I was so relieved that I had the weekend to myself so I could sort out my feelings. I worked through all my emotions, but in the end I had ended up exactly where I had begun. My love for my friend had won over any amount of anger or hurt I felt towards him. I sighed at my sickening heart. In a way I took comfort in the fact that Joon was in exactly the same situation as myself. It didn’t matter if she hurt him countless times, he would go back to her with open arms if he had the opportunity. And that was exactly how I felt. No matter how much it hurt, I would be there for my friend when he needed me. Of course that didn’t mean Joon could just use me to forget about her… but then again he didn’t know how I felt about him… he didn’t know that it meant so much more to me… But still I wouldn’t let something like that night happen ever again. Luckily I didn’t feel that way about him then, but if that should happen now… Flashbacks of my painful state Friday night swam through my head. It would be like that… only ten times worse.

Sunday morning, to my delight, I got a call from Joon. He apologized profusely for his behaviour the previous night and the second I heard his concern filled voice over the phone I forgave him for whatever feelings I had against him. Joon insisted on coming over and make sure I was fine.

“Hey”, he breathed when I opened my apartment door for him. A brilliant smile lit his face as he instantly pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry”, he immediately began. “I’m so ashamed really… I didn’t mean to get so… emotional.”

I relaxed into his arms, breathing in his amazing scent. “Joon, honestly now what’s the point of a friend if you can’t be there for one another when one is in need? You needed a shoulder to cry on, that’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s human.”

He replied with a breathtaking smile. “Still I’m making it up to you today”, he said handing me the little cardboard box that had been in his hands. “Dessert”, he stated with a grin. “Since we didn’t have Friday night”

I grinned back, the sweet gesture warming my heart. “Thanks, Joonie”

A light blush coloured his cheeks and he looked down shyly. “I like it when you call me on my nickname”, he admitted looking back up to me again.

I laughed my heart beating wildly at his blush and shy demeanour. “Aww , Joonie, you’re too cute”, I crooned ruffling his hair and poking him on his dimples.

His blush coloured darker and he suddenly reached out and grabbed me in a bear tight hug. “You’re amazing Alice”, he said sounding almost out of breath.

I hugged him back tightly, appreciating his open nature towards his emotions and feelings of others. I loved that he expressed them so easily and warmly. I turned my head into the croon of his neck and planted a quick peck, before unwrapping myself from his arms. “Come on let’s eat this”, I said with an encouraging smile, leading him to the kitchen by my hand. We sat on my couch, sharing the delicious chocolate mousse cake he had brought. He insisted on only talking about me as he had taken up all the conversation the previous night. We talked for hours, sipping at our coffee, until it started to rain. We stood at my window looking out onto the city and the falling rain. After a long time I decided to break the silence, “Joon…”, I started and I could see from his facial expression that turned slightly bitter that he knew what I was getting at. “We never resolved anything last night… are you okay?”

He sighed. “Yeah… she’s gone anyway now so it doesn’t matter. Probably went off with some other guy, but this is better… I miss her, but even I know it’s not right… I need to get over her.”, he said determination filling his voice and letting a frown appear.

I turned to him, satisfied with his answer. “Good”, I said. “I’m proud of you”, I said patting his arm.

“Ya, you’re not my mother!”, he protested.

I laughed. “You sure about that, cause it feels like it sometimes”, I said grinning at his embarrassed face.

 

The next week was blissful to me. The subject of Suzy wasn’t brought up again and Joon seemed to have forgotten about her for the time being. We continued filming and each day we spent together only made us closer. Each morning he would greet me with a brilliant smile and a adoring hug, sometimes even a kiss or two on my cheek. My feelings for him didn’t subside a bit, yet I didn’t want to say anything about it to him. He needed more time and maybe I would be the one to heal him completely. Hopefully he would realize this himself.

Friday came and as I walked through the door to their dorm I expected him to leap at me us he usally did and tackle me with a hug. Instead Mir was there grabbing me and swinging me in a hug. “Hey Mir!”, I laughed as he continued to swing me around. “Where’s Joon?”, I asked when he had put me down.

“He’s on a date”, Seungho announced walking in from his bedroom.

Wait what?! My head snapped up to look at Seungho. “With who?!”, I demanded, my hands curling in anger around my bag. “Uhmm..Suzy?”, he replied unsure of his answer.

“That idiot!”, I screeched. Disappointment flooded my body, making my stomach feel like an endless pit. No, no, no… Joonie why would you do this to yourself? He was getting better… he was getting over her. “That !”, I spat earning shocked looks from Seungho and Mir who were  watching me fume. “We need to talk”, I said to Seungho, stalking off to the kitchen. He followed silently waiting patiently as I sat down at the table and finally started. I told him everything Joon had told me. Explaining to him who Suzy was, what she was doing to him and how Joon felt about her. I nearly felt out of breath when I had finished. Seungho sat back watching me with concerned eyes. “You’re gonna kill yourself over him Alice”, he said finally. His statement confused me. “What do I have to do with this?”, I asked.

“I know how you feel about him Alice… and he’s hurting you…”, Seungho said slowly.

I didn’t reply for a long time. I didn’t know what to say. So Seungho knew… it didn’t seem like he objected to it. “Well he doesn’t know he’s hurting me…”, I mumbled, defending him.

“So tell him”, Seungho simply stated.

“I can’t do that Seungho… things are complicated enough as it is. It doesn’t matter now anyway what matters is that Joon is with her again… she’s poison to him Seungho! She’ll completely break him and I really don’t want to see him like that again… he was shattered Seungho… he cried so much”

Seungho’s face was full of worry and concern for his friend. Silently he contemplated over what to do. I just sat in silence with him, still fuming inside my head. “Well I can’t do anything right now, but I promise I’ll talk to him the second he comes home.”

“Thank you Seungho”, I said my voice thick with gratification.

 

I tried hard to not think about what they were doing together, but still jealousy swirled within me as I stood underneath the shower head, that night after work. Was she touching him? I wonder if they’ve slept together? Stabbing pains hit against my heart and I felt sick with jealousy. Ugh I groaned giving up and turning the shower nob closed. The shower was supposed to have had a calming effect yet it didn’t help at all. I crawled into bed, not nearly ready for sleep as my mind was too active, turning around in circles of thoughts. I sighed and rolled from side to side hoping sleep would relieve me of my irritancy. Frustrated after about an hour of tossing and turning, I got up and went to sit in front of the TV, taking a random book to distract myself. I was startled when my phone suddenly started ringing next to me, the loud song breaking the deafening silence. I stared at my phone for a long time, before I finally picked it up, noticing the time as I glanced at the screen. It was already so late, why would someone call. “Alice”, I heard Seungho say with earnest, the second I picked up the phone.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked in concern.

“It’s Joon”, Seungho said desperately.

My heart sank at the sound of his name. “What happened?!”, I asked frantically.

“You need to come over, please. He won’t listen to us.”, Seungho explained.

I didn’t even need any elaboration of the situation. I jumped up, pulling on my jacket and shoes before rushing out towards my car.

It took me about ten minutes to get to their dorm, thanks to the traffic-less streets. My mind was blind all the time with the worst situations I could think up. With fear silently creeping up my body, I tried to shake the absurd thoughts away. I burst through their door, my eyes immediately searching for Joon. Seungho appeared before me. “He came home about an hour back and already looked like this, he must have brought the bottles from the store… and he won’t stop drinking. He keeps screaming at us, crying in between.  I don’t know what to do anymore… that’s why I called.”

I looked towards the place Seungho had nodded and saw Joon sitting against the foot of the couch on the floor. He was sagged over himself, a half empty bottle in his hands, while ten others lay in a circle around him. Some were empty others still full. My heart seemed to have dropped to the floor when I saw him like this. It broke my heart seeing him this way.

 

“Joonie…”, I cried painfully as I treaded towards him and sank to the floor on my knees in front of him. He looked up at me as if only regarding me now. His face as usual lit up when he saw me and nimble fingers tried to pry me closer to him in a hug. “Alice!”, he slurred happily. I grimaced at his drunken stupor. I held back as he tried to pull me into a hug and suddenly gave him a vicious slap across his face. He looked up at me in utter shock, hand rubbing his tender – now red- cheek. After a while his shocked expression faded and was replaced by a look of guilt. “Yeah Joon, feel guilty…. How could you do that to yourself?!”, I cried gripping him by his arms and shaking him slightly. How could you do that to me?

“I’m sorry Alice… I…I’m sorry…”

I sighed. “Yeah Joon, I know you are but sorry isn’t going to take you back in time and erase what you did”, I said sternly, yet full of care as I finally pulled him closer and hugged him tightly.

“I know”, he whispered into my neck, his voice breaking.

“What happened?”, I asked pulling him back, really taking in his appearance for the first time. His eyes were puffy from crying and the shocking amount of alcohol he’s consumed. His shirt was open, revealing his white tank top underneath. Other than that he just looked battered as if he’d been beaten up without any lasting marks…. Well on his skin at least.

He looked down again, the edge of my jacket as he began. “She came back to… and she wanted to see me again, so we went out for the day… and it was great really… but I ruined everything”, he said starting to sob into my jacket. “I always ruin everything!”, he suddenly screamed, making me jump back.

“You don’t Joonie! Okay? But you need to stay away from her, however hard it may be… she’s only going to keep hurting you.”

He said nothing, so I didn’t know if he actually acknowledged what I had said, instead he reached out his hand, tracing his fingers along my face. my cheeks and jaw, before gently cupping my face with his hand. “You always take care of me Alice… thank you”, he said before lightly kissing my lips, sending electricity through my body numbing me completely. I closed my eyes instinctively, adoring the way he kissed me, for the first time since we’ve kissed, in an unbearably sweet way.

I pulled away then, trying to hide the ache in my heart. “You don’t say thank you to your friends this way, you know.”, I stated dryly. He smiled slightly in reply. “You don’t seem to mind though”, he said with amusement. Anger flashed through my eyes and I supressed the urge to slap him across the face again. “I need to go, you seem perfectly fine now”, I said starting to get up and searching around the room for Seungho and the others. “No! Don’t go! Please stay with me!”, he pleaded, grabbing me by my wrist to pull me back down to him. “Where is Seungho?”, I asked, ignoring his pleading. “They left us, I guess….Don’t you leave as well, please, I need you Alice.”, he pleaded again, begging me with his eyes as well. “Didn’t you say you would always be there for me when I needed you? You said you would, please Alice…. I need you now”, he continued breaking my heart all the while as I watched him sob these words. Then he said the words that gripped my heart in the most painful way it could. “Don’t leave me like she did, please”