and it grieved his heart.

“Definitely, all this tour we will be the perfect roommates and more” those were Seungyoon words, “all this tour”, that was it, clear and loud, they were just ing partners for the tour.

Just “that”, not more or less.

Taehyun knew he could have stopped it in that moment, but he didn’t. He swallowed his pride and self-esteem and let Seungyoon plays with him again.

Because all he wanted was Seungyoon, no matter how many scars he would have after it ended, no matter that he felt as he was walking on clouds, without knowing when he will tread the air and fall hard and without parachute straight to the floor. No matter if they were just “ing partners”.

He will just lock his heart in a closet and enjoy the moment.

So, he won’t ask, it wasn’t about pride anymore.

 It wasn’t about fear of losing “the thing” they had.

Not really.

It was about the fear of losing him.

Author’s note:

First, I’m really really REALLY sorry for my late update. Hope you still remember my fic and I’m working in next chap so I hope I’ll post the soon as possible.

Thank you for all your beautiful comments, all of them are like cookies to me, so they make me happy. And ofc to my silent readers, hope you enjoy it.

Also, a special thanks to Gaia (kokky92) my master, kangnag and beta reader. <3 Without your support this fic/chapter won’t be here (I know I repeat this a lot, but that’s how I feel, thank you)

And thank you to all my Kangnam Circle, I love you all!!

Cookies to all of you <3