CLOUDS AND RAIN

I define life as a game. I play it in three ways: informed, side-tracked, and blindfolded. And I always meet people in between.

I don't do well in school but I live through it happily. Books don't get me. I don't even understand people who reads. Books, for one, bring you to tears simply by using overly dramatic words like cancer and fate. My Mom is fond of them; she's got like a whole room of literary winners. She encourages me to do the silent kill: repairs, music, and straight-home-after-class. According to her, all of those will keep me healthier and alive. Although the only fact is that she hates seeing me play basketball, skateboarding, and exhibiting 'recklessly' as she describes it. Yes I have a brain tumor. Doesn't mean I have to live like a cat. Seriously.

Being in third year high school actually changed things for me. I've never hanged out with the lower levels. Not until Park Chanyeol's girl friend transferred to Seoul High. I just want to be friends with her too. All summer, Chanyeol kept telling me that she's transferring this year. It's always Hannah here and Hannah there. I bet he likes her so much. 

"Please? It's Solemnity by Adam Scirsh." Victoria, a classmate, pleaded to have me go to the library to get this Solemnity book for her. I don't think I would have agreed if she's not mesmerizingly pretty. I don't even know why she needed me to do it. I guess she's flirting with me. I hate flirts.

So I went to the library and searched for the Adam book and find myself in front of gray-painted shelves. There's this girl on my left that keeps saying "Sepulchre, sepulchre, sepulchre..." I don't think she even noticed me. I watch her having difficulty with reaching the book from the higher rows. I figure she needed help so I interfered and handed her the maroon-covered novel. After that she merely stared at me and her eyes were the color of brewed coffee. "You're welcome," I say when she didn't say anything. 

I still haven't found Solemnity when I came back to that alleyway of S-T books and told her I don't see her around before. She told me she's a transferee and when I asked her name...

"Hannah." She said. 

Park Chanyeol's Hannah was standing in front of me. I don't even know why that statement almost felt like Chanyeol owned her. I take her hand and shake it, giving away my usual self-introduction. "Hi Hannah. I'm Kris Wu. I have a brain tumor. It's nice to meet you."

That's the way it's always been. Everyone knows me as the guy with the brain tumor. All because I allow them to. The idea doesn't scare me at all. I believe in rarity at its best. I want to be an example of it. 

I. 

I found out that Chanyeol and Hannah are actually neighbors and that they've known each other since Chanyeol was ten and Hannah nine. Since meeting her on the first day I couldn't seem to push her away from my mind. Maybe because every other girl in school is self-consciously beautiful and talkative while she's effortlessly attractive and quiet. Every time I see her walking around the campus I end up wondering whether I should go talk to her or ask her if I could walk her to her next class. Both sounds absurd and strange. She doesn't even notice me. She must even have forgotten about me helping her in the library. She's frustrating.

Thursday came and I didn't expect Chanyeol to invite her watch us skate. I only saw her sitting at the audience when Luhan, another close friend of mine, hands me the skateboard and whispers "There's a new girl from the sophomore class. She's watching".

Hannah is yet reading the book. She won't even pay attention to her boy friend who's currently trying so hard to amaze her. I almost want to laugh at Chanyeol's persistence. Maybe I can try to get her to watch. 

Skateboarding is not that easy. It took me weeks of practicing before I mastered the board tricks. Luhan is the best at it among the six of us; Xiumin, Kai and Sehun being the others. I put down the skateboard and step over it, left foot first and then the right, trying to balance myself on top of it. I let the skateboard jump off to a nearby hollow block and without intending to, I target over the surfaces of the stairwell down the basketball court. I managed to do it smooth and cool until I moved my feet the wrong way and lost my balance instantly throwing me to the hard ground. I fell on my back and I thought my spine broke because I was so scared and paranoid at the same time. I didn't even think about the possibility of hitting my head on something solid. I just laid there with my eyes closed, hearing all the students' sound of panic. The impact is what made it worse; I can't seem to move. I feel hands supporting my head, fingers tapping my shoulders, and hear questions like Are you okay? amidst all the voices. I lay there thinking 'bout what I just did and the stupidity of it. And then I heard her voice beside me. Funny how I can distinguish it when I've only talked to her twice. Hannah shouted "Call the school nurse!" and even with my eyes closed, I wanted to laugh because she sounded really concerned. No one's ever showed that much of sympathy towards my recklessness. I open my eyes and saw her scanning the crowd for someone; Chanyeol maybe. I found my voice. "Call who?"

Hannah looked down at me and her eyes were full of shock that I laughed. "I'm okay, Hannah." Although my back feels glued to the ground. I saw her concerned face turns into something that of hate and she stood up to walk away but I touched her wrist. As if wanting to apologize and reassure her at the same time, I said, "Really, I'm fine." And I don't know why I needed to say it. I don't know why I want her to kneel down again and just stay there with me. 

But she slapped me on the chest. "You're the stupidest guy I've ever met!" Everyone around was laughing. I watch as she made her way out the circle. Chanyeol immerse from the group and ran after her. Luhan helped me up. My head's spinning and my hands are slightly shaking. The pain at my back won't subside for the minute. "Sit down for a while, bro. You'll be fine." 

Despite the troubling pain, I shout back to Chanyeol's direction. "Hey Chanyeol! Your friend's really cute! I like it when she cares!" He laughs from afar. I can sense Hannah's annoyance and it made me smile a little.

I sit on the bench and Sehun sits beside me. "You're really something, hyung." I don't know what he meant by that. One thing I know though, people in school thinks of me as a superhero that even if they see me fall over and over again, they'd think I'd make it out alive all the time. That there's no serious damage to be done even if I am the guy with the brain tumor.

I wince through the pain and breathe heavily. Mom shouldn't see me this way when I get home. She'll be frantic as always. 

II.

I was absent the next day. Mom kept checking on me in my room if I was doing okay. I had fever and bruises at the back of my arms. Chanyeol sent me a text message asking why I missed class. 

I hate Saturdays for some reasons. One, my parents bring me to Dr. Xuangli for my MRI scan and second, Dr. Xuangli often prescribes additional meds for me to take regularly. It's sickening. 

Dr. Xuangli is a neurologist. He asks the same questions in all of my check-ups. He'd ask me if I'm experiencing headaches, difficulty in focusing, and memory problems. All to which I response "None. I'm feeling perfectly fine."

It's true that I sometimes forget things that I just did. This happened a few months ago during the summer vacation. I remember waking up Sunday morning and brushing my teeth. Dad found me lying on the bathroom floor and when I regained consciousness I can't recall what's happened. It's like I've passed out without even knowing it. That day Mom contacted Dr. Xuangli the fastest that she could. After that she just won't stop monitoring me. In the morning when I wake Mom wants me to greet her good morning right away and all the while I'm inside the bathroom I can hear her walking about in my room pretending to be cleaning or something. 

I wait as Dr. Xuangli speaks to my parents about the results of the MRI. The discussion always ends up with my doctor pointing out the white against the grey parts on the plate. I understand nothing from it. It stresses me to think that when I turn eighteen he eventually has to directly talk about it with me. Or maybe not; since he once stated about the possibility of doing me surgery. I keep praying for the tumor in my brain to stop growing so that I wouldn't be put to operation and take all the risks. Really, I have no idea how everything works.

On Monday morning, I enter the classroom and Chanyeol's the first one to greet me. "Yo Kris! Waddup!" He puts an arm around my shoulder and mess with my hair. We're the tallest in class; me being two centimeters taller. I gently pat his back and reply, "Mom said I should stop being friends with you guys." 

Kai butts in. "That's good! We're tired of being your friends." Damn they're so good. I never was able to trick them. Chanyeol laughs and the other joins him. I'm such a loser at jokes.

I found myself walking to the sophomore locker rooms at nine fifty. Class will resume at exactly ten o'clock. I've just bought cola from the canteen. It's the rightest of all right timings because from the stairs I saw Hannah getting some stuff from her locker. I half-run towards her and right after she closed the locker, her eyes meet mine. "Hi Hannah! Can we talk?" I smile. Basically we're three feet apart.

"What do you want?" She says while putting notebooks inside her backpack. "If you're here to apologize-"

"I am. I'm sorry about last time." I start. What happened last Thursday might have given her the impression that I wanted to prank and embarrass her in front of everybody. She looks at me and I continue, "I didn't do it on purpose. Truth is, tripping over actually did hurt but-"

"It happens all the time, right? Chanyeol told me you're always up for some idiocy." I can hear the emphasis on the last word. Chanyeol talks nicely about me, doesn't he? Hannah doesn't seem amused. "You're careless."

I don't like hearing that word! Especially not from Hannah. I reject it; trying to explain myself. "I'm not careless. Going around telling people you have a brain tumor and acting like you don't? You don't call that careless, Hannah." For the first time I want someone to understand what I'm truly going through. For the first time I just want some difference. 

But Hannah answers back. "What do you call it then?" And I'm lost. Maybe no one will ever get my point unless they're also fighting a battle of their own. Hannah turns her back at me and walks the opposite way. 

"Hannah." I try to stop her but she didn't. "Go out with me some time." That made her pause. 

She turns around and there was too much in her eyes. Hatred? Confusion? Concern? Then she asks "Why would I?" 

I answer her honestly. "'Cause I want you to." It's all that I can say. There's this weird feeling inside of me that just wants to throw up. The bell rings; signaling the start of third subject. "I don't want you to be late for your next class. I'll see you around, Hannah."

Without waiting for her to reply, I go down the stairs and head to Building B. Somehow I know that if she's confused about my behavior, I myself was confused too. The funnier thing is, I don't even think I've felt this way before. The electricity inside me makes me feel so human and alive. 

III.

It's Wednesday morning when I woke up with a throbbing headache. I try to sit up on bed but the movement seemed impossible. I could almost feel my surroundings rotating. I didn't call Mom because I know she'd insist on me staying at home and I don't want to miss school. I don't like sitting in one class to the next but trust me, I'd gladly prefer it than staying in my room doing nothing but rest. So I stand up and slowly walk to the bathroom. I swear everything from the sink to the toilet was moving. I tried slapping both sides of my head to clear the vision but didn't work. I lay down on the floor for a whole ten minutes, trying to calm down through the pain and just focus on the desire to go to school regardless if I'd be late. Please stop, please stop, I keep muttering under my breath. I've never had that much trouble in balance before. Lately it's hard for me to rise up in mornings. I dismissed the thought and for the nth time tried to get up to take a shower.

History went fine. The headache has subsided and I had no difficulty reading Mr. Yun's notes on the blackboard. Kai noticed my unusual mood and asked if it was because I didn't sleep well last night. I just smile at him; two fingers massaging the side of my forehead. 

After we've been dismissed, Chanyeol invited to play basketball. I joined in in the first few throws but realized there's something much worthy of my time. 

"Hi Hannah." How many times have I said that greeting before? I sit down next to her, distracting her from the book she's reading. 

She glanced up and when she saw that it's me she says, "I thought you were playing." She gazes at the remaining juniors who's still playing basketball; Chanyeol included.

I grin. "I thought you weren't watching." She rarely cares about anything else other than her precious story books. Hannah resumed reading, ignoring my presence, and I had to ask her, "What else do you do asides from read and study all day?" 

"Nothing," she says, not taking her eyes off the book on her lap. 

That's hard to believe. Everyone I know has some hidden talent in them. "Nothing? No sports, no music, no writing, no whatever?" 

Hannah shrugs her shoulders. I look at her slouched image beside me and falter on what to say next. There's got to be something she's good at. Maybe she's a swimmer or an incredible singer. There's got to be something. "It must be a boring life." I say instead, wanting to find out how she would react to such insult.

She's looking at me now. "Excuse me?" The way she said it gave me the impression that she really would do anything to defend the books and her passion for it. 

I clear myself. "You're almost like my Mom. She's got this library inside the house and all she do is read whenever she's not at work." Her eyes are really beautiful. 

I didn't quite expect that'd get her attention. "Your Mom's a book collector?" 

Glad that she's finally listening, I sit more comfortably and say, "Yep." Sehun and Luhan were both shouting my name from the court, asking me to go back and play. I ignore them.

Hannah was staring at me, probably wondering why on earth was I pretending like I couldn't hear my friends. "They're calling for you." 

"Uhm, I don't like to play anymore," I tell her. "Have you thought about going out with me?" I changed the subject.

"That was serious?" 

"You thought that was a joke?" I don't get girls. I don't get them at all. And I thought Hannah's an exception.

She smiled and I melted. "I can't go out with you." 

"Why not?" 

She hesitated but said it anyway. "I don't go out with idiots."

"Ouch!" I react immediately although it didn't really hurt. It actually sounded funny. Chanyeol shoots the ball to the ring and missed, giving me an idea. "But then, why are you friends with Park Chanyeol?" 

Hannah laughs. I think that's the first time she ever laughed with me. And I knew from that moment, even if I may be the stupidest guy in her life, I am capable of making her happy. She has never looked more beautiful since the very first day. 

IV.

The first time I got to hang-out with Hannah was on a cloudy July afternoon. It was a Sunday and going to the carnival was originally Sora's idea. She sent a message the night before; saying that we'll meet at the hotdog stall at ten. I went with Xiumin because the other dudes were playing computer in Luhan's house. I would've chosen to be there too, since the weather's not that inviting. When I woke up at seven, the clouds looked like rain, but after eating breakfast the sun was up again. 

Bom, a girl from the sophomore class, arrived after we did. Hannah must have been the one who invited her since they're classmates. I knew Bom because everyone in school knows that she has a big crush on Kai. Unfortunately, Kai won't be coming over. 

Chanyeol, Sora and Hannah all came in together. Hannah was wearing pants and round-neck yellow shirt. Her hair was in a ponytail and I noticed that her arm was looped around Chanyeol's. "Hi guys! Let's fall in line for the tickets?" Sora leads us to the booth. Chanyeol and I pat each other on the backs and Hannah gave me a small nod. 

We rode the ferris wheel first. One car can only hold two persons so we go in in pairs. I was hoping to have Hannah as partner but of course she'd go with Chanyeol. Xiumin was fast to tag on Sora so I was left with no one else but Bom. All the while inside the car she'd ask me about Kai and I only wished for the ride to end soon. After that I suggested riding the roller coaster and everyone was game for it, except Hannah who remained silent. "Exchange partners?" I say, desperate to have Hannah with me. 

Chanyeol shakes his head. "One would have to go without a partner. Hannah don't ride roller coasters."

I look at Hannah. "Why not?"

Chanyeol answered for her, although I'm quite sure Hannah can answer that herself. "She's scared, she's never ridden it."

"Come on, it's not that scary! It just goes up and down." I encourage, facing Hannah.

She waves her hand in disapproval. "It's okay, I'll just stay here and watch you guys. Really, I don't, I mean, it's-" She stutters from there and I knew she really doesn't want to go, but I still can convince her. 

"You have to try it just for once. You will never know unless you try, right?" Inside I was hoping she'd say yes, and then she'll ride it with me. 

Chanyeol stops me by pushing me away, indicating we just keep going even without his friend. I will not. "Come on, Hannah. Are you just gonna stay here and watch us rise and fall? You'd miss all the fun, I swear to God you will. Come on."

"Drop it, bro. Let's just-"

"No way. How can it frighten her when she's never tried it?" I reasoned with Chanyeol. He should stop acting so possessive of her. I pull my arm away from his hand. With one last try, I offer my hand to Hannah, "Please?"

Maybe that could've done the trick. When Hannah took my hand I almost gave myself away by smiling too wide. Who wins now, Chanyeol? 

I never believed in being fearful without having encountered the fear first. Yes, there's a so-called fear of the unknown but hell, it'll always be that unless you see for yourself. I feel Chanyeol tensed; he must be jealous. Hannah let go off my hand and gave me a warning, "Don't you dare waste my trust."

I laugh not only because it appeared sweet to me but also because she should've said that to the guy who operates the rides rather than at me. Twisting my head to the side, I shouted to the bald man who's in-charge of the roller coaster control buttons. "Hey Sir! Please make sure we don't get stuck up and die on air!" 

We secured ourselves in the seats and I can feel Hannah's level of anxiety. Before the roller coaster started gaining speed, I whisper to her ears. "It would help to scream. I promise I won't mind. I might even freak out with you." The last sentence was what made her punch me on the arm. God I like teasing her. 

Hannah took my advice seriously. She shouted all throughout the ride, making me laugh so hard that I feel so bloated. I would remember this proximity for the rest of my life; of how near she physically is to me even though we're emotionally apart. I feel for her what she probably won't feel for me. 

When we got down, Hannah keeps slapping my back, "I can't believe I did that! I will never ride that again!" And I just keep laughing at her flustered face. I've never seen her blush until today. 

Then there's blood on her nose. "Hannah, your nose is bleeding," I say, but Chanyeol and Sora were already in front of me, taking out tissues and asking Hannah to tilt her head forward and pinch her nose. Since when did they become nurses? 

"Are you okay?" Xiumin asked at her, his eyebrows creased. I'm lost thinking whether it was my fault. I shouldn't have forced her to ride the roller coaster. 

Hannah put up a smile and say, "It must be the changing weather." For a moment I agree with her, because now the gray clouds were back. I've had nosebleeds before and they're nothing serious. Everyone experiences it more than once. 

I went to a nearby food stall and came back to give Hannah a bottle of water. She said thanks and for the rest of the hours that we roam around the carnival, she had that bottle with her. 

V.

Another time I got to hang-out with Hannah was on Friday after school. I found her in Building A, she was looking over the announcement board. I startle her by saying, "Hi Hannah! What's up?"

"Nothing, just reading the English club requirements." She pointed to the clipboard regarding the briefing for anyone who wants to be a part of the school newspaper. 

"You want to join? You're thinking of submitting an entry?" This confirms two things for me: that she's interested in writing and that, she indeed has a talent. 

I thought she wouldn't share such things with me. We're not as close as she is with Chanyeol anyway. But the past two months have been in my favor. I found more time with Hannah by trying to have her talk to me during recess and library periods. I have stopped skateboarding for three consecutive Thursdays just to sit beside her on the bench and talk about Seoul High and my Mom's collection of books. Of course I have other friends to make time for. Chanyeol, for instance, would always interrupt my moments with his friend. I don't see anything wrong with having him join us during our small and long conversations. Hannah told me about her parents working in China. She told me about her favorite line from her favorite book and I only listen because I'm not a bookworm in the first place. The best and worst part of the whole arrangement was; every day that I get to talk to her, I end up going home and searching for the books she mentioned and taking notes of the lines she liked. I don't know for what particular reason but I think I'm starting to like her so much to the point that I can't even complain anymore. Hannah has become so much more in my eyes. Every time I look at her, I no longer see the plain fifteen year old Hannah who just sits around people but a Hannah that loves to talk about anything under the sun and enjoys every second of it. She's an abstract of many things.

Hannah gives me a scrutinizing look before saying, "I already did. Let's wait for the results next week." I like it when she uses the word let's because it kinds of mean I can join her in waiting. Let's is equal to let us. 

Chanyeol and the others were in Sehun's dormitory. Hannah told me her Auntie won't be home not until nine in the evening so she had no choice but to eat early dinner in the school canteen. "I'll eat with you," I smile, and she didn't object.

We had our stomachs full and I told her we need to do some exercise, like running the way home or tumbling over the school garden. "You sound so gay, Kris. We can't run and tumble, it's raining." She pulled out an umbrella. We're headed to the dormitory to call Chanyeol and go home. 

I pushed down the umbrella, getting us wet under the rain. Hannah scolds me right away. "What are you doing? We'll get sick!" Again, I like that she used we'll. She opens the umbrella again but I stopped her by taking it and clasping my hand with hers. "Kris!"

"Have you ever heard the saying 'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's learning to dance in the rain'?" 

Hannah ignores me and tries reaching for her umbrella on my other hand. By now we're already wet that it's useless for an umbrella. "Kris, give it to me!" She sounds pissed already.

I pull us further into the open area where nothing can shield us from the heavy rain. All around us were raindrops against cements and glasses. It feels so good standing there holding Hannah's hands, not caring at all about our uniforms getting soaked and everything. "Don't be such a killjoy, Hannah. Let us dance in the rain. Literally."

I begin circling her like in swing and even initiated some tango steps in the rain. From the outside we looked like two insane person dancing underneath the angry clouds. With our clothes wet and our hairs too, we played chase and Hannah started laughing. I found happiness in her giggles and the mere fact that we're both teenagers and in high school and in our craziest years. I am in love with the simple but radiant Hannah Kim.

"Kris, we have to go to Chanyeol!" Hannah breathes into my chest when I hugged her. I feel her against me, her hands cold and soft. 

"Okay, let's go." I hold onto her hand, to the direction of Sehun's dorm.

"With the umbrella now, please?" She said.

I shook my head. "It's more fun this way." 

Hannah didn't argue again after that. Together we headed to the school dormitory and Chanyeol was already outside waiting for us. When he saw that we're wet and not using an umbrella, he runs to Hannah and shouts, "Hannah!" He pulled her away from me, making sure she's under the umbrella he's holding for himself. And then he turned to me, "Kris! What did you do?!" 

Chanyeol is yet exaggerating. I answer cooly, "We just danced in the rain." I heard Hannah laugh a little in his arms. 

"Danced?" Chanyeol repeated. "Hannah, are you cold?" 

Hannah nodded to him and Chanyeol removed his blazer and put it over her. "Better?" Hannah nods again and then Chanyeol asked, "How are you feeling?" He's acting like a very concerned boyfriend, really. It's beginning to annoy me. It's like he doesn't trust Hannah being with me. 

"I'm fine, Chanyeol." I heard Hannah say, but her voice was hoarse. She had her hands on both of Chanyeol's shoulders, eventually wrapping it around his neck, then she whispered to his ears; as if she didn't want me to hear. But I heard it still. "Just t-tired". Even with her back turned, I can imagine her frail face. 

Chanyeol warms her arms with his palms. "Okay, let's get you dry and I'll take you home."

That's when I stay rooted on the spot. I was clueless, I was blinded from the start. I know now why Chanyeol and Sora has always been there for Hannah, why they act in a certain way when they're with her. Because just now I realized, Hannah's I'm fine has always been the same as my I'm fine. It's a terrible hide-out, a way to not let people into my secret. For once, I was scared. There's something Hannah is not telling me.

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Helloooo! Before anything else, I'd like to apologize for all the errors that you see while reading this chapter (spelling, grammar, tenses, etc.). I promise to do some editing when I have time. If you find this chapter full of fluff, sorry again. The next chapter will be emotional so prepare yourselves. Haha.

Yehey to alternating POVs! What do you think of the story so far? Please don't be shy and let me know. 

By the way, have you guys heard the OST for Tiny Times 3? The audio/MV was leaked today and gaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! I missed Kris' voice (who feels the same way?)!!!! It's been so long since we heard him sing (emphasis on sing and not rap), right? I only wish the best for him. And EXO too.

Also, Baekhyun updated his IG today. He said sorry for hurting his fans (I think he's referring to the dating issue). But my friend told me he deleted it. I checked his account just now and yeah he did. The apology might have been more sincere if he did not delete it. This is only my opinion. Still, I love Baekhyun. Not really against him dating. He deserves to be happy.

I might not update this week but you can expect a looonngg chapter soon. Thanks to all the subscribers! I heart y'all! :)

P.S. If you feel like reading my other fanfics, please do so. There's "Empty Keys" (if you ship Baekyeol) & "30days with Yifan". Enjoy!