Uh, it was changing all the time…

…that thing so unpredictable.

Like a volcano, he doesn’t know when the hot, angry lava is gonna to burst or why is gonna do it; but Jihoon just sits and watch nevertheless: returning knowing smiles in the morning, feeling a stern gaze on the back of his head in the afternoon, and being completely ignored when the night comes.

Some days it changes dramatically, starting his day with cold, little eyes piercing him from the kitchen when Kyung and him are waiting for everyone else to get ready and his cheesy hyung leans his head over Jihoon’s shoulders and plays with his hands and ears.

Some afternoons are odd too, mostly when Jiho is back-hugging him the whole time between schedules. Or when Minhyuk takes the chance on free days to drag him to the gym and work out a little and the dancer shows to the rest of the band how good he is progressing on building his body. In either situation, he is always ignored by a pair of tiny, sharp orbs.

And if Jihoon talks about some nights, he is sure night is the time where that thing gets out of control.

Like two nights ago, when Jaehyo and him where talking about some silly thing about the photo-shoot they had that day, and his hyung out of nowhere asked to go to see a movie on his room. Taking it like the friendly invitation that it was he gladly accepted…

… But as soon as the simple answer slipped out his mouth the sound of glasses clashing down on the floor startled him. Fallowing the noise of loud shouts and other two pair of foot behind, Jaehyo and him soon arrived at the kitchen; finding an angry Taeil yelling to the smile representative of the band who quietly was picking up the broken glasses off the floor.

Jihoon didn’t really heard Jiho’s words when those tiny, angry eyes place on him for a short moment… and then he just felt the cold brush of his older bandmate’s arm harshly pushing him out his way, hearing the strong slam of a door in the floor upstairs while Jiho kept talking even when the main vocalist wasn’t there anymore.

Even when Yukwon explained between sad whimpers what happened, neither of them could understand it. Breaking glasses was almost ‘a must’ in their dorm, it was so common and so expectable that if it didn’t happened in a long time then something bad could surely come…

…¿So why did Taeil got so mad?

They didn’t get an answer, thought. But days kept passing and the rest of the band seemed to forget it. In a short time things go back to it’s usual self and soon dancer and vocalist were playing video games and laughing like always.

Except for Jihoon, he still could see that thing…

It’s not like Jihoon doesn’t know Taeil’s temper, being together as friends and colleges for so long you definitely get to know the smallest things of someone.  But Jihoon doesn’t remember a time when Taeil have been so… ¿sensitive?

He can’t really understand it, the reason why Taeil sometimes smiles at him and in the next minute Taeil stares angrily at him. Or how sometimes the singer search for a little touch and then he ignores him the whole day. There were even times when Taeil didn’t talk with anyone.

It hurts. Obviously it hurts him so much that he just wants to hug the older boy and plead for an explanation, Jihoon could do anything for make his little hyung smile… ¿but how can he do that if Taeil has that big, thick and cold barrier that doesn’t let him get closer?   

A long sighs escapes his mouth as he sits in the living room’s floor and leans his forehead against the clear crystal of the balcony’s doors; watching the rain falling outside and how the little drops slowly slid in the glass. He traces their road with his finger, noticing the crystal fogs up when his hot breathe meets the cold temperature of the doors.

Uh, he was so depressed.

And it was because maybe, and just maybe Taeil knows… and Taeil hates him.

A stab of pain pinch hard his chest at that thought, ¿ what else could make Taeil so furious? The singer had implied that last time he knows something… ¿so probably he had figured it out? It wasn’t that hard, though; Jihoon was way too obvious and Taeil was far for being stupid.

It is true the older boy did kissed him back, and it is true that Jihoon even thought in the possibility of Taeil liking him back; but perhaps Taeil just got a little carried by the moment… by all those moment in which they kissed, and after a bit of thinking he just realized it and he hates him now.   

It’s not like Taeil had said something about his feelings, and that dream was just a dream so…

Jihoon’s heart aches, painfully and cruelly at the idea of Taeil feeling disgusted around him. His white teeth bite hard his bottom lip to prevent a whimper as gloomy tears crowd in his sadden eyes… He can’t cry in front of his friends, he can’t cry in front of Taeil.

He has to pretend nothing happened… he has to forget it.

It doesn’t matter how much it hurts.

 -¡Jihoonnie!- there’s a nice voice calling his name right in his burning ear, and there are warm arms wrapping tight around him from behind.

Oh, no. Not this now.

-¿Maknae…?- Jaehyo wonders when he inevitably sobs at how gentle his hyung is, and he feels how the Prince comes closer to look at his crying face.

-Jihoon, ¿why are you crying?- Jaehyo ask in his kindest tone, slowly turning him around to be right in front of him. –I don’t like to see you crying…- the Prince says, softly brushing off the tears from his hot cheeks.

Jihoon lift his black eyes full of tears, meeting those sweet brown orbs with that nice glance his hyung always have for him; and he notices that gentle smile on those plump lips that always give him comfort and peace… He couldn’t take it and fall apart, wrapping weakly his arms around the only person who seems to care for him.

-H-hyung…- he sobs sadly against the smooth fabric covering Jaehyo’s shoulders, feeling those strong arms hugging him tight.

-Shhh, is okay… let it out, Jihoon… you don’t have to say anything.- Jaehyo whispers on his ear, so warm that Jihoon’s heart breaks a little more.

¿Why wasn’t Taeil the one holding him like this?

 It hurt so much and it was so sad to be in other’s man arms when all he wanted was Taeil, ¿but would he do? He couldn’t force Taeil to love him, and he certainly couldn’t force himself to love anyone else when Taeil was so stuck in his heart and soul.

“Damn you, Lee Taeil…” Jihoon thinks, burying his blushed face deeper in Jaehyo’s shoulders as tears keeps falling and his heart keeps breaking.

-¡Awww! ¡Cute moment, everyone! ¿Should I take a picture and show it to our fans on Twitter?- Jiho’s mocking words echoes distant in his ears, but he really couldn’t care less.

-Jiho, don’t mock. He is crying…- Jaehyo says calm but somewhat stern, and Jihoon can feel his hyung’s hand carefully his hair.

-¡¿Crying?! ¡¿W-why is maknae crying?!- the leader shouts, exaggeratingly worry for the younger’s like. 

Quick footsteps followed after, and he hides his teary face even more on his hyung’s warm neck when Kyung’s question reached him. -¡¿What happened to Jihoonnie?!-

-¡Yah! ¡¿You made him cry, Jaehyo?!- Yukwon’s angry tone came next, making the Prince turn his face to them; leaving Jihoon’s face expose to their eyes.

He really hates when someone sees him crying…

But Jaehyo’s answer makes him shiver, because his hyung sound so honest and serious that he can’t help but whimper loudly. -¿Why are you asking such dumb question? You know I could never make our maknae cry.-

-¿Then why are you crying, Jihoon…?- Minhyuk wonder careful but so clearly concerned that he can’t bring himself to look up.

Hell, he wants to keep crying as much as the rain falls.

-It doesn’t matter, ¿does it? Let Jihoon just calm down and then we will wait till he wants to tell us.- Jaehyo says then, so nice and sweet, as that big hand gently caress his back.

 Jihoon really wanted to smile at that moment, but he was too destroyed inside.

Having the last pieces of his pride screaming ‘man up’ like crazy, he tried his best to hold his tears a little and he slowly pull away from Jaehyo. Looking up at his friends he opened his mouth to speak a few low words to calm the mood down…

…But when his dark orbs found those tiny ones in the distant, his voice disappears, words died in his throat and the tears just flow like two rivers from his eyes; not to mention the awful stab his poor little heart got as he noticed how deep Taeil was frowning.  

His gaze turns down on the wooden floor under his body, watching the tears clashing one after another on the hard surface. The soft noisy of his teardrops falling soon was overshadowed by loud footsteps… and he didn’t had time to process what was happening when suddenly Taeil was forcing him up on his feet, dragging him up the stairs and through the hallway to finally stop inside the older boy’s room.

Jihoon’s lips trembled when his surprised, sad glance met with Taeil’s harsh one in the tiny distant the singer had put between them… is not that he was trying to say something, but his whole being shake with fear at what could come.

 Unconsciously, he took a step back when Taeil came closer; feeling a cold shiver running through his skin when the older boy sighed heavy. But he wasn’t fast enough when the singer quickly took those final steps and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him so tight that Jihoon whimpered at how strong the boy was.

-Stop it…- Taeil murmurs serious on his ear, hurting him so much.

But then Jihoon hears words… words said with warmth and concerned ringing so loudly on it that it made his heart jump alive again. –Stop running to Jaehyo every time you need someone. I’m here too.- 

Those words and that tone of voice repeats itself again and again in Jihoon’s ears, while his black incredulous orbs just stare at some point in the distant wall… ¿does this mean Taeil doesn’t hate him? ¿Does this means Taeil…?

-I hate when you forget me ¿Why aren’t I your first choice? ¿why is everyone else more important than me…? ¿What do I have to do to be your priority? Tell me, Jihoon…- Taeil whispers low, so low that Jihoon can feel how embarrass his hyung is.

A trembling smile curves on his lips after such questions, while tears fall from his eyes even more… but these are tears of joy, because those words only can mean what he has been longing since the very beginning.

His hands slowly lift, cupping that handsome face as his lips finally kiss that mouth he had been missing so much; tasting Taeil’s sweetness mixing with his warm tears in something odd but still magical. His heart skips a strong beat when the singer pulls him closer and moan softly into the kiss.

Feeling his body starting to heat up in a way it shouldn’t, Jihoon gently breaks the kiss; looking straight into those tiny eyes still with a smile on his face. He sees how Taeil blush mildly at his grin, and so Jihoon slowly pulls away completely…

…Watching how Taeil’s tiny eyes look at him impatience and longingly when he whispers his answer before turning around and leave.

-If you only knew, Taeillie… if you only knew…-

But Jihoon didn’t saw those clear tears sliding down Taeil’s cheeks when the door was closed and Jihoon didn’t hear Taeil’s voice pleading for what the little hyung is dying inside to hear.

-Then let me know if you love me…-