[updated September 21st, 2014.] SUPERSHOW 100TH! YEAY! :D

 

 

 

 

 

Blue streak: my beyond & above A+

 

 

 

      Hyukjae knew he was going to be fine. At least that was what his thought.

He woke up and dressed properly to his works trying to forget his heartache, pretending that he was totally fine. But it was harder than he had intitally thought it would be.

Because a break up with Donghae caused too much pain, that he wanted to no longer exist in this world.

 

He remember the vauged Donghae that seemed too hesitant while telling him that he had been seeing another person for quite a few weeks now.

He could see the guilt in that pair of orbs. The orbs that he loved.

But then again, if Donghae felt guilty, he should have never done that. But he did. And he broke his heart badly.

Hyukjae knew, of course. He had known even before Donghae decided to tell him.
But because he loved the younger boy, he didn't say anything and he waited until Donghae spoke out.

 

Hyukjae couldn't remember or understood why their relationship turned pale and everything just seemed to fall out of place.

Since when his relationship with Donghae felt like an autumn leaf.....that heartlessly detached themselves from its branch and let itself brushed away along the wind.

Because for him, Donghae had always been his Spring.

And he selfishly hoped that... whoever that person Donghae was seeing would be just a wind that blew by...

and soon Donghae would return back.... to him.

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

"Bro, you must be mad!" Siwon exclaimed in disbelief as he watched Hyukjae kept his smiling face while arranging the books into the stack.

"Not too loud, Siwon!"

Siwon looked at his best friend again before exhaling a deep breath and Hyukjae chuckled soundlessly as he started to wonder who was the one that actually had a heartbroken here.

"I have to read my students' essays tonight as well. I think i'm staying over here, you should go first, Siwon."

"Not without you, my friend!" Siwon said as he approached Professor Lee's table and started to take all the documents off from Hyukjae's hands.

And Hyukjae started to look down at his stuffs suddenly feeling all his emotions surged up inside of him.

"Drinks tonight. My treat! And i won't accept a NO."

Hyukjae finally sighed in defeat as he picked up bag and finally his phone. He stared a bit longer at his phone as the screen light up, the picture of his was still there, but that phone no longer vibrated repeatedly as it used to.

No new calls.

No missed calls.

No kakao messages from him. Not. Not anymore.

And Hyukjae tried so hard to hide and push back all the sobs he had been wanting to release.

Siwon did not miss that bitter looks on his best friend's face at all.

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

Donghae winced in pain after his brother Donghwa had (violently) hit his head, not violent enough to hurt him, but it was still hurt anyway.

"Repeat what you just told me again?"

Donghae sighed, "I'm seeing another person, hyung. Hyukjae won't be coming here as often anymore." For a moment, as Donghae let that slipped out of his mouth, he felt his heart clench a little.

His older brother sent him another weird look before stutteringly asked, "W-w-why? How?"

Donghae shrugged, "I guess i just fall out of its?"

And he could hear brother sighed once again, "Hyukjae is an A+ for you... i don't know how did this happen.....and .... w..what was his reaction?"

"I told him....the truth. And he simply let me go, too...."

"Did he know the new person you're seeing?"

The younger brother shook his head lightly, "They don't know each other, in fact. i wanted to tell him but he stopped me... he told me that it is better that he didn't know or else he could go and do something we never know."

"Yeah, sometimes not knowing could be a better choice. Poor kid, he must have been so heartbroken," Donghwa said with a heavy heart before staring at his younger brother, wanting to say something but then he decided not to as he stood up from the couch and left the living room.

Donghae, meanwhile, thought, love was like that. If there wasn't anything else to hold on, it was better to let go.

His 7 years memories of love with Hyukjae ain't simply erased but he had her. She would be able to replace all of those memories.

Donghae thought he finally found that person.

He forgot a heart that loved him earnestly. He had left that heart broken to the point that it couldn't be fixed.

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

Hyukjae thought that sometimes life could be so mean to him. But he didn't complaint. He still felt grateful for his life.

He had been staying silent for all the times he had been here with Siwon, Sungmin and Kyuhyun.

And no matter what the three tried to do to entertain him, the man just simply smiled yet couldn't bring really himself to think of anything else beside him.

His..... Donghae.. what is he doing now?

Where is he?

or..... is Donghae with that person?

This place was one of their favorite places... where they usually came together with their best friends and talked about their lives....

and he felt his heart stabbed in pain as the thought of that new person came across his mind.

 

Was that person treat you well?

That person must have treated you well... well and better than me...

because otherwise you wouldn't be looking at that person....

you wouldn't choose that person over me....

and left me here....all alone.

 

Hyukjae shook his head, lifting the glass of his new drinks that he decided to try out tonight...

He knew how bitter that drinks was...

but he tried it... just like he was trying to wheel himself from all those gloomy thoughts...

Gloomy thoughts that now defined as Donghae...

 

He let himself lost in his train of thoughts, ignoring his surroundings until he felt Sungmin began to tell him that he needed to go back home.

Which was weird... and Hyukjae started to wonder...

Because his friends were acting so suspicious.

Earlier, they had been nudging him to come out and have a drink.

Why now they looked so eager to urge him out of the place?

He wanted to stay, stay a bit longer, and let those memories and laughter with Donghae reflected inside his mind.

The night was still young.

Why were his friends acting so weird?

Then....

He came back to his sense....

And he knew why... because no matter how hard Kyuhyun tried to block away the views,

he could still figured out the back of that person clearly..with just a single glance...

He saw how his person accompanied another person to the seat in the other corner.

That located near to the seat that was once their favorites.

His brown mob, his figure, everything screamed Donghae to him.

He looked at his best friends and he wanted to cry, wondering why life had to play such a joke on him.

He had wished that he would never know who that new person his was seeing. But he had just to see her there with his.

His dressed in his favorite shirt as Hyukjae remembered.

Those smiles on Donghae's face.... that used to brighten up Hyukjae's heart... seemed to turn into a smile that made Hyukjae feel quite bitter.

Because his was smiling for another person that wasn't him.

But as long as Donghae was happy, Hyukjae would be happy, too.

He found himself looking at both of them lingeringly, not exactly knowing what to feel inside.

He didn't really know much about that new person. He didn't want to know, too.

But she was pretty.

And he wanted to tear his gaze away from both of them when he saw how Donghae gently led her to the seat.

And before he could even did so, he felt the gaze fell back on him.

His heart ached a little.

Because he noticed the guilt in Donghae's eyes as their eyes met each other.

Hyukjae just simply nodded at Donghae with a soft smile before completely turning to look at his best friends that looked at him with flat (and sorry) expressions.

Siwon was the first one to apologize,

 

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I didn't know we would bump into them?"

Hyukjae shook his head, tried to finish his drinks that seemed to become even bitter than he previously had, "It's okay~ i'm going home! You guys, wanna tag along?"

Because even if Hyukjae knew that by leaving same as subtlety admitting that he was still loving Donghae. He didn't care.

It was true though. The fact that he still loved the younger. And he doubt if it ever changed.

Because ... even in a thousand years ahead and counting on, he believed that his love for the younger would be still there.

He left the place now because he knew too clear that he wouldn't be able to handle it if he kept sitting there and watching the two.

He could have pretend. Showing the younger that he was fine without him. That he was okay seeing Donghae with someone else.

But Hyukjae scared. Scared that... before he cold even pretend, he might already grabbed Donghae away. Away from that person.

And he didn't want that to happen. There was no point in  pretending, too.

Donghae has moved on, he should, too.

His voices started to become fragile and he was trying his best to mask it up, hoping that his friends didn't notice the changes in his voice.

Sungmin and Kyuhyun wasn't hesitate in nodding their heads as they took a different exit, avoiding walking pass Donghae's seat.

 

And it took all Hyukjae wills to not turn back to look at Donghae.

But if only he turned around just slightly a bit at those directions, he would also going to see how Donghae stared a little bit too long, too linger at him and his retreating figure. But Hyukjae didn't, because it would be painful to look back.

Sungmin did not miss that short interactions though but he didn't know if it would change anything if he told Hyukjae about it.

 

 

The woman, who didn't notice simply questioned Donghae, with a soft smile, "Is there anything?"

Donghae came back to his sense, shaking his head as he smiled at her, "No.. not at all,"

But then he found himself staring back at the exit Hyukjae just took and then he let his eyes fell on the place that Hyukjae had just sat with their best friends.

(technically, Siwon, Sungmin and Kyuhyun are their best friends.)

The waiter were currently collecting those glasses left on the table.

Donghae recognized from the color he spotted Hyukjae was holding earlier.

And when the waiter walked pass by their table, he managed to read and know what Hyukjae was drinking.

He felt like a douche.

Because he found himself later on ordering the same type of drinks as Hyukjae had.

And he bit his lips trying to keep his smile as he felt the first sip of the drink got into his throat, bringing nothing but bitter and extremely bitter taste.

He knew just how Hyukjae disliked drinking anything that had an extreme bitter taste.

But now Hyukjae decided to drink some stuffs like that, Donghae wondered had he gone too far?

Had he been the reason for Hyukjae to drink?

He was calling back to reality when her voices rang in his ears again, "If you don't like the bitter taste, you shouldn't order it." She told him softly.

Donghae smiled and nodded.

Maybe, if it was too bitter, he should not be drinking it.

Still he wanted to feel it. 

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

 

Hyukjae started to tell himself that maybe he should re-think back about everything.

Because the thing about this break up is not getting better for him.

If anything, it felt like his heart kept clenching and he could feel the invisible pain that ran through his entire body every second.

And he just wanted to curl himself into a ball and hide himself from the rest of the world.

He tried and really tried to be happy but at night, he knew that all his efforts has dried out...

Because whatever he had tried, at night, he found himself crying a little over the memories that he had shared preciously with his.

The kisses...

The laughter.

The embrace.

The voices.

The lil chats they usually had during nighttimes.

The sleepover.

The phone calls and text messages.

The soft "I love you~" still rang in his ears...

... He missed it all.

And it didn't help him to feel better at all as he remembered the short encounter he had with Donghae earlier.

Hyukjae thought it was unfair because Donghae really looked like he was really happy. While, he, himself was still trying to be happy.

 

 

 

He picked up his phone on the night stand table.

Another punch sent straight to his heart as the picture of his beautiful love came into his sight.

Donghae was smiling brightly in the picture that Hyukjae wondered how could he be still so whipped,

because in such condition, he still managed to find himself smiling as soon as he saw that bright smile of Donghae.

 

"I have to get rid of you, i'm sorry." Hyukjae whispered with an aching heart as he went into his phone gallery and slowly erasing those pictures from the phone.

Although he made sure to transfer all of them first into his MacBook and had it in some secret folders before completely erasing the ones on his phone.

As he had a new blank wallpaper replacing Donghae's old one.

 

Please come back to me. Probably the only sentence that kept echoing through his mind the whole silent night and every other nights.

 

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

And Hyukjae knew it must have been worse because his students started to question him,

 

"Professor Lee! Are you okay?"

"You didn't seem like you get enough rest, Professor Lee! Don't overwork for yourself."

"Professor Lee?"

All the concerns from his students made Hyukjae felt so heartwarming.

Actually he wasn't the type to easily get influenced or in all, too emotional.

Guess the break-up did him bad.

Because it made him realize that the question had unintentionally made him wish to hear that question from that one person so much more.

And it hurt because that was a hopeless hope. Hyukjae knew he shouldn't even think of it. 

 

 

Even his colleagues also started to get worry about him.

But Hyukjae was and has always been professional.

So with a bright smile, he answered and told everyone of them that he was fine (which had Siwon, Sungmin and Kyuhyun scoffed real bad for a few minutes).

To not worry everyone, Hyukjae promised to be happy and to be that cheerful professor once again.

But it only took a question and a single mention of his name that made Hyukjae realized it would not be that easy for him to be like before.

 

"Professor Lee! What about your boyfriend that travel around? He hasn't been around lately. Is he busy on his business trip for his company?"

 

He felt like dropping the books he was currently holding and before he could response, Siwon came in, "Hyukjae probably been busy making up quizzes for his students, that's why this old Professor looks so gloomy these day, right?" as he felt a light nudge on his shoulder. Hyukjae chuckled,

"Right~"

But as the thought came across his mind, the fact that Lee Donghae would be no longer visiting him at the university's staff faculty, made him feel bitter all over again. 

I wanted to see you.

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

    Was just another random and (still heartbreaking) day but Hyukjae was trying to enjoy everything as he sat with his group of Professor chatting about random stuffs during break hours. When he felt his phone vibrated on the desk.

 

He picked it up and was surprised when he realized who was the sender.

 

[Baby♥] Hyukjae?

 

And Hyukjae made a mental note to himself that he needed to rename the name.

So before he replied, he quickly went to his contact as he edit the name to, Lee Donghae.

But before he could edit, he found himself stopped typing. Deciding that he would not rename it.

Because Donghae, Donghae would always be his baby.

Siwon managed to see the content, so he snickered at his best friend as Hyukjae turned back his attention to his phone.

Feeling nervous as to why suddenly the younger sent him a text.

He wrote back,

 

Yes?

 

He waited, trying to calm himself to not feel anything. To not have the tiny hope that Donghae might asked to get together with him.

He wanted to erase that tiny hope.

And before he could even do so, Donghae already shattered that hope for him because the next message came in,

 

Hyukjae, could you give me the address of the macaroons store that we often visited? ....

She wanted to try the Macarons but i totally forgot the address.

 

"Tell him you don't remember, too." Siwon said as he finished reading the text. Although knowing that reading someone's message could be deem as disrespectful but they were best friends and he knew Hyukjae didn't mind him anyway. "It's just store address, Siwon."

Still Hyukjae felt his heart sank but tried his best to shield his sadness with the best smile he could come up with as to not worry his other professor's friends.

He bitterly wrote,

 

Go to this one, Ladurée Seoul
Shinsegae Department Store. It's in Gangnam-gu.
1F-2F 19-3 Banpo-dong, Seocho-gu
Seoul, Korea

 

"You are whipped, deep and insane, bro!" Siwon exclaimed softly as Kyuhyun nudged the man to not saying anything anymore.

Still Siwon continued to mumble to Kyuhyun, "That Donghae kid should know Hyukjae is an A+ for him... jeeze,"

But in that moment, Hyukjae had such an unreadable looks on his face.

 

Break up is really hurting. Because he loves him so much, still.

 

So Hyukjae decided to make himself busy.

Maybe by becoming busy, he would have less time to think of Donghae and not at all.

And slowly, he would be able to forget him. He would. He told himself.

So he picked up another position at the university by becoming a mentor for their recently recruited professors.

And indeed, he had become so much busier because training new professors doubled the amount of his works that he already had.

But if he could stop himself from thinking of the younger, he would try.

 

 

 

 

 

* * * * * * *

 

 

 

After Donghae had dropped her off home. He decided to drive back to his place.

But as he drove and passed by Cafe Béne, he decided to turn around and got himself a cup of coffee first.

But he ran into their best friend, Sungmin, there.

He awkwardly greeted Sungmin,

"Hyung!"

Sungmin sent him a soft smile, looking behind Donghae's back as he asked, "Donghae! And.....alone?"

Donghae nodded.

"Why are you still around, hyung?"

Sungmin then replied, "Recently, midterm is coming up for students at campus, so we kinda get busy and staying all late to prepare the quizzes, reviews and the tests."

And the younger of the two started to feel a punch in his heart because since ever he broke up with him, he never got himself to question how the older had been doing.

But he knew how stressful and tense up Hyukjae usually was during this season of the semester.

He wondered if it was okay for him to ask but he decided to, anyway.

 

"I see....,"

and Sungmin smiled, "What about you? and the company?"

"Ah, everything is fine, i guess, hyung. We recently received a few projects to work on. I've been busy, too..."

"Life must have been good for you~" Sungmin said as he took a sip of his drink.
And Donghae felt the guilt rushed through his entire system yet he slowly and softly asked,

 

"What about him...., hyung?"

 

"Hyukjae?" Sungmin remarked before putting away his paper,

"I dont know.... he seems okay at times and sometimes, he just spaces out.... But he becomes so much busier now... "

Donghae narrowed his eyebrows, "Why? i thought the amount of works wouldn't be that much different from before?"

The professor looked up at Donghae before he replied,

"Hyukjae picks up another position at the university. He becomes a mentor for the new recruited Professors!"

Donghae's mouth formed a little O shape, "Oooh..."

The younger suddenly felt a weird clench inside his chest, how come he miss this information about Hyukjae?

Should he later on text to congrats Hyukjae on getting and upgrading his position?

"So his works become overload. I think he is going insane," Sungmin added as he checked on his phone before showing Donghae the new schedules.

"This is basically all his teaching classes schedules. It is already tight and the remaining times, he squeezes it all for the new professors."

 

Donghae started to feel tense and decided that he didn