When you met him for the fourth time, he was two years older than you – his senior year in high school. His hair were shorter in the deeper shade of blond, that highlighted his white complexion and all facial features, emphasizing strong cheekbones and beautiful face. Again, he often wore this blank expression you knew so well, that express nothing but utter boredom. And because of that he was announced the Cold Prince by girls swooning over him from afar, not daring to confess being afraid of rejection that happened quite often. It somehow was bringing smile on your face, being all too familiar – just like going back in time, the fresh wind of memories brushing against your head. Because you weren’t afraid. Because you and only you once managed to break through this Cold Prince façade. Because deep inside you – you knew him, even if the past lives could prove you wrong, showing how everything can change. Yet, certainty he was still your Sehun wasn’t leaving. And it gave you strength, the push that was needed to come up to him and start a conversation.

‘If you put all the unknown marked as x on one side of the equitation and the numbers on the other, you will be able to easily count the value of x,’ you informed Sehun or rather reminded the method, seeing him struggling with his math homework.

And indeed – he was struggling. You took a notice he wasn’t the best student as he was barely passing his test. The laziness and image of bad boy taking over, diming the bright and hard-working side of his personality.

You were sitting there for quite some time already, purposely taking a seat across the table, while other girls decided to stay away and watch him from afar. Still, minding your own history assignment, you glanced up from time to time to furrowed eyebrows and wrinkled forehead, that informed Sehun has no idea what to do.

He glared at you with irritated expression. You were younger than him, yet you were instructing him. How could that be? Well, after going through each level of education over and over again, you almost knew everything by heart. But he didn’t take your advice, probably not believing your hint. So you took a piece of paper, scribbled the solution and handed it to him. Sehun’s eyes scanned the solved equation quickly and threw the sheet back, followed by his exercise book.

‘If you are so smart, do the rest too. Let’s see how good you really are,’ the pointy chin, landed on the valley of open palm.

That’s how it started. To your happiness, because for once, finally you were one little step closer to Sehun. He wasn’t a stranger anymore, he didn’t think you were the clingy girl he slept with once, he didn’t have a girlfriend. But it only made you grow impatient. After waiting for so long for him, the further await was painful to stand. Every time you saw him, spoke with him for a second, were close to him, the only thing you ever wanted was to bury face in his board chest, hear his heartbeat, while submerging in warm, comforting embrace. So you rushed things up and confessed few days later. On Valentine’s Day. On the most hated by you Valentine's Day. How ironic. But to everyone’s surprise – Sehun accepted that confession.

The overwhelming feeling of pure bliss – that’s how you felt. It was that feeling that made person want to dance and jump. Be the best human out there. Smile so wide the cheeks hurt. Nothing could compare. Even tears of happiness were forcing themselves out, when the thoughts of you and Sehun are finally back together didn’t let you get a proper amount of sleep.                                                                                          

But he didn’t approach you the next day at school. Not even the day after. On the third day though the slim figure appeared out of nowhere at your locker.

‘Hey, I need your help,’ the note book clearly seen in large, manly hand.

‘It’s math again, right?’ Nod of head was serving as reply. ‘Sure,’ you smiled lightly, brushing off the past two days of ignorance. Maybe he was just shy before?

‘Great. Here you go,’ he placed the papers in your hand.

‘B-but…’ before you could finish, he was already walking away, two of his friends on both sides, hands in pockets. ‘But I thought you want to do it together…’

In a blink of an eye, you were already running all the errands for him, or rather instead of him. At first with a smile taking everything, thinking he is just awkward in starting a conversation, so just uses homework or other things as excuse.

‘Here is the biology topic I need to write an essay about, it’s due to Friday so better hurry up.’

‘This is mine homework. And do Baekhyun’s too.’

‘Go buy me something to drink.’

‘Hey, me and my friends would love some bubble tea. Go to the store across the street.’

‘Um, Sehun…’

It was actually the first time ever you felt so nervous around him in this bad way. It’s been three weeks and with every passing day your heart was gradually sinking. You couldn’t get close to him at all because almost always he was with group of friends that looked at you in this mocking manner, like they were ridiculing your entire being in their heads, which successfully kept you in distance. Or he was always too busy to even talk.

‘Yeah?’

‘Maybe we could go on a… d-date this weekend?’ You suggested, dying a bit inside with every passing silent second because he may turn you down, his expressionless face unchanging.

‘Date?’ He raised his eyebrows.

‘Um, yea… Since we are a couple… And there is a movie I would like to watch…’

And we didn’t have our first date yet, you thought.

‘Yea, sure. Whatever,’ was the reply you heard in bland tone.

Did you really expect him to come? You weren’t sure yourself. All you knew was that you hoped for it dearly. Wearing a similar dress to the one Sehun in your teenage years complimented you on, you patiently waited for him. Mind for a while occupied by memories of that heart-warming moment.

‘Do you remember that time when we went to theme park?’ Sehun asked still looking straight into sky, where stars were shining like any other day.

‘Oh! Oh! A falling star!’

‘Where?’

‘There!’ Your finger shoot right up, showing him the direction.

‘Damn, I missed it. Again. Do I look at the wrong place? I think stars don’t like me. Or don’t want to grand my wish.’

You let out a short chuckle.

‘Well, we went to the theme park few times, right?’

‘True. But that time when you were all dressed up in white dress. We were 17 then, I guess.’

‘How can you wear a dress to theme park, you are so silly!’ You imitated him. ‘Ah, yes. How could I forget. You laughed so hard at me because of it. You even said I don’t go well with dresses and should stick to pants instead for the rest of my life. I felt ridiculous and wanted to go back home to change immediately. I don’t know why and how do I put up with you – you were always so mean.’

‘Says who? You never let me off too!’

‘I was just repaying.’

‘How can a guy be so weak? Look at yourself, you don’t even have one defined muscle,’ this time it was him imitating you.

You both laughed.

‘I don’t speak like that! And I don’t make faces like this!’ You slapped his arm.

‘Yes you do,’ he argued making the said face again earning another nudge to his own amusement.

‘I hate you.’

He laughed shortly before taking a deep breath.

‘But I really liked you in that dress. I was stunned, to be honest. I was just young and stupid and it was just my awkward reaction, because deep inside I wanted to keep the memory of you looking this beautiful only to myself. Without all those people around and other guys checking out your legs.’

You turned to the side to look at Sehun. His eyes were shining as he continued to speak about you, just as if stars weren’t at the sky, but in his pupils instead, smile creeping in the corner of his mouth. You observed as his adam’s apple moved up and down, vein on the neck slightly visible. The scar on cheek he got from fighting in sixth grade, making him even more appealing.

‘Hun-ah…’ you whispered softly, breaking his flood of words.

‘Hm?’ His face turned to you.

‘I love you.’

‘Miss…’ woman’s voice brought you back to reality. ‘I’m sorry but we need to ask you to leave. We are closing already.’

‘Oh…’ you grabbed onto hot chocolate cup you ordered earlier, checking your surroundings. Indeed, there was no one, not even one living soul, sky outside dark already. ‘I’m sorry…’ you mutter in silenced voice with heavy heart – he didn’t show up.

‘But you surely do have some nice muscles now,’ you complimented, lying your head on Sehun’s chest. His hand travelled around your body, resting on your waist and bringing you closer to him.

‘Of course! After that comment I started to seriously work out to show you!’

‘Silly,’ you giggled.

‘Says who? You think I didn’t notice how you weren’t wearing any dresses after that day at theme park?’

‘Oh…’

There wasn’t much to say – you were caught. Even if the experience itself wasn’t that nice you still smiled knowing how much attention Sehun was giving you from the very beginning.

‘Just one stupid comment can change so much, right? I don’t regret hearing your though – I got manlier because of it, but I do regret telling mine. It was never my intention to put you down. I wanted to punch myself in the face for letting slip the opportunity to see you in pretty summer dresses. And there wasn’t a way for me to take it back.’

‘Well, you aren’t called brat Hun for nothing,’ you stated trying to loosen up the atmosphere.

‘Yah, how can you say this to someone who loves you so much, huh?’ He started to tickle you.

‘Se… Sehun… s-stop.’

‘You are so bad,’ he turned to the side and you slipped from his chest to arm, still not stopping the gentle tickles. ‘This requires severe punishment!’

‘Hahaha, Seh… Sehun… hahaha… p-plese… stop…’

You couldn’t do much nor move because of being pinned by weight of his body.

‘Yeah, I will better stop before you start making pig noises, calling all swines from the neighbourhood.’

You slapped his arm again, still trying to calm down after laughter attack Sehun served you, to which he smiled playfully. Smile gradually changing to loving one as his eyes scanned your face. Hand that was tickling you mercilessly just few seconds ago was now brushing hair out of your face.

‘How come I even find that laugh adorable?’

His thumb started to fondle your cheek as fingers laced themselves in your hair, while you stared at each other. Gentle smile couldn’t be stopped from appearing on your face. Your palm crawled on Sehun’s neck bringing him closer so your lips could touch in affectionate kiss.

Your hands gripped tighter on paper cup, lump forming in your throat to the beautiful memory. You missed him so much. You missed Sehun that was yours and no one’s else. Sehun that was your friend, not a stranger. Your lover, not cold jerk.

‘You… you waited…’ said voice that made your heart race, so you looked up.

The face that was smiling to you few seconds ago in your memories, mouth that kissed you, iris that had their focus only on you – here he was right before your eyes. In an instant your heart felt warmer because you were able to see not only images in your head but the actual person.

‘I guess…,’ he looked at doors to move theatre. ‘We can’t go now, since it’s closed.’

You stood up from the bench trying hard to look normal and not let the various of feelings be seen.

‘It’s okay,’ the corners of your lips noticeably pulled up.

‘Oppa, who is this?’

Some girl that you were sure was older than him yet called him oppa, appeared from behind Sehun’s back and locked arms with him. They probably had a drink together since the smell of alcohol could be sensed in their breaths. There was no doubt he clearly wasn’t interested in spending this evening with you from the very beginning. Moreover, he choose to be with someone else.

He wasn’t your Sehun after all.

‘No one… I’m no one,’ you answered with painfully clenched heart and a smile, vision getting blurry by forming tears, that brimmed in the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall any minute. So you walked away, to not let him notice.

But he already did, involuntarily taken aback by them.

‘That was unpleasant,’ black-haired guy said when you made your way to the classroom door.

‘You just have too weak heart, Lay.’

‘Or yours is too hard, Baek.’

‘I just… pity her. I would feel better if Sehun or one of us at least offered her some jacket. She was wearing such a thin dress.’

‘She could just dress herself warmer. I don’t feel guilty at all,’ Sehun meddle in.

‘I don’t know why you even agreed on dating her.’

‘Because she is useful,’ Sehin shrugged his shoulders. ‘I found out the geek who always did my homework moved and had to change school. So I just needed another one. And she happed to be there, confessing to me. If I said no, I would have to look for someone to order around myself. Therefore, I just agreed. It was easier that way. And there is a line, okay? I don’t make her do anything. She is fulfilling my requests because she wants to-’

‘Because she likes you,’ Lay cut in to which Sehun made a disapproving face.

‘And what do I have to do with that? I didn’t make her fall for me. It’s her own feelings not mine so she should take care of them. As I said, I don’t force her to anything and if she doesn’t like the current situation she can just go, I don’t care.’

You checked the time with heart heavily pounding against ribcage, unpleasant contraction already kicking in your stomach. After saying ‘yes’ again was he not going to show up once more?

‘I’m not asking for much. Just one proper date where you would act like a real boyfriend. After that, I won’t bother you anymore. Could you do that for my birthday… please?’

You were spilling the most painful words, yet his face was unchanged, not even one muscle moved, while you were crushing inside, slowly falling apart. In response you heard short ‘fine’ followed by rolled eyes. But he couldn’t be that bad, right? He couldn’t be that heartless to stood you up on your birthday, right?

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

15 minu-

‘Ah! There you are! Sorry for being late, I overslept. I usually don’t get up this early,’ Sehun was panting heavily with hands resting on his knees. ‘Hope you forgive me,’ he flashed a smile that you haven’t seen for such a long time. ‘I wouldn’t like to upset my birthday girl.’

If there was a prize for acting like a perfect boyfriend – Sehun would surely snatch it away from all candidates. They wouldn’t even stand a chance. He was so… different. Different from the person he was showing for last month.

Blank face was somehow brighter, usual frown replaced by frequent eyesmiles, melodious laughs filling your ears. His hand holding yours, fingers tightly tangled together in loving embrace, palms perfectly fitting each other. Words once like icicles now sweet and so affectionate no one, judging by his looks, would think that Sehun is such a sweet-talker. And you were happy with just these few gestures because he was just like… himself. Like the person that was painting your world, making everything colourful and enjoyable. Like the person who put smile on your face every day. Like the person who was dearly caring for you. Like the person you loved the most.

But then again – he was faking it. It was seen in bored expression he was wearing while he thought you weren’t looking, in his bland ‘I will do whatever you want to do’, ‘I will eat whatever you want to eat’ or him hitting on this scantily clothed girl when you went to the bathroom.

It wasn’t a drama. It wasn’t a romance. It was real life without turn of events. Without boy suddenly falling for a girl because she took of her glasses and let hair loose. It was all an act you asked for. A painful act because you knew he isn’t and never will be sincere. He won’t love you just because you want it, just because you fight for or are persistent.

‘Let’s end it here,’ you said, trying your hardest to look pleased, even if you saw him flirting with someone else few minutes ago.

‘Fine.’

‘Um, Sehun…’ You gathered up courage to make a final request. ‘Can I just… hug you… for a goodbye?’

Without a word his arms stretched and grabbed your shoulders, pulling you in. Firstly shocked, however few seconds were enough for your body to remember this familiar feeling of being close. Your hands crawled up his backs, arms hugging him tightly by the waist, while forehead rested on his chest. He smelled different yet still nice. But he didn’t caress your head or backs gently. He didn’t rest his chin nor cheek on your crown. He didn’t sway slightly from side to side. His hug was just dry.

With lump already forming and tears threatening to fall freely, you pulled away first. It wouldn’t be good to cry in front of him.

‘Thank you,’ you offered him last loving smile, last loving look.

‘No problem. Then let’s not see each other again,’ were Sehun’s last words before his backs faced you and you could watch him walk away, figure getting smaller and more distant with each step.

Some may ask and question why you did that since you loved him so much, since Sehun was the only one for you and the one you longed and waiter for all your life. But there was just one answer: because as they say ‘better alone than badly accompanied’.

‘So you really did went on a real date with her?’ Lay asked, receiving nod of a head as a reply. ‘Why didn’t you tell us earlier? Woah, I’m so proud of you.’

‘Why did you do that?’ Baekhyun wanted to know.

‘Because, I wanted to show her what she will be missing out on. No one breaks up with me, okay? No one. Especially not some nerdy, plain looking girl.’

‘Class,’ the teacher’s voice cut their conversation. ‘Today I’m coming with a bad news. This morning we were given a sad information that one of our students died in a hospital yesterday. She was hit by a car and spent two days fighting for her life, however the aftereffects of accident were so strong she needed to undergo surgery but unfortunately didn’t make it. I hope many of you will make it to the funeral ceremony. Also, since she didn’t have any family, the school and orphanage she was raised in would be really grateful for even the smallest donations from you to  help us sponsor the funeral.’

‘Um, teacher Lee?’ One of the girls spoke. ‘Would it be rude to ask who she was?’

‘Oh, no. Of course not. I believe she was in class 1-2, Oh was her last name. However, I’m not sure if I correctly remember her name and I don’t want to lie to you.’

Sehun’s mind went blank for a seconds and all voices surrounding him died down, until his shoulder was harshly shaken by Baekhyun.

‘Hey, isn’t your girlfriend in 1-2? I mean, now ex.’

‘Well, I haven’t seen her for some time,’ Lay add. ‘Though, we never really paid much attention to her.’

‘Eh, impossible,’ he sighed doubly, instantly having a flashback of Saturday night.

His eyes fell on the display of the phone that was ringing constantly, showing unknown number. After third time he finally answered, curious as to who may be so persistent.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello. Are you possibly a guardian-‘

‘No, I’m no one’s guardian.’

He cut the call, however only few seconds passed until it started to ring again.

‘Yes?’ Sehun asked irritated.

‘Um, hello. Are you a boyfriend-‘

‘No, I’m not! I’m no one’s boyfriend!’

His thumb pressed harshly on red button but as soon as he put the device down, the display light up and melody started to flow from speaker.

‘What?!’

‘I’m calling from the hospi-‘

‘I already told you I’m no one’s ing boyfriend. Stop ing calling me!’ He yelled, this time taking out battery.

Sehun almost immediately sprinted from the classroom while clumsily taking phone out of his pocket. He quickly dialled the unknown number that was calling him earlier.

‘Hello?’ The female voice spoke.

‘Where are you?’ He asked rather harshly and started pulling one leg after another even faster hearing the answer, in hope it was you.

He only felt it when he stopped - his calves were burning painfully, his thighs muscles were burning, his throat was burning from heavy breathing. But it didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because the person waiting for him in front of the hospital wasn’t you.

The woman in nursery outfit handed him white cell phone.

‘I’m sorry for those constant calls late at night but there was no guardian written on the patient’s records and when I checked she only had your number saved.’

‘Let’s meet in next life. I hope I will treat you better,’ read the card put next to your picture behind the glass.