Chapter Twenty

The Change

Kai didn't know how long he stared into space after Min left him. Maybe it was ten minutes. Or thirty. Or an hour. He didn't know. All he could seem to process was the blood pulsating in his ears and the drum of his heart beating against his ribcages. 

His lips were still on fire from the kiss, even if it hadn't lasted very long and didn't involve his willing participation. It had come out of nowhere, just like Min's confession.

He didn't expect it to happen. In fact, Kai had no idea what compelled him to tell Min about his childhood, since he had never spoken to anyone about it. Perhaps it was the fact that he had heard Min defend him in front of his drunk mother, who had made Kai furious because of her insensitive and rude attitude toward his guest. After bringing his mother back to bed, he had planned on staying down in the living room by himself to cool down, but Min had appeared out of nowhere, and then before he knew it, Kai had felt the need to spill his deepest secrets to him. It was a bit of a shocker, since Kai thought that he had locked up those memories and feelings so deeply inside himself that no one would be able to dig them out, but with Min's presence, they had all come tumbling out of his mouth to his friend.  

Already before, Kai had had a weird feeling about his growing friendship with Min. Aside from finding the other's face extremely interesting to stare at, he had been getting odd...urges...whenever they were close to each other. From the beginning, all these strange emotions that Min stirred in him had creeped the out of Kai, who believed himself to be a ladies' man. After all, not only did people know him for his success and intelligence, they also revered him for the handsome man that he was. He had always been set up with dates left to right, all for the purpose of finding a suitable wife, and often times the women he met with were extremely elegant and beautiful.

But this was totally different. Never in his life had Kai been attracted to a man, and that was scary. If he had to be honest, there was something about Min that attracted him, something in his smile or his personality--he didn't know--and these past few days, in his attempt to avoid Min and sort out his emotions, Kai's feelings had only grown stronger. It hadn't helped that every night he went out dancing to get his mind off of Min, that person would be the only thing on his mind. 

The one that was confusing at the moment was not Min, but Kai himself. What happened to his cold and stony demeanor? He thought he had a clear head that was always composed, but upon meeting Min, all of that changed. These new characteristics that he was uncovering in himself was slightly uncomfortable, to be honest. 

First off, Kai got angry, which happened often but not to the extent of punching someone else in the jaw. Thinking back on it, he pitied the dude who had gotten a nosebleed as a result of his wrath. The guy deserved it, but maybe Kai had been too harsh. After all, Min should be able to fight for himself, too. 

Second off, Kai felt sympathy. Sadness. Hell, before meeting Min, he had never even had to take care of anybody. It was always his mom, who used to nurture him, or his maids, who came to see him whenever he needed them. But from the sick fever to the injured fingers to the nightmare confession, Kai had found himself to be Min's supporter. The boy never asked for any of his help, but yet Kai had felt compelled to assist him anyway, even if he was inexperienced as a first-timer. And never once did he feel burdened by Min, even if that boy was wacky and totally bonkers in the head. 

And finally, third off, Kai had cried. He never cried. Yet, tonight, with Min's presence, his tearducts had gone into overdrive and before he knew it, those damned water drops had spilled down his cheek. Kai didn't even know why he had gotten so emotional. It didn't make sense. Before, he had always been able to hide his feelings extremely well, especially under his business-only mask, but for some unknown reason, Min was cracking him open slowly...piece by piece...

And then, boom, the guy had gone out of nowhere and kissed him full on the lips.

If he had been confused before, now Kai was downright traumatized.

Why? Because Kai didn't even feel repulsed by the fact that he had been kissed by a man. In fact, he might have even...liked it. If that wasn't clear indication enough that Kai's preferences might've uh...changed a little, he didn't know what was. 

Upon that thought, Kai snapped out of his reverie and hastily dug out his phone. He didn't care that it was almost three in the morning; he had to have an answer.

He dialed the number in a hurry and put it up to his ear. The phone rung about ten times before the person on the other line answered. 

"Mr. Kim, why the hell are you calling me at three in the morning?" Daesung cried into the phone. 

Kai gulped uneasily and swiped his sweaty hand on his pants. "Daesung, I have a question," he mumbled.

"Okay?" The other man's tone was highly impatient. Waking up to a call in the middle of the night was definitely not fun. 

Kai continued, this time in a softer voice. "When exactly did you realize you were gay?" 

"What?" 

Kai fumbled to explain himself. "I'm-I'm just curious, you know, because I have to get a primary source for an impending research project on the LGBT community and because I know you personally I thought it would be best to--"

"Spit it out, Mr. Kim. Is it because of your friend?" The older man wasn't stupid; no person would ever call early in the morning to ask a question like that, especially not Kim Jongin.

Surprisingly, Kai merely sighed and deflatedly said, "Yes." 

Daesung smiled to himself at this and perked up. "Okay, tell me what you're feeling." 

Kai tugged on his hair exasperatingly. "I don't know. I'm just really confused." 

"Confusion is a big part of it, turning gay, that is." Daesung chuckled. "Are you attracted to your friend?" 

Kai blinked. "I-I think so, which is why I'm confused because I'm pretty damn sure I'm straight." 

"Ah, let's not make that assumption yet," Daesung scolded lightly. He let out a yawn. "Just a question before I keep talking: have you ever kissed a guy?"

Kai flushed, and the long silence gave the other man his answer. 

Daesung let out a booming, high-pitched laugh. "So you have? Did you like it, too?" 

Another long silence ensued, in which Kai felt like slamming his burning face against the table. Daesung cackled for another full minute before regaining his composure and heaving into the phone, "Mr. Kim, I do believe that your orientation may have changed. In other words, you're turning gay." He laughed again. 

Kai groaned. As embarrassed as he was to be talking to Daesung about this, he was even more ashamed that he had admitted to all of the man's inquiries. "But I don't want to be, Daesung," Kai complained, his forehead twitching in annoyance. "I've never been attracted to a man before!" 

"It can happen," the other replied, but he knew exactly who Kai was talking about, and that person wasn't a guy. Kai was still straight, but perhaps he was too dense to notice what his male hormones had been telling him all this time. "Seeing as how you're calling me at this late of an hour and asking me this question, you must be in deeper than I think." 

Yeah, I think I'm in love, and it's scaring the out of me. 

Kai sighed once more and rubbed a hand over his face. He squeezed out a mumble of "Okay, thank you. Bye" before hanging up the phone and collapsing against the sofa. His mind was in turmoil, but not in sorting out his feelings. Kai was in turmoil because he was trying to accept the fact that he was becoming...gay. For Min. 

He didn't move from the sofa until several hours later, when the first crack of dawn peeked through the high arching windows. Kai pulled himself up lethargically and treaded up the stairs to his room with reluctance. He half hoped that Min would be awake, just so he could call Luhan to return the keys, and half hoped that Min was still sleeping, just so that they wouldn't have to face each other after what happened a few hours ago. Again, Kai was torn. 

When he opened the door, he found Min sitting in the black armchair next to the window, his face burrowed in his hands. At the sound of Kai's entrance, the other lifted his face and immediately shot out of his chair with a look of remorse.

"I'm so sorry, Kai! I didn't mean to do it! I wasn't thinking and--"

Kai silenced him by clamping a hand over Min's mouth. "I don't want to talk about it."

Min hushed. His brown orbs stared up at the other in confusion, at a loss of what was happening. 

Kai slowly removed his hand. "Call Luhan so he can return your keys," he said tonelessly. 

"He has my phone." 

Kai mentally facepalmed himself. Luhan bugged the wits out of him and he couldn't believe that he was going to have to talk to the girly jerkhead once again. 

Frustrated, Kai dug out his phone and dialed Min's phone nu