My tiny little toes are guarded by my waterproof boots. They try to slip into other people's shoes, but they are either too small to fill or too big.

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The alarm begins my day and the first thing I do is switch it to my morning playlist, so I'm in a better mood for the day. Coffee never gets me like other people. Comment below if you're the only one who thinks like that among your friends...

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So...

Here I am, in another place. In another city. In another house.

I grew up in a home with a triangle top and three rooms. Ever since, I've never felt so warm... Even in his arms. 

I guess this is what happens when you can't get back on track. 

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7 AM and I'm nowhere near being late.

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"Good Morning Sheeri! I got you a latte." She snatched it from me. "I thought I told you to wake up late." I laughed while fixing my seatbelt. 

"And I compensate you with a latte :) I work better when I wake up early alright?" She looked through her book. "Fine." I looked through the book with her. "I only have one shoot today right?" "Actually, Jackson asked me a special favor." 

"CEO of YunA Jackson?" "I know, I thought it was something bad. It's only just another step for us moving on from SeQuin." 

I curled my toes. "What does he want?"

"He wants a shoot at SeQuin done today in order to meet a deadline for March. He already booked the cameras and writers to come." ".....But I---I had..." I had no excuse to avoid work. 

I fidgeted with my fingers because I felt the cold shivers run up my spine.

Then, Sheeri took my hand.

"A year ago, you met Mrs. J. What would she say if she saw you now? It's time to get back up on your own two feet." Yeah, this is what a manager does. I have to separate my private life from work.

I could feel the pain and anxiety rush through my body, "For one second Sheeri, just one second, I want to be a teenager again. Where I can make all the mistakes I want. Because right now, I make mistakes and suddenly I have to change everything..." 

She squeezed my hand. "This part of your life will only last so long." Yeah, every heartbreak only lasted "so long."

Before we got to YunA, there was a tunnel. It was only a few seconds, but I let as much tears out until I covered them up with my sunglasses. 

Lights, cameras, screams... Action.

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I do sound childish because I can't confront the past.

Are you happy? Are you happy at what you've done to me?

Sometimes I feel like texting you and other times I want to delete your number. Listen to how I think, I sound like I'm in high school wondering if you're thinking about me as much as I think about you. 

I need a breather...

Some pain reliever...

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One Ella

"Lift your head please." 

I wore a tutu that went beyond my knees. The theme of this shoot was loving all of your body and taking care of it. In most of the shots my legs were exposed. 

"Next oufit, then five minute break." 

Pink tones was the next outfit. I was wearing a tight sleeveless turtle-neck along with a body necklace, white shorts, sea foam anklets, and topped it off with frizzy hair. 

"Bravo." 

5 minutes

"Way to keep up with the other models." Sheeri opened a bottle of water for me. "Mm." She sat in front of me. 

"Let's get back to work!" I gave her the water bottle. She smiled at me."Work hard not just for me, but for your own good." 

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The lights blind my eyes and I'm free to think again. 

I'm sorry Sheeri. I'm sorry that you can't open me up. 

I stopped these shoots for a year...

I didn't go back to my Aunt and Uncle's house either. I relied on the road to tell myself, "------Where, when, why, how-------?"

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One kiss ruined me.

Second kiss made me do bad things..

Third... created what I am now.