I was lying on the couch with the TV on while doing my usual things like chatting on Kakaotalk and checking my Twitter stuff. Even though I’m not watching the TV I tend to always have it on whenever I’m home.

 

It just feels less lonely.

 

All of a sudden my phone blinked and it’s from the one I’ve been longing for. I got a little nervous and quickly sit up straight. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath before opening the message.

 

         “Let’s just be friends.”

 

After reading that tears just falls straight out from the corner of my eyes like a leaking water tap. My vision became blurry all of a sudden and the message I was staring went blurry as well. I can feel my face getting wet and dripping down on my shirt. My nose became runny and I hugged tight on the cushion that was within reach. As if JackJack notice my broken heart, he ran and jumped on me, my hand. I lifted my head and look at JackJack with my swollen eyes. I sniffed and reach my hand out patting him on the head. As if he knew he snuggled closer to me and I took him in my embrace hugging him tightly as I cried even more.

 

Why is she doing this to me?

 

I kept questioning to myself.

 

When she told me that she need a break, at that moment I knew our relationship is falling apart but I thought everything will be alright just like usual after she comes back to Korea. We can talk things out and everything will go back as it was. But this time it’s really falling too far apart that nothing can mend our relationship back how it was.

 

I can still remember the very first time I saw her. Our ex-manager introduce us saying how she’s also from America and I would be less lonely with another friend whom I can speak English with.

 

“Hi I’m Krystal.”

 

She cheerfully introduced herself with an American accent, which I felt like home. I was so happy knowing that I have another friend to speak English to.

 

From strangers we became members where our company just puts us together along with three other girls. The five of us would meet everyday and practice together or individually. Although I get along with the other three but she was the one I was the closest and felt the most comfortable with. We quickly became good friends and would often talk in English where the other members couldn’t interfere with our talk. She even link arms with me as we walk on the street and people would often mistaken us as couple.

 

In heart she is a special person to me. We went from strangers, to members, friends, family members and lastly a special one.

 

When I had to leave to LA because of my ankle injury I felt like crying. The reason I felt like crying was because I felt like I disappoint my members leaving them in the middle of our promotion. We had to end our promotion earlier than schedule due to my ankle injury and personal reason. I didn’t want to leave Korea but our company decided it’s best for me to leave. She looked like she wants to comfort me but didn’t know how. She looked so vulnerable for the first time.

 

I left and my mind was filled with her during the long hours of my flight. I didn’t realize I miss her that much when my stay extended.

 

         “Hey did you miss me?” I jokingly said with a smile.

 

It was our first time Skyping each other – just the two of us and seeing her for the first time after so many weeks just makes me miss her more.

 

“How is your ankle?” She asked trying to hold in her tears. Her eyes was a little red and swollen, which makes me think ‘did she cried?’

 

I just nodded.

 

We didn’t say much to each other because there were no words to express how much we missed each other.

 

 

She became someone so special in my heart that I just always want to stick close to her and I would say yes to her in everything.

 

         “Amber don’t you think this is pretty?” She said showing me a picture of a shirt on the computer screen.

 

“Yeah it’s nice.” I took a glance at it and quickly agree to it.

 

She always has great fashion taste. She even chooses clothes for me when we go shopping.

 

“Buy it for me then.” She grinned because she knows I would never say no to her.

 

I don’t know when she started to take up so much space in my heart but before I realize it all I know is I kept thinking about her.

 

But lucky thing was I know my feeling for her wasn’t one-sided. I felt it too that I was someone special in her heart.

 

Although the time we get to work together has lessen due to her overload schedule compare to my empty schedule. But our relationship hasn’t changed at all. We would still keep in touch with one another and she would keep me updated with her happenings. There were nights we just kept talking on the phone for hours without noticing.

 

And sometimes we would be in our own little world ignoring everyone around us.

 

         “And the winner is f(x)!” The MCs announced and all of us were shock at the result. We didn’t thought we’ll win first with out Electric Shock song.

 

I was so happy that I just couldn’t settle myself. I kept jumping up and down to expression my excitement. I look over to Krys she covered with a shock expression but her eyes are smiling.

 

During our first encore stage we both got too hyper that we end up falling into our own little world ignoring the other members on stage. As promised I piggyback her, and we both laughed in happiness.

 

We didn’t particularly act like that for our fans but our interaction just came so naturally without us noticing.

 

The tears became heavy when the thought of our first fight.

 

         “Amber can you stop hanging out with them for awhile?” She frowned.

 

“Why?”

 

“You guys have been hanging out for days and you even went to their dorm for a sleep over. Isn’t that enough? Our fans start to think that you’re not a member of f(x)?” She reasoned but at that moment I lost a bit of my temper that I didn’t notice her saddening face.

 

“Look Krys I have my own life and my own group of friends. Being a member of f(x) doesn’t mean I only can hang out with my members.” I fired back at her, a little annoyed at her unreasonable reason.

 

She didn’t say anything back and we stared at each other for a moment. Her eyes were turning red and I can see some tears floating under her eyes. She stood up from sitting my bed and slam the door shut leaving my room.

 

I slammed my fist on the desk to vent my anger.

 

In the end I apologized to her when we didn’t contact each other for days. It made me realize how much I missed her. Even though my friends were calling me out but I decline all the hang out activities.

 

We went back to how we were – joking with each other and talking hours on the phone.

 

The feelings I had for her only went stronger each day. I would think about her even though we just parted.

 

I can still remember that night, the two of us in the dorm and where we confirmed our feelings to one another.

 

         We were sitting on the couch watching TV together. The all of a sudden I dared myself and asked her a question.

 

“Krys do you like me? What do you think of me?”

 

It suddenly became awkward as I anticipate for her answer. I was praying hard inside that she’ll answer to what I want to hear.

 

“You’re a special someone to me.” She simply said. I was a little disappointed but soon a wide crept on my face when I felt her hands holding mine. We held hands all through the night without parting.

 

It was from that day onwards that our relationship became a little more intimate. We don’t do what couples do but still we acted like one. Holding hands and hugging each other just became so natural to us.

 

         We were in Taiwan for a performance and I was outside the bathroom waiting for Ssul. While waiting I suddenly felt a force from behind and then two arms wrapped around my waist.

 

“What are you doing here?” I heard her say and it was just so cute.

 

“Waiting for Ssul.” I simply answered and placed my hands on top of hers. We stayed in that position for long enough for people to see us but we didn’t care. In the end our fans will only wonder if it’s true since it’s coming from another person’s mouth.

 

This kind of intimate relationship lasted for a long period of time that it’s starting to hurt me. I became more desire towards the young girl that holding hands and simple hugs just wouldn’t fill me anymore.

 

I want to touch her lips with mine and hug her to sleep. I know she feels the same way as I do and all I have to do is take the courage again and ask her to be mine.

 

         “Krys… I love you. I want you to be my girlfriend?” I finally took my courage and said the words that have been stuck in me for a long time.

 

She frowned and showed me a worried face.

 

All of a sudden my self-esteem dropped, worrying that she doesn’t feel the same.

 

“Amber… I love you too. But… let’s just stay like this.” She said and lowered her head.

 

I was heart broken at her words but after a thought I understood her worries. So I nodded my head and agree that we’ll stay like this.

 

Our relationship stayed, she’ll still hug me and hold my hands but every time she acts like my confession was nothing my heart bleed. I wanted her to realize how important I am to her and make her jealous.

 

I kept hanging out with my friends – especially the female friends. I took a lot of photos with them, wrapping my arm around their shoulder and standing close to them because I know they will upload it online.

 

Somehow my plan seems to work as she ignores me without a reason.

 

         “Talk to me! Tell me you’re jealous!” I gripped her wrist hard earning a grunt from her.

 

I was fed up with her ignoring me that I finally let my anger overtook me.

 

“I’m not!” She shouted back trying to fling my grip away but couldn’t.

 

I was so fed up with her attitude that I didn’t care anymore. I tug her towards me and crashed my lips onto hers. She struggled, trying to push me away but failed to as my grip just went tighter. I kept assaulting her lips until I felt her body weaken and she finally submit to my kiss. We kept kissing each other like hungry wolves until either one of us ran out of breath.

 

That’s how we started. Although we didn’t clearly state our relationship but we both know something has changed.

 

But good things never last long.

 

         “Amber I had enough of you and those girls. I’m tired of this.” She shouted and was on the urge of crying.

 

“Krys… you know I only love you, they are just friends.” I explained to the nth times again. I don’t understand why she doubts my love for her all the time. Does she clearly not see how I’m so in love with her? It hurts my heart knowing that in the end she still doesn’t trust me.

 

“I’ll be going to the States tomorrow. Let’s use this time to take a break.” She said without looking me.

 

I shook my head as tears starts forming in my eyes. All of a sudden I had this bad feeling about it. It feels like our relationship will break once we get into this stage.

 

“No…” I muttered and shook my head.

 

I cried and begged her not to do this but she already made up her mind.

 

“I made up my mind and nothing’s going to change it.” She said harshly and slammed the door shut leaving my room. I collapsed down onto my bed and cried all night long.

 

“I love you…” Were the last words I mumbled before I fell asleep.

 

I stared at the text message, which became all blurry due to my tears. My heart felt like thousands of knives stabbing through me. Although I wasn’t bleeding but it felt like I was. I know I’m not the only one who is hurt in this relationship because just by reading the text message I can also feel that Krystal is crying too.

 

We both love each other but why can’t we be together?

 

“I love you Krys.” I mumbled and closed my eyes as tears glided down my face. 

 

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A/N: A one-shot to celebrate our crack ship.