Puzzles : In You And Me. (Edited Ver.)

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**IN UOC HQ**

They all remained frozen to the very spot where they last stood. Donghae went to , checking if her situation is having some improvements - but to no avail, she was STILL ice cold, like all the other times this occured. He glared at the very direction Khun was staring. "AND YOU!" He snapped, seeing that Khun has not left UOC HQ ever since the incident. "WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! YOUREALL WANNA KILL ME SO BAD THAT YOU CAN'T ACCEPT HOW OUR FIGHT WAS ING CANCELLED?!" He yelled louder and louder, losing himself further as each second passes. Just as he was about to throw a good punch at Khun, he turned into a tornado and left. "Good Riddance." Donghae hissed and sighed deeply, as he remembered how screamed and cried in pain - And where was he? - Just standing there. He even gave more attention to a CHILDISH FIGHT than attending to . DONGHAE'S POV: 'I feel so useless. I kept on promising her a lot of things about me protecting her, me staying by her side when she needs me - and yet, THAT VERY MOMENT, I didn't even know whether to come to her or to continue the stupid battle.' I thought as I lifelessly lifted my foot, nearing the unconscious figure of the girl I love. 'WHY? WHY MUST THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO US?' I held back my tears,'Just when the memories come back by themselves...WHY CAN'T FATE ALLOW IT?!' I screamed inside. Oh how I wish I could decide how things are right now - just as how they all USED TO BE - still so vivid in my MEMORY. I stared at for a few seconds before carrying her. Gikwang didn't oppose in me doing so,knowing how I am right now, he made me carry her without any complaints. "Hyung, we better track the other down and get back to the hotel. needs to rest." My dongsaeng suggested in a worried and low tone, even I can sense how strong he is trying to be, when right now all he wanna do is to cry it out. "Jin, Kwang, track Joon and the others. Won't take you long right?" I added, and then my two dongsaengs started a joint spell. "causa quod magnes trahit ad vitam copiae - track eos, ducam eos ad partem meam et idoneos. (the magnet that cause the forces of our lives to be attracted - track them down, lead my direction to them and let us meet.)" They did it separately,but still in a good chorus - both in sync. As I saw the glow from the spell,I looked back at them and nodded my head, they nodded backand we then entered the portal. ', Princess, I hope we get YOUR FEATHERS back.' I thought as my hands gently brushed off her bangs, which almost covered half of her eyes. 3RD POV: **IN THE POLICE STATION** "Taeyeon-unnie." Yuri called out to Taeyeon as the big sister went out of the 'Recent Files' Area of the Police Station carrying another batch of file folders. "Yes, Yul? Any problem? Or any clues on the fog and the guy?" She asked, her eyes focused on the files yet she was still talking to her dongsaeng. "Unnie, new clue here." Yuri answered with the 'diva' tone. As Taeyeon heard her, her head face Yuri and searched for anything close to calling a 'clue' within Yuri's grasp. 'Assa!' She cheered inside, seeing a photo within Yuri's hands and took it to have a better look at the image on it. Her eyes imitated the size of a billiard ball. "Isn't this-" Before she could even react louder, enough for the others to be reminded of something as excruciating as the picture is, Yuri covered her unnie's mouth with her hand. "Mum-ph

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)