“Jay, could you be a dear and be a good company while I run to get my bag?” was the last thing Michelle said as she left Jay with me in a restaurant we barely knew. I could not even say no even if I wanted to – Michelle gets things done her way. Michelle was a co-worker with whom I shared much interests with so I had no trouble being with her and getting along with her. The role of Jay in this instance was that at the point of time when we introduced to one another, Jay and Michelle had just gotten engaged.

Of course, being the girl that I am, the first thing I noticed about the handsomely tall Jay was how good-looking he was. His stature was proud and tall and it made his casual movements look very confident. His aura made most eyes turn to his direction in addition to his already significant looks. Despite that I knew my place as a fiancé’s friend. But things were never meant to be that simple was it?

After that one day after dinner when she left us, somehow I felt like Jay and I complemented each other way too well and we exchanged numbers. Days when I felt like I had no one, I could rely on Jay. The way he and I connect was far from how I was with other people. With Jay, it was different, with him I felt infinite and I had never found anyone who made me feel like he does.

In turn it made me selfish, I wanted him more and more for myself but never once did I treated him badly. I was good to him, and he was to me too. In name he was still Michelle’s fiancé but in truth, at night I sleep in his arms and that made everything all right. Things went on in this direction for a while and for a little I lived like that, in the moment, barely thinking straight.

But then came this one night when the rain refuses to stop pouring and all that accompanied me that night was the sound of the rain hitting against the glass windows surrounding my bed. It was hauntingly scary how alone and desolate I was as I was trapped in the sound over and over again. It was a curse, I would put it but that’s too much to say. I sat on the bed, covered in my blanket, eyes closed just listening to the quiet with the rain. Again, it hauntingly reminded how alone I was and how in truth Jay was just someone I took from someone else and I don’t think I was being fair to how the ways of the world was going.

I was ruining someone else just to satisfy my needs to have accompaniment.

I cut all contacts with Jay after that night and as I guessed, he never tried to get back to me. What we had in that short amount of time was buried underneath all the other secrets I kept with me since I was young. But every time it rains, I still think of Jay.

How on days when I felt quiet, he would listen to the empty noises with me and lay in bed just staring at the ceiling. How in the mornings I would just sit in bed just emptily staring, he would do it too. Jay and I were similar in ways you would not even understand but it crosses so many boundaries. I never could have imagined meeting someone like him. And I loved him tremendously in a way you could not even decipher even I put it in words way too simple.

I love him, simple but Jay and I were never meant to be together.