Cause you were my sun, the moon
You were my everything and
Everything in my room seems to miss you -In My Room, SHINee
    Today was another day that I was able to go on without Onew.   Without his sweet voice. His caring hands that guided me through everything. His gentle ways. His soft lips that promised me forever. His smile... That smile that got me through everything.   It's a wonder I was moving on, that I was even smiling at times. It's a wonder I can function, especially since my very reason for my happiness was gone.   Forever.   I had replayed his messages for me again and again and I never grew tired of it. I imagined his sweet, dreamy voice that was my lullaby before I could drift off to sleep. I remember his patience and did the best I can in my subjects.   But most of all, I tried to be happy again. To go on living because I know this is what he would have wanted. I tried my best, but sometimes, whenever I remember him and what we shared, it's impossible not to break down.   But today, his 200th day, when I visited him, I made a promise. A promise that I will try again. That I'll love him forever but I'll try to bring back who I was, that I'll still take him as my strength, that I will never forget him.   "Oh! You're here! Come in." Onew's mom welcomed me with a big smile.   "Good morning ahjumma." I smiled back, taking in how some of her features were embedded on Onew's. That only made me miss him more.   "Thanks for coming, dear." She patted my arm.   "Of course. It's my pleasure." I said sincerely.   "Have some tea." She said as we settled down on the couch.   "Thank you." I sipped the tea, remembering that was Onew's first invitation to me. And one of my regrets. If only I spent more time with him before... If only I never refused any of his invitations... I shook my head, feeling the tears coming again.   "How are you?" She asked gently.   "Good." I mumbled with difficulty. "And you? Are you doing well ahjumma? I know this must be very hard for you..."   "It is, but we're trying to move on. I know Jinki wouldn't want us to just weep around." She looked at me meaningfully. "Especially you. He loved you very much."   My hands trembled and I set my tea down before I drop it because of my unsettledness. "I know..."   "You've never been to his room, have you?"   I shook my head. "No, not yet."   His mom nodded as if she finally understood something. "I think...it's time for you to know."   "What is it?" I asked apprehensively. Did I not know something about Onew?   "Follow me." She gestured to me and I stood up to follow her upstairs. She turned left down the hall and opened a green door.   "Oh." I sighed. The room smells like him. Everything in the room was him.   The way the bed was so neatly arranged. The way our picture was the only display in his bedstand. Even on his walls. All the selcas we took together. The guitar that was in the corner.   My gifts for him from our last three monthsaries were prominently displayed on his room. The watch that he always wore, the customized pillow that stood out from his bed because it was quiter colorful, the sweater I got for him that he always wore when it was cold, then he would hug me tightly because he wanted to be extra warm... Schedules and school reminders.   So much memories here...   "It's as if you were never gone." I murmured, my heart breaking.   "It took a long time for me to adjust whenever I went to his room. I usually cry myself to exhaustion." His mom smiled ruefully and I held her hand tightly to say I was with her all the way. She smiled appreciatively and opened a drawer. "Here. I think he left this for you." She said softly and handed me a small delicate box. "I'll leave first." She looked at me with understanding and left the room, closing the door softly.   I looked down at the box, half anticipating and half afraid of what I was going to see.   The first thing I saw were more pictures of us and pictures of me smiling for the camera whenever we were together. I smiled at the memories but felt sad at the same time. I took them out carefully and my heart tightened at what I saw next.   Song lyrics. Songs he didn't get to sing to me. Lots of papers, with neatly written lyrics, about me. About us.   I started to cry. How am I supposed to move on when these things happen? I tried to compose myself and took them out of the box, setting them beside the pictures. I missed him more with what I saw next.   The notes we swapped in class. I didn't even know he kept those. Notes that were innocent enough for me, notes that I didn't take too seriously because I didn't know my feelings for him that time yet. Still, he kept all of them. Every single one of them meant something to him.   Love letters came next. Onew...he never really spoke much. But with all these things, it seemed as though he spoke to me using a thousand words. It's as if he was making up for the times he was so quiet. The times when I wanted his reassurances the most yet he failed to say it to me.   If only I knew...   I'm sorry, Onew.   --   I walked around his room trying to get more of hi