Title: [4/5]

It was different and refreshing to see your title. When I first saw it, I was drawn and I didn’t hesitate to continue reading. It definitely suited your story so kudos for this part! :)

Description/Foreword: [8/10]

It was simple and filling. You didn’t need to do much to actually get me interested.

I like it, especially the last sentence “You thought he’s declaring his ownership on you, but you know deep inside that he said it just to keep you on his bed, at least until he comes and fills you full.”

I thought that was just genius!

Plot: [8/10]

Overall, I actually thought the plot was quite amazing. I mean, yes, I did find it a little cliché because it was the usual “A loves B but they’re only buddies” plot but the way you incorporated total sadness in the whole one-shot was just, wow. I’m speechless.

When I was taking my time reading the one-shot, I felt like I was DongHae. I felt the pain that he felt when he finally realized that it was time to say ‘No’ and confessed. I felt the stabs of death that he had experience when Eunhyuk just said sorry and left. It was really heart wrenching so good job!

Flow: [5/5]

It was reasonable and quite easy to follow if one were to take their time to read this because they effect that the reader would have if they read your one-shot slowly would be awesome! Haha! I thought it was okay and everything slowly fell into place quite nicely. Nothing was rushed. Everything was just described in a very beautiful pace.

Writing style: [4/5]

There was decent paragraphing. At least, you didn’t cram everything up in a paragraph. It was so comfortable to read.

You said this was your second attempt to write it in a 2^nd pov and I have to say that you did a great job. Really, you deserve a pat on your back for that! *pats back*

Originality: [4/5]

Like I mentioned before, it was a little cliché but you managed to erase that mark off and make this one-shot yours. You added your own flair and from what I see, it was from the way that you phrase your words. You played with your words very well and that was what made everything enjoyable and pleasant to read.

You added things that made this one-shot more original and more different than those that were offered in AFF :)

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [17/30]

I graded it according to my new rubric and like your story that I previously graded, you still had a small problem with the grammar and punctuation but not as bad as Hold The Future so you can celebrate for actually improving.

I was happy for you because when I was reading through the story, I can see that there was effort being made to reduce the amount of error that you made.I’ll just point out some of your mistakes and I’ll leave the rest to you because it’s repetitive so I hope you can figure it out from the examples that I’m about to give.

You don’t know when it started. You don’t even know what this it was.

From your story, I could see that you were trying to have everything in present tense so the problem here was the ‘was’. Since it was in present tense, it should be ‘is’.
Correct: You don’t know when it started. You don’t even know what it is.

Honestly though, you don’t really care, because he’s all yours and you’re his. And it was all that matter.

I think I mentioned this before about using ‘and’ as the first word of a sentence. I mean, you could use it once in a while to create a sort of for the story but you’d been using it too much for this story and it’s technically wrong because ‘and’ is used to connect two sentences together. It’s a connector.Like I said, it’s fine to use it once in a while but don’t use it too much. It actually makes your writing sort of informal.
Again, ‘was’ should be ‘is’.
Correct: Honestly, though, you don’t really care because he’s all yours and you’re his and it is all that matter.

You learn about him more than you learn about your self.

‘Yourself’. Not your self.
Correct: You learn about him more than you learn about yourself.

 Like when Hyukjae tell you with a bright smile, he was dating someone.

Hyukjae ‘tells’ you things. Not Hyukjae ‘tell’ you things. That’s wrong in terms of grammar. I know it has to with the singular and plural but when you have a subject, which in this case is ‘Hyukjae’, you have to make sure that the verb is in plural form.
For example, “Paul eats the rice” and not “Paul eat the rice”. If you were to read the sentences out loud, you can actually hear that “Paul eat the rice” sounds funny and ridiculous. Same goes with “Hyukjae tell you with a bright smile.” It sounds a little off, doesn’t it? :)
Once more, ‘was’ should be ‘is’.
Correct: Like when Hyukjae tells you with a bright smile that he was dating somebody.

This is merely joke for him.

There was a missing ‘a’ before the joke because you tell someone ‘a’ joke and not tell someone joke. That sounds like the Singlish slang that we use here in Singapore and that’s wrong! Haha!
Correct: This is merely a joke for him.

I swear I saw this one spelling mistake but I couldn’t find it anymore. -.-
Urgh, okay, nevermind. I shall skim through it again and if I do find it, I’ll let you know.
Other than this, there wasn’t anything major. Just your grammar and punctuation, that’s all. You improved a lot, my friend. :)

Characterization/Details: [23/25]

I thought it was simply impeccable. You developed the characters beautifully, especially DongHae’s feelings and the things that were running through his mind throughout the story. I loved how you made him ponder about things and then finally realized that he was trapped in this viscious cycle with Eunhyuk.

The details around him were amazing. I loved how you had this “He’s still sharing his food with you, he’s still sharing his ear phone with you, he’s still cuddling on you on free Saturday night and he’s still leaning on you on the plane trip.” after DongHae said ‘No’ for the first time.

I loved the scene with Jessica! I thought you did well for this.

Overall enjoyment: [5/5]

One word. Awesome.

Total score: 78/100

General comments: My bestfriend said I was being biased because I’m grading a story that has to do with a group that was from SM but she’s wrong. The only group I can ever be biased with is SHINee and I’m only biased when I read, not review.

So overall, I loved this shot. I have to say, you did improve from ‘Hold The Future’ and I really enjoyed reading this. I’m glad that you made it in a 2^nd pov. It felt deep when I read it. It felt like I was DongHae and Eunhyuk was abusing me because I have a tight . Lolololol! Okay, okay. Good job!! Wooo!! Here’s a million Krabby Patties for you!! Spongebob is proud of you!!! :D

Woah. Not bad. Hopefully, I'll be able to clear the pending reviews by this week since school is finally starting next week. Urgh, as much as I love going back to school after a long two months break, I hate it because it means that I can't update as much as I use to. Not that I do update often but at least, I have time to brainstorm and such. With school, I don't think I'll be able to accomplish as much as I had accomplished now.
Grrr.
Oh well. 
sharehappyness --> Yah! Ich liebe dich ^^