He suddenly felt a pair of soft hands touching his. He removed his hands from his face and realized it was Yejun. She wiped his tears with her hand. “Don’t cry anymore Donghae.” She says.

Donghae felt his heart beating. She didn’t talk often and it was a time like this when he was overjoyed to see Yejun react to him. He looked at the girl with messy bed hair, with tired eyes, sitting on her bed with her blanket draped over her. It might not sound beautiful but to him it was.

Yejun let out a small side smile but Donghae saw her eyes were glossy and red. Tears began to fall from her eyes. She would try to get rid of them but they were never ending. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be crying.” She said.

Donghae was going to wipe off her tears when he suddenly remembered what she did to him. He felt frustrated because his heart hurt so much. Instead of wiping off her tears he got out of the room, leaving Yejun alone.

It’s okay Donghae. I don’t deserve comfort, Yejun thought to herself.

Throughout the days when Donghae was able to see her he acted somewhat cold. He scolded her if she tried to do something by herself which she wasn’t able to and he would scold her if she slept too much. Yejun would only say a few words and those were to Donghae but he rarely responded with something big. He still felt hurt and acted cold which in a way hurt him as well because he has never treated Yejun like this. His attention and everything was always for Yejun. And even though the incident had happened almost 3 weeks ago, it still hurt.

It was the day Yejun was getting discharged. She was happy she could finally go home but sadly Donghae had a schedule that day and wouldn’t be able to see her until later.

Yejun walked outside the hospital and felt the cold winter air coming. Lots of the leaves had already fallen and the trees had changed color. Yejun could see her breath whenever she breathed. Lindy and Yejun got into the car in silence and drove home.

Once Yejun arrived home, she was somewhat hesitant to step inside their apartment. She would begin to feel things again, feel pain, heart break, death. She became very anxious and wanted to see Donghae.

Yejun decided to change into her pajamas and wait on the couch until Donghae came. It was already past nine at night but no one has come. Lindy was in the kitchen on her laptop typing out some papers. Yejun was falling asleep when the doorbell rang.

Yejun sat straight up as Lindy went to answer it. “Come in Donghae” she heard Lindy say in the hall way. Donghae walked into the living and Yejun was smiling because she missed him.

Donghae walked in with a tray of hot drinks and a bag from Chocolate Bon Bon. He put them on the dining room table and went to sit beside Yejun in the living room. “I’m glad you’re home now. Do you feel okay being here?” he asked her.

Yejun nodded her head. I feel better now that you’re here, Yejun thought.

Lindy brought the drinks which Donghae bought to the coffee table and laid out the breads on a platter then set them on the coffee table.

Donghae took out a drink and handed it to Yejun, “it’s a hot chocolate. Be careful I don’t think it’s cooled down yet.” He said with a smile. He grabbed his Americano and they both drank their drinks in silence.

Yejun was happy because although Donghae would be cold towards her sometimes, he still had a warm side he would show. This is what made Yejun’s heart flutter. It gave her butterflies.

The next few days Yejun had tagged along with Lindy to her office to do paperwork. Although she would usually just fall asleep or play a game on her phone she was awfully quiet.

“It worries me Hae” Lindy said through the phone. Lindy was back in her apartment and it was late at night. Yejun was sleeping so Lindy decided to call Donghae.

“She speaks even fewer words then before” Donghae said. He was lying in his bed in his room. Most of the members were out busy with their own schedule or just their own personal life.

“Have you talked about what happened?” Yejun takes the last sip from her wine glass. She can hold her alcohol pretty good and she had just finished her third glass. She pours herself another glass.

“No. I’m afraid to.” Donghae confesses.

“Talk to her Hae. Maybe things will get better.”

“I don’t know.” Donghae says hesitantly. He rubs his face with his hand. He turns to his stomach on his bed as he reaches to open the cabinet on his bedside table. He pulls out a photo of him and Yejun from before the accident. They were at a restaurant and Yejun was giving him a kiss on the cheek as he gave a peace sign. “She won’t ever remember me. But for her to love me again is a lot.” He states.

“You know her past. You know how much she neglects her emotions. But at the same time you were the only one who was able to drive her crazy.” Lindy said almost finishing her fourth glass of wine.

“What do you mean?” Donghae asks sitting up abruptly on his bed.

“Donghae, think about it! Although she never said it, there had to be something there for her to react to you and only you. There has to be something there for her to cry your name that night. There has to be something there for her to talk to you. There is something there Donghae. She is hiding it because she doesn’t know how to react to it. And you giving her space right now has definitely taken a toll on her.”

Donghae felt a smile creep on his face again. He felt butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating rapidly. It was true what Lindy said. Yejun wanted to break up with him so many times but as long as he held on so did she. She ended up in the hospital because he broke up with her. And now that he doesn’t see her a lot she’ll only talk to him.

A few days have passed since Lindy talked to him on the phone that night. It has been about a week since Donghae last saw Yejun. He decided to give her some space hoping she would recover better that way. Tonight Lindy had a personal schedule to attend to so he decided to go visit Yejun so that she wouldn’t be alone.

Donghae knocks at the door and Lindy answers. “Come in Hae. I was about to leave. Yejun is in the living room.” Lindy said then walked out the door.

Donghae goes into the living room and see’s Yejun who is just on her phone. She looks up once she senses someone staring at her. A huge smile goes across her face.

Donghae sits across from Yejun and Yejun puts her phone down.

“How have you been?” Donghae asks her.

“Good” Yejun replies softly.

“Have you been resting well?”

Yejun nods her head.

Donghae didn’t like this small talk and wanted to ask something. “Yejun, we need to talk.” He said sternly.

Yejun’s smile fades and she becomes frightened by his tone.

“Do,” Donghae began “Do you love me?”.

Yejun looks away from Donghae once she heard the word love and looks down at the ground. She shakes her head as a no.

Donghae gulps down the hurt he felt. But he knew the answer already. He looks away from Yejun then says “From the time you woke up from your coma, were there ever any feelings?” he says “and don’t lie either.”

Yejun continues to look down at the ground not knowing how to respond. She looks from side to side then says “yes”. Her face going red.

With that said Donghae felt his heart beat again. But he felt more confused and hurt. So then came his next question “why did you do it then?” he says remembering the painful memory of heartbreak.

Yejun knew what he was talking about. She knew very well what it was. “I thought you would go and find someone else to love if I did this.” She responded.

“Now why would I do that? Do you not trust me whenever I tell you I love you? Do you not think I hurt when you ignore me? Do I seem cold towards you?”

“You deserve better.”

“Then why did you cry for me and me only that night?!” Donghae had risen his voice in frustration. He didn’t understand. “Why did you cry when I came over that night?! I don’t understand! You push me away then beg for me to stay. Choose one Yejun, do you want me to stay or not. Tell me what you want.” He said with tears in his eyes.

It’s so hard to be away from you. “It shouldn’t be about what I want” Yejun responds softly, slightly startled by Donghae’s harsh reaction.

“Yejun, you know what I want. You know I love you.”

“I thought it would be better that way though.” she said.

Millions of thoughts rushed through Donghae’s mind. Better that way? What does she mean? “How?” he asks.

“You don’t deserve me. You deserve better. You already have a stressful life being a public figure. I thought if I took the burden of me off of you, it would be better for your future. You don’t deserve to put up with me Donghae. You don’t deserve to have to take care of me when I can’t take care of myself.” Yejun began to cry. “I did it because I wanted you to find someone worth it. Someone who made you smile. Someone who you could be happy with. I lost my happiness and I didn’t want you to lose yours too. You were the only one who made me happy but I couldn’t let my selfish emotions get in the way of your happiness. You have had a better chance of living this whole time, so I was trying to give you a happy life.”

This was the most Yejun has spoken since she woke up. This was also the first time she spoke about what happened.

Donghae was crying just as much as Yejun. He didn’t know what to say anymore. He didn’t know how to show her that she was his happiness. To show her that there is no one else out there for him except for her.

There was a moment of silence and only their sniffles were heard. As much as both of them wanted comfort neither of them went to comfort the other.

Once Donghae was able to control himself again he asked something else “how far did you two go?”

Yejun looked up at Donghae. Afraid to say anything but she knew she couldn’t lie any longer. “He hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.” She said.

“And you let him?” Donghae said taking in a breath.

Yejun nodded her head as a yes. She didn’t want to hurt him but he deserved to know the truth.

Nothing else was said between the two and silence took over the rest of the night.

Donghae didn’t know what to do anymore. He was surprised by Yejun. Did she really think so lowly of herself? Donghae put his head in his hands and he didn’t know how long he was like that for. Once he raised his head he realized Yejun had fallen asleep on the couch. He got up from the couch and put a pillow under her head. He laid her down comfortably and put a blanket over her body. He looked at her sleeping face and leaned in until his lips touched her forehead.

“Now the last person who kissed you there was me. Forget him please and remember me.” He said.

Soon Lindy came home and was surprised to see that Yejun was fast asleep on the couch and Donghae on the other couch on his phone.

“Oh, noona you’re home!” Donghae said.

After Donghae left Lindy went straight to bed, exhausted from her night. She decided to leave Yejun on the couch because she looked very peaceful sleeping.

Yejun began moving around and realized she wasn’t sleeping in her bed. She looked at her surroundings and noticed she was in the living room. Someone must have left the lamp on for me Yejun thought to herself. She remembered the talk she had with Donghae and felt sad. She liked him. But would she ever be able to act on her own feelings?

She got up and went into her room. She the light and closed her door. She sat on her bed and looked at her open closet. She saw the boxes which were at the bottom neatly stacked. The ones which she’s only opened at most twice. She was afraid to open them because she was afraid to fall for Donghae. She pulled out a box and began to rummage through it. The box was filled with stuffed animals, tons and tons of photos, light sticks, t-shirts, couple jewelry and normal jewelry. She found a couple of albums which belonged to Super Junior, as well as some posters. She begins to flip through the photobook part of the album and came across Donghae’s photo with his signature right under it. A tear drop fell on the page. I’m sorry for hurting you Hae.

At the very bottom of the box there were a few disks. Yejun grabbed one and put it inside her laptop. She connected her headphones and pressed play.

The video was of Donghae and Yejun. They were in the back of a car and dressed in summer clothes. “Babe, tell me how happy you are right now?” Donghae said.

“I’m beyond happy. You know that feeling you get when you’re around that special someone?” Yejun said.

“You mean love?” Donghae said with a smile. They were staring at each other and shared a kiss.

“Kay this is our 100 day anniversary Donghae. Please tell me how you feel” Yejun was holding the camera and they were inside of her apartment sitting on the couch.

“The past 100 days were the best days of my life. The way I feel is indescribable. I’m with the person I love the most in this world and she loves me back.” Donghae gives Yejun a kiss then continues “You know there will be at least 1 million more days like this?” and with that they kissed once again and the video was cut.

There were many different videos on the disk. Ones from concerts, ones from their many dates, ones from traveling together and others from surprise parties. But the one thing Yejun heard in every video was I love you. Yejun began crying again. She watched all the disks and saw her smiling self. She saw a Donghae she didn’t know existed. She saw a carefree Yejun. She saw a couple that were in love. A Yejun that loved and only loved Donghae.

Hae, I don’t know if I can love you. I want you to find someone who will make you smile. But you won’t let me go. If I open up can I trust you? If I let you in can you love me? If I go by your side can you promise me you’ll never leave?

Donghae was in his room. His light was off and he couldn’t sleep. Yejun was the only thing on his mind. He began to look through the photos on his phone. There were photos of him and the members, fun times with friends, and of him and Yejun.

He had tears in his eyes. Tears for Yejun. You might never remember me Yejun. I’ve accepted that. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let you go. I won’t ever let you go. Can you trust me? I love you and I promise to love you more. All I need in return is your love. Please look at me Yejun. Please forget everything that has happened. I’ll protect you. I’ll be your sun on rainy days. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on. I need you Yejun.

Donghae woke up the next morning with a puffy face. He didn’t feel like doing anything and he had a day off. Eventually he rolled out of bed and walked to the kitchen.

“Morning Hyuk” he says as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“Mornng Hae” Eunhyuk responds. He was sitting on the couch just scrolling through his phone.

“We should do something today since we don’t have a schedule. Want to go out?” Donghae asks Eunhyuk.

Eunhyuk looks up from his phone, “like what?” he says.

“Let’s go for a walk” Donghae beamed. It was getting cold outside but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get out of the house.

Eunhyuk looks over at him “were you crying Donghae?” he says noticing his red eyes.

“Aish, stop trying to change the subject” Donghae said.

“Fine but wear some glasses in case we get photographed” Eunhyuk said.

Hello!!!

Welcome new readers and subsribers ^^ Thank you to my commenters!!!

I hope this chapter wasn't boring or seen as just a filler v.v 

Congrats to our boys for their fifth win on Mamacita!!!!

Please don't be afraid to comment or subsribe!!

PS, sorry if there are mistakes or my message seems somewhat rushed v.v i'm loaded with school work :( uni is so much work >.> 

I'll try to update tomorrow!