If Luhan had known what would happen, he would never have been able to leave. He would rather have put up with endless hours of torture, everyday. If Luhan had looked into the future, just for a second, he would have known. He would have stayed. He would have stopped it. But Luhan didn't know, did he? And day after day he blamed himself for not being there, the burden of guilt, upon his shoulders, taking a plunge into his chest, pushing up against it like nothing before. Ouch. So heavy. 

Each day he thought to himself. Somewhere, somehow, could I have known? 

--

He struggled every day, just to control himself. His mind having battles and wars of its own. Not listening, not thinking. Just fighting. With himself. 

I need to go back. 
But I can't. 
He needs me. 
He's a big boy now. He can take care of himself. 
I want him. 
They won't let me go back anyway. 
Keep asking! 
I already have, every single hour. 
I need him. 

Every single day. Every single hour. Every single minute. Every single second. Luhan went through these thoughts, while training. Hard. He trained until both his mind and body ached as if he hadn't moved in centuries. If you train hard enough, they'll let you go back to him. Him. Sehun. Maybe, just maybe, they'll let me go back to him. Or at least that's what he had been telling himself  for ages, through the blood, sweat, pain and tears.  

Somewhere, somehow, could I have known?

Come on Luhan! You can do it! Luhan practices day and night, trying to encourage himself. I can't do it. I can. Think of Sehun. Come on Luhan, think of Sehun! Now! And just like that he does.

He remembers Sehun's face. The white purity and the big gaping eyes. The seriousness and cuteness mixed in all together. His love for bubble tea. He remembered the outgoing and fun-filled character hidden behind the shy smiles, and serious face. The happy moments they shared.

Which might never happen again.

Suddenly, remembering the condition that Sehun was in, Luhan had no energy to practice anymore. Every single muscle in his body seemed to team up against him and spasm. He couldn't stop it from coming. Luhan barely made it to the sink before the vomit exploded everywhere. He lifted his head coughing, before he bent down to puke again. 'Don't... Think... Of... Sehun...' he said with gritted teeth. The last thing he heard was Kris talking to him. 'Luhan, are you alright?' He didn't know whether it was the endless hours of training, projectile puking, or the thought of Sehun but he fell, exhausted, to the floor. 

__________

A/N: OMG MY POOR LULU! I'll be revealing what happened to Sehun in the next chapter. Hopefully~
Anyway, hope you're enjoying it so far. I PROMISE I'LL TRY NOT TO MAKE LUHAN SUFFER ANYMORE!!!
And if you're in a state of shock and OMG POOR LULU (like me even though I wrote it OTL) I promise it's nothing serious.