There is no snow in this city during Christmas - only rain.

The raindrops were hitting the windows in full force. A rain-drop landed on the glass pane. Jessica watched its landing and traced its path as it trickled down into a pool of dark puddle at the bottom of the glass pane. Then, she picked another rain-drop and traced its path again. She had been tracing the paths of countless rain-drops. Each of them had fallen into the dark pool; each of them seemed to add on to the pool of sorrow in her heart.

The other diners had started to leave the restaurant. The loving couples were ready to go to their next stop for their Christmas celebration. She took a glance at her Tag Heuer watch, her Christmas present from Louis last year. The time did not register in her mind, but it did not matter. Louis was still not here.

Finally, a waiter apologised and informed Jessica delicately that the restaurant was closing. Of course, even the restaurant staff would like to spend their Christmas Eve with their loved ones; even if it was just for an hour.

This wasn't the first time that he had stood her up. She was too used to it to feel embarrassed anymore. Nevertheless, it still hurt. She stood up and gave a tip. There was no bill because there was no meal taken. She left the restaurant, leaving her present for Louis behind.

Louis sat his desk, rushing the last minutes reports. He had to send them out tonight. If the recipients did not respond due to the Christmas holidays, it would be their fault, not his. He was going for his Christmas vacation too.

From time to time, he would open the uppermost drawer of his desk and glance at the air tickets and the small red velvet box. He grinned to himself. He had it all planned. They were going for a white Christmas this year. A real one, one which that they had always dreamt of. They were going to Tokyo. There would be snow. Jessica would be delighted with the Disneyland and Hello Kitty Land. With this year's bonus she could buy whatever she wanted. And, most of all, he was going to propose to her with a diamond ring at the top of Tokyo Tower.

This would be the most special and memorable Christmas for him and Jessica, he thought.

Once Jessica walked out of the restaurant, the coldness of the night winds rushed onto her. The rain continued to hit her despite of her umbrella. She was too weary to carry the Burberry umbrella anymore. She closed and dropped it into a garbage bin. She hoped the rain could wash away the pain, could clear her thoughts. She kept walking and walking. She had no destination but she did not want to return to an empty house.

If people were looking at her and thinking that she was mad, she wouldn't care either. She just hoped that she could cry cry out that pain she was feeling. But there were no more tears she could shed.

Louis had finally sent out his last email. He took out the air-tickets and velvet box and placed them into his laptop bag. He looked at the time on his watch, which was the men's version of Jessica's. "!" he exclaimed and rushed out of his office.

He drove at a dangerous speed in his silver Porsche and reached the destination in record time. When he ran to the restaurant's entrance, however, he was greeted with darkness. The restaurant had already closed. He peered into the darkness, hoping to see some sign of life. He had questions. He scanned through the text messages and missed calls on his mobile phone. Did he miss her message or call? No, all the messages and missed calls were from his business associates.

Just when he was about to turn away with disappointment, a young man the same waiter who told Jessica that the restaurant was closing called out to him.

"Mister, are you looking for a lady with shoulder-length hair?" the young man asked.

For a moment, Louis was stunned. Had Jessica cut her hair? He thought she had waist-length hair.

"She is tall and slim." the young man added helpfully.

"Yes, I am" Louis answered uncertainly.

"She left this behind." the waiter passed a red gift bag with a golden bow to Louis.

Louis took the bag from him, and asked, "Did she mention where she was going?"

"No." the waiter replied. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too." Louis said in return. His thoughts were filled with Jessica now. "She must have gone home." he thought. He hoped.

Jessica walked and walked until she reached the cinema where they had their first date. She did not know why she came to this place. She looked the couples, especially the young ones. She remembered the times when they were young too. It was rather expensive for them then, but they made it a point to watch the movies at least once a month. Now they had the whole home entertainment system in their house, but they hardly watched any movie together. The last movie they watched together was when Louis first bought the system, and it was because he wanted to test it out.

Louis opened the door of their luxurious penthouse. "Jessica, are you home?" he called out. There was no response. "Jessica?" he called out again. For the first time, he heard the hollowness of the house.

He sat on the leather settee and opened the gift bag. He pulled out a white sweater with red and blue stripes on the V-neck collar and sleeve cuffs. There was no brand on it, just the initials "LK" embroidered in blue at the bottom right corner of its front.

His heart felt lost for a moment. "Where is Jessica? Where could she be?" he wondered anxiously. He took the velvet box from his laptop bag and slotted it into his pocket. He went out of the house in search for her.

Jessica leaned against a tree which was across of the cinema. While she was facing the direction of the cinema, she was no longer looking at the people. She was reminiscing their times together.

Their first date was on Christmas Day too. They were in their final year in the university. They watched a movie, had dinner and he sent her home. His Christmas gift to her was a hand-made blue rose.

Their second Christmas was spent in his room at his parent's place. She had told him that she wished to have a white Christmas. That year he granted her wish by casting the tiny Styrofoam balls into the air and used the fan to keep them in the air. They made love for the first time, and it was on the white Styrofoam balls.

They moved to their own place, a one-room apartment, on their third Christmas. It was a tiring day but they were merry.

He was away on a business trip on their fourth Christmas. They had a romantic dinner at a posh restaurant before he flown off.

She tried to remember what they did for their fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth Christmases. She could not recall anything. Dinners at the restaurants were common to them by then, and she had received so many expensive gifts from him that she could not remember which gift was for which occasion.

She yielded herself to cry. If she could cry, it meant she still cared. She wanted to care.

He drove around the city and he tried calling her on his mobile phone. He could not reach her. He tried their parents' places and she was not there.

"Where are you, Jessica?" he asked fretfully. "Has something happened to her?" he shook his head to cast away the thought.

It didn't take him long to drive near the cinema. The traffic lights had turned red, and he stopped his car. He first looked at the direction of the cinema, there were so many people that he could not make out whether Jessica was there. Then, he turned to the opposite side. He saw her. She was standing in the rain. She was soaked.

He parked his car at the roadside. "Let them book me for illegal parking." he thought carelessly and ran towards her.

He held her shoulders firmly and asked, "Are you okay, Jessica?"

She looked at him blankly and silently.

"Jessica, say something. Just say something." he urged her. "Did something happen?" he asked anxiously. He scanned her from her head to her toe.

He quickly removed his own jacket and draped it over her. "Let's go home first. You'll get sick standing under the rain."

She did not move. She continued to stand there like a statue. Her heart was in pain. She wanted to respond. But, she was too tired. Too exhausted to even fight with him.

"Don't scare me, Jessica" his voice was filled with fear. He hugged her close to him. "Tell me what had happened." He shuddered and looked at her lifeless eyes. He asked shakily, "Did someone hurt you?"

She could feel his care and his fear. She wanted to comfort him, but she couldn't.

"Let go." she finally uttered to him weakly.

He pulled her along but she did not move. He stared at her in puzzlement.

"It's time to let go." she whispered.

"Jessica, what are you talking about?" he asked in confusion. He looked intently at her. She was scaring him. He tried to find life in her eyes. They looked so dim and lifeless.

She finally spoke, "I'm tired of waiting."

He was still confused. "I'm sorry I was too caught up with my work just now."

She said without emotion, "I don't want to wait anymore, Louis." She had hoped the speaking of his name would make a difference but it did not.

"Jessica, what are you talking about? There is no need to wait anymore." He still could not comprehend what was going on. Nonetheless, he took out the red velvet box and opened it. He showed her the diamond ring.

She cast a glance at the ring. "Why would we want to marry for?" she asked. "So that you continue to keep me at home to wait for you." she answered her own question.

"I'm sorry, Jessica." he apologised.

"I have waited for four years. Four years. I have been waiting for four years." she said to him coldly. She wanted to cry, to scream, to do something, anything.

"I'm sorry to have neglected you, Jessica." he apologised again. "I just wanted to provide you with a better life." He finally understood bits of the situation.

He pulled her close to him again. He kissed her, gently at first and more forcefully when she did not respond. She wanted to respond too. But the flame in her heart had been put out.

When he finally pulled apart, she said, "There is so much a heart can take." And, this time she moved. She walked away from him.

Sometimes love is just not enough.

(December 2007)