Talking with Kim Soo Hyun was like falling into an old habit: it was familiar, pleasant, and something Shin Hye didn’t know she missed until now. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed this much. Initially, there were a few forced laughs in between conversations – but it was only because she wanted so much to seem like the old Shin Hye. What she belatedly realized was she didn't have to try so hard because being around Kim Soo Hyun would naturally bring it out of her.

“You’re exactly as I remembered,” Soo Hyun mused, a perpetual smile plastered on his face. It reminded Shin Hye so much of the playful smirks he used to give her in the past. “Except you’re prettier. Much prettier.”

Shin Hye unexpectedly felt herself flush at the compliment, because it was clear Soo Hyun meant it. His gaze was steady on her face, it was hard not to buckle under his unwavering stare. His eyes were as deep as she remembered, although she subconsciously thought it might have been better if she’d forgotten. She averted her gaze and ignored the comment. How was one to respond to that anyway? So she did the only thing she could do at that moment, and took a sip from the cup in front of her.

“How long have you been a detective?” She asked, in the hopes to steer the conversation away from her.

“Four years,” Soo Hyun replied, looking slightly amused at Shin Hye dodging his remark. Of course he noticed. She was never one to respond well to flattery. “Right after police academy, I was assigned in Busan. I was transferred here in Seoul recently. I’ve been on the job for three months.”

“I see,” she nodded, her brows marred with a tiny crease. “Looks like you’ve got a lot on your plate for someone who just started here. Those reporters outside were starting to get extreme. So many things going on?”

“Yeah,” he huffed. Shin Hye could almost feel the weight of his stress at the one-word response. “I haven’t had a full night’s rest in weeks.”

“You have to take it easy. Seoul needs healthy cops to catch the bad guys,” she remarked.

“I’m feeling much better now, actually,” he smiled, showing the distinct laugh line at the left side of his lower cheek. His smile was infectious, she found herself beaming right back.

And just like that, she remembered more things about her high school sunbae – like fragments from a past life. Kim Soo Hyun was passionate and intense when he needed to be, which made him a great leader. But he could also make you feel so at ease with his down-to-earth and easygoing spirit.

She recalled a time when he scolded the entire Taekwondo team for missing out on practice.

She had never seen him so mad before, she physically flinched at the anger in his voice. She heaved a sigh, her heart weighed down by every furious word to come out of him. Not only because she felt guilty for disobeying their leader, but mostly because she and Soo Hyun had made plans to go out that night – a suggestion he made when Shin Hye eyed the night market a few weeks back. He was surprised when she said she’d never been there, explaining that she usually stayed indoors with her Mother. Shin Hye had actually been looking forward to that night for days, but she knew Soo Hyun wouldn't be in the mood. 

So after changing her clothes, she quietly left the dojo. She’d already walked quite a distance when she felt someone’s arm flung over her shoulders.

“Hey, why’d you leave me behind? We had plans, remember?”

Shin Hye looked up with wide eyes only to see Soo Hyun looking down at her with a huge grin on his face.

“But I thought you wouldn’t…”

“Anya,” he cut her off, and looked straight ahead. “Inside the dojo, I’m your sunbae. But outside, I’m just your friendly neighborhood oppa.”

Shin Hye suppressed a smile and focused on the road ahead. She tried to overlook the fact that Soo Hyun’s arm was still draped over her; otherwise, she'd be as red as a tomato.

“Sorry about the outburst,” he continued, his voice more serious. “But I had to do it, you know. I hope I didn’t scare you. I was mostly mad at the guys.”

“It’s okay. It was our fault anyway,” she replied meekly.

She let out a quiet gasp when his arm left her shoulders and she suddenly felt a hand grip her wrist. She didn’t realize she had stopped walking and gaped at her sunbae. Soo Hyun's eyes glinted with a mixture of excitement and amusement. “Come on, the faster we get there, the longer our time to look around.”

Before she could mumble a reply, Soo Hyun had already dragged her to the direction of the market.

Shin Hye smiled at the memory.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

Soo Hyun's voice snapped her out of her inner musings. “Nothing. I just recalled how strict you were as a sunbae,” she told him, conveniently leaving out the part of the story where they spent the whole night eating and joking around at the night market. “The guys talked about you a lot behind your back. Did you know?”

Soo Hyun chuckled. “Of course I knew. And I knew you defended me all the time from those clowns. That’s why you were always my favorite.”

Shin Hye laughed and lifted her cup again to take a sip - a movement she was beginning to notice she did when she couldn't think of an appropriate response to Soo Hyun's compliments. He did the same and the short silence between them allowed Shin Hye’s mind to drift back to Shi Yoon and Min Ho. Ah, right. I’m on a mission, she reminded herself. Then she noticed that she hadn’t heard a thing from the comm device for a while now. Why are they so quiet? Usually, Shi Yoon never passed up an opportunity to . Did Shi Yoon turn the comm off? Wait.

She crumpled her hands into fists. The son of a... He turned off MY hearing end!

“So. Now that you’ve asked me so many questions, it’s my turn.”

Shin Hye turned back to Soo Hyun, failing to catch a word he said because she was too busy thinking of ways to get back at Shi Yoon.

“How is your Mom? The best naengchae I’ve ever tasted is still hers,” he beamed. “And did you ever go to medical school like you planned? If you’re already a doctor and you haven’t said anything yet, I’m going to be disappointed that it wasn't the first thing you told me.”

Shin Hye stiffened at his questions. They’re still listening. She regained her composure in a second and flashed him a smile. “Sunbae, do you mind if I visit the powder room first?”

Soo Hyun nodded and rose from his seat. “Of course, of course. I’ll just be here.”

Shin Hye excused herself again and walked towards the comfort room, muttering a few angry curses under her breath. Just thinking about what Shi Yoon must be saying to Min Ho right now was fueling her rage. She can imagine it now, the two guys laughing at her expense.

“Yoon Shi Yoon. Text me if you’ve copied the files,” she whispered as soon as she was inside the ladies’ room. And with that, she removed her earpiece, pressed a small button to turn it off and placed it inside her bag. Now you can’t hear us, too.

She lingered inside, and took that chance to check herself in front of the mirror. I still look weird. She wasn't used to seeing herself dressed so... normal. After smoothing her hair, she headed back. As she was approaching their table, she noticed a piece of chocolate cake near her coffee cup, and a vanilla chiffon one near Soo Hyun’s. She furrowed her brows as she sat down. “What’s this, sunbae?”

“You love chocolate,” he replied sheepishly. “I remembered you ate almost half of the cake during Chan Woo’s birthday.”

“I did not!” She exclaimed rather loudly, trying to recall if she did such a thing.

Soo Hyun chuckled for what seemed like a long time while Shin Hye felt her cheeks burning. She was almost inclined to believe it, but then Soo Hyun shook his head.

“I’m kidding. Though I do know you love chocolate cake. Eat,” he gestured to the cake and took a bite from his.

Shin Hye bit her lower lip and followed suit. As she ate, she could feel Soo Hyun’s eyes on her. When she lifted her face, Soo Hyun’s lips were curled up and he was looking at her warmly.

Odd. For a second there, she recalled the way Min Ho looked at her earlier today. Now that she thought about it, the chaebol had the same depth to his eyes that Soo Hyun did. The only difference was, Shin Hye could automatically sense what Soo Hyun was thinking, how he was feeling. With Min Ho, it was much harder to decipher. And while she did feel self-conscious under Soo Hyun’s gaze, she knew he was looking at her with affection and familiarity. With Min Ho, it was much different. It was more forceful, almost intrusive. She couldn’t exactly put her finger on it, but it was always so intense.

She shook off the thought and mentally scolded herself for her wandering mind.

“You’re all grown up, Shin Hye,” Soo Hyun said, effectively grabbing her attention again. “You have no idea how great it is to see you like this.”

Shin Hye returned the smile. “It’s great to see you, too, sunbae. And a head detective at that. I must admit, somehow, I imagined you’d be doing this kind of work, you know? You were always the type who’d do anything to make this world a better place.”

“Speak for yourself,” Soo Hyun told her, his brows raised. “Remember when we had that overnight camping trip with the Taekwondo Club? The two of us were the only ones left sitting by the bonfire because everybody wanted to sleep. We kept talking and talking, until we didn’t even realize we’d been talking for hours. I asked you what you wanted to become. You said you couldn’t imagine yourself being anything but a doctor. Do you remember?”

Shin Hye fell silent, the image of that night filling her mind. They were out of food, and all they had left was a thermos full of hot chocolate that her Mom had prepared. They didn’t sleep until they finished it. And in between sips, they just talked about anything and everything.

She met Soo Hyun’s gaze and nodded faintly, almost dreading what he was going to say next.

“You said that it was just you and your Omma left in this world. And that you’d do anything to prolong her life so you can be together for a long time,” Soo Hyun continued, sounding pensive. “You wanted to be a doctor because that’s what doctors do. Fight death. Save lives. You were inspiring, Shin Hye. You're partly the reason why I became a detective. Seeing you so headstrong in what you believed in and what you wanted to become made me realize I needed to find my path, too.”

Shin Hye felt a lump in as her heart dropped at Soo Hyun’s recollection. Her chest tightened, feeling an nagging ache somewhere deep down. Was this who I used to be? From someone who wanted to fight death, she became deliverer of death to many people. A sense of shame gripped her at that instant.

“I couldn’t save her,” she muttered softly, her voice cracking as she hung her head low.

“Meo?” Soo Hyun creased his brows.

Shin Hye looked up at Soo Hyun, a pained expression still etched on her face. “I couldn’t save her. She’s gone.”

Soo Hyun’s expression darkened as his body shifted forward. Almost immediately, his whole demeanor changed from gentle to brooding. “What happened?” He sounded more upset than curious.

Shin Hye smiled bitterly. “She was murdered.”

“What?” Soo Hyun gripped the edges of the coffee table. “When? I didn’t… Do you know who did it? Is it— Are you—”

“Sunbae,” Shin Hye reached over and placed a hand over his closed fist. “She died five years ago. It’s been awhile. I’ve accepted it now.”

Soo Hyun’s stance visibly softened, but his face was now etched with sympathy. “And the one who killed her?”

Shin Hye flinched at the question, although it must be the cop in him that pushed him to ask.

“He’s dead.”

“Shin Hye, I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know. Had I known, I would’ve looked for you earlier…”

“It’s okay. I’m okay now,” she cut him off, feeling more uneasy that Soo Hyun was so worked up over it. Although something inside her protested. You’re not okay. You’re not. She fought that inner voice; the last thing she wanted to do right now was break down in front of Soo Hyun. She focused on the man in front of her, and that’s when she backtracked to what he just said. “Had I known, I would’ve looked for you earlier…” She furrowed her brows. “Look for me… earlier?”

Soo Hyun opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He leaned back, as if realizing he said something he shouldn’t have, and slumped his shoulders. He had stopped looking at her in the eye and dropped his gaze to the coffee table in front of them. “I looked for you,” he started to say, rubbing the back of his neck. “After being released from police academy, I wanted to see you. I went to your old house, but I was told nobody lived there anymore. I went to our old high school, in case anybody knew where you were, but nobody can tell me. Your friends said they haven’t been able to reach you for a year.”

He bit his lip, and tried to suppress a smile. He still wouldn’t meet Shin Hye’s eyes. “I delayed my assignment in Busan for two months. I wanted to see you before I left,” he continued, his voice becoming smaller and smaller. “I searched everywhere. But it was like you… vanished.” He pursed his lips. Shin Hye noticed he was kneading his hands – a habit she knew he had when he was nervous – as an awkward silence hung in the air. Shin Hye held her breath. She was expecting him to say more, to explain why he would do such a thing, but it seemed like he was done speaking. When he finally lifted his face to look at her, something inside Shin Hye stirred.

“Why?” Shin Hye asked, shaking her head. “Why would you…”

Soo Hyun gave her a small smile. It was the only answer he could muster, and really, the only one she needed.

Because then, it hit her. Somehow, it was as if something unlocked in her brain: a truth she’d always known but kept secret even to herself. She was too young to understand things then, but now, it was as clear as day – staring at her in the face.

Just then, her phone beeped.

From Shi Yoon: It’s done.

Just two words, but she looked at her screen longer than she intended, stalling for time.

Mixed emotions washed over her, it was hard to tell how she felt. All she knew was, Shi Yoon just reminded her once more that she was here for a mission. Soo Hyun is part of an old and distant life, and she was only here out of necessity. And yet part of her was invested in this conversation. It wasn’t like she could control it anyway. Her thoughts vacillated from the job to the man in front of him. When she faced Soo Hyun, she wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of thoughts that ran through her mind, the words threatening to roll over her tongue.

You should have told me before you left for the army. You should have kept in touch. You should have looked for me earlier, you should have tried harder even when you couldn’t find me. Maybe then, I… wouldn’t have done what I’ve done. Maybe I would’ve looked to you for strength, instead of mustering strength myself. If you’d only been there, then maybe… I wouldn’t have turned into a monster.

“I… should go,” Shin Hye said softly. She regretted it as soon as the words stumbled out of her, because she saw the disappointment in Soo Hyun’s eyes. Like she remembered, she could always tell how he felt just by looking into those dark brown orbs. She caught it – the shadow of hurt that passed through his face before he forced a smile.

“Of course.”

“You’re busy and… I forgot I have to be somewhere,” Shin Hye stood up to leave.

Soo Hyun held her wrist back. “Shin Hye.”

She turned around and faced him, with only a short distance separating them. She let out an inaudible gasp seeing him so close. Shin Hye could see more clearly the dark circles under his eyes, and her heart sank at the thought that she caused this. She tugged her hand from his grasp and took a step back. Soo Hyun, who had been looking at her intently seemed to have snapped out of his daze and distanced himself, too, his eyes still on the ground.

He cleared his throat and reluctantly faced her again. “I’m not asking for anything. Just… at least tell me you’re not going to disappear again,” he said, his voice pleading. “We’re still friends, right?”

Shin Hye flashed him a hesitant smile. We can’t be friends anymore. Not when I’m not the Shin Hye you knew. “You’re one of the few people in this world I can consider a friend, sunbae.”

Soo Hyun seemed to have loosened up as soon as he heard this. “Then please promise me I wouldn’t have to look for you again.”

“Eh?”

His eyes were more steady now. “As an old friend who still cares, don’t make me look for you again. Please?” He smiled.

That was enough to mangle her heart. A sigh escaped Shin Hye’s lips, before she managed to smile back with much difficulty. “I’m not going anywhere,” she lied.

When Min Ho heard the car door open, he had an overwhelming urge to open his eyes. But he had given Shi Yoon the impression that he’d fallen asleep. Of course it was all pretense and he really just wanted Shi Yoon to stop bothering him after the seventh time he asked, “what do you think they’re talking about now?” Because honestly, he didn’t want to think about what th