[updated Oct 05th, 2014] FIRST PART.

There will be 2 parts to this update as well. But the other part, there is still something that lacking that i wanted to fix it first before updating it along with these. I supposed it should be up within 24 hours.

Oh, btw, there are something i need to remind before you guys proceeding on this chapter,

Please read everything until the end of this part and do not make conclusion yet.....until the next part is up! :)

 

 

 

 

Reminisce: my beyond & above A+

 

REMINISCE

 

 

It was really just a fling.

And he thought maybe he has changed. So he made a big mistake by asking for a break up.

He wished he hadn’t.

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

“Hmm….,”

 

Donghae smiled his genuine smile, and nothing made him feel better than seeing a gorgeous face the first thing he woke up in the morning. Donghae loved it. He loved it when Hyukjae unconsciously turned to face him sometimes later before the sunrises, it allowed him to take in the man’s features. The man that he missed so much. He kept blaming himself for choosing to leave him in the first place. Yet that same man still took him back. He smiled bitterly because he really hated and felt disgusted with himself each night..... Hyukjae turned away facing to the other side.

It felt cold.

Even it was so close, but with Hyukjae turning to the other side, Donghae felt the distance that couldn't be calculate of this California king bed.

 

But it was okay.

Because when he woke up to see Hyukjae’s face in front of him and as he placed a soft kiss on those plump lips secretly. It felt heaven again.

 

And Donghae dreamt that Hyukjae was responding back to his kiss.

It has been long since they shared a kiss.

Since he had chose to walk out from this house. How stupid.

Donghae really hated himself for hurting this flawless human being.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He jolted up in his seat as he heard the sound of the door that followed by numerous foot steps. His hand was still holding tight onto the other un-responding pair of hands.

“Go home and take some rest, Donghae son. We’ll be taking over you and if Hyukjae wakes up, we’ll call you immediately.” Hyukjae’s mom said softly as she placed down her stuffs on the unoccupied desk.

 

Donghae stood up as he bowed to Hyukjae’s parents, his eyes were still red and puffy from all the crying. And he kept shaking his head softly as he kept murmuring the thing he has been repetiting since last night.

 

“I’m so… sorry, mom…and d-dad. If if it w-wasn’t for me…,, H-Hyukjae wouldn’t….”

 

He barely finished his sentence, Hyukjae’s mom and dad already engulfed him in a hug and comforted him,

 

“Stop blaming yourself, Donghae… it isn’t.”

 

“B-But…,”

 

“Yes, you should! You turned my brother into a mess, you left him and you came back just to break his heart again! And look now…, what did my brother ever do to you to be lying here?!” Yoona entered the room, still feeling the anger rose inside of her. The parents and Sora quickly came to sooth their youngest member of the family to not say anything anymore in the situation.

 

Donghae could only bow down his head, gulping and truly blaming himself. Because Yoona was right.

If it wasn’t for him, Hyukjae wouldn’t be lying here.

He should have stayed at the same location waiting for Hyukjae to come back…

If only he could wait…

None of these would happen.

 

And without him knowing, a single tear has dropped.

 

Sora tried to lighten up the atmosphere,

 

“We met Dr. Park on our way just now. After the complete and safe operation from last night, he said that Hyukjae is in a much more stable condition now. He is fighting hard to come back to us, too. So just give him some times… hopefully, he’ll wake up soon.” She said with a soft smile as she approached Donghae,

 

“Take some rest first.” She patted him on the back as she glanced to her brother, “He wouldn’t want to wake up and see you turn into a mess, either.”

 

Although that sentence simply showed that Sora actually cared for Donghae but it had touched Donghae’s wound deeply.

Because he had turned Hyukjae into a mess (and he had no idea, that time) and now, hearing the fact that Hyukjae wouldn’t want to see him tangled in a mess made him feel so so guilty.

 

So slowly, he bowed to the family and left, once again murmuring a soft sorry.

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

 

“Do you want to get something?” Hyukjae asked. Donghae remembered that one evening, after they got back together, and they were browsing around the area where it used to be one of their favorite dating spots. Everything was still awkward and Donghae felt hurt….. And he could tell that Hyukjae was trying hard and doing his best to get them back to where they were before.

But Donghae could feel it.

 

Donghae could feel the barrier that Hyukjae had set up between both of them. He wanted to ask Hyukjae what was wrong. Why Hyukjae seemed so tense.

Was Hyukjae happy?

And he understood too well the reason for all of these.

It was solely because of him alone. It was him who turned their relationship into this deep mess. And now everything couldn’t be like before anymore.

 

He turned to smile at Hyukjae, his hands holding Hyukjae’s soft pair of hands a little more tight and nodded as they got into the store.

 

“They change the menu?” Donghae asked, remembering the last time both of them were here, the coffee were still had a midnight blue menu order and now it has changed into a different shade of colors and with many new menus.

He skimmed the board trying to find the familiar name but he couldn’t. He was about to turn to ask Hyukjae when then he already heard the man spoke,

 

“May I have a Grande Cappuccino and a Chocolate Latte, please?”

 

Donghae felt his heart skipped a beat.

 

“For cappuccino though, please not too much of espresso, he doesn’t like dark coffee that much.”

 

Hyukjae remembered his favorite drinks. Their favorite drinks.

 

“Sure! Anything else for you guys today?” The staff asked.

 

“No, that’s it! Thank you~”

 

Donghae let his gaze stayed on Hyukjae for a little bit longer until the older turned his head and be all flustered as he asked the younger,

 

“D-Did i…g-get the wrong order?”

 

No, baby, you got it all. You got it all right. You always got me.

 

“No, it is right! Hyukjae, thanks!” with a beam was all Donghae could reply back to that awkward smile.

 

Somehow, the situation turned so much more better and livelier as they got their drinks and sat in the corner, relived back the memories of their happiness past.

 

But as Dongahe stood in front of the coffee store now, he felt lil piece of his world was crumbling down.

He pictured all of those memories and he felt his heart sank because Hyukjae wasn’t here with him. And it was more hurtful because it felt like he was grasping and memorizing the past… the past that he couldn’t retrieve back yet at the moment.

He wished he had treasured it before it slipped out of his fingers.

 

“You have to stay strong, Hyukjae. You have to wake up, Hyukjae. Because honey, we have so much more to do together…. I can’t let you go. I can’t let you go……. And you can’t go away from me either..… You can’t just leave me just like that.”

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

Donghae unlocked the door to the house of memories.

He still remembered the passcode and his heart ached as he remembered the meaning of this penthouse passcode.

And he felt bad because for Hyukjae, even after he had broken his heart, the older still hadn’t changed the passcode. Donghae remembered that night when he came to find Hyukjae at the penthouse after their encounter at his brother’s coffee.

He had hoped the reason that the older didn’t change the code was because the fact that the older still had something for both of them, he couldn’t help but to feel a little bit sad though when Hyukjae explained that it would be too troublesome for him to change since his (Hyukjae’s) family came to visit at times.

He understood.

But nothing hurt him more….

When Hyukjae asked him to not make it harder..

In that moment, Donghae wanted nothing but to go into the older’s arms… and hugged the older tight.

And possibly made everything between them right all over again.

Because Hyukjae looked so hurtful…and fragile…

And he really disliked it when he thought of the possibility that the older would forget him and move on from him,

 

Because Donghae didn’t want Hyukjae to forget him.

 

There were just so much about them.

 

Still he chose to walk out because he couldn’t stand Hyukjae being hurtful and asked him to leave in a most subtle way possible.

 

 

 

And now, being back in this house, Donghae thought he could feel how lonely Hyukjae must be when he wasn’t there.

How depressed Hyukjae must be at the thought of him seeing another person…

And Donghae felt extremely sorry for this mistake that was impossible to wash away.

He let his eyes darted across the living room…

 

A picture of Hyukjae preparing food and always concernedly asked him if he had eaten.

A picture of their past before their first broke-up.

The laughter…

The lame jokes…that Hyukjae had cracked just to hear him laugh…

The small little kisses…

The warm embraces…

The longing kiss…

The love making… in this very living room and in their master room…

Everything just came back to him.

 

And Donghae bawled and growled hating himself as he cried out loud because those were just memories and he really wished he could relive these moments together with Hyukjae again.

 

He really wished.

And he figured out that he shouldn’t break down now…

Because Hyukjae needed him. He needed to be strong.

Hyukjae was waiting for him to be back…

And then they would start a total perfect and happy life together…