The school day crawled by like every other day before it. Hyunseung felt like the little red book was burning a hole in his backpack. He was hyper aware of it the whole day, making sure that no one touched it or even looked at it. At Lunch, Doojoon took out a large container of kimchi fried rice.

“You better eat some of this with me. I made extra for you.” He smirked and handed the skinny boy a pair of chopsticks. “Did you have fun last night?” he watched Hyunseung take his first bite before he dug into the fried rice himself.

“It was alright.” He shrugged and chewed his bit of food slowly. “What do you think of Junhyung?” Hyunsung kept his poker face. He was just short of repulsed, but he didn’t want anyone to know that, least of all Dongwoon. Doojoon just shrugged.

“He is ok. I can see that he gets along well with the maknae. Dongwoon is always really friendly towards everyone. He’s a good boy.” The older boy swallowed and looked around at the other tables surrounding them. “Just between you and me, but do you think Yoseob likes Junhyung?” Hyunseung took a slightly larger bite and tilted his head to the side.

“You want to know if he likes Junhyung? Well, he wouldn’t stop talking to Junhyung, if that’s what you wanted to know.” Without knowing it, he would grimace every time he said Junhyung. Doojoon chuckled, but didn’t think anything of it.

“I see. How is that journal of yours?” Hyunseung froze and swallowed hard.

“It’s fine now,“ he said carefully.

“That’s good. You seemed worried about it yesterday. Glad you got over it.” Doojoon put his chopsticks down and grabbed his text book. “Keep eating. I’m sure Yoseob can’t finish that by himself anyway.” He pushed the container closer to the other.

“Maybe just a little more…” he mumbled. He was usually a really picky eater. He didn’t like to eat food that was cooked by people he didn’t know. It was hard to get him to eat at restaurants so Dongwoon took extra time to cook. Hyunseung was a failure in the kitchen except for making rice. He could at least work the rice cooker. Not only was Doojoon’s food edible, it tasted pretty good, too. Hyunseung hated to admit it, but the elder was growing on him.

In the next class, Kikwang made sure that Hyunseung was awake and taking notes for himself today. It was amusing for the girls that sat behind them. Apparently, they thought Kikwang and Hyunseung were a couple. Kikwang tried to wave away the speculations, but Hyunseung just smiled and leaned in closer to the shorter boy. When they were out of ear shot, Kikwang gave Hyunseung a whining ear full.

“Kikwangie, it was just a joke.” The elder smirked and tightened his backpack straps.

“Since when do you play jokes?” Kikwang narrowed his eyes and nudged Hyunseung lightly. “You’ve never done that before. Did something happen at lunch? Did Hyung tell you to do this? Tell him it’s not funny.”

“Alright. I will.” He waved goodbye to the distraught Kikwang and headed to English. There as anticipation in the pit of his stomach. He sat down in his usual spot and put his backpack on the chair next to him. Taking out his notebook, text book, and the red booklet, he tried to act normally, but it was no use. He was just too giddy for his own good. This feeling faded fast as soon as the professor started talking. He defaulted to his journaling yet again.

Why the hell am I so happy? This is the same old boring English class. I wonder if he is even in this class. Maybe this was a stupid idea from the start. I should just get a new journal.

Despite his doubts, he left the book under his chair and tried not to think about it through class. The lecture seemed to drag on forever. To keep from nodding off, he began to doodle in his notes. Luckily, the class was let out early and Hyunseung let out a sigh of relief as he stood up and stretched his back. Looking down, he scooped up his things and spied the journal. It had a piece of paper sticking out of it. As he bent down to check it out, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey.” The husky voice was familiar and a shiver when down Hyunseung’s spine. Straightening, he smiled though it wasn’t sincere.

“Junhyung, what are you doing here?” he made sure the red book was tucked away out of sight stuck between his notebook and text book.

“I’m in the class. You didn’t know? I sit a couple rows behind you.” He eyed Hyunseung’s face for any hint of recognition, but there was none.

“Oh, are you.” He said flatly. “I never noticed.” Junhyung shoved his hands in his sweater pockets and shrugged, his backpack moving with his shoulders. The other boy was stuffing his thing into his backpack and trying to walk away as fast as possible.

“Let’s get lunch. I don’t know my way around yet.” He followed Hyunseung out of the class. Hyunseung shot him a dirty look as the other grabbed his arm and pulled him along.

“It’s nearly the end of the semester! How do you not know where you’re going?” he was horrified when people turned to stare at the pair. “Let go, will you!” he hissed. Being near Junhyung was the last thing he wanted to do. “I’m meeting Dongwoon after class.” He muttered.

The two boys ended up at the spot. Yoseob was already present. He was chatting with a group of girls when the others walked up. He was already claiming a seat next to Junhyung when they sat down.

“When do everyone’s classes end?” Junhyung tried to strike up a casual conversation with Yoseob. The shorter boy was only too happy to answer.

“Doojoon Hyung should be done with classes now, Kikwang has been done, but he hangs out elsewhere until everyone else comes out. Dongwoon is done now as well, but his class is pretty far so he usually gets here last.” Hyunseung laid his head on the table looking away from the other two. He really didn’t want to deal with Junhyung. He wasn’t in the mood at all. Yoseob’s constantly blabbing mouth wasn’t helping much either. Much to Hyunesung’s surprise, he stopped. It was oddly quiet all of a sudden. Looking up, he saw Doojoon clamping his hand over Yoseob’s mouth.

“I can hear you from outside.” He grumbled and plopped into a seat and rubbed his temples.

“What’s wrong with you?” the shorter boy pouted and tried to get a good look at Doojoon’s wincing face.

“I think my teacher likes to talk in another language.” Junhyung smirked and leaned back in his chair, his hand brushing the small of Hyunseung’s back as he put his hands behind his head. Hyunseung glared daggers into the back of the other’s head.

“That sounds like most of my classes.” Junhyung laughed. “Despite that, I think I’m still doing alright.” Hyunseung stood up. He felt frustrated and he wanted to go home. He wanted to look at his journal. He wanted to be away from the person who was trying to be so close to him.

“I think I’ll go find Dongwoon.” He nearly whispered. A hand clasped his shoulder and pushed him back down in his chair.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Dongwoon smiled down at Hyunseung and waved at the rest of the group. “And I beat Kikwang back today!” he had a smug look on his face. The look subsided as he watched Doojoon bring out the container of fried rice. “Yah! Is that for everyone?” he immediately went to hover behind Doojoon.

“Hyung lost a bet. This is my prize!” Yoseob beamed. “Do you want some Junhyung?” he offered. Junhyung declined and nodded to Kikwang who sat down with a tray full of food.

“Are you trying to feed an army?” Hyunseung spoke up and narrowed his eyes. Kikwang’s did the same.

“No, this is just for me. And for Dongwoonie because I know Yoseob won’t share with him.” He motioned to the youngest. “That girl who gave us the lunch boxes the other day bought me lunch today.” Dongwoon was sitting next to Kikwang in a heartbeat. Playfully, he opened his mouth.

“Ahhh!” and to his surprise, Kikwang shoved a piece of kimbap into his mouth. Unbeknownst to him, Hyunseung was clenching his fists tighter and tighter. His short fingernails were digging into his palms, yet his face had its usual blank stare.

“I’ll head home first.” He announced. His tone was dejected and he felt left out. There wasn’t any real reason for him to stay anyway. Dongwoon just stared as his dorm mate stood up and left the table with Junhyung silently trailing him.

“I’ll be home soon!” he called as soon as he swallowed the food in his mouth.

Hyunseung was halfway home before he realized that Junhyung was behind him. There was a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“What do you want from me?” he stopped in his tracks, but he never turned around the face the other. It was too embarrassing for him.

“I don’t want anything. I’m just walking you home.” Junhyung never stopped walking. “Dongwoon wouldn’t have wanted to you walk home alone. He was probably going to worry if I didn’t go with you.” Hyunseung caught up with the other and yanked his arm.

“Why did you take my journal?!” he spat. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had to get answers.

“If you want to know, why don’t you read it?” Junhyung was obviously having much more fun with this than Hyunseung was. “You’re full of things to say, but you never say them out loud. What’s the use?” he pulled his arm out of Hyunseung’s grasp and continued on. “You piss me off, you know that?”

“I should be saying that to you! You’ve done nothing but mess my life up. I was perfectly content.” Something in him snapped like the dam had burst and all his well hidden emotions were rushing to the surface. “You mess with my stuff, you try and steal my best friend from me, and now my other friends as well?! It’s all your fault.” Junhyung’s response was so sudden; Hyunseung didn’t have any time to react. He was pulled into an embrace, Junhyung crushing his slight frame. “What are you doing? I’m angry!” Hyunseung snapped and tried to fight his way out of the hug, but it was no use.  He could feel Junhyung’s heart beat on his own chest.

“Thank you for telling me how you really feel, even if you do hate me.” Junhyung whispered into the black haired boy’s ear. Hyunseung was finally able to push him away.

“I never said I hated you.” He blushed wildly and sped walked the rest of the way to his apartment. Unfortunately, he had forgotten his keys again and the spare had not been replaced from yesterday. He sat down on the welcome mat with his back against the door.

“What are you doing?” a young looking girl popped her head out of her apartment.

“Oh, I’m um… waiting for my roommate to come home.” He smiled awkwardly. The girl went back into her home and came out with a ring of keys. Unexpectedly, she was wearing all black: a sweater, skirt, tights, and even her sneakers were black.

“I’m the landlord’s daughter, Jaekyung.” She waved unenthusiastically and tossed the ring of keys into his lap and retreated back into her apartment. She stuck her head out. “Um just find your apartment number and open your door.” Hyunseung obliged and searched through the keys. He could feel the girl’s eyes on him which only made him fumble. Eventually he found the key and unlocked his door. As he handed the ring back to her, he noticed that one of her eyes was green.

“Thanks.” He was able to choke out. Jaekyung took them back and looked up at him. She was barely up to his chest.

“No problem. But you shouldn’t make forgetting your keys a habit.” She smirked at him and closed her door. Hyunseung then headed inside and retreated to his room.

Outside, Junhyung and Dongwoon were heading up the stairs of the apartment complex. There was a ringing sound coming from Junhyung’s pocket. He answered the phone swiftly.

“Thanks for that. I’m right outside. You can open the door.” He hung up and Jaekyung’s door swung open. Dongwoon spied the small girl and bowed slightly.

“Thank you for lending Hyunseung the keys.” He smiled and elbowed Junhyung. “I didn’t know your little cousin was so cute.”

“Oh, I’m older.” She said smugly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “And Junhyung, you owe me for that favor.” Junhyung shoved her back into the house.

“She’s definitely your cousin.” Dongwoon chuckled. “Well, will you come over for a bit? I at least want to cook you dinner.” He put a lanky arm over Junhyung’s shoulder. Junhyung shook his head.

“I think he’s had enough of me for today. And please don’t tell him that I live next door.”

“Alright, I suppose. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dongwoon waved and went into his apartment. Hyunseung was nowhere to be seen. “Hyung?” he called into the empty living room. There was a fumbling noise from Hyunseung’s room. Dongwoon opened the door a crack and spied Hyunseung standing in the midst of his piles of mess. “What are you doing?” he asked as he tried to push the door open, but it only went half way.

“I’m cleaning, what does it look like?” Hyunseung snapped at his friend and immediately regretted it after seeing the hurt look on Dongwoon’s face. “I thought you were hanging out?” he tried to act innocent as he kicked around papers to make a path for Dongwoon to enter.

“I remembered you didn’t bring your keys this morning and you didn’t put the spare back. I was coming to open the door for you but I guess the neighbor did it for you.” Dongwoon tiptoed into the room and sat on the crowded bed. “Where do you even sleep?” he mused as he looked around. “It looks the same as your room back home. It doesn’t look like you’re cleaning. It looks like it’s getting even messier.” Hyunseung’s face was not amused.

“I’ve been cleaning ever since I got home. It looks better to me!” he looked around the room again, his trash strewn all over.

“You only try to clean when you’re upset. Did Junhyung say anything to you?” Dongwoon pried and pulled his hyung into a tight hug. Hyunseung didn’t fight or even squirm. He stood absolutely still, feeling Dongwoon’s forehead on his lower back. The blood rushed to his head and he felt his face and ears getting warmer by the second.

“I’m fine. Nothing happened.” He sighed. “You don’t have to worry.” He reassured the younger boy, unable to voice his true feelings. He didn’t want to disappoint his friend, especially because Dongwoon seemed to have taken a liking to Junhyung. Dongwoon finally released him and stood, squeezing Hyunseung’s shoulder as he left.

“When you’re ready for dinner, tell me.” he flashed his brilliant smile and disappeared out of the room. Hyunseung let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He headed over to his desk which had been cleared except for his journal. The extra paper that had been stuck into the book during class was now crumpled up in the corner. It had been an entry about how lonely he was and how even in a room full of people he could still feel completely alone. At the bottom there were only three words scrawled, but those three words made him angry.

This is why.

They were such simple words, but they struck a nerve. His previous question had been:

Why do you think I’m jealous?

Realizing that he had answered his own question was frustrating. He didn’t learn anything about the mysterious writer at all. Instead, he just realized how pathetic he was. It hurt to be reminded that he felt like this constantly. He wrote on a fresh page in his journal.

Starting tomorrow, I will be different. I will be a new person.