THE BIG DAY (Part 3): Another Disaster Is About To Come Upon Us. (Edited Ver.)

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Not long after, they went to follow the directions on the compass. While they were trying to stay vigilant, preparing for any sneaky attack, the Horvejkuls were a bit threatened as they sensed the power that unconsciously emitted awhile ago.

"SHE JUST DID THAT WITH A FEW FEATHERS! How can she do THAT?!" Jessica hissed with her eyebrows furrowed, almost becoming one unibrow. "She's really DIFFERENT." Khun remarked, a small smile evident from the corner of his lips. "But we can't let this continue on, can we?!" Hara yelled, flailing her arms around in frustration. "No worries unnie, I have IT under control." Seira calmly smirked as she called a dozen of her cyborgs. She took one of her katanas and casted a spell on the 12 cyborgs that she have called upon. "No go. And make sure to bring all of them ALIVE. We can't have the fun started if all our little toys are DEAD byteh time we meet them, right?" She snickered evilly while Jessica patted her shoulder. "So you're planning to use THE ACE later?" The younger one just smiled, "I need to save the SHOW. After all, we'll get to see the REAL SHOW later on. The things that they are now going through are just a part of our mini-trailer." The three girls sat across the guys and waited for some time. Seira smirked as she held teh fragile bottle in her hands. 'I will make sure YOU all SUFFER!' She looked so clouded by her own grudge. While they were waiting for their opponents to come at them, Junhyung's team was still in the process of searching for any traces of the Horvejkuls or the cyborgs. "Damn!" Junhyung cursed as his leg got caught in another pile of moss on the grounds of the cove. "The place is as filthy as the people who stay in here." Joon sneered, his face full of disgust as they all watched their backs. "Hyung, BEHIND YOU!" Hongki yelled, as he casted a fast spell charm, making the cyborg behind Joon melt. "Thanks bro, I owe you one." Joon smiled as they all unsheathed their swords which were enchanted long ago as they inherited them from their ancestors. The blades have started their own dance and the swordsmen showed how much they've trained just to achieve their goals. It was a close fight, but thanks to the swords' enchanment, they defeated the cyborgs fair-and-square. ~IN SOME PART OF THE COVE WH

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)