All The Feelings We Keep Inside...

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MYSTERY GUY'S POV: I saw her smile as I watch them eat in THAT PALACE. She looks happy right now, but not for long. i don't know how far can THE OTHERS go just to cause her pain and suffering. And of course, I'm not gonna let that happen again. This is MOST STUPID move I just made: Knowng that she'd never remember me before she gets a hold of THE SPECIAL FEAHER that contains OUR MEMORIES together, I still pursued to come and look at her, to protect her behind the shadows. 3RD POV: After the little catching-up that they had wherein they shared the little details of their search, they all went in the palace as they heard ____'s stomach make its call. "What're we gonna eat for dinner?" _____ beamed as she held her hungery stomach. "Don't worry ____-ah, Hongki-oppa will cook for all of us tonight." Hongki cheered as they both did the 'Fighting~!' signs. Then ____ went to their room, and to her surprise, she saw Jiyeon asleep. "Aish unnie is such a sleeper~" She pouted as she tugged at Jiyeon's dress, causing Jiyeon to groan and startle _____. 'Aigoo, I better leave her before I wak her up.' _____ thought. Then she opened her bag to fnd some change of clothes. ____'S POV: I came across a nice dress... slash gown. It really is too long for a dress. As I took it out of my bag, I hurriedly dug out a pair of shoes that would look nice with it. It's an all-white outfit for me today, I guess. Then I went in the bathroom, took a short yet thorough bath and then changed into the gown I picked out awhile ago, and wore the shoes. When I headed out to wake Yeonnie-unnie, since I am done washing up, and it's gonna be her turn, I was shocked to be greeted by an ALREADY AWAKE unnie. "Whoa~ Unnie, you're wide awake!" I exclaimed, receiving a playful yet shocked look on her face as she turned to face me. "Whoa too~ You look heavenly~!" She ran to me, and held my shoulders. "You really never lose the sense for fashion, huh?" Then she wentback to the bed to grab her clothes and shoes, then headed into the bathroom. As I waited for unnie to finish so that we'd go down together for dinner, I lied flat on the bed and stared at the wall. 'I wonder when will you remember THEM...' I thought as I lightly tapped my head. 'I hope I do remember all of you guys... Especially you, Donghae-oppa.' I sighed as I touched my lips. 'He kissed me... Here... And I never felt so warm, just like when he kissed me...' As I closed my eyes, I held the teardrop necklace that was on my chest. 'You must be a curse.' I despised the thought that I can't remember everyone, and the re

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)