Something strange happened yesterday. Someone ripped out pages of my journal. Not only did they mess with my journal, now they’re defiling my thoughts. I just don’t know what to make of this. What did I do to deserve this? This is ridiculous.

Hyunseung had made it back to the usual spot before everyone else today. He was scribbling in his journal when Kikwang and Yoseob appeared.

“You’re awake. Good.” Yoseob beamed. “I like it when I can talk to you and you aren’t nearly falling out of your chair.” He was cheerful as usual. Kikwang was hungry as usual. Hyunseung eyed the lunch.

“You didn’t bring that did you? I don’t remember seeing that earlier.” He said flatly as she shut his journal. Kikwang’s eyes disappeared as he smiled, though it was a little strained.

“If you were awake long enough, you would have seen the girl that sits in front of us. She gave it to me. Well, she gave it to us, really, but you were taking a nap.” He opened up the lunch and set it out on the table. “She said you looked skinny.” He opened up one of the boxes and pushed it towards Hyunseung, chopsticks on top. Hyunseung looked the food over and poked it with his chopsticks.

“Thanks. I’m not really hungry, but I’m sure Dongwoon will want some.” He smiled weakly and put the cover back on. “Anyway, I’m used to what Woonie makes.” Yoseob pouted.

“Don’t you think you should at least try it? Someone made it for you, you know.”

“Hey, you’re just jealous you didn’t get any food.” Hyunseung jeered at the shorter boy. “You can have some, I suppose. Just save some for Woonie.”

“Woonie this, Woonie that.” Yoseob mocked him as he reached for the chopsticks. “You guys are practically married.” Hyunseung tilted his head gave Yoseob a blank stare.

“I don’t get it.”

“He means that you two are really close. That’s all.” Kikwang paused to explain, but went right back to his food. “This is actually pretty good. You should at least try it.” Hyunseung’s face was still expressionless when Doojoon joined the table.

“Yoseob, what are you eating?” he peeked over at the lunch box. “You didn’t bring that from home, did you?”

“No, this is Hyung’s that he’s going to give to Dongwoon.” Yoseob’s tone said it all: he was jealous. Doojoon just chuckled at his childishness and leaned over with his mouth open, asking for a bite. Yoseob shoved a piece of kimbap into the eldest's mouth.

“What’s wrong with saving food for your friend?” Hyunseung was still lost on the ‘practically married’ bit earlier.

“Forget it, Hyung.” Kikwang chuckled. “It’s not worth it. And anyway, Dongwoon said he wouldn’t be here today. He said something about hanging out with someone after classes.” Kikwang held up his phone. “He told me to tell you because he said you wouldn’t remember.” Hyunseung vaguely recalled Dongwoon saying something along those lines before he went off to class.

“Oh. Well then…” he didn’t know what else to say. Doojoon perked up and patted him on the shoulder.

“Seung! You can hang out with us! It’s good for you to go out sometimes, too.”  Kikwang looked at him eagerly.

“You should. It will be fun. We were going to go play pool today and get drinks.” He stuffed rice into his mouth. “You look like you could use fun.” Yoseob nodded along as he fed Doojoon some more.

“Sure, I suppose. “ he didn’t really know how to say no anymore. It was already hard enough to hang out with them without Dongwoon. He was the one who had introduced everyone to him. Of course he wouldn’t have tried to befriend anyone on his own. It was too difficult and the anxiety wasn’t worth it.

“We will meet at your place since it is closer, ok?” Doojoon blabbered on about their plans and Hyunseung answered, but his mind was elsewhere. He stood up to leave, yawning.

“You can keep the lunch.” He waved and left the table, hands stuffed into the pocket of his jeans. It felt a little lonely walking home on his own, but he couldn’t always walk home with Dongwoon. No, that would be too obvious that he didn’t like being alone, but no one knew that. He never told a soul, only his journal. Come to think of it, it was one of the pages that had been ripped out. As he approached the door to the apartment, he reached further into his pockets for his keys. There was nothing. Hyunseung uttered a curse under his breath and tried the door handle anyway. Surprisingly, the door opened. An unfamiliar voice was coming from the kitchen. Grabbing the first thing he could grab out of his backpack, was his journal. He crept into the kitchen and snuck up on the stranger, but the other person had quick reflexes and he ducked out of the way before the red booklet could bash him in the head.

“Yah!” the other boy yelled. He looked more annoyed than mad. “Is that how you greet your house guests?” he was frowning, but there was a mischievous look in his eyes. It was the kind of look Dongwoon and Yoseob had when they played a prank on someone.

“Hyunseung Hyung! You’re home already?” Dongwoon emerged from his room with his shirt around his neck, his abs exposed. Hyunseung put the journal down on the counter and tried to smile innocently. It obviously came out wrong because Dongwoon looked suspicious.

“Well anyway, Yong Junhyung, that’s my roommate, Jang Hyunseung. And he’s sorry for nearly attacking you.” The boy finished putting his shirt on and ruffed up his hair a bit. Junhyung bowed slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smirk. Hyunseung reciprocated the bow and turned to Dongwoon.

“Where are you guys going?” he asked, again trying to seem innocent.

“Playing pool.” Junhyung piped up. Dongwoon nodded eagerly.

“Junhyung is new to the area and he doesn’t have many friends yet.” Hyunseung narrowed his eyes.

“Funny. I was going to play pool too. Kikwang, Yoseob, and Doojoon are coming over here.”

“Well, we can all go together. This will be great. Our friends will make you feel at home.” Dongwoon nudged Junhyung’s arm. Hyunseung forced himself to try and look happy and social, but he couldn’t help feeling disappointment. A new comer meant adjusting and change in the group dynamic. He had just started to get used to things, too.

The other three boys arrived soon and introductions were made. Hyunseung hung back around Doojoon. He at least tried to strike up conversations. His effort was all Hyunseung needed to distract him from glaring daggers at Junhyung, who was stealing everyone’s attention. Yoseob was practically hanging on him and Kikwang was chatting with Dongwoon.

“Through the whole year that I’ve known you, I don’t think we’ve ever hung out outside of school.” Doojoon patted Hyunseung’s upper back. “This will be fun. And we have a new comer. It’ll be interesting.” Hyunseung was nodding passively on the outside but he was rolling his eyes on the inside.

When they arrived at the lounge, it was nearly empty. They decided on a team system: Kikwang and Doojoon, Dongwoon and Junhyung, and Hyunseung and Yoseob. The first round Hyunseung and Yoseob sat out. Yoseob took a bar stool and Hyunseung plopped down into a red recliner.

“What do you think of Junhyung Hyung?” Yoseob piped up. “I think he’s interesting.” Hyunseung looked at the shorter boy with an annoyed expression.

“He’s alright.”

“He kind of reminds me of you. You both don’t say much, but I think he’s cooler and probably has better social skills than you.” Yoseob poked fun and blabbed on about Junhyung while Hyunseung tuned him out and just watched the new boy play pool. He didn’t really know how to play, but he tried anyway. His eyes always looked serious except when he messed up. When he laughed, his eyes lit up and he looked genuinely happy for those few moments. Amazingly, Hyunseung had brought along his journal and a pen and began writing. Yoseob looked down on him and sighed. “You bring that everywhere?” Hyunseung didn’t respond and just kept scribbling.

There is something unexplainable about how this person can come into my life and screw it up. I feel like my only real friend is being stolen from me. He seems to be way more interested in this new person than in me. It’s annoying. I can’t compete with someone who is so much better than I am. What should I do now?

Hyunseung stopped when he heard his name. It was his team’s turn to play. Apparently, Doojoon and Kikwang lost. Doojoon was play punching Kikwang’s shoulder.

“If you had just got the last ball in, we would have won!” Doojoon had always been competitive. Kikwang rubbed the back of his head and shrugged.

“It’s ok. I don’t mind sitting out.” He laughed and held a hand out to Hyunseung to help him up out of the chair. Hyunseung took the hand and unexpectedly got pulled up extremely fast. The two were chest to chest, Hyunseung a bit taller than Kikwang.

“Sorry.” He managed to get the word out of his mouth before he moved around the shorter boy and made eye contact with Dongwoon. He looked like he was having the time of his life, playing with the chalk. Hyunseung appreciated his childishness in situations like this. He finally cracked a smile.

“Ready to get beat?” the younger boy was ecstatic. The earlier win had obviously gone to his head. Junhyung just stood with his hands behind his head, smirking. His eyes looked black. Yoseob started his trash talking as Hyunseung just stared Junhyung down. The game ended quickly with Dongwoon’s team being the victor.

“Well, I’m going to get some food. “ Doojoon grumbled and wandered away from the group. Kikwang and Dongwoon ended up tagging along leaving Yoseob, Junhyung, and Hyunseung alone. Yoseob continued to chat with Junhyung who was only giving nods and the occasional ‘mhm’ as a response. As Hyunseung continued to scribble in his journal, he stole glances at Junhyung when he could.

What does Dongwoon see in him, anyway? I don’t understand. He looks boring. He looks like he’s asleep on his feet. What does he have that I don’t? I’ve known him longer, anyway.

The rest of the night was uneventful. As Dongwoon and Hyunseung made their way home, Dongwoon finally asked,

“Did you have fun? Did you like Junhyung?” Hyunseung couldn’t help but it up and say yes. If he had said no, Dongwoon would have been sad and disappointed. He didn’t really want to see that for the rest of the night.

“It was interesting. It’s different hanging out with someone new.” He sighed. Dongwoon stopped as they got to their door and looked at Hyunseung square in the face.

“Don’t be like that. I know that look. I won’t leave you.” Dongwoon could always read Hyunseung, even when anyone else couldn’t. “Don’t be jealous, Hyung!” he laughed and mussed Hyunseung’s hair. The older boy just felt guilty for even thinking that his best friend would abandon him for someone new. When they got inside, the boys headed for their rooms. Hyunseung reviewed his writings from the day and noticed something in the corner of his last entry.

Are you jealous?

He quickly pushed his journal away and stumbled his way out of his room. He was more distraught than ever.

“I’m going out.” He yelled through Dongwoon’s door.

“But it’s late and we have school tomorrow!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.” He was halfway out the door when he nearly smacked into someone. “Excuse-“ he stopped himself when he recognized the jacket and stopped himself. “Oh, what are you doing here?” There before him was the person he wanted to see: Junhyung.

“I think I forgot my school bag here.” He pointed into the apartment. “Dongwoon is in there, right?” he was going to push past Hyunseung, but he was held back. “Yea?” he looked Hyunseung in the eyes, his smoldering look making it hard for the older boy to look away. It startled him to his core.

“He’s inside.” He croaked. It felt like his lungs were being restricted. In the end, he just couldn’t confront him about the journal. Junhyung brushed the hand off his arm and went inside. Hyunseung was frozen to his spot. He never had these types of reactions to anyone. Usually the only time he really felt anything was around Dongwoon, and usually he just felt relieved that he wasn’t alone. Hyunseung was contemplating his odd response when Junhyung was leaving.

“See you,” he said lifelessly. Just like that, he was gone and Hyunseung felt like he could breathe again. He went back inside and back to his journal and wrote a response to the question from earlier.

Are you jealous?

Why do you think I’m jealous?

The boy succumbed to his curiosity and decided to play this strange game.