Marks’ hand on Jacksons lap. Jackson’s arm around Mark’s fragile shoulders. The way they looked and smiled at each other. It definetally looked real. It made Bambam feel sick.

They were giving an interview at a random variety show. It had only been ten minutes since they walked through the door and Bambam already wanted to leave. He just couldn’t stand to look at Mark and Jackson any longer.

‘I hear you guys are also good at acting?’, one of the hosts mentioned. There were four hosts: two man and two women.

‘Jaebum used to act’, Youngjae said.

Jaebum turned his head away in embarrassment.

‘And the rest of you isn’t?’. The host looked around.

‘Yes, it’s only Jb’, Jackson said. ‘We are an absolute nightmare’.

Everybody had to laugh. Except Bambam. He just laught along because it would look weird if he didn’t.

‘I would love to see Jaebum’s acting’, one of the female hosts said.

‘Yes, I think everybody would love that, why don’t you show us something?’, the first host suggested.

Jaebum already stood up. ‘What shall I do?’. He walked to the center of the room.

‘Do some acting with Choonyei’, the second male host said.

One of the female hosts started clapping. ‘Yes! That’s a good idea!’.

‘Oh, no, I really can’t act that well’, Choonyei, the other female host, resisted.

‘Ofcourse you can, just try it’. One of the male hosts gestured that she should walk over to Jaebum, which she did.

They had to play some commercial Bambam didn’t know. He also didn’t care about seeing the acting. All he cared about was Mark whispering in Jackson’s ear. While Jaebum was acting, Bambam’s eyes constantly went to Mark and Jackson instead of following the play, like he was supposed to. He felt a deep hate for Mark at this moment. He wanted to be the one sitting next to Jackson. He wanted to whisper words in his ear. He wanted to feel Jackson’s strong arm around his shoulders. His gaze went to the ground. It wasn’t fair.

‘I think Jackson would also be quite good at acting’, one of the male hosts said.

Bambam looked up. Jaebum and Choonyei were already sitting in their chairs again.

‘O, no, no, I really can’t’, Jackson insisted.

‘Yes, C’mon, I’m sure you can’, Choonyei said.

Jackson signed and stood up. He walked to the front.

‘Mark, why don’t you help him?’.

Bambam’s eyes went to the other female host. Did they know?

Mark smiled and followed Jackson. ‘I’ll try’.

‘Why don’t you guys act like you’re a couple...’. That sounded familiar. ‘... And you’re going on a date and one of you is late’.

‘Okay, we’ll try’, Mark said. He walked away.

Jackson crossed his arms.

‘Action!’, Choonyei shouted.

Mark ran over to Jackson.

‘Why do you always have to be so late?’, Jackson said before Mark could even open his mouth. He looked in a different direction.

‘I’m so sorry, but I forgot and-‘.

‘You forgot?!’, Jackson screamed. ‘Am I that easy to forget?’.

Everybody had to laugh.

‘No! Ofcourse not!’. Mark grabbed Jackson’s hand. ‘How could I ever forget you?’.

It seriously made Bambam’s stomach turn around.

The hosts made some cute noises.

‘Kiss!’, Choonyei shouted while laughing.

Bambam looked at Mark and Jackson. They wouldn’t really do that, right?

Mark looked at Jackson.

Bambam could see struggle in Jackson’s eyes.

‘What? No kissing between boys’, the other female host insisted.

Before Jackson could pull away, Mark pressed a tiny little kiss on Jackson’s lips. Mark let go of Jackson’s hand and started laughing.

Jackson’s face looked quite shocked for like half a second, untill he realised he just had to play along, so he started laughing also.

‘Well, that was... Interesting’, one of the male hosts muttered.

Bambam felt like he was going to cry. He knew Markson wasn’t real, but his pain was.

~

That evening, he was sitting in his room. Not even doing anything, just staring at the wall. Asking himself what to do. He was alone, since Yugyeom was taking a shower.

As he already suspected, the door opened and Jackson came in. He closed the door behind him. ‘You were so quiet today’.

Bambam nodded. ‘I know...’. He just had not felt like talking.

Without saying anything, Jackson sat down beside him.

‘I can’t do this’. Bambam looked Jackson in the eye. ‘I can’t stand to see you guys together, it makes me feel sick’.

Jackson nodded. ‘I don’t like it either, but there’s nothing we can do about it, we can’t tell them we’re together, world war three would break out’. He looked at Bambam. ‘You know that...’.

‘I know and I didn’t wanted to at first, but it doesn’t seem like a bad thing now’.

Jackson shook his head. ‘Have you heard what Jaebum said with the marketing team the other day? He would freak out’.

Doesn’t that make us... like... Gay?  

Bambam stood up and started walking around a little. ‘You guys... kissed’.

‘I didn’t know he would really do that! He took me by surprise’.

Bambam looked at him. ‘Do you know how hard it is to see that happening?’.

Jackson looked back at him. ‘Do you know how hard it is to kiss someone else in front of your boyfriend and there is nothing you can do about it?’.

‘I know!’. Bambam’s eyes filled with tears. He turned around and brought his hands to his face.

‘Bambam...’, Jackson muttered. He stood up as well, walked over to Bambam and put his arms around him in a back hug.

Bambam turned around again and lingered his arms around Jackson’s neck. He buried his face in Jackson’s chest.

‘You gotta be strong, Bambam’, Jackson whispered. ‘We can do this, you know that’.

How Bambam wished he could say the same thing.