Chapter 10

            The atmosphere at the hospital was cold and somber.  Though Serri had convinced Ahyoung and Subin to stay home and take care of themselves, she had made her own way to the hospital with a cab.  She sat down in the waiting room with Jiyul while Gaeun paced back and forth in front of them.

            “Gaeun-ah, come sit down,” Serri pleaded, patting the seat beside her.  “You’ll wear yourself out.”

            “It…It helps me,” Gaeun said quietly as she continued her pacing.  Any type of movement seemed to bring Gaeun comfort, whether it was jogging or pacing back and forth.

            “Okay, Gaeun-ah,” Serri sighed, leaning against Jiyul.  “Aish, I should have stayed behind with Ahyoung and Subin.  They really need someone to take care of them.”

            “Woohee needs us here,” Jiyul assured with an anxious voice.  “I wish they could have come.  But you were right to convince them to stay home.”

            “She said her chest had been hurting all day,” Serri told blankly, staring down at the bright, tile floor.  “And I could tell, she wasn’t exactly herself…I should have noticed.”

            “Unnie, don’t put this on yourself,” Jiyul pleaded, patting Serri’s shoulder.  “We couldn’t have predicted this.  Even Woohee didn’t know for sure until half an hour ago.  And I really don’t recall her mentioning to us about the first time her lung collapsed.  There’s no way we could have known.”

            It was nearly two ‘o’ clock in the morning now, but the three members had no struggle to stay awake.  The thought of Woohee’s collapsed lung was frightening enough to keep their eyes wide open.  Still, the physical tiredness their bodies endured caused them to be more anxious than ever.

            After a few moments, their manager walked into the waiting room.  The members rushed over to him, eager to hear how Woohee was doing.

            “She was right,” he told them immediately.  “Her lung had collapsed.  This time, she’ll need emergency surgery to correct everything.”

            “Emergency surgery?” Gaeun asked in awe.  “Like, right now?  It’s that serious?”

            “She does need the surgery right now, but the doctors have assured me that it’s not particularly dangerous,” Manager Jung reassured.  “Of course, there are risks, but they say it’s just routine.”

            “Oh my god.”  Gaeun’s voice was a helpless whisper.  She placed her hand on and took a few steps away, staring off into the waiting room.

            “Gaeun-ah, don’t worry too much,” Jiyul pleaded, gently taking hold of Gaeun’s arm.

            “Um…when…when will she go into surgery?” Serri questioned blankly, her face as pale as the doctors’ jackets wandering through the halls.

            “I just signed the papers,” Manager Jung informed.  “They should be wheeling her in quite soon.”

            “Can we see her before they start?”

            “I’m afraid she’s too groggy,” Manager Jung sighed in disappointment.  “As soon as she got here, they basically knocked her out with medication because the pain was so great.  Serri-yah…don’t worry.  Just be strong for her.  Maybe it’s best if the three of you went home and got some sleep.”

            “Sleep?”  Serri rubbed her tired eyes remorsefully, as if she betrayed Woohee by being weary on this horrifying night.  She pressed her hand to her forehead, feeling the beginning stage of a throbbing headache.  Enduring the pain and exhaustion, she noticed Gaeun’s heartbroken posture and Jiyul’s helpless eyes.  She pulled them into a group hug and pressed their heads together.

            “It’s going to be okay,” she assured, listening to Gaeun’s quiet sniffles.  “Stay strong, Gaeun-ah.  We know Woohee is strong.”

            As Serri released them, Jiyul gave a weak grin and wiped a tear from Gaeun’s cheek.  “Ah, Gaeun-ah.  Don’t cry.”

            Serri brushed Gaeun’s hair from her face and smiled.  Even with just two members here with her for Woohee, she felt such a greater strength than when she was here alone for Subin.  Still, fear lingered in her heart for the surgery’s outcome.

            “Gaeun-ah.”

            At the sound of Taekwoon’s voice, Gaeun immediately turned toward the front door of the hospital.  Jung Taekwoon rushed toward Gaeun with his arms open, and Gaeun swiftly fell into them as if they were her own home.

            “Oppa, thank you for coming,” she said shakily.  His presence seemed to pull the emotion and tears out of her.

            “Of course,” he whispered gently, holding her closely.  “I was so shocked when I heard.  Is she okay?”

            “She’s entering surgery now,” Gaeun told grimly, pressing her head into the crook of his neck.  “I’m scared.”

            “Jiyul-ah,” Hongbin called suddenly, trailing behind Taekwoon a few yards away.  He bowed toward Serri before taking hold of Jiyul’s arm and looking into her surprised eyes.  “Are you guys okay?  Taekwoon hyung told us what happened.”

            “Everything seems to be going fine,” Jiyul replied, eyeing him in shock.  “Woohee has to receive a routine surgery.  Did Gaeun ask the both of you to come?”

            “Um, no,” he admitted shyly.  “But Hakyeon hyung and I wanted to come with Taekwoon as soon as he let us know what was going on.”

            “Hakyeon is here?” Serri asked suddenly.

            With obvious reluctance, Hakyeon entered the waiting room and stood just beside the door.  Though he was far away, he bowed humbly.  His eyes darted around the room nervously, but they lingered on Serri for a few seconds longer whenever they landed upon her.

            “Hakyeon-ssi!” Jiyul called, waving him over.  He slowly followed her command, attempting to avoid Serri’s stunned gaze.  “Hakyeon-ssi, thank you for coming.”

            “I was worried,” he said quietly, giving another bow.

            “Hakyeon-ssi, could you do me a favor?” she began inquisitively.  “Serri unnie is quite tired.  Could to take her somewhere to get some fresh air?”

            Serri looked at Jiyul with wide eyes.  “Jiyul-ah, what-”

            “Perhaps I could just bring her back some coffee,” Hakyeon interrupted suddenly.

            “No, she needs some fresh air,” Jiyul urged.  “Please take her.  I need to call Ahyoung and Subin-ah to make sure they’re okay.”

            “This is no time to play cupid, Jiyul-ah,” Serri whispered in irritation, leaning toward Jiyul’s ear.

            “This isn’t about matchmaking, this is about what’s best for you,” Jiyul replied, patting Serri’s cheek lightly.  “Trust me, you need Hakyeon.”

            “Um…Serri-ssi, follow me,” Hakyeon requested politely.

            Serri glared at Jiyul before mustering a smile for Hakyeon.  “Thank you, Hakyeon-ssi.”

            Hakyeon led her through the halls, staying a few feet ahead of her.  Serri bowed her head awkwardly, wishing Jiyul hadn’t added this bit of stress to their overwhelming night.  He led them to the elevator, and though Serri was confused, she followed him in.

            “Hakyeon…Oppa, where are we going?”

            He pressed the rooftop button and gave a small smile.  “Over the years, the members have had medical emergencies here and there.  Whether it was a serious situation or a simple flu, I’ve always retreated to the roof to clear my head.  It helps me find a more comforting perspective.”

            They stood on opposite sides of the elevator as various people entered and exited on their way up.  Finally, after a few minutes, they made it to the roof.  The cold, night air greeted them right away, and Serri could already feel her nose becoming numb.

            Hakyeon led her to the edge wall of the roof, turned toward her, and leaned against it.  Putting his cold hands in his pockets, he looked at the ground.  “Serri-yah, how are you feeling?”

            Serri felt her heart about to spill over.  She had no problem ordering her members to be strong and wiping their tears away, but her own feelings were hidden so deep within her, she seldom let them show.  Flashbacks of Woohee’s helpless, pain-stricken expression filled her mind, and she threw her hand over .  Her exhausted eyes began to sting with tears.  She attempted to take a deep breath only to be interrupted by shallow, panicky hiccups.

            “I’m scared,” she began quietly, looking out at the tall city buildings behind Hakyeon.  “I’m terrified.  First Subin is in a horrible car accident, and now Woohee is having surgery?”  She looked at Hakyeon in shock, in shock of her own experiences.  “My own members’ lives are at risk every day, it seems!  And I have Yoohwan constantly breathing down my neck.  He haunts me like a ghost, but he isn’t even dead!  Maybe that would be better!”

            As she covered her face with her hands, Hakyeon moved toward her to wrap his arms around her.  But she aggressively pushed him away.

            “No!” she cried.  She pushed him again till he was up against the wall.  “Don’t touch me!”

            After Hakyeon’s shock faded, he stared at her with very serious eyes.  He wasn’t angry; he wasn’t even disappointed.  He simply watched her carefully.  Serri wept fervently, her tense body shivering in the cold.  After a few moments, Hakyeon took a step toward her.

            “Yoohwan hurt you,” he said matter-of-factly.  “He hurt you a lot.”

            “Of course he did!” she screamed.  Her livid gaze met his, and she took a step closer.  “He was a monster!”

            “He lied to you,” Hakyeon continued, anger lingering in his voice.  “He took advantage of you.  He cheated on you.  He treated you like nothing, and he still does.”

            Serri pushed Hakyeon again, letting out a furious cry.  This time he had braced himself, only taking enough force to push him back a few steps. 

            “Like you said, he haunts you like a ghost.  He is constantly with you.  You can’t forget about him.  He controls your life.”

            “Stop it, Hakyeon!” she commanded, firmly striking his arm.  “What are you trying to do?”

            “You can’t forget him!” Hakyeon shouted.  “Serri, don’t you see?  You still love him!”

            “Yes!”  Serri gave Hakyeon one last push, her force miniscule compared to before.  “I do still love him!  I do!”  Covering her face again, Serri fell on the frigid ground and sobbed.

            “Serri-yah, it’s okay,” Hakyeon whispered softly, leaning down next to her.  “Come on.  The ground is cold.”

            Hakyeon swiftly scooped Serri up in his arms and walked her to a rooftop garden a few feet away.  He sat down on a bench within the cold, dying flowers, keeping Serri close in his arms.  She hiccupped like an exhausted child into his chest, keeping her burning eyes closed.

            “I’m sorry,” she breathed shakily.  “I don’t know why…”

            “Serri-yah, you’re really tired,” he chuckled.  “Not just tired of Yoohwan or all the craziness of life.  You really need some sleep.”

            “Is Woohee-yah going to be okay?” she whimpered, shamelessly wiping her tears on his warm jacket.

            “Woohee is going to be fine,” he promised with a jovial grin.  “Don’t be so worried.”

            Mmm,” she sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck.  “Oppa…why do I still love him?”

            “Maybe…pain sticks in your heart more than joy,” Hakyeon suggested solemnly.  “For someone like you…You can’t help but love the things in your heart, right?  Because he caused you so much pain, he strangely has a special place in your heart.”

            “I want him gone,” Serri assured sternly, her weepy voice returning to normal.

            Nearby on the rooftop, a doctor lit himself a cigarette and began to blow into the city air.  The scent made its way to Hakyeon and Serri, and Hakyeon gave a small cough.

            “Yoohwan smokes, right?” he asked.

            Serri’s eyes were closed, but she cleared and nodded.  “Yeah, he smoked even before I knew him.”

            “When you smell cigarette smoke, does it remind you of him?”

            “Hmm…It does.  Ever since we started dating, it has always reminded me of him.  And I hate smoke; it smells horrible and it’s bad for you.  I always encouraged him to quit.  But…Whenever someone around me would smoke…I would feel this delight beyond my initial disgust.  Like…the smoke excited me, because it reminded me of him.  Somehow…love can make you become fond of things you generally dislike.  Isn’t that disturbing?”

            “How does the smoke make you feel now?”

            “…Like I can’t breathe.  But not necessarily in a physical sense.  I feel like I’m suffocating in so many ways.  I wish there was a surgery I could get…like Woohee’s.  With one routine procedure, I could be healed.  I could breathe again.”