Dear Yongguk,

In case you are reading this, I'm probably dead. That . I never got to tell you that I loved you, and love you still as of writing this. But that's why I told you to open this in the first place anyway. I'll never forgive myself if I fail to let you know that you are the most beautiful person that I have ever met, and I do mean that. You are. You are wonderful and I hope that you realize that.

I told you, some years ago that I liked you and luckily after that disaster we became very good friends. I thought that I moved on, because what the heck, it was just a crush. Little did I know that it would evolve into something like this. it is something very beautiful, yet so sad. So wonderful yet it kills me inside.

As I have told you before, I believe that if you truly love someone, your main concern should be their happiness. That is why I chose to keep quiet about how I feel for you. I know that you are happy with our friendship and you value it as much as I do. I don’t want to be selfish and take that away from you just because of this frivolous thing called romantic love. Friendship is much much more important.

I pretty much gave you a rundown of what goes to who when I die so I wouldn’t repeat that here. This space is reserved for all those pent up feelings bubbling up but never pouring out. Even so, I could never really put into words how I actually feel right now.

I want you to be happy. I want you to be well. I want you to smile. I want you to experience real love, to love and to be loved in return, even if that person will never be me.

I want you to remember me as a strong person. I want you to remember me as the boy who never backed down. Do not for one second think that I suffered because of my feelings for you. Do not think that it was your fault to not have noticed all this time. I give you no blame. Do not think of me as another one in your trail of broken hearts. If you can't see past that, I would rather that you don't remember me at all.

Think of our good memories and know that I would always cherish them, wherever I go. Think of the not so good things we've been through. Laugh about it, and know that I laugh with you.

Forever love, Junhong

***based on actual letters I wrote myself about the boys I used to love or used to date