You are a huge fan of EXO. It is spring and during the winter, you used to wait out in the cold for EXO's concerts. You're just a bored 16 year old girl who collects K-POP merchandise of SM entertainment. It would mostly be EXO, though.

 

Your walls are filled with EXO posters and fan-taken pictures by you from all the concerts you attended. You are in love with all the members. Except, Kyung Soo, Suho and Baekhyun flutter your heart the most. Those three were your most favorite. 

 

You did everything to support EXO by buying all their albums, their merchandise, their concert tickets, and even voting for EXO. You always tweeted your favorite biases but never got a response back, obviously. Once when Sehun answered fan's questions, you spammed him stupid questions like "would you ever marry me?" but he never replied to it. Maybe he thought you were a freak. But what can you do? You are a freak. You're insanely in love with them but you haven't done anything crazy..yet. 

 

Obviously, you were in EXO's official fan club. In the discussions, you always see those crazy sasaengs that claim to have one of your bias's piece of hair--- or even their underwear. Everytime you see a post you envy, you start to drown in your own tears. You wonder how all the sasaengs are able to retrieve those items. It makes you extremely jealous. It makes you imagine--- what if you were to get those items? You snapped your finger from a bright idea.

One of your sasaeng friends, is obsessed with D.O. She even got his under garment! That made you furious. She claimed to sell it for about $100. However, if you ever got anything from EXO, you would never sell or expose it to the world. You would keep it to yourself and embrace it. God, if you had Kyung Soo's boxers, you'd wear them everyday and never wash them. 

 

After about a week, you attended an EXO fanclub convention. There, you either sell or buy rare EXO merchandise. Signed stuff or fan-taken polaroids, etc. While walking around, you saw a girl selling a nicely taken picture of Suho--- in a polaroid!!! You went up to her to ask how much it was. She offers it to you for $300. It was an up-close picture and his smile looked HOT. You smiled at her and opened up your wallet, ready to pay. You wanted it, you NEEDED it. Right when you were about to hand her the money, you paused and thought about someone.

You attend every convention and always talk to this crazy sasaeng fan. She doesn't attend to every convention though--- she's busy stalking EXO in her life anyway.

At this convention, you saw her.

That thought made you think--- how did this crazy sasaeng get Kyung Soo's boxers?

You decided to talk to her when you met eyes with her. Usually when you guys talk, it would be about EXO and how you guys want to devour their bodies inside of you guys. Yes, you were both that weird.

 

You put the money back in your wallet and told the girl to wait. She nodded.

You walked over to the sasaeng fan and smiled.

You: Hey it's you again!!

Crazy sasaeng: oh hi. What's up with you?

You: Nothing. It's nice to see you.

You smiled and she raised an eyebrow. She's a .

Crazy sasaeng: okay?

You rolled your eyes in discreet and forced a smile again. 

You: How's your merchandise selling?

She laughed.

Crazy sasaeng: of course it's selling well. 

Well of course, they're EXO you inconsiderate .

You: wow! How do you even get their stuff? I mean, that's some ninja moves you got there.

Crazy sasaeng: it's easy.

easy my .

You: huh?

Crazy sasaeng: you want to know how?

You: no.. I mean. Why would I? I'm not that crazy..

Crazy sasaeng: are you calling me crazy?

You: nono! 

Crazy sasaeng: what do you even want from exo?

You: I want suho's white locks of hair & baekhyun's sleepwear!

Crazy sasaeng: That's so simple!! 

i want to shove a knife down your mouth.

You: simple?? You're kidding.

Crazy sasaeng: No?!! Last week I stole xiumin's socks.

you need a life.

You: What the hell. How?

Crazy sasaeng: wow you're pretty stupid. Just take this van to exo's dorm.

you're a stupid no life that looks like a camel.

You: what? WHAT VAN???

Crazy sasaeng: You don't know about the van? You can't even consider yourself a fan. 

you don't know about me hunny.

 

She shows you a picture of the black van on her phone.

 

You wanted to smack her in the face. You can't consider yourself a fan? Hell yeah you can. You're obsessed with them.

 

You: Tell me what the van is!

Crazy sasaeng: it looks just like EXO's van. See? They're identical. They pick you up from your house and take you to exo's dorm. The driver knows exo's schedule…

You: what?!?! No way!! I'm so close to getting my bias's personal belongings. Omfg. My feels.

Crazy sasaeng: call them!! Its +1 122011129291(fake number)

You: I love you. I'll get you xiumin's shirt if I can..

Crazy sasaeng: hah you're funny. Exo m's security is extremely high. It's impossible. Exo k's is much easier to steal from.

You: …how did you get xiumin's socks..

Crazy sasaeng: thats my secret. By the way, the fare is $380.00

You: 380?!?! WHAT. WHAT. ok.

 

You spazzed out. But it was completely understandable. They're EXO. Hell, you'd even sell your body to get to their dorm. You felt tingly inside, just thinking about your biases. The last time you saw Suho, you felt like your eyes exploded. 

You quickly checked your wallet and saw the $400 you saved. You looked back at the girl who had the polaroid picture of Suho. You awkwardly smiled and told her you didn't want it anymore. Because this time, you're going to actually get their locks of hair--- or even their underwear.

 

--

 

You are now home and sighing at the thought of EXO. 

You looked at the number of the Black Van.

Should you call them? Or should you just kill yourself?

You pressed call and a asian woman with an accent answered the call.

You told her your address and she told you she will be there within 5 minutes. Okay, that satisfied you so far.

 

--

 

The air conditioner was on, and the car was clean. The ride made you feel comfortable.

The woman driver asked you if you were a regular. You chuckled. "I've never done this before."

She was shocked. "So this is your first time?"

You nodded and she glanced at you over the rear view mirror. "Do you know how the procedure works?"

You shook your head. "I'm sorry, I'm new to this."

She was bewildered. "We have to camp out their dorm for.. we don't know how long. But let's hope it won't take too long. It will be a long ride. But pay me first, would you like to pay with cash or credit card?"

You dug into your wallet and handed her $400. ($380 + $20 tip)

She thanked you and shoved it into a file folder.

 

You unlocked your phone and went through your album of Suho and Baekhyun's pictures that you took at their last concert for Overdose. You spazzed out and drooled all over your phone. Hell yeah, their stuff will be stolen by you. And hell yeah, that didn't sound crazy at all to you. A lot of people do it.

 

"We are here, student." Says the driver.

You peeked at the tinted car window and saw EXO's legitimate dorm. You gasped and your heart starts to pound crazily.

You looked back at EXO's official fanpage and compared the picture with the actual dorm complex in front of your eyes. You widened your eyes when you saw that they were exactly identical. You quickly opened the door and the driver yelled at you. "You have to be careful! There are security guards all around!!"

You rolled your eyes. You wanted EXO. All of the members. You wanted their clothes. Their bags. Their hats. Their every belonging. You even wanted their locks of hair.

 

You were tired from the long wait and fell asleep.

 

The driver shook you and you flinched. She pointed towards EXO's dorm and you saw Luhan and Sehun going inside together. LUHAN AND SEHUN. God, they look even better outside of concerts.. you thought.

 

"I will drop you off now. Good luck. I have another client." She unlocked the van door. 

You thought, what the hell? You paid $400 to receive this crappy service. Oh well. You opened the van door and hid behind a bush. After 5 minutes later, you saw Tao. A fashionista as always, you squirmed at his amazing style of clothing.

 

However, he wasn't your bias. You were waiting to see if Baekhyun or Suho--- or even Kyung Soo to appear in front of your eyes. After all, you did pay $400. You needed to make your money's worth.

 

After an hour of waiting, your stomach growled. You were so hungry from waiting. But you ignored it when you suddenly saw Suho leaving his dorm. OMFG. YOU'RE ABOUT TO STEAL SUHO'S UNDERWEAR. OR EVEN HIS SOCKS. AHHHHCNSJDDSSDKSKSMZZZXX. 

You've been waiting for this moment. This crazy moment.

You had to secretly follow him, that was your game plan.

He walked down the street and you followed behind him by hiding behind walls or bushes every few seconds. Oh my god, he looks so handsome. 

You had a ladygasm just thinking about him.

He scratched his head and you assumed that pieces of his hair would be on the floor. You quickly ran to the location in discreet and searched for it. No luck. When you looked up, Suho was already gone. Oh , you thought.

You walked back to the bush, hoping Suho would come back soon from wherever he was going.

 

After hours of starving and waiting, you fell asleep on concrete.

 

--

 

You wake up in a room with dim lights. Everything looked blurry to you. You were laid down on a hard metal bed with a thin sheet of blanket. 

What the hell?

You looked around and saw metal bars that surrounded the room. There were no windows or doors.