"And this has been Girls Generation. Thank you!"

The crowd went while as the nine of us bowed on stage, while confetti flew down on us from ceiling. It was the end of promotion for our new album, MR MR and this was our 6th win at music core. I was so thankful for the fans support,thus when I lifted my head to look at the crowd, my eyes teared up, seeing so many of them holding banners with our names on it. Thank you SONE. I thought in my head. 

I felt an arm went around me and I look into the beautiful brown eyes of Tiffany's as she gave my shoulder a light squeeze. I smiled back at her and all the members came beside me for a group hug. The sound of the crowd was defeaning and it gets louder as they witness the group hug that we formed on the stage. This was the time where I felt safe and warm. Really warm, that Girls Generation is one. This was the only time that I felt warm. When our songs starts to blast through the speakers in the concert hall, some of the juniors came to greet us with warm hugs and handshakes. I remember shaking hands and hugging with some of the guy and girl bands as they flashed a warm smile at me. I smiled back and envelope them into a hug. Then Sunny dragged me to the front of the stage, where I could get close and interact with the fans.

When I looked at some of the members interacting with the fans, I smiled and laughed at how goofy they were. I went to the front of the stage and waved to my fans, which of course they screamed and wave back. Sooyoung pass me a bouquet of flowers and we both stood at the front and pose for the camera as bright light flashed at us. Although, at that moment the only thing I wanted to do was to crashed on the bed and close my eyes, I knew I can't. Just not yet. Because I needed to have more time and interaction with my fans.

"Man I can't wait to eat." Sooyoung said when we all filed out to the backstage. 

All the members went to grab their clothes as they head to the changing room to change out of their clothes immediately. 

"Since you girls did well for this promotion of the album, I shall give a treat for all of us to the bar!" Our manager's voice boomed through the backstage and the girls cheered loudly.

I was in the midst of ing my black jacket when our manager made this announcement. I was delighted, because my stomach is grumbling like a huge volcano that is erupting. However, a little part of me was worried about how I'm going to interact with my members later. I can't possibly stay quiet. A lot people are telling me to talk more and open up,which I have been trying to over the past six years since I debuted but everytime I tried, nobody really pays attention to me. I tried my best to make my members happy,despite all the tiring schedules that we had. Maybe because I'm quiet, I had not much that the members could look forward to except album promotions. Well, who could I blame? I could only blame myself. Despite the adorable and dorky personality that I had on stage and variety shows, deep down I'm just a quiet and reserved person. 

Being a leader of an idol group is not easy,especially when you have many responsibilities weighing down on your shoulders. You have to maintain your image, your fun personality, and they way you carry yourself around. Working in the music industry is never easy, there are times when I feel like giving up but when I think of my fans, I told myself to push on. They are the ones who made me smile when I hear their cheers and applause whenever Girls Generation stepped on stage. If I told this to anyone, I guess some would ask this question, then what about your members? Honestly, I can't answer that. They made me laugh sometimes, but most of the time, I feel empty. Really empty when I'm with them. People always said that quarrels bring you closer, well maybe it happens for some people but apparently it doesn't work for us. Yes, we do quarrel over little things and sometimes it gets big but we would trash things out and patch up in five minutes. However, we would not be as close to him or her after the quarrel which is pretty sad. 

Being a celebrity is not all fame and glamour, it is a shallow and unhealthy world out there. Most of the companies in the music industry goes for people with looks to boost their fame and earn more money. Sometimes, I would often ask myself why am I still here? But I can't really break away from the passion that I work hard and built over the years. The consequences that I have to face for breaking the contract, the heart broken faces of my fans and the worst, facing my members. As celebrities, we didn't actually have much friends. And even if we did, most of us are just best friends on screen and a professional collegue off screen. 

I pull a comfortable top over my head and head out to return the costumes to the racks placed at the side. Then I took my make up remover and some cotton swabs to remove my make up. I head over to the mirror, and stood rooted to the spot. make up remover in one hand and cotton swabs in the other. Honestly, I don't want to remove my make up. I look hideous without it. But I don't want to harm my skin so I sighed and open the top cover of the bottle. I poured the liquid onto the cotton swabs and spread it onto my face. Inch by inch, my bare face is coming out. I looked at the mirror and let out a huge sigh. 

"Unnie, why are sighing? Our promotions have ended and we did pretty well!" Yoona came to my side with a cheerful look on her face. 

"Well,maybe I'm just a little tired." I flash a smile at her.

Yoona smiled back and turn to the mirror that was beside her. I get back to removing the eyeliner on my eyes and laughed when Sooyoung complained about the pimple that had surface onto her forehead. When I finish removing all my make up, I walk past and happen to look at Yoona removing her make up. She looks good, even without make up. I look at her then at my relflection and back at me. I feel a little demoralize. I feel ugly just standing beside her without my make up. I hurried away and almost ran into Hyoyeon, who had just exited the changing room.

"Woah Taeyeon. Be careful." She grabbed me by the shoulders before I actually lost balance and fall.

"Oops sorry. I'm just in a hurry because I want to taste the good food that we are having later." I said and she laugh.

"Yes, the good food." Tiffany repeated and the other girls cheered. 

We head down to a sushi bar in Gangnam and sat at a long table while our manager went to order the food for us. We talked among ourselves and I sip my tea quietly, thinking of a interesting conversation to engage all the members in it. An idea strucked me and I opened my mouth to talk.

"Girls, any of you is a fan of BTS?" 

"Yesh,they are all handsome!" Jessica said and the table became noisy with us discussing about the boy band that just debuted. 

If you think we girls are not interested in new boy bands, you are wrong. Yes we are. We are humans and we have feelings and our dating life to worry about. I'm glad I could engage them in a conversation and let the members bond with one another. We are discussing about our favourite members in BTS and some of us squeal like fangirls as we talked about them.

"Hey, do you know that...." I was about to say something when Yuri interupted me.

"Girls, V looks like our hoobae Baekhyun. Do you notice that?"

"Yea, he looks so handsome! Hopefully he appears in my dreams tonight." Hyoyeon said and everyone burst out laughing.

"Girls Suga is....." I opened my mouth again and this time Sunny interupted me.

"Seohyun, you should have a favourite member in BTS or do you still like potato?" Everyone at the table burst into another round of laughter including Seohyun.

"Unnie don't make fun of me. Okay, my favourite member is Jungkook." Seohyun said and blushed.

"Aww our maknae is shy." Sunny .

"Jungkook is cute. I like him too." I said while eating the sushi and looking up.

However, everyone was laughing at what Sunny was saying and engaging in their own conversation. My face heat up and I stuff my mouth with sushi as I felt embarass and stupid at how I must have looked just now. Appparently, nobody was paying attention to what I'm saying so I did not want to interrupt the conversation that was heating up at the table. I feel lonely. I sneak off quietly while they were still in the middle of discussing BTS and went to the balcony outside. I took a deep breathe as I enjoyed the cool breeze and quietness of the city. The scenery in Gangnam is beautiful and breath taking at night. I love places like this. Quiet, calm and being away from the camera. I felt that I needed someone to talk to, thus I fished out my cellphone from my pocket and lid up the screen. 0 messages and calls. I sighed. I scrolled through my contacts and look at the list. Names after names came out and I realise that they were either too busy or I have never contacted them for the past one month. It feels really awkward to call them at this hour. They must be asleep.

"Shindong...nope. Eunhyuk.....nope." I scrolled through my contacts, deciding who to call.

"Heechul..Maybe he is still up. I shall call him then." I mumbled to myself.

I dialed his number and pressed the phone to my ear. Rings after rings and still nobody answered. I bit my lips and waited until a clicked sounded and a voice came through the phone.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Erm...It's me Taeyeon. Oppa are you free now?"

"Yeah. Sort of. I had just finish wrting the first part of my lyrics. By the way, congratulations on your 6th win."

"Thank you. Erm...."

"Taeyeon, is there something you want to tell me?"

"Erm...I.."

"Are you okay? You and the others?"

"Erm...yea I'm fine. Well, goodluck in writing your lyrics!"

"Thank you. Taeyeon are you sure you are okay?"

"Yes....I am. Well I gotta go. Goodnight."

"Okay. Goodnight. If you have any problems,just tell me."

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

I pressed the end call button before he could asked more question. I could not let him witness me break down over the phone while he was writing his lyrics. That would break his train of thoughts. Tears started flowing down my cheeks as I bit my hand to keep myself from sobbing out loud. I couldn't let the others see this. I couldn't let the others see how vulnerable I am. I am the leader, I must be strong in order to lead the members. But.... I cried. Because this was not the first time that I had experience this. It was not the second, nor the thrid time. When it happen, I thought that maybe I should be more exciting and talkative but it got too much to the point that my manager told me to be quieter in the car. I have tried, I have tried so hard,not to get their attention, but just for them to notice my presence, not as Girls Generation leader, but as their friend. Maybe I'm still too quiet. Maybe I'm not giving my best effort. I wiped my tears from my face, check the reflection in the mirror and walk back with my head held high. I'm going to do better.

Or am I?

A/N: HEY GUYS I'm back with a new chapter! Comment or subscribe on this story. Thank you! :D