The city skyline had changed again since his last visit. The bright lights shone from buildings far and near his, causing the natural dark blue sky to have a mock white glow over it. Their brightness had overshadowed the stars in the night sky. In a city, stars would only mean entertainment artists and he was one of them. People had looked beyond his good looks and recognised his works.

Turning away from the night scenery, he took a glance at the bedroom in his suite and moved in the other direction. He flopped onto the couch and flicked the television on. This was something that he had not done for a long time given his ever busy schedule. But he felt like letting himself go for a night. No more script reading, no more blog writing and certainly no more emails for the night.

He surfed through the images of prey and predators, players and referees before reaching the music video channels. The latest hits had failed to move him. The catchy tunes and showy dance steps could not compensate for the meaningless lyrics. He used to deliver such music videos too and he snickered at his own recollection. He loved to sing but he was not a singer material. That’s why he should pay to sing at karaoke and not be paid to sing.

Moving beyond the music videos, he finally reached the drama and movie channels. Jack Nicholson, Ian McKellen and Tom Hanks – these were actors that he admired and looked up to. “The audience would have a hard time choosing their entertainment tonight,” he thought. But he wanted to watch something in his own native language this very night. He continued pressing the up button on the remote controller.

He finally reached the classics channel of his alma mater. It was showing his old drama series. It was kind of strange to him that his drama was now considered a classic. “Shouldn’t classics belong to the era of Adam Cheng and Chow Yun Fatt?” he mused.

The familiar and distant image captured his attention. “Oh, it’s this scene!” he thought to himself. This was the parting scene which broke so many of their fans’ hearts and got them so many fans thereafter. The girl had already done the talking for his character and they were embracing in the cold and quiet corridor.

As the girl in the television pulled apart from their shared warmth, he subconsciously mouthed the exact words as she did, “I’m used to this.”

This was not the first time his character had hurt the girl and caused her to walk away from him. Despite her strong will and incredible capacity for empathy, his obstinacy towards his ex-girlfriend had repeatedly inflicted hurts and rejections onto her which were so painful that she had to leave him in despair more than once. Indeed her character was so used to being hurt by him and leaving him.

This time she was leaving him for good. He could not bear to let her go but his character had to do the right thing – he had to return to his dancer ex-girlfriend who had sacrificed her dignity and lost one of her legs for him during their three years of forced separation. Once again, her character had spoken the words in his mind and heart for him, sparing him from saying them himself.

He recollected that moment when she stepped aside from him and walked past him to go down that corridor alone. Her tears were real and they had burnt like acid in his heart then. At the end of that take, there were many pairs of moist eyes among the production crew who had witnessed how their relationship had blossomed and ended.

The camera had captured only his sadness as she walked away from him. Unknown to anyone, he had wetted his pillow with his own tears when he reached home that day. He had invested himself heavily into his character too. The pain he felt was no lesser than hers. He might have openly joked that he had an easy time acting this role because he just needed to act cool and speak very little; but his character was too close to his own and he had internalised his emotions in the absence of spoken words.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head backwards. He didn’t need to watch the show anymore. The feelings of yesterdays had come back to him and he could picture her again. Her character was his most unforgettable reel partner, just like his was to her. Their imperfect ending was the regret that both of them still felt.

He had won many awards after this series and all awards were special to him, yet the award from this series always gave him a bittersweet feeling. Never did any of his co-stars win the best actress award with his best actor award again. It was only them. Did he win because he was good in the series? Or, did he win because it was them together? This was a question which he never had an answer for.

He never fancied award ceremonies but he was certainly more at ease with them now than then. He was glad that she was his partner for that award event. Her chirpiness and casual disregard on others’ opinion had rubbed off on him and put him at ease. She was his best friend during his years at the television station. He could be playful with her and she would finish his sentences for him. Unfortunately, their individual hectic schedules had drifted them apart after he had left for the movie industry.

The post-award celebratory party was held at a grand hotel ballroom. As they were the best actor and actress winners, they were in the limelight that night. Knowing his dislike to socialise, she had considerately and confidently handled the press on their behalf. He just needed to smile next to her. Even when they went over to mingle with their colleagues and friends, she had linked her arm over his to keep him close to her and fenced off their teasing. She was once again, like her character in the series, helping his introvert self mixed with the crowd. Or, was her character just her?

He had surprised even himself when he quietly dragged her away from the party and took her to the root-top alfresco lounge. At a secluded corner surrounded by tall plants, they celebrated their wins privately with champagne. As the music came on, he had uncharacteristically asked her for a dance and she sweetly obliged. If his memory didn’t fail him the song was “Wonderful Tonight” and she was indeed very beautiful that moonless night. He could not recall what he wore that night but he could amazingly remember her vividly in her black ankle-length v-neckline bare-back evening gown with her shoulder-length straight silky black hair down.

As their feet stepped in synchronisation and their bodies swayed with the music, he had caressed her smooth back with her chin resting on his shoulder. When she lifted her face and their eyes met, he thought he saw admiration reflecting in and from her eyes. He gently hooked some strands of her hair, which had strayed onto her face by the breeze, behind her ear. With his hand close to her head and the nearness of their breathings, he felt as if she was seeking for a kiss just as he did. Their eyes lingered on each other's face. Had he been more courageous and professed his love to her at that moment, maybe their story would be rewritten. But the moment between them had passed.

When the song had ended, they returned to their loveseat. With his arm over her shoulder and her head leaned against his shoulder, they finished the glasses of champagne in their hands wordlessly. When she stood up to go, she gave him one last congratulatory kiss, which felt like a goodbye kiss, on his cheek. This time he watched her back faded away as she walked away from him but the feeling was painfully like the one he had when her character walked down that icy corridor.  

Was it themselves or their characters who fell in love that night, he wasn’t sure. But like the epiphyllum, their love had bloomed spectacularly in that short-lived moment.

Epiphyllum is a flower which is known to bloom at night and wilt before dawn. Hence, it signifies short-lived beauty.

(25.11.2013)