Yo~!

So this chapter was sort of finished for a long time ago but I was gonna let someone beta read it but that didn't really work :/ anywayz! Hope you enjoy this and please leave a comment about what you think~~ <3

I will try to update faster next time <3

The large cardboard boxes are filling the hallway and blocking the doorway. Upstairs Taehyung looks into his now bare room, a feeling of dread slowly creeping up his spine. He can hear his mother shouting at Jimin to be careful with the boxes downstairs and the boy shouting a promise back. Someone is walking up the stairs. Taehyung turns around just in time to see his boyfriend of two years walk into the room.

"You ok?" Jungkook asks with a smile as he walks up to Taehyung in the middle of the room.

"Not really" Taehyung answers honestly. He can always be honest around Jungkook. "It feels weird moving away from this house, I have lived here my entire life after all and now I am going away from everything and everyone I know."

I'm going away from you. It's an unspoken sentence but Jungkook seems to hear it anyway.

"It's not like you're moving to another planet" He answers with a laugh that’s only a little strained. "Just eight hours away with train- that's less than a day! And there is always skype, also I am sure that no one here will forget how to use their phone" He continues with a wink and Taehyung tries to smile back but smiles feels very distant right now. His boyfriend seems to notice and Jungkook turns more serious as he takes Taehyung's hand.

"Hey" He whispers and takes a step closer, suddenly looking very nervous. "We'll be okay, you know how I feel about you, I-I won't forget you so easily" His cheeks colours and Taehyung's insides turn all warm and fussy from the flustered expression on his boyfriends face.

"I love you" He whispers sincerely and Jungkooks cheeks turn if possible even redder.

"I love you too" Jungkook whispers back and leans down for a kiss.

"Oh I see how it is" Comes J-hopes drawn out voice from the doorway and Taehyung and Jungkook jumps away from each other in surprise. "Letting your friends do all the dirty work while you're busy cosying up to your boyfriend."

“He’s leaving J-hope, he shouldn’t have to work.” Jungkook counters and Taehyung smiles up at his boyfriend.

“Whatever” J-hope says with an eye roll. “It’s actually time to leave so you better come down because your mom is like two seconds from crying floods.”

Taehyung’s heart seizes in his chest as he thinks of his mom and he takes Jungkook’s hand to stabilize himself. 

“You’ll be fine” Jungkook whispers in his ear and starts dragging Taehyung out of the room to where J-hope waits. J-hope smiles reassuringly at Taehyung and he fights to smile back. He’s always been too emotional and it’s taking everything in him not to cry. He’s not going to cry. He takes one last look at the room before he goes out, drinking in the fact that he’s actually moving away from the house he grew up in.

“What if the college isn’t worth it?” He whispers, mostly to himself but Jungkook hears him anyway.

“You’ll be fine” Jungkook repeats again and squeezes Taehyung’s hand.

Taehyung can just hope that he’s right.

(And when Taehyung meets his teary eyed mom downstairs he cries anyway)

Tae moving away isn’t easy for Jungkook, no matter how much he tried to convince the other that they were fine. Life is just not the same when he can’t take the bus to his boyfriends place after school and force Taehyung to stop reading whatever new book he’s hooked to and hang out with Jungkook. Autumn is not the same when he can’t tuck Taehyung’s hair behind his ear and hold his hand when they walk into the sci-fi store. Worse is that he has nothing to distract himself with. Suga left for college in the US one year before Taehyung and Jimin and he’s still living the American dream over there.

Jungkook still remember how Jimin had cried for weeks on Taehyung’s shoulder, even though he and Suga had talked about that it was time to move on and go their separate ways. Suga wanted to study music in the big city and Jimin had small town dreams. They had decided that it wasn’t meant to be but Jungkook still thinks they’re wrong because how can dreams be worth so much when Jimin still flinches at Suga’s name and Suga always ask about Jimin every time he and Jungkook talks?

“I don’t get it Tae, why is everyone breaking up when they move away? Like Namjoon and J-hope! They live like an hour away from each other, both in Seoul but just different universities, why did they break up when they ended high school?” Jungkook complains to Taehyung on skype. His boyfriend offers him a tired smile. He looks weird in the electric light from the computer screen.

“You should stop calling him Namjoon, you know he wants to be called Rap monster or rap mon.” Taehyung corrects and Jungkook snorts. “And J-hope and Rap mon separated because they stopped liking each other, it had nothing to do with moving.”

“I know” Jungkook mutters, wondering how someone like J-hope goes from having stars in his eyes when he looks at Namjoon to frowning and rolling his eyes every time he did something remotely stupid. “And I don’t care if he wants to be called Rap mon, that’s stupid.” He’s wondering if Taehyung ever will start frowning at Jungkook.

“You call Hoseok J-hope and Yoongi Suga” Taehyung reminds with a grin. “And that isn’t weird?”

“Well that’s because…” Jungkook starts, trying in vain to come up with a good reason. “They’re weird and it suits him.” Maybe Jungkook isn’t really that comfortable with Namjoon yet.

Taehyung laughs at that and the wish to be there, right beside Taehyun and watch his smile for real, not just through a computer screen, suddenly overwhelms Jungkook.

"I miss you" He blurts out before he can think and the truth in his words hits him hard. He looks away from the screen, unable to look Taehyung in the eyes when his are stinging with tears.

"I miss you too" Taehyung says softly and Jungkook fiddles with the ends of his hoodie. He doesn’t need to look up to know that Tae probably has tears in his eyes.  Tae has always been better at showing emotions than Jungkook. "It's fun over here but I wish you were here with me"

And Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. Because he’s not having fun. He’s lonely and life is boring. Ordinary. But he doesn’t want to worry Taehyung when he’s already got so much on his plate. So he says nothing, only gathers the courage to raise his eyes and smile to his best ability at Taehyung.

“We’ll be fine”

He hopes.

College is more fun than Taehyung thought. He’s often homesick- calling Jungkook and his parents or J-hope whenever he gets the opportunity, but it’s still fun. More fun than he imagined. He’s meeting new people, like his roommate Jin and the nice but shy guy Junhong in his math course. They’re very nice to him and they hang out at each other’s dorm rooms frequently. Of course Taehyung also hang out at Jimin’s a lot.

And that’s a little bit less fun sometimes.

“I am telling you Tae I am fine” Jimin assures him for the hundredth time as he styles his hair. “It’s normal to go out a lot in college and experience new things. It’s normal to grow.”

“Is it also normal to take a new guy home every Friday or Saturday?” Taehyung asks quietly and Jimin snaps and swirls around to glare at him.

“Look, Taehyung, not everyone is having a cosy little amazingly working long distance relationship like you do okay? Some people don’t and maybe I just want to experiment a little? It’s been one and a half year since…since I last was in a relationship and I don’t seem to be finding someone any time soon so it’s just normal to try around a little, okay?” He bites out before he turns back to the mirror. “And it’s not like I’ve changed that much.”

“You don’t read manga anymore” Taehyung points out. “You rather drink vodka than tea and you’re out clubbing more often then you stay inside to marathon movie series. When was the last time we had a Naruto-movie marathon Jimin?"

"Some time ago" Jimin answers shortly. He has turned around again and he’s tense but when their eyes meet in the mirror Jimin seems to sag in on himself.

"Look Tae, I don't know okay? I have been feeling like for too long, and not only because of him. It partly started before he left and then it just got worse. I don't know why. I just want to be okay again, happier. I don't wanna be who I've been. I want to change and I am just trying stuff now okay?"

And Tae guess he sorts of understand. The will to be someone else is not foreign to him, he's felt it many times. But what Jimin is doing doesn’t feel healthy.

It feels like a too large change for the wrong reasons.

It gets better after the winter. As spring slowly rolls in over Seoul things slowly starts to become less hard. Jungkook starts to hang out more with his friends again, spends less time at home sulking. He goes out, tastes the fresh air and walks by parks without feeling the sharp sting of longing. He still misses Tae, he still talks to him four times a week, most of them via phone and one or two via skype. They still laugh and he can still tell his boyfriend everything.

Taehyung is still everything but Jungkook has learned how to breathe without him.

He can enjoy things again, be independent and realise that Taehyung isn’t his entire life. Realise that he’s being a lonely idiot that needs to get over himself. His world still circles around Tae but it’s not as prominent as before, he can take small orbitals around dancing or school or just having fun and it’s fine. His mind is not on Taehyung 24/7 and it feels great not to feel like he has been left behind.

“It’s good that you’re feeling better” Suga says with a smile. Jungkook nods and squints at the computer screen.

“Man, skype sometimes- I can barely see you” He says and can hear Suga’s snicker.

“Well that can be because its night here and I can’t have the lights on because my roommate is sleeping, but don’t worry- you’ll probably be able to see my swag face next time” He answers and Jungkook snorts at him. They sit in silence for a while as Jungkook gets momently distracted with fixing his homework and Suga seems to be doing something else because he doesn’t comment on the silence. They sit like that for a while, in comfortable silence, until Suga speaks up again.

“By the way Jungkook, do you know how Jimin is? And Taehyung, how is he?” The second part is added as a cover up, they both know it and Jungkook glances at Suga’s screen but it’s all black.

Taehyung says that Jimin is partying quite a lot, that he’s enjoying his new college life and freedom. He’s also started working out and apparently a lot of girls on the college fawns over him. Apparently he has a lot of friends and is loved by many. He gets frequently asked out.

He goes on a few dates per week, dumping girl after boy after girl.

Apparently he’s sleeping around.

“Jimin’s fine. Both of them are.” Jungkook answers, hoping that Suga won’t dare to ask any more questions.

During spring it gets harder. Taehyung is being drowned in homework and he has less and less time to talk with Jungkook, or with anyone really. He spends most of his time quietly studying with Junhong in a corner of the library. They don't have the same classes but Junhong is still the best study buddy Taehyung has ever had. He's quiet and very determined. If Taehyung tries to slack off he gives a quick pep-up talk that makes Taehyung feel both guilty for slacking of and more determined to study. It's even worse when Junhong's friend and number-one-hyung Youngguk joins them; the guy has an aura that clearly doesn't allow any bull and Taehyung doesn't dare to even open the tumblr tab if Youngguk is sitting at the same table. If one of Junhong's other friends join it's easier, Daehyun and Youngjae are basically attached by the hip and spend most their study sessions bickering about nonsense and Himchan is always the perfect supporting hyung. Jongup is too busy staring at Junhong to even think about talking to Taehyung so those study sessions are always mostly amusing for Taehyung’s part. It’s hilarious to watch a flustered Junhong being unable to pick up on a quite desperate Jungup’s flirting attempts.

Sometimes Jin joins them but he's often busy with group works or the student council to help them with their homework.

Jimin doesn't study anymore. He goes to his classes, passes them with the lowest grade needed to keep his scolarship and spends the rest of his time doing who knows what.

Taehyung is worried for him but Jimin is uncaring. He pushes Taehyung’s concern away, says that working out and being with friends is more important than studying anyway.

“It’s my first year in college, Taehyung. It’s normal to slack off!”

And Taehyung is so tired of Jimin being normal. He’s so tired of Jimin being “like everybody else”, doing what everyone else is doing and liking the most general trends. He misses the Jimin with galaxies in his eyes that would babble about manga for way too long and sing horribly along to girl’s generation songs. He misses the Jimin who would talk about his feelings for hours and not be afraid of crying on Taehyung’s shoulder. He misses the Jimin who would study all night to get a good grade and panic if he was less than 5 minutes early for a class.

He misses the Jimin who laughed.

These days Taehyung can’t find a single star in Jimin’s eyes.

Sometimes Taehyung misses time before college. He sometimes wishes that he was at home, with a full fridge and a mom that made him food. With his friends and the sci-fi bookshop just around the corner. He dreams back to the time when he didn’t had to stay up to 2 to finish his homework and when finals wasn’t looming less than two month away.

And then Jungkook shows up outside his dorm room a day in April with a happy grin and his mother’s homemade food neatly put in a cute little box.

Taehyung shows him all around college, takes him to the best ice cream place and laughs as Jungkook manages to spill half of his cone on the grass when they sit down on it. Life is easy again, even if it’s just for a weekend. Jungkook talks about home and Taheyung tells him about college. They discuss Jimin and Suga, school, their families and other friends. They talk about Namjoon who apparently has signed a contract for a music label that had heard some of his underground rap songs.

“He’s too old to be an idol” Jungkook says with a frown. “What is he, like 26?”

“He’s 20 Jungkook, just one year older than me- like J-hope and Suga” Taehyung answers with a smile. “And you also said that he wouldn’t be an idol, more a rapper under an idol label.”

“Still” Jungkook mutters. “He’s too old.”

“You need to get over your jealousy Jungkook” Taehyung teases and his boyfriend hits his arm lightly.

“Shut up” He whines and Taehyung laughs.

It’s really what Taehyung has missed the most. Just spending time with Jungkook. Jungkook stays over at Taehyung’s dorm room so that they can spend the Sunday together and Jin mumbles something about parties and that he won’t be home tonight before he fleas the place and leaves it to Taehyung and Jungkook alone. Taehyung has never been more pleased with his roommate and Jungkook seems to think the same.

“He seems nice” He says casually as he moves closer to Taehyung on the bed.

The weekend goes way too quick but it leaves Taehyung much happier and mentally stronger than before. Jungkook leaves with a promise that they’ll spend the entire summer together and Taehyung is not going to let him back down on his words.

“Are you sure about this?” Jungkook’s mother asks one day in May when they’re sitting at the dinner table.

“Yes” He answers without doubt and she stills. “Taehyungs University has a dancing scholarship and I can study physiology and sports. I want to go there.”

“Jungkook” His mother starts and place down her chopsticks. “You know that I am completely supportive of all your decision, even if you’re not going to college at all, but are you sure that’s what you want? You’re great at dancing! You could get in everywhere on a scholarship- maybe do like Yoongi and go to America. There are more possibilities for someone like you in the west. Here you’d just become a backup dancer for idols or a gym teacher. You can earn more money doing the same thing in America! Are you sure you’re willing to risk your dreams just because of Taehyung?” She continues and looks at Jungkook with worried eyes.

And Jungkook thinks about Jimin and Suga. He thinks about how Suga’s eyes aren’t shining anymore and how Jimin has started working out and using the word swag. He thinks about how Namjoon is convincing everyone that he’s exactly where he wants to be and that he’s happy even though he’s not trying to make people call him Rap mon anymore. He thinks about how everyone is so focused on dreams and the future and not stopping for anyone. How the individualistic society seems to be sweeping away the romantic tint of life for all his friends and declares the dream of a cosy home as unambitious and stupid. How just being you and having it as your goal in life to just be with the one you want to do and not seek any adventures or money or fame is seen as bad.

Is seen as wasting your potential.

And Jungkook thinks of Taehyung. Thinks of conversations on skype that never ends, thinks of a laugh that lights up Seoul even though Taehyung is no longer in the city. Thinks of Taehyungs eyes glittering as he drags Jungkook around campus to show off everything and his tongue as he of the ice cream of the cone in the park. He sees his world in colour whenever he’s with Taehyung and even though he can manage it without Taehyung and all his colours he doesn’t want to. He wants to live a life where Taehyung’s colours are mixed with his.

He wants to choose Taehyung and he’s going to choose him.

Every day for the rest of his life.

“Mom, I am sure. I know what I am doing.”

The large cardboard boxes are filling the hallway and blocking the way out. Upstairs Jungkook looks into his now bare room, a feeling of excitement with a hint of sadness slowly creeping up his spine. He can hear his mother shouting at Jimin as he drops another box downstairs. Someone is walking up the stairs. He turns around just in time to see his boyfriend of three year walk into the room.

“So the little boy has finally decided to grow up and move out” Taehyung teases as he strolls towards Jungkook in the middle of the room. “How are you feeling?” Jungkook drags him in for a hug and Taehyung naturally fits his arms around Jungkooks neck.

“Okay I guess” Jungkook answers. “It feels sort of strange to move out but still like the right thing to do.”

“Good” Taehyung whispers and plays with a strand of Jungkook’s hair. “No regrets?”

“Never” Jungkook whispers back and leans down to press his forehead against Taehyung’s.

“I-“

“The two of you never change do you?” Comes J-hope’s drawn-out voice from the doorway and the two break apart to smile at him.

“Never” Taehyung says happily before he frees himself from Jungkook and skips over to where J-hope stands. “But since we’re oh-so-generous we can help you pack all the stuff into the car anyway.”

“I feel honoured” J-hope answers sarcastically as Taehyung pushes past him to skip down the stairs. J-hope follow him and Jungkook can hear them bickering all the way down. He takes one last look at the room, memorising how it looks stripped of his stuff and pictures how it looked when it was still his.

“No regrets” He whispers with a smile.

Then he turns around to go after the others.