(Key’s POV)

The snow had already stopped falling by the time I got out of the supermarket.

I rushed through the empty alleys and stopped at one that was the most hidden from sight. I set the bags down on the snow covered ground and sat down with relief. In normal stances I would never dare to sit down on the ground, especially in an alley that god knows what people do to dirty the ground. But since the snow had covered most of the ground, it looked clean enough.

I couldn’t ignore my growling stomach anymore as I found myself tearing the packets open and stuffing the contents in my mouth without tasting the flavour.

I need to be quick! What if someone comes? What if the fattening food becomes lodged inside me forever and grows?

The ice-cream was melting by the time I got to it. It was strange though, why was it melting when it’s minus something degrees? Maybe it was because I held it against my stomach. I shoved the thought away and tilted the ice-cream tub and drank the sweet strawberry treat that I had longed for ever since manger-hyung gave us a diet list.

I don’t even recall how many packets I had gone through in less than five minutes.

A bitter taste was left on my tongue as I placed more than a dozen empty packets back into the plastic bags. I had gone over the top this time. What was I thinking?

All that food…All those calories…

I lent back on the snow in defeat as I could only see one solution, the one that I hated the most. The one that I was almost found out by Jonghyun-hyung last night…

A sickening feeling was already starting to bloom inside my stomach as I steadied myself against the rough brick wall and took in a stinging breath of frozen air before leaning over. It only took a flutter of fingertips on tonsils. It never fails to surprise me how easy it was to have everything surge upwards and out of my system.

I coughed and my throat hurt as I felt jagged bits in my throat. I knew I shouldn’t have brought the chips. But it was too late as it vaulted out from my throat and onto the white snow, staining the pureness.

The shame hit, followed with the bitter tingling in my raw throat. I slumped down and felt tears blurring everything. How I hated doing this. How I hated keeping this a secret from everyone, even my members that were my closest people in the entire world, my brothers.

I guess everyone never once thought that I the Almighty Key was even capable of feeling self-conscious. I wasn’t you know? At least not when everyone seemed the same. But everything changed so quickly I felt as though I was left behind, while everyone was ahead.

Take Minho for example. He used to be the shyest and quietest people I knew. But look at him now. Sure he was still quiet at times but he actually lived up to his idol image as the Flaming Charisma. Or Taemin with his dancing skills, he was no longer the little vulnerable brother I used to take care of. I realized how much he had changed during the Lucifer promotions. How fierce and perfect his every step was. It was something I couldn’t keep up with.

And Onew-hyung too. Even though he was clumsily and silly he met up to everyone’s expectations and even gotten two major roles in the musical. Or Jonghyun-hyung…even when he hurt his leg a few weeks back he still sung with such power and pure talent that I didn’t need anyone telling me how bad I must sound next to him. And me? I wasn’t the main dancer of the group; I wasn’t the lead singer either… I wasn’t even in the same line as Onew-hyung. I was undeniably behind.

That was when I noticed how much I needed to change in order to at least try and keep up with them. I knew I couldn’t possibly train my voice as good as Jonghyun’s nor could I be as good as Taemin in dancing. But the one thing I could do was change the way I look.

It was the least I can do to stop slowing down the members from my flawed self. I could at least try and make myself look like the Almighty Key people think I am that has no flaws and perfect skin and a lean body. I could only do so much.

 I choked on my tears as they spilled endlessly, melting the snow under me.

No one should ever find out about this secret. I got up and dusted the snow off my loose pants and picked up my bag. I wiped my tears again as a loud ringing came from my bag. I was silently hoping it would stop. But the ringing continued in an annoying way that could only mean Jonghyun.

That annoying hyung of mine…

That I happen to have a little thing for, but I knew it was impossible for he had a girlfriend. Why would he want to be with me when he already has a beautiful flawless girlfriend? I knew he wouldn’t and that killed me. I wanted to throw my phone against the brick wall and leave it shattered on the floor. But I didn’t.

Instead I turned it off and placed it back in my bag.

The snow started falling again as I pulled my hoodie over my head, hiding my crying face and made my way slowly back to our apartment. Not wanting to think about everyone’s faces when they see me.