I moved it to here. Part two of da miniseries~! ^^

Half a year with you (is it over or has it just begun?)

The train wobbles slightly in its tracks and Taehyung presses himself closer to the pole next to him. Somewhere further a head a little child is crying and beside him his mother is desperately trying to bribe him into silence with candy. The passengers around all seem annoyed but Taehyung smiles at the scene before turning his attention back to the book in his hands. The title is something cliché and typically fantasy:ish about dragons and the book itself is as cliché and fantasy:ish as the title.

Taehyung loves it. It's exactly what he wants as the days have turned dark and the streets cold, something familiar but still new, a classical genre that never gets old. At least not for him. Jungkook would of course hate it, he’d probably try to pretend that he finds it interesting if Taehyung would mention it but Taehyung has learned to read him well enough to know when he’s close to falling asleep out of boredom.

Uneasiness stirs in Taehyung at the thought and he tries to push it down with a frown but it’s hard. Knowing that he’s so different from his boyfriend always manages to leave him with an uncomfortable feeling of doubt, even though Jungkook has never given Taehyung a reason to doubt him. Maybe it’s just that Taehyung doubts himself. Maybe it’s just that the Eco’s of “nerd” and “looser” are still too strong inside him, still too close to comfort.

The train comes to a stop and Taehyung swallows the lump in his throat. He forces himself to concentrate on the book in front of him instead of the thought spinning in his head but it’s hard.

Thoughts about Jungkook are hard to ignore.

Jungkook manages to squeeze into the buss right before the doors closes and he releases a sigh of relief. He was too close to being late, Taehyung would kill him if he was late for their date. Again. Or well Taehyung would probably not mind but Jungkook would still be a jerk and he doesn’t want that. Not on their Christmas date.

He bites his lip and hastily shuffles to the back of the buss. Some girls bats their eyelashes at him when he walks past but he ignores them and slump down in his seat, hoodie of the jacket almost covering his entire face. He fiddles with the little present in his inner pocket and doubt immediately rises inside him like an old friend. It's a necklace with the evil dude in star wars on it and when Jungkook ordered it online for almost a month ago it seemed like the perfect Christmas present for Taehyung. Now, he just feel stupid. It's probably frowned upon in the fandom to have the necklace, maybe he should have brought the hero instead, maybe Taehyung will get sad because it's too nerdy or ugly or just not good enough.

Taehyung wouldn't show it of course if he didn’t like it. He'd just try to smile through that sad glint in his eyes that he sometimes gets when Jungkook says or does something inappropriate or mean. Jungkook would probably understand his mistake the minute after but it's hard to apologize when Taehyung immediately laughs it off.

Jungkook groans quietly and a woman in front of him turn around to look weirdly at him. He ignores her and stare out of the window.

He just wishes he wasn't so stupid when it comes to Taehyung.

They're so different, it's so weird.

Jungkook likes sports and action movies with Bruce Willis and Taehyung likes staying home with tea and read harry potter. Taehyung has read the entire series seven times and Jungkook hasn’t read a whole book. Jungkook can tell you every name of every player in every football league while Taehyung only can mumble “there is someone called Ronaldinho right? Or was it Ronaldo? Or maybe it was just Ronald…”

But somehow they still make it work.

Or Taehyun thinks they are. But sometimes he gets unsure. Sometimes it feels as if it’s all just a dream and reality will come knocking on the door at any moment, bringing with it misery and pain. They are the jock and the nerd in a relationship and their entire story just feels too cliché, too surreal to be real. It feels like a high school love story in some half-assed movie and Taehyung can’t understand how any of this could be happening in real life. How Jungkook can be laughing along with him or enjoy hanging out with him at all is beyond him.

He’s just kind of waiting for something to happen so that he can be like “oh, so that’s what’s going on. I should have known. Hello again reality”

It leaves him with a feeling of doubt that blossoms in his chest at random moments like now. When he’s alone on the train or at home or when Jungkook looks confused when he laughs about a star wars reference. It makes him wonder if this is all a trick.

If he will be left alone soon.

Jungkook feels safe with Taehyung. Taehyung never judges him, no matter what he does. Taehyung laughs at his good jokes and his lame ones, he picks him up when he’s feeling down and Jungkook has never opened up so fast to anyone before. Sometimes it scares him but then Taehyung sweeps in with his smiles and his cute puppy eyes and Jungkook finds himself unable to resist and melts like ice cream during summer.

It’s not really a problem, not most of the time.

It’s just that he sometimes feels as if he himself isn’t enough. That he isn’t doing, isn’t able to do enough for Taehyung. He don’t know how to comfort Taehyung when he’s sad or stressed or crying over a fictional character. He has never been good with emotions or words, he never got much of that growing up and he’s using that as an excuse to why he turns paralyzed every time Taehyung expresses his emotions.

And Taehyung does that a lot.

Taehyung is an open book: naïve, cute and happy. His thoughts show in every expression: nervousness, sadness, happiness and love crosses and flashes on his face until it makes Jungkook so confused, so awestruck that he can only stare, trying in vain to understand how anyone can be so…open. How someone can be brave enough to show that much emotion.

Jungkook himself is nothing but a coward in comparison to Taehyung.

And it makes him queasy.

It makes him feel like he’s just not enough. That he’s never enough and that Taehyung always will deserve something better.

What really terrifies him when it comes down to it is that Taehyung one day will realize that too.

Sometimes Taehyung wonders if this all is going to end soon. If there are other, more interesting guys around Jungkook that crosses his mind more often than he does. Maybe Jungkook will fall for one of those hunks in his football team and realize that Taehyung really isn't his type and never was. Maybe Christmas lights will shine up his eyes with understanding and leave Taehyung alone.

It feels like how it’s supposed to be. Because Taehyung’s not all that great. He works in a sci-fi shop, quotes star wars and harry potter at every opportunity given and eat more than he works out. He’s not interested in football, not the European one and certainly not the American one, and if they’d try to dance together Taehyung would fall flat on the ground.

But then again, Jungkook knows that. Because they tried to dance once and Jungkook was of course amazing were amazing and Taehyung just kind of wobbled around until he fell on his right in front of Jungkook.

Jungkook hadn’t been able to control his laughter and had laughed until he got tears in his eyes while Taehyung had tried so hard not to think of it all as a metaphor.

Sometimes Jungkook hates himself. Like when Taehyung says a funny reference to his favorite show or book and Jungkook just sits there blinking. There is like this happy light in Taehyungs eyes every time he talks about one of his shows and it dies when Jungkook isn’t interested.

But Jungkook have tried. To become interested, that is but it never works.

He has tried to read the lord of the rings 5 times and has never gotten to the second chapter before he has fallen asleep. He has tried to watch the star wars movies but he always lose track of the plot before he has even gotten half way through the first movie because he got distracted by his phone instead. He even tried to listen to harry potter as an audiobook but it’s always hard to concentration on the sound of the dark voice when he has nothing to watch.

It’s all so annoying because Jungkook wished he could say that he would stay up all night for Taehyung and carry him to the moon and back on his shoulders if Taehyung just asked but how can he when he can't even get through some books for Taehyung?

Like how hard can it be? It shouldn’t be that hard to just sit down and finish something for the sake of someone else.

It makes him feel like the worst boyfriend ever and maybe he is. He’s not the fairytale prince he wants to be for Taehyung and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He wants to apologize, tell Taehyung how much he loves him, if only to get away the foul taste in his mouth but he’s scared. He’s a coward and Taehyung is hard to apologize to because he never expects anything. It also doesn’t help that Jungkook is bad at apologizing.

I hope you can stay anyway. I hope you won’t leave.

They go off at the same station. One goes off the bus, the other the train. They both run, half jog their way through the crowd as they heart beats a little too fast per minute. They reach the square, with Christmas lights and carol singers and small stands with Christmas sweets and homemade toys. Their searching eyes scanning the crowd for the right person and lights up in sparkles and when they find them. The square is packed with people and they lose eye contact once or twice as they navigates towards each other. One step, two step, three and four and then they’re in front of each other. They would kiss but they are both boys and things like this isn’t really allowed and they are not yet brave enough for non-allowed things. Taehyung smiles and Jungkook reads an overwhelming happiness and a mixture of doubt and love that scares him so much he need to take Taehyung’s hand, if only to ground himself. Taehyung’s smile widens, the doubt in his eyes minimizing and Jungkook finds himself smiling back, fear slowly seeping out of his mind. It’s weird how the same person that terrifies him is the only one that can keep the terror away.

Taehyung squeezes Jungkook’s hand without a word, happiness swelling in him as Jungkook squeezes back.

Maybe he’s not all that great, not even close to perfect enough but right now he thinks that maybe he doesn’t have to be. Maybe it’s okay not to be perfect because nothing else in this world ever seems to be.

Except maybe small moments like this, where a glimpse of perfection can be found, if only just for a minute or two. Moments like this, right after thoughts and right before speech, when time slows down just for a minute to let two teenage boys feel like what they have is worth something. Like they have found a place where they really belong.

Like there’s no need for doubt and that maybe, just maybe, they have found home.

"Merry Christmas Jungkook"

"Merry Christmas Taehyung"

No, I don't think it's over just yet. Because neither of us are perfect and I don't think either of us really needs to be.

Please leave a comment I love to read them! ^^ 

The next part will be up at one point in my life :3

//Pumpkin