A'/N: The last chapter! Thank you for all of those who read my story and i hope you all enjoyed it:)

Please comment and tell me what you thought of the overall story I'd really appreciate it (^_^)

 

I was tempted to cry again as I had somehow already started to miss Joon, but I forced myself not to. I chanted my own advice over and over in my head to motivate and determine myself and truly later on it got easier. We started a new show again the following Wednesday and I found it easier to forget about him at work. I met new people and turned back to concentrating on my work. Two weeks had passed without so much of a word from Joon. Of course I didn’t really expect him to call or make any form of contact, yet I found myself waiting for something. My anger had vaporized a long time ago and I’d worked through my regret and remorse over his and my actions. Now all I felt when I thought about him was….well I didn’t actually know what I felt. Nights alone in my apartment were the worst. I’d sit and think about him, let my mind wonder to what could have been and I found myself missing him with an aching heart. The aching pain would disappear when morning came though, yet the nights didn’t get any better as time went on. After the third week of separation from him I grew irritated at myself and decided to do something else for a change. What the hell did I do with myself before I’d met Joon? Ahh yes, clubbing and drinking among other things. Well that would be great and a perfect distraction. I hadn’t gone out for almost two months. For the first time in a long time I felt excitement bubble in my chest as I got ready, showering and pampering myself and dressing after which I did my make-up and hair. An exhilarated smile broke across my face as I walked into the comforting sight, sound and smell of the club. I went to sit at the bar even the chair feeling familiar, and looked out onto the dancefloor. Everything was as it had always been. It was strange to think that nothing had actually changed. People were still dancing in their drunken states with their bodies grinding along the persons’ next to them. My happy smile faded after a while though. Even if I was here, I was still alone. Something felt missing and it just didn’t feel the same as it always had. Maybe I’d gotten over that part of my life? I’d found something more, something with so much more meaning and this just wasn’t as fulfilling as it had always been. Great, just great. Instead of distracting myself I had just made things worse by coming here. The bartender set my drink on the counter in front of me. An olive lay on a toothpick, floating in it. An olive. Awesome, I couldn’t even look at an olive without thinking about him. With a sigh I picked it out of my drink and gulped at it. Maybe dancing would help. Yet when I got to the dance floor I found I couldn’t even properly enjoy one of my favourite things to do. Each time I closed my eyes and wanted to lose myself in the music I relived his warm hands on my hips, dancing against me. His muscular chest pressing up against my back and the casual talk we had between strangers at the bar. The longer I danced the more I felt his warm, comforting hands on my body and the absolute content I felt when I was with him. When I opened my eyes again, after I had gotten lost in reliving our moments together I found that I was crying. Seriously?! How pitiful was I? Silent tears fell down my cheeks and I quickly went to the bathroom to hide my sorrowful state from the crowd of people around me. At the bathroom I went to stand at the basins, resting my hands on the counter. My head hung low as I tried to clear away my sudden wave of emotion that I really didn’t want to feel. Pitiful, pitiful, pitiful. Who the hell starts to cry while they’re dancing? With a sigh I lifted my head to look at the mirror and wipe at my tears.

The moment I looked up my heart seemed to stop and double in speed at the same time. The reflection the mirror revealed Joon standing behind me with an overwhelmed expression on his face. He was staring at me as if I’d disappear as soon as he blinked. In return I was afraid that if I’d turn around he would be gone and that I’d just imagined it. “Alice”, he breathed out.

A deep shiver ran through my entire body at the sound of his voice. I wasn’t imagining this. I turned to face him, slowly opening my eyes. Tears were still b my eyes and they fell over at the sight of him. My vision was blurry but I saw him striding with long, determined steps towards me and reach out to take my face in his hands. He stopped himself though, slowly retreating his hands from me with a pained expression. “Joon”, I cried out happily, letting my emotions fill me up and make me smile instantly. He looked away bitterly, snapping his hand back to his side. “You shouldn’t even be happy to see me…you should hate me.”, he said bitterly.

“I can’t hate you forever Joon”, I mumbled. My head snapped up as I remembered something else. “What about Suzy?”, I asked.

He gave a cynical laugh and ran a hand through his hair.

“You were right of course, although I only realized that to late…. Can you believe I even went to her and told her I loved her?”, he said with a incredulous expression he laughed another bitter laugh to himself. “She told I’d ruined everything and then she walked out…again…”

“I hope you learned your lesson?”, I said slowly

“I did…. I really, really did… why didn’t I just listen to you from the beginning?”, he said his voice full of regret.

“Do…do you still love her?”, I asked carefully, afraid of what his answer might be.

“No…. definitely not… I… I couldn’t love someone that hurt me like that… at least not after I realized it.”

My careful expression turned to one of sadness and a voice sprang up in the back of my head and kept whispering to me. If he can’t love someone that did that to him, how can you? And if you take him back now wouldn’t that just make you easy?

I tried to block it out, but the words left a mark and had me doubting my own feelings. He was right, I shouldn’t be happy to see him. I should hate him. “Did Seungho talk to you?”, I asked.

He laughed nervously. “Yeah, he gave me a pretty good scolding… , but I needed it. And he seemed to slap some sense into me. “

“Pity I couldn’t”, I mumbled to myself.

“You did, remember?”, he said and we both laughed as we relived the night I slapped him. Our smiles quickly turned upside down though as we remembered the rest of that night. There was a couple seconds of silence before he went on. “Seungho also told me about…you…and how you felt...”, his expression turned pained again. “And how I hurt you…I’m so, so sorry Alice!”, Joon cried out taking my hands in his and urging me to look at him. “And I know sorry can’t make things right again…but what can I do? I won’t even dare asking you for another chance… but just let me do something, please.”

There was no doubt that he wasn’t being sincere, his eyes reflected all the emotions he felt and I found it hard not to just give in and let him take me into his arms. I looked down onto our joined hands. My heart warmed at the sight of it. It looked so right and fit so perfectly. This is what I had wanted. I sighed at the comforting feeling of his thumb rubbing soothing circles on my hand.

I finally looked back up at him and saw that he had been rambling on the whole time and I hadn’t even heard what he said.

“…and I love you Alice. I love you so much and I hate that I only realized what I had when I lost it…I’m so sorry Alice I hurt you so much. I was such an idiot! I didn’t even think about what I was doing to you… to my friend… and when you were gone I realized that I needed you and loved you so much more than just a friend… and you were always there for me, but I just didn’t care and then suddenly you were gone…and I was a wreck Alice….I never want to be without you again..”

Joon looked like he was close to tears, his eyes burning into mine and his voice was desperate. He loved me. He loved me. He loved me. The words resonated over and over through my heart. My limbs felt numb and on fire at the same time, my legs felt like they would give in any second and my heart couldn’t even contain itself. Yet my mind forced my body not to move or react to his words.

He waited in silence, slightly out of breath for me to say something, anything to him. The longer waited the more his face changed into one of hurt. I was so confused. My heart screamed at me to close the short distance between us, but my mind wouldn’t let go. It was as if my conscience had taken over my body. The little voice at the back of my mind spoke up again. He’ll only hurt you again.

“I…I’m sorry Joon…I need time”, I said, my voice cracking horribly and my tears spilling over. With that I pulled my hands from his and walked out, leaving him devastated behind me.

I went to go sit in my car and think. I felt overwhelmed and so confused. I sat forward with my arms resting on the steering wheel. Could I just accept that he loved me know? I couldn’t just forgive him and pretend that nothing happened. But then again I loved him… I knew that much.

Do you really? Argh. “Shut up!”, I screamed out loud at the voice inside my head. I knew I loved him, I couldn’t deny that anymore. I was tired of playing games and of feeling this confused. I love him and now I knew that he loved me to. That’s all that matters in the end, isn’t it? And that is what is important.

Determined and excited I rushed out of the car. Maybe he was still there. I pushed my way through the crowded bodies on the dance floor and got to the bathroom. Out of breath I burst through the door. He was gone. My hope and excitement didn’t falter one bit. The dorm.

Panting and out of breath I came to their door. I banged my fist against it impatiently. A surprised Seungho welcomed me at the door. “Alice-“

“Where’s Joon?”, I demanded.

I strode in their apartment, without waiting for his answer, to search with wild eyes at any sigh of Joon. “He’s in his room…but he won’t open the door.”, Seungho said exasperated. He sounded tired, like he’d really had enough of the child’s play.

I walked up to Joon’s door and once again thumped my fist against it impatiently. “Joon, open the door this instant!” No answer. I only slightly heard shuffling from the other side of the door. “Joon!”, I screamed again and finally I saw the nob turn. He opened it slowly, not looking at me and let me in, closing it again behind me.

“Shut up”, I said quickly when I saw him open his mouth to speak. “I’m sorry I walked out in the club… I was just so confused with what I felt… and overwhelmed… but in the end Joon I still love you.”

Joon looked disgruntled as I spoke. “Alice… I…I don’t want you to just forgive me for everything and pretend that it’s all okay… I can’t do that to you as well…I won’t”, he said avoiding my eyes and slowly stepping away from me.

“I don’t care about that! It doesn’t matter to me anymore. I love you and now I know you love me too.”, I said desperately, breathing hard and flailing my arms around as I spoke.

“But you should care!”, Joon cried out, his internal struggle showing itself through his eyes. He probably wanted to accept this and just forget all about the past and move on with me, but he won’t do it. He was refusing this for me. Now I just had to make him understand that I didn’t want that…I just wanted him.

“Joonie”, I said pleading, while walking towards him and reaching out to grab his arms and pull him closer to me. “I couldn’t care less, don’t you understand that. I love you, you know that now… so this time it’s your choice”, I said, running my hands up his arms, along his neck and finally rested them on his cheeks. He watched my hands as I glided them along his skin, adoration shining through his restrained eyes. I could see he was struggling to not fall to instinct and wrap me in is arms. After a long silence of me watching him and him watching me, I leaned my face in, in an attempt to kiss him lightly. As soon as I came close to his lips, he pulled away. “I won’t touch you”, he mumbled, turning his head away and trying to get out of my grip. I sighed and finally released his head, folding my hands in my lap. “I’ll wait for you then”, I whispered to him, kissing him quickly on his hair before he could pull away. I turned around and opened the door. Before I walked out I turned to him again and giggled mentally at his absolutely baffled expression. It had been a while since I’ve seen his idiot face.

“What’s going on?”, Seungho asked worried as I walked past him to their front door.

“Don’t worry, he’ll come along”, I said simply, before striding out the door happily.

Hmmm I thought as I walked the way back to my car. I’d give him a day…maybe even less? Maybe only a couple of hours, I thought excitedly, smiling to myself.

I wasn’t even halfway to my car when I heard an outcry behind me.

“Alice!”

I waited a couple of seconds before I turned. I had to supress my exuberant smile that dared to break through. I turned to face the panting beautiful mess in front of me. He was catching his breath, hands resting on his knees as he looked up at me with eyes filled with so many emotions, but the most evident of all could only be called love. He took a deep breath then and strode towards me with confident, determined steps. Without saying a word, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. Absolute bliss filled my mind and I could do nothing but squeal inside over what had happened and smile like a complete idiot. The happiness I felt was unexplainable. We smiled into our kiss, breaking the hot, passionate synchronisation of lips and he held me as close as he could. Feeling each other, breathing each other in as if making up for the three weeks we hadn’t seen each other.

“I’ve missed you so much”, he whispered to me, placing sweet, butterfly kisses all over my face and lips. I smiled again, unable to really speak what I felt. Instead of expressing it with words I pulled him closer and kissed him with such an amount of emotion, tears nearly welled up in my eyes from the happiness I felt. He broke free after a while panting once again. He smiled mischievously at me and let his hands fall down my shoulders to my back. He suddenly bent down and knocked my legs out from underneath me, catching my back as I fell backwards with his safe hands that were waiting there. I yelped out in surprise as he lifted me in his arms. “Tonight we’re doing this properly”, he said, love swirling his eyes and mirroring mine. I laughed out as he carried me all the way back to the apartment. He came to a stop in front of the door and leaned his head down to kiss me. “I love you”, he whispered, his lips brushing mine.

I smiled instinctively. “I love you too.”, I said as he carried me to his room.