Before I met Jaejoong, I was cold and alone. I could not find any sort of ‘happy’ in the things that surrounds me. I was doing fine at work and I had a good home but I just was not satisfied inside. When I first met Jaejoong, I was walking down the hallway of a building I never went into. I had always loved the ringing silence in empty hallways and strangely found refuge in them. Jaejoong had just returned from the mart after fetching himself some milk because at 1 in the morning he wanted to eat his cereal. When we bumped into one another, I had no reason to tell him why I was lingering outside his apartment but neither do I have a reason to decline his invite to eat cereal with him so I thought why not?

Jaejoong was a strange man who lived by his own means, whatever he wanted to do, he would. He was always happy and to me that was what strange was. He worked alone, taking pictures for a living and he was happy. I had people working for me and I had money but I was never quite as happy as he was. Jaejoong was always positive, he had this smile that reached both his ears and when he smiled, his eyes would turn into slits and he would stay that way. He would smile at everyone and I thought, this man is a strange man. Yet this strange me got me reeling at his feet. He didn’t do anything at all; he simply talked to me and shared with me his joys whenever it came around. With him, everything was enough and I was finally happy.

He would take photographs of many things and at first they never made sense but it made him happy so I tried to understand. He was different than most. Everything made him happier, he was thankful for waking up each day so much so that everything he sees was what kept him alive. It made me want to live.

I never understood the concept of love before – how someone could give up anything for anyone or be happy because of someone – it just never made sense to me. But with Jaejoong, I learnt not only to love him but also to love myself and that by itself was miraculous seeing how I was always so bitter about most things. I was happiest when I was with Jaejoong.

So when Jaejoong left, a part of me died alone. He made me happy more than I ever was and he taught me to look out for the smallest joys and be so thankful for anything and everything. I will always love him because he was all that ever was.