I was sitting in the park. It was night. It was really late. I didn’t want to go back to the dorm. No… There was arguing amongst the members and I didn’t want to be there. Ki Bum was going to continue his acting career, so he wasn’t participating in the upcoming comebacks. Kang In had already left for the army, for what reason I don’t want to talk about.

And then there was Han Kyung, the Chinese man. He filed a lawsuit against our company and won. He was already in China, debuting as an actor and singer. He was my best friend, and he left me. After he left I rarely smiled. After all of them left I didn’t smile. Leader Lee Teuk began to worry about me, but he didn’t bother me. He knew me well enough, I would just yell at him in frustration, shut myself in my room, and stay silent for more days.

As months went by, I felt this dull numbness in my chest every time I sang or danced. Soon, I had no energy or motivation to sing or dance or host or anything. A shadow hung over my being. I was too alone to notice it. As we prepared for our comeback stage, walking onto the music set, I could see the many fans holding blue balloons and signs. Actually, to be precise, they were Pearl Sapphire Blue balloons. I grinned slightly. I think the girls took it as a smirk towards them because they went ballistic. I giggled. This is why I’m an idol, I thought. ELF, Petals, they’re my life. Super Junior is my life. I smiled and noticed Lee Teuk grinning at me. He clapped me on the shoulder and told me, “Give them your all, Hee Chul-ah. ELF and Petals have missed you.”

I nodded and felt that heavy burden, the sadness, the sorrows, the loneliness, lift off of my shoulders. I smiled. I thank my fans. With them, I am never alone or sad, for they are my company and hope as I am theirs.