*beep* clunk *beep* clunk *beep* sigh. 

Today had been a long day for Sehun as he lost himself in his thoughts once again.  He stared down at the pile of books he's scanning and sighed for the hundredth time.  He had woken up late, skipped breakfast, dealt with a kid that was ripping books, and overall had a ty day.  Not to mention the fact that he couldn't get Luhan out of his mind.  Ever since they're sort of date (in his opinion at least) he couldn't stop thinking about the strange Chinese man.  Everything the older guy did was intriguing, especially considering the fact that Luhan was so keen on not sharing anything about himself.  But Sehun didn't even care about that, he could go his whole life not knowing anything about him and still want to be near him. 

Wait. 

What was he thinking?  Life is a long time, he needs to stop getting ahead of himself.  Everyone always tells him he's a dreamer but that doesn't mean he needs to be delusional, Luhan probably doesn't even like him.  Although he did help Sehun beat that conman at the mall, hitting such a tiny target now that was impressive!

"Sehun!"

“Woah!”  Sehun gasped, dropping a book.  “No need to yell, what is it noona?"

"You've been spacing out all day, its three now.  You said you needed to leave early so go."

She pointed her manicured finger toward the door and rolled her eyes.  Sehun thanked her and raced out the door leaving the books with no regrets.  He was beyond excited, if anything could deter his mind from thinking about Luhan, this would be it.  Lay was coming back today and Sehun was going to the airport to pick him up.  He hadn't seen his best friend in weeks and was definitely sick of watering his plants.

The airport was bustling with people and busy as always as Sehun pushed his way through the crowd with his sign.  He had let his little brother decorate it, as was obvious by the smeared paint and scribbles surrounding the neatly written Zhang Yixing (my homie Lay).  It was slightly embarrassing but Sehun knew Lay would still appreciate it. 

Sehun positioned himself behind the roped barrier and held it up with a small smile, before he knew it he spotted a crowd of people exiting through the doors and was greeted by the happy dimpled face of his best friend.  Lay ran toward him with open arms, but right before he launched himself into a hug he drew his arms in and fist bumped sehun instead.  Sehun had already been expecting this, it was a usual thing. 

"Oh boy, you're art has definitely improved since I've been gone." Lay laughed, glancing over the sign. 

"Shut it." Sehun punched his arm. "I think it's quite obvious your ‘little homie’ made this for you."

"Well then I should treasure it."  Lay grinned, rolling the sign up carefully.

"So, how was it trying to survive without me?" Lay asked with a cheeky smirk once they were in Sehun’s car. 

"You do know my existence doesn't depend on your presence right?" Sehun rolled his eyes and sighed.  "I was fine, how was your family?"

"The usual, my grandparents wouldn't stop hugging me, my parents wouldn't stop crying, and my siblings couldn't care less about me, same old same old." Lay sighed and then perked up. "Although, there was something odd!  My cousin was there."

"The scary cousin?" Sehun asked, recalling stories he had heard from his friend.

"Yep, except he seemed a lot less terrifying now compared to the last time I saw him.  Considering the fact that his father just passed away, I wasn't expecting to see him, let alone see him being an actual pleasant person." Lay looked out the window with a thoughtful expression before shaking his head and turning to sehun with a huge smile. "But, enough about my family!  I want to hear more about this guy that you've taken such an interest in!"

"I've already told you everything."  Sehun replied, hoping the conversation wouldn’t linger on Luhan for too long.

"Yeah, but when do I get to meet him?"  Lay asked with bright eyes.

"Who said you ever will?" Sehun cast a suspicious glance at him.  "Besides I'm just getting to know him myself."

“Eh!”  Lay rolled his eyes.  “Oh Sehun doesn’t get to know someone, he falls first.  I’m your best friend, I know everything and I can already tell you’re in deep with this guy.”

“Whatever.”  Sehun grumbled, pulling into a parking space at Lay’s apartment complex.  “We’re here, get out, unpack, say hi to your precious plants, and I’ll see you later for dinner, okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah!”  Lay grinned, moving to open his door before turning back with a serious face.  “I really do want to meet this guy, Sehun.  As your friend who knows how your silly heart works and has seen how many times you got hurt just for that reason, I’m hoping he’s different than the others.  You deserve to be happy.” 

            Sehun couldn’t help but be touched by his words.  Lay was right.  Sehun would always fall head over heels with a person and devote himself before taking the time to see their true nature.  That had resulted in more than a few nasty break ups, all of which Lay had to comfort him for.  However, Sehun has no control over his heart, and he knew he would act the same with Luhan regardless of the possible outcome.  That’s just how he was, an idealist who doesn’t need to interrogate a person in order to like them.  Some may find it foolish, but Sehun finds the idea of fully following your heart beautiful and inspiring. 

“You just worry about yourself!”  Sehun called to Lay who was already out of the car.  “You’ve been single for too long.”

“You must not know what I’ve been up to while I was gone!  Collecting numbers and breaking hearts all over China!”  Lay smirked and gave him an exaggerated wink before walking away with a passive wave over his shoulder.  Sehun just laughed and drove away. 

            He had the rest of his afternoon free until dinner.  His family was celebrating Lay’s return by going out to eat.  After a quick decision he decided to spend his time in his new studio.

            There was something so soothing about art.  The rhythmic motions of his brush moving against the canvas, the sight of the paints swirling and blending together as he made new colors and shades.  The picture in his mind coming to life right in front of his eyes.  Sehun never has to think too hard when he paints or draws, he just lets himself go, becomes free and sees what emerges from it. 

            This painting turned out to be a bit abstract, it still has a bit to go when Sehun has more time, but when it was done Sehun knew it would be a new favorite of his.  A hand was in the forefront, a strong yet delicate hand, holding a dart and aiming it towards a group of books, books that spiraled down, down into what?  Sehun wasn’t sure, he’ll paint it black.  Black like the mystery of Luhan, the part of him he doesn’t know. 

            The sun was dimming outside and Sehun knew it was time to go so he wouldn’t be late.  He carefully placed the drying canvas on his table and locked up the rooftop room.  As he was walking down to his car he couldn’t shake off the feeling of eyes on him.  It was odd, and random, but Sehun wasn’t one to ignore feelings like that.  He ran a bit faster until he was in his car and speeding off without a glance back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello, Sehun.  Funny running into you here…I mean I know you work here but…Wait, I only know you work here because of the other times I came in to get books…I didn’t like stalk you or anything, you remember that time right?  You caught me with my knife!  Knife…I can’t tell you why I had a knife…Let’s start over!”

“Hello, Sehun.  How are you?  Good?  That’s good, I’m good, too.  Wait, I’m not really good in the real sense.  I’m actually bad, really bad.  Not in a way, I mean I’m a bad person.  God Luhan!  You’re hopeless!”

            Luhan beat his fist on the wall and sneered at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.  He had spent the last hour uselessly practicing ways to approach Sehun casually.  However, he was a huge failure.  If he can’t even trick a mirror into thinking he’s normal how can he trick Sehun? 

            It wasn’t that he particularly wanted to initiate the next encounter with the younger guy, but Luhan’s goal for himself was to act normal, and he knew that since Sehun asked him to hang out last time it was only fair Luhan did it this time.  So, he practiced, he failed, he’ll take a break, and then practice again.  That’s how life works. 

            He drags himself the few feet to his kitchen, his head down in defeat and his arms pathetically pouring a cup of coffee.  He held the warm cup in his hands, and walked to his window.  And there he was, of course, the cause of Luhan’s struggles.  Oh Sehun.  He was running up the steps to his room and when he got in he was kind enough to open his window all the way, giving Luhan a perfect view as he sat down and started to paint. 

            Luhan should be ashamed, he should feel embarrassed, or at least disappointed in himself as he grabs his binoculars and makes himself comfortable on his window ledge, one hand sipping coffee the other holding the wonderful device that shows Sehun and his canvas up close.  However, like always, Luhan doesn’t feel anything, there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing, he only wants to watch. 

            His view to the painting itself is obstructed by Sehun’s body, but Luhan is sure that it’s beautiful judging by the corner full of painted books.  Just watching the outline of Sehun’s body is beautiful, his muscles relaxed and his arm moving so naturally.  Luhan is in awe, he can’t look away.  The time slips by quickly until Sehun is suddenly standing and moving his canvas.  Luhan scrambles of his window and against his better judgement he makes a quick exit through the back, squeezing through a window and climbing the wall down to the ground.  He runs around the side of the building and gets into his car that hasn’t been used in a long time.  A shiny, expensive car that didn’t match the neighborhood at all.  From his seat he can see Sehun locking his door and jumping down his stairs.  Sehun looks around with a strange expression when he gets to the street and Luhan ducks down until the lights show that Sehun is driving away and Luhan quickly follows. 

            A part of his brain is telling him to stop, that it’s wrong, that he’s slipping into old habits.  However, he can’t help but be curious about Sehun.  If he is going to get closer he needs to know more about him, he wants to know more about him.  He knew not to push it, no more breaking in, he’ll just watch.  That’s all. 

            Sehun’s car came to a stop in front of a restaurant in the city, Luhan parked his car across the street and watched.  The restaurant had glass walls so he could clearly see Sehun walk in and head to a full table.  It was easy enough for Luhan to tell who these people were, the family resemblance was obvious.  The older couple were Sehun’s parents, and the younger kids were his siblings.  Sehun had sat down next to a cute guy with dimples and kind eyes.  Luhan recognized him from Sehun’s paintings and deduced from their body language that they were close friends.  Sehun said something to them and everyone immediately started to laugh, it was quite a sight for Luhan.  A picture perfect family gathering.  Something he had never experienced. 

He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them while he stared out his window.  Is this what it looks like?  To have a family, to laugh with them, fight with them, and love them.  Interesting. 

Luhan allowed himself to get into the scene he was watching.  He observed them interacting, how Sehun’s mother eyed every person to make sure they were eating, how Sehun’s friend used his whole body to exaggerate stories that made the younger children go wide-eyed, how Sehun and his father conversed without looking anywhere else except each other’s eyes.  The caring expressions morphed onto Luhan’s face, he laughed when they laughed, frowned when they frowned, and smiled with a longing starting to surface.  A longing he had buried the moment he stopped looking for his family.  He used to have hope, but it was gone.  This scene was bringing it back, he could feel his eyes start to grow wet, and he grimaced.  He couldn’t cry, he wasn’t that weak.  Luckily, his phone rang right at that moment, snapping him out of his emotional state.  He glanced at the screen and was surprised at the name he saw, he quickly answered it.

“Hi, Kai.” 

“Hey, there!”  Kai’s voice rang out, sounding a lot brighter than Luhan felt.  “How’s my little psycho?”

“Gross.”  Luhan grimaced.  “I’m not yours and I’m not little.  The psycho part, well that could be true.”  His eyes stayed glued to Sehun, watching him as he laughed with his mom, his eyes turning into crescents.  Luhan found it cute.

“Could be?”  Kai asked incredulously.  “More like absolutely confirmed.  Anyways, it’s nice to know you’re still alive.  I haven’t heard from you in quite a while.  What have you been up to?”

“You know, the usual.”  Luhan replied coolly.

“I hope you don’t mean the usual that I’m thinking of.  What exactly have you been doing?”  Kai sounded worried and Luhan laughed.

“Just cutting things up, washing blood off my hands, and selling bodies.” 

“God, Luhan.”  Kai laughed.  “Way to be morbid!  So, you got a job at a fish stand?”

“Yep.” Luhan grinned, of course Kai would figure it out.  “You’re reasoning is still as good as always.” 

“Well, loving Kyungsoo and living like a normal person isn’t going to make me stupid, I still have all my skills.”

“Skilled?  Is that what we are?”  Luhan asked, feeling rather pathetic at the position he was in, watching a happy family while he sat in the dark.  “Skills are supposed to be good, but it seems like ours only hurt us and separate us from everyone else.” 

“You’re being quite serious all of a sudden.  Are you okay?”

“I’ve been trying to live an honest life lately, so I’ll be truthful and tell you that no, I’m not okay.”  Luhan’s mind was blank, his face showing no emotion and his unshed tears gone.  His eyes stayed locked on his target, the fierce gaze unwavering.  “How do you do it, Kai?  How can you let yourself live the way you are?  Love, friends, we have no right to indulge in those things.  How do you look Kyungsoo in the eyes without thinking of all the things you’ve done, all the people you’ve killed?”

“It’s not easy, Luhan.”  Kai answered quietly.  “Every day is a struggle, but I make it through because Kyungsoo is here to help me.  What we need to remember is that the past is the past, we can’t change the fact that we were assassins, we can’t take back what we did, but we got out, we changed, and we can move on.  You understand, right?  You may be insane, but you’re still my friend.  I don’t want you to miss out on any good opportunities just because you’re hung up on the past.”

“Good opportunities?  Whatever do you mean by that, Kim Jongin?”  Luhan said slyly.

“Ugh, it sounds gross when you use that name.”  Kai grumbled.  “I meant new friends, new experiences, maybe even, dare I say, love.  And thanks for completely ignoring all the emotional crap I spat out for you, you insensitive .  Don’t try to be serious anymore, it doesn’t match you.”

“You’re right.  Emotions aren’t my style.”  Luhan responded, trying to forget how he almost cried like a baby not too long ago.  “Regardless, I did sort of need to hear that crap so thank you.” 

“No problem.”  Kai said, and Luhan could practically hear his annoying grin.  “By any chance, is there a good opportunity coming your way?  Is that why you needed to hear my amazing advice.”

“Hmm.”  Luhan hummed, watching Sehun and his family leave the restaurant.  A smile spread across his face.  “You know what, my dear friend, I think there just might be.” 

            Luhan stayed alert far into the night.  Stretched out on his bed, eyes boring holes into his ceiling and his fingers tapping out patterns on his stomach.  For the first time since he met Sehun, his mind was calm.  Kai was right, it was time to move on.  Sehun was the perfect opportunity, he asked no questions, he was interesting, and he seemed to like being around Luhan.  There was nothing to hold him back from this relationship, whatever it may turn out to be. 

            Luhan had let himself grow soft, let himself think that he didn’t deserve to live like a normal person, no matter how much he longed for a life like that.  However, his mind was changing.  Why?  Why shouldn’t he get the chance to be normal?  His parents died, his family abandoned him, he was practically manipulated and forced to become what he was.  Sure he did have a certain affinity with his previous job, sure he might’ve enjoyed it more than he should have, and sure he might not feel the amount of guilt that should be in his heart.  But, he was different now.  He was a changed man.  Luhan will never kill again, now it was time for him to live. 

            He grabbed his phone and scrolled to Sehun’s number, sending him a text despite the fact that it was the middle of the night.  He grinned and clutched his phone to his chest, staying like that until he felt the rays of the sun hit his face and the phone vibrate with a response.  

a/n: Wow, here's a chapter.  I'm literally the worst for never updating, sorry!  I can't promise a faster update either since I'm dealing with some unfortunate stuff sigh:(  But thank you to any new subscribers, and thank you to everyone for waiting!  Now, excuse me while I go mentally prepare for Kyungsoo's teaser<3