''Damn these bright lights,'' I said when I woke up, and quickly closed my eyes again, covering them with my hand, my hand that felt weird. That was when I realized that there's something wrong. Hello?! Who wakes up with a tube transferring liquid thru your hand?! ''Damn it!''

        ''Oh! You're finally awake! It's good that I brought food with me,'' Jihoon said while placing the fruits and breads (the ones that we sell in the cafe) on the table. He looked tired, his hair was as messy as a nest, his face was sweating, and the buttons of his top weren't aligned properly. Generally, he looked funny, totally different from the last time I saw him at work.

        I woke up in a hospital, I'm sure of it. Well, you know the weird smell of disinfectants, white walls, white sheets, and of course my dextrose gave it all away. I remember everything that happened, although the last few moments before I passed out were unclear. Gosh. If I'm not mistaken, Seunghoon was the one who held me! I held onto him too! Did he also lift me in his arms?! Kyaaa!!! The thought of it makes me so excited! Is he here?! Are they also here waiting for me to wake up?!

        I was laughing to myself, unable to control my feels. I just covered my face with the blanket and composed myself. I don't want Jihoon to see this side of me, because it would cause a never ending teasing from him. I breathed deeply, calming myself. Then, slowly I removed the blanket from my emotionless face.

        ''So, are there any other people waiting for me to wake up too?'' I asked him with a monotonous tone.

        ''Aren't I enough? I rushed here to see how you're doing even though I'm supposed to be relaxing at my home,'' he said. He didn't seem angry. I mean, I've never even seen him angry. He's just making me guilty of not noticing his effort to see me.

        ''Okay. I'm sorry. Thank you for coming. There. So are there any other people?''

        ''Why are you even ask--''

        ''Oh my gosh Jihoon! Just answer me!'' I lost control here, sorry. I just wanted to know.

        ''Just me and Jihyun, okay?! She's not here because she said she has to call someone,'' he said as he sat down the couch, peeling an orange.

        So no Seunghoon? Or Taehyun? Or Jinwoo? Or Seungyoon? What's wrong with this life?! (*insert crying face here) But the good thing is I still have Jihoon and Jihyun. Why am I even thinking of having WINNER staying here just for me? Am I being a delusional fangirl too? No way!!! (Maybe it's because I just woke up.) Okay, that's it. I'm not going to think of them.

        ''What time is it?''

        ''It's already 6pm. You slept for a lot of hours. Are you hungry? You haven't eaten a bite today,'' he said and stood up. He gave me a hot porridge. Its warmth felt good and I immediately took a spoonful. (I actually burnt my tongue a little.) Then, Jihyun entered the room.

        ''Whoo! Almost forgot to call him! Oh! You're awake!'' She looked like she was really surprised.

        ''Umm. Yes? Why? Are you expecting for a prince to come? Haha,'' I said.

        “Well, you can’t tell. I don’t want him to see me looking like this,” she said as she twirled her dress that was all crumply. “By the way, the doctor said that you’re already fine, but you shouldn’t abuse your body and take time to relax and rest once in a while. Also, he said that maybe you had been in a lot of stress lately. I agree about that, definitely. Oh! And are you on a diet?”

        “I don’t know what that means,” I said, and ate faster.

        “Then he was wrong on that one. Anyway, your body is weak, so all you have to do is take care of it,” she said as she took the spoon from me and tasted a mouthful of my porridge. “Jihoon-ah, can I also have a bowl of this?” She asked Jihoon, whom gladly obliged. Jihyun already know him since she visits me often in the café. Also, Jihoon had been in our dorm for a few times. He also walks me home sometimes. I think the two would make great couple; it’s just that they don’t share the same thought with me. After she ate, she stood up and got her bag.

        “Jihoon-ah, can you stay here for a few more hours? I’ll just go home and rest for a while. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she said.

        “It’s fine. I’ll look after her tonight. I can go home tomorrow. Go get some rest too,” he said.

        “Well, it’s not like I need someone to look after me,” I said and rolled my eyes.

        “Really, Skylar? Really?!” They both said with a perfect harmony. They stared at me like I did something unforgivable. Ok, I give up. I’m just touched that they’re both concerned about me.

        “But seriously guys, thank you for being here with me,” I said and smiled brightly at them.

        “Ugh! I can’t take it when you’re being sweet! I’m out of here!” She said and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Jihoon and I were left laughing. Am I that creepy when I’m being sweet? Can’t I be cute sometimes?

        Jihoon and I were like talking and playing games for a few hours until we both got tired of them. And soon, I realized that I was regretting that I let him stay the night with me.

        “So, should I sleep beside you?” He asked.

        “You wish! Just sleep on the couch!”

        “But it’s a little small for me.”

        “Well, I fit perfectly fine on the bed, alone.”

        “Can you turn off the T.V.? I can’t sleep.”

        “But I can’t sleep too! I had too much sleep and now I’m bored.”

        “My neck hurts, can we switch places if you’re not going to sleep?”

        “No, I might have to sleep later too.”

        “Then can I sleep beside you? I promise I’m not a ert. Just let me sleep!”

        “How about…no.”

        This nagging kept going for a while until he finally slept. I was thankful that he managed to sleep; after all, he’s here because of me. He could have been sleeping on his own bed comfortably, but instead, he’s here, keeping me accompanied in this hospital. By the way, it’s my first time to be confined in a hospital. I mean, I have my check-ups and all, but it’s the first time that I actually need to have a dextrose, which is hanging from a steel post with wheels, connected to me thru this transparent tube. It irritated me at first, but I know that I need it because I even feel that I’m really dehydrated. Luckily, I got the hang of it fast. I learned to drag it wherever I go, especially when I go to the bathroom. (Of course!)

        I decided to stop watching T.V., as I didn’t want to wake Jihoon up. I wished that I would just drift to sleep again. Ugh. The lights are hurting my eyelids. Damn it. Why didn’t I ask Jihoon to turn them off before he went to sleep?! I stood up and walked towards the switch, dragging my post beside me. But then, when I was about to turn the lights off, I realized that it’s going to be so dark. I’m not afraid of the dark, I’m just afraid of what’s going to appear in the dark. I’ve always been a scaredy-cat. I easily get scared by things, even the ones that mean no harm. I don’t even watch horror films. I often have nightmares too, and I don’t why. Also, the thought of being in a hospital made me scared more.

        I realized I can't do my ninja moves while dragging the post. I can't run to bed immediately after I turn off the lights! Why does this have to happen to me?! I stood for a few minutes, tapping the switch lightly, thinking what I should do. Should I go to bed, wake Jihoon up and ask him to turn them off? It won't bother him much, will it? No! Look at him! He's sleeping soundly! Oh no. I’ll just walk to the bed while having my eyes closed.

        So with one deep breath, I turned them off and closed my eyes. Please, please, please, don't let anything touch me while I'm walking or else I'm going to faint again. I slowly tiptoed and the wheels of the post won't turn into the direction I'm going. Ugh. Okay, I'll just open my eyes. Please, please, please, don't let me see anything creepy. I felt relieved when I didn't see what I'm thinking. (You won't want to know what I imagined to see.) I walked towards the window and rolled the blinds up to let the light enter the room through the glass. I was mesmerized with what I saw. There were the colorful lights of the buildings and street posts of the city. In a way, the scene reminded me the time when my family spent a few nights in New York. But here I am in Seoul, away from them. I miss them, but I know that I can go to the US whenever I want to. I'm just afraid that they won't let me go back to Korea, although sometimes I wonder why I still choose to be here. I can travel around the world if what I want is just to be free from my future responsibilities, but that's not just it. I'm looking for something, something that will complete me, something that will make my life worth living for.

        ''That's a nice billboard,'' I said to myself as I stare to the faces of the guys whom I met again a while ago. They look so admiring while wearing suits. Looking at their eyes, I imagined how difficult their lives had been just for their faces to be placed there. I remembered the blistered fingertips of Seungyoon, probably caused by playing guitar while composing songs, the hoarse voice of Taehyun from singing a lot, the droopy eyes of Jinwoo whenever they get the chance to rest, the patches I felt when I held onto Seunghoon's back, and the constant massaging of temples of Minho. Yes, I even pity Minho as the days from the announcement of their participation in WIN:Who Is Next passed by. They worked really hard, and there I was, bringing him down and being an anti-fan since then. I know that they are tired, but they still manage to smile because they love what they're doing. And I want that feeling, the feeling of having something that can make you restless but happy.

        I walked towards the bed, wanting to go to sleep. And as I lay down, I uttered the words ''It's enough. I can't let them suffer like me.''

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        ''Good morning! Omo! You're all set to go!'' Jihyun, who was wearing a dress that hurt my eyes (effin’ orange), exclaimed when she saw me sitting on the bed, ready to go home. I was wearing my usual attire; ripped jeans, a v-neck shirt, and my sneakers. I woke up early and requested to be discharged. (Finally, no post for me to drag.) The doctor and nurse agreed since I'm fine now. They just reminded me to take care of my body and to take supplements that will help take away stress. (I call them 'my stresstabs'.) Jihoon also packed our things already, although he's still sleepy. (But this time, he still managed to button his shirt the right way.)

        ''Did your Mom call you last night?'' Jihyun obviously was the one who told her I got hospitalized.

        ''Yes, we talked before I went to sleep. I was lucky that I couldn't sleep well last night so I heard my phone ringing, not like the sleepyhead there,'' I said as I pointed at Jihoon, though he didn't seem to notice. ''I had a difficult time explaining that there's no need for them to come here.''

        ''Well, it won't be much of a bother since you know, your private jet is always ready,'' she said. ''Rich kid,'' she added and winked. Yes, we have a private jet. (nuff said) ''So, ready to go?''

        ''Totally,'' I said excitedly as I jump off the bed and got my shoulder bag.

        When we got off the elevator and were about to walk our way to the exit of the hospital, I noticed that there were some girls, like maybe 10 of them, quietly standing at the exit. They were like waiting for something. My heart beat faster, thinking that there might be a celebrity. Is it Seunghoon or any other member? Then, when I turned around, I saw a guy standing at the hallway's aisle, leaning against the wall. He was all dressed in black; black denim pants, black coat, black sneakers, black mask, and black snapback. I couldn't figure out who he is, but I'm certain that he's not from WINNER so I felt a little disappointed. I have no interest in him, whoever he is.

        ''Oh, there he is,'' I heard Jihyun said, but I'm not sure about it since she just whispered to herself. She held my wrist and dragged me.

        ''Yah! What are you doing?'' I pulled my away. ''I want to go home.''

        ''Ugh. How do these girls already know that it's him? You can't meet him here! Ah chincha oppa, you should have at least made an effort to keep this private,'' she said while rolling her eyes. She's like mimicking me when I'm annoyed. I was totally amused. ''Let's just go. I'll call him later.'' Like he just heard her, the guy walked away, nowhere for us, and the waiting girls to be seen.

        ''Ah guys, please hurry. These bags are heavy,'' Jihoon said while he was struggling to balance our bags with both of his arms. I was kind of enjoying his suffering. Haha. He looked like an over decorated Christmas tree. Then, we walked to the exit. I couldn't help but eavesdrop to the conversation of the girls.

        ''Where is oppa? Why is he even here?'' The girl, wearing pigtails, was pouting like a child.

        ''I don't know. When is he going to leave? Shall we follow him?'' The other girl, whose scarf almost covered her entire face, even if it's not winter, was jumping up and down. (like she'll see him that way) I was getting curious. After all, why does Jihyun know him? Why do we have to meet him?

        Then, I stopped walking. ''Is the celebrity inside handsome?'' I asked the girls. They looked shocked and creeped out by my sudden action. Haha.

        ''Yes, unnie!!!'' The girls with the pigtails answered me excitedly. (Now, I'm the one who's creeped out.) ''Shall we go follow him, unnie?''

        ''Yah, 'saeng, that's not right. Invading someone's privacy is not right. Don't do that, okay? Just wait for him here,'' I calmly said with my most innocent face, tapping her back lightly, but I was already thinking of an excuse to follow him. I really want to see how handsome he is! ''Ahh, I have to go pee first,'' I said and acted like it. ''Fighting!'' I finally said to the girls. Then, I ran after Jihyun and Jihoon who were already ahead of me. ''Yah! Wait!''

        ''Don't run! You need to take it easy since you just got hospitalized!'' Jihoon said.

        ''I need to go pee first, okay?'' I said, getting excited to see the guy. I'm certain that my eyes were like twinkling at that time.

        ''Okay, but hurry!'' Jihyun shouted at me.

        ''Yeah! Yeah!'' I said and ran back to the hospital. “I have to go back,” I softly said to the girls who were confused. I turned left, the direction of where the guy went. I didn't want him to know that I was intentionally following him so I acted as if I was really going to the comfort room. Then, like it's meant for me to see him, I saw him just a few steps before the ladies' room. I slowed my pace, taking quick glances at him. Gosh, I hope he lowers his mask. I couldn't see his face properly, but he put his snapback away. His hair...I like his hair. Haha. Fine, I give up. If he's handsome, then he's handsome. There are a lot of handsome guys in the world! As I was entering the ladies' room, I felt a hand grabbing my arm, pulling me closer.

        ''Ahh!'' I shouted and some nurses looked at me, but they did not stop to help me. Then, the guy in black hugged me from the back. I didn't know what to do so I bit his arm…hard. What the hell is this guy doing?!

        ''Ahh!'' He shouted, again, the nurses just looked for a second. That's the time when I realized his voice was familiar. He took of his mask, and I was stunned.

        ''Mochi oppa!'' I hugged him immediately after I recognized him. I missed him so much! It's the first time I've seen him since I moved here again! His hair changed (I think I like this the most compared to his other weird dos) but his mochi cheeks and luscious lips did not! Ahh!

        ''Yah! You didn't change at all! Were you really sick?'' He said as he used his finger that was pointing to my forehead to keep distance from me, but I fought him. ''Alright, alright. I missed you too.'' And he hugged me too. He's like the older brother that I didn't have. I respect him a lot because he took care of me when I was new to Korea. I remembered attending his gigs before he debuted and loved him even more because of his charisma and poetic lyrics. Then, he approached me and we became friends. When I got to know him better, I admired his passion for music that didn't change until now.

        ''Oppa, why did you visit me here? You're so busy,'' I said while hugging him still. I felt so clingy, not just because I miss him too much but because he smelled so nice. Haha. But I act nicely whenever he's around. I mean, I'm nice to people, but when I get close to someone, I tend to bully him. Maybe that's just my way of saying I like and need you in my life. I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I'm not even vocal with such sweet things. But when it comes to the people I respect, like oppa, I behave myself. I don't have the nerve to bully them; instead, I become open with my feelings.

        ''Because Jihyun told me that my presence will make your life a little less stressful,'' he said and smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back. ''So, do you want to grab a cup of coffee nearby?''

        ''Did you really miss me too?'' I said as I pulled away. I was disappointed at him.

        ''Yes, of course! Come here!'' He said as he opened his arms again. I tried my best to resist him, and I succeeded.

        ''Oppa, I don't drink coffee. You're going to make me hospitalized again,'' I said.

        ''Ah mianhe!!!'' He said. I would've forgiven him already if he did his funny aegyo, but seriously, he can't do aegyo. It's just funny because he is trying too hard. Haha.

        ''Not accepted.''

        ''Yah, what did you say? I already said sorry,'' his face suddenly got serious, and that is exactly the technique that he uses on me when I get too petty. Okay, I give up. I never win over him.

        ''How about a cup of milk instead?'' I said and smiled at him. He just tapped my head and smirked. He told me where to go and walked out of the hospital first. (because of the fangirls) After a few minutes I walked out and there were Jihyun and Jihoon, still waiting for me. Jihyun seemed to know what happened but Jihoon was puzzled. I asked them to go home without me, and Jihyun just agreed.

        ''No, I'm going with you,'' Jihoon said with a firm voice. ''I can't let you wandering around, especially that you just got out of--''

        ''I'm going to be okay. Don't worry. I won't be alone,'' I said. I was just about to walk away when Jihoon shouted.

        ''No! It's either I'm going with you or you're going with us! Enough of the nonsense things, Skylar!'' He said, looking a little terrifying. He held my wrist, and he just let the other bags fell. It was the first time I've seen him acting like this. Jihoon, who's always there by my side, protecting me when there are unruly customers in the cafe, doing all of the things that he thinks I can't do, the guy who always have my back, suddenly changed. I felt scared, and I couldn't speak. I was just staring at his eyes.

        ''Jihoon-ah, it's fine. Let her go,'' Jihyun said as she calmly pulled his gripping hand from my wrist. ''I know whom she's meeting with. He's just a good friend of her. I've known him too, and he's a great guy. There's nothing for us to be worried about. I know that like me, you always worry about this little one, but trust me, there are times that she knows what she's doing,'' she added. I felt like crying. So this is how much I meant to them. I'm so thankful to have them in my life. They're like my guardians who are always there for me.

        ''Jihoon, mianhe. I didn't know how much my actions affect the two of you,'' I said and bit my lip, hoping for the tears not to flow down my cheeks.

        ''Just go now and be back soon, okay?'' Jihyun said and smiled at me.

        ''Just...just don't do stupid things. I'll just drop these bags off to your dorm and I'll go home too. Call me when you get back home,'' Jihoon said while looking away.

        I nodded and grabbed my bag. I wiped my wet eyes and just thought of Mochi oppa who's probably waiting by now. They waited until I got in a cab.

        When I arrived at the cafe that oppa told me, he already ordered our drinks. There were no more fans. Our table was on the second floor, overlooking the city. He smiled and waved for me to come and sit down.

        ''It took you a while to be here, but it's fine,'' he said as he pointed my drink. ''So, do you want to talk about something that bothers you?'' His words were exactly like what my doctors say when I have my check-ups. ''Love?'' And then I was choking. I nearly spitted my milk.

        ''Yah! I hit the jackpot, didn't I? It's about that? Haha! So corny! After all this time? You two are going to kill me!''

        ''Oppa, you're the one who’s killing me right now,'' I said as I coughed and cleared my throat. ''Why did you think about that?''

        ''Because I know you? Haha! You're still mad at him, aren't you?'' He said and winked. Ugh. This guy's going to be the death of me.

        ''You always get me.'' And I sighed deeply.

        ''I knew this is going to happen, but trust me, he has his reasons. Don't hate him, okay? It will all be alright soon. You just have to wait,'' he said as he tapped my nose with his finger and smiled.

        ''I also have my reasons to hate him, but oppa, I chose to forget them now. I’m going back to America soon. I'm tired of being in a situation like this. I can’t enjoy my stay here. I'm choosing to forget him,'' I said and looked down.

        ''What the hell?” He said, and I couldn’t blame him for that. “ Ahh...mianhe. I shouldn't be talking like I know everything. After all, I don't even know what his reasons are. I don't know what he's thinking. I'm just certain that he still has feelings for you. I mean, who would dare to call me in the middle of the night just to tell me random things? He rants about everything! He seems to be as stressed as you are! He's always hot headed and always uneasy. And of course, I know that it's also about 'love'. Damn it, it's just so cheesy, but I bet he's feeling what you're feeling right now. He may sound mad and cold, but we both know him. He couldn't express how he feels. here, there, but we both know he cares!''

        We laughed a little, but still, I felt the emptiness, remembering the old times. I remembered my relationship with him. We both can't express our feelings properly, that's our weakness. We always tease and piss each other off, but there's something that tells us how the other one truly feels. We understand each other by heart. Although there are times that other people wonder if we're really together. We were so happy back then. Oppa and him lived in a dorm together and were very good friends. I remembered visiting them, bringing a lot of food and sharing them with ants. I hate ants, so even though there's an ahjumma who cleans their dorm, I still clean it whenever I go there. (And I don't even clean in our own house in Korea or US, or any other countries.) I just like taking care of them the way they're taking care of me.

        ''Did you meet with him already?'' I was not sure what I'm going to answer.

        ''No, not yet. I haven't seen him yet,'' I said. I haven't seen him, and I don't know if I'm going to see him ever again, the man I fell in love with.

        ''Oh okay. Do you want me to call him?''

        ''Anyo!!! Please, don't.''

        ''Umm..okay? But I already told him that you're in a hospital, and that I'm not sure what really happened so I'm visiting you. He seemed worried.'' Then, his phone rang. ''Speaking of the devil.'' And I was sure my heart skipped a beat. ''Haha! Thank you for inventing loudspeaker, whoever you are.''

        ''Hyung!'' His voice, his low and husky voice made me almost jump off my seat. Part of me wanted to speak and let him know I'm with oppa, but I couldn't. I'll just hurt myself more.

        ''Oh...de?'' Mochi oppa said, acting like he isn't excited making me hear their conversation.

        ''Hyung, you told me you're going to tell me what happened!'' He shouted. I didn't want to assume but there's a large chance that he's talking about me. I couldn't hide my nervousness, I nearly spilled my milk.

        ''To Skye?'', oppa finally asked. I was so tensed that my hands were starting to sweat.

        ''Ahh, hyung.” His voice softened, like he didn't want to talk anymore. He paused for a few seconds. I was breathing quickly, and I couldn't look at the phone, like he was just there, talking to us personally. I can imagine him, his eyebrows curl with frustration, and his shaking hand would pinch the bridge of his nose between his eyes, focusing, controlling his emotion. Say yes. Just say yes and I'm forgetting everything I'm about to do. Just say yes and I won't give up.

        Oppa and I were both waiting for his answer. I was impatient, so I decided to let him know my presence. Maybe in that way, he'll be relieved that he can talk to me about what happened, and not just listen to the story of oppa. But just when I'm about to open my mouth, my heart cracked open first.

        ''Anyo. Why would it be about her?''