It’s been raining for a few days now, heavy pours that choose to fall for a while and in those hours, I feel myself complete in the strangest ways. Most times when it rains I feel myself slowly getting compelled to get out and dance in the falling tears of the clouds – get my boots, lace them up and ready myself to run into the dark rainy world.

I met Myungsoo in the rain when I was alone this one night, left alone by an acquaintance that had an errand to run. There was no shelter, I was alone and I barely know the way back home. Now that I recall I must have looked like a fool just standing there waiting for the rain to stop when it looked like it could go on forever. I remembered thinking how naïve I was to get ditched over and over again by different people always. While the wind was humming a sweet melody, I looked ahead to see a man walking briskly towards me, sharing the umbrella, which he is holding in his hand. I was confused and I wanted to let him know that it’s fine and he’s not obligated to share his umbrella with me but instead he gave me a warm smile and said “no, I insist”, his eyes glittering in the strange but comforting darkness.

That was the first time I met Myungsoo but it was definitely not the last. Somehow I keep finding my way back to that same place and so does he. We would smile and acknowledge the presence of the other and in time we were getting meals together. He is one of the best kinds of company one could ask for. Sometimes we don’t even talk and eat in silence but it was comfortable and I thought whom else could I share this sort of serenity with? Other times, we could talk about anything at all but most times, I would just stay silent and listen to everything Myungsoo had to say. He had this sort of voice that lures you into listening to his stories no matter how common it may be. But with Myungsoo everything was different – it was barely normal. I never met his family but I would have bet they were the most fantastic people. He would always get me to tell him about my life but I never could say much, I was lacking in everything compared to him.

So then it came a time when we loved each other too much for either of us. I would do anything for him and he would too. He was a great lover as much as he was a great fighter. Sometimes I would sit and think, why would someone like him even love someone like me? We wanted to get married, buy this small house down by our favorite avenue where we met. It had wallpapers from the 70s but we thought of tearing it off and paint it in a mix of random colors. The lawn was left to die but we thought of starting a garden although neither of us was any good at planting anything at all. We wanted to make one of the rooms into a library and fill it up with books we already have so we can share our favorite tales.

When I think back about the things we wanted, it never was much. We were two people happy with what we have and happier with the thought of sharing it with one another. Realistically though, it was never enough. I was ready for everything because with Myungsoo, everything was good for me. Maybe for him it wasn’t, maybe that was why he left me in the end but I could never stop looking over my shoulder – boots laced ready to run.