Title: [4/5]

I’m going to be honest, when I saw that you had requested for a review, I simply couldn’t wait to get my hands on this story. It was the title, I swear. It was different and very innovative. Simple and straight forward enough to catch my attention.
However, there’s a little mistake in your title.
It’s supposed to be ‘Playboys’ and not ‘Playboy’s’ since you’re referring to the two playboys.

When you use ‘s, it’s like you’re referring to something that belongs to the subject. For example, Lily’s cat or Taemin’s banana milk.

Description/Foreword: [9/10]

Hands down. I loved it. I simply adored how you started your description with that quote. Though, it did seem a little cliché in a way because I was asking myself if this was going to be one of those typical stories that I had came across before.
However, you went on with your summary and that simply just got me hooked. It was simply yet it was ample enough to draw the readers in.

The foreword was amazing. It felt like I was reading a synopsis of a written book that was published. You played with your words well and you described each character without giving away too much. So good job for that!

Plot: [10/10]

I hate giving half marks so I rounded it off.
I only have one word to describe your plot. Amazing. I liked the idea of having manwhores living with s under the same roof. Plus, it wasn’t just any manwhores or s. It was JongHo and TaeBoon. Like whutt?
I know that most would say that it was cliché but somehow, as much as I wanted to call it cliché and boring, I just couldn’t because it was seriously off the hook.
I loved it. You’re a genius and then there’s Onew and Gwiboon. I just thought to myself that the relationship that you had made between was simply impressive. A little weird but I like weird. No. I adore weird things that make perfect sense. Okay, I’m blabbing again. Haha!

Flow: [4/5]

I appreciated the fact that you were trying to slowly develop the story nicely. I admit, I did liked the flow of the story but sometimes, I just thought that some parts of some chapters were just too long and boring, especially the part where Jonghyun and Min Ho were telling their hyungs and Eli about Taeyeon and Gwiboon. I just found their conversation a little too long and a little too boring. You lost me halfway over there. Other than that, I thought the suspense of what was going to happen next was good.

Writing style: [5/5]

It was neat and organized. I like things that are neat and organized so here you go. A full score!

Originality: [4/5]

Did I mention that this was a little cliché but I liked it so much that I didn’t care? Haha!
It’s a little cliché because there are tons of other stories with the exact same idea but you made it yours, so I guess it’s different and refreshing.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [19/30]

This kind of pulled you down. There was quite a number of grammar and punctuation mistakes. In terms of spelling and vocabulary, it was still fine. It was just the punctuation and the grammar that was problematic.

For the grammar part, you kept jumping tenses. One moment you were typing in present tense and the next, you were typing in past. There were also instances where you would use two forms of tenses in one sentence. It would be best if you could write in one form of tense consistently. Not only does make your story more formal, it actually improves the overall look of the story itself.

For example, in chapter one, you started off with present tense and that was fine because you were telling the story in your point of view, which I thought was quite a smart thing to do. However, the grammar started showing up after that when the scenes finally fell into place.

For the punctuation, sometimes you tend to have sentences that were too long and they could be broken up into shorter and clearer sentences. What I noticed the most was that you had a slight problem with punctuation when it came to dialogues in the story. I’ll elaborate more as I point out the mistakes to you. :)

(Chapter 1)

Minho just gave them a smile and a little wave making the girls squeal in delight, Jonghyun on the other hand gave them a flirtatious wink that had them hyperventilating. 

Since you used ‘gave’, the words after that in the same sentence has to be in past tense. ‘Squeal’ should be ‘squealed’.
Another thing, like I mentioned before this, the sentence was too long. You could actually break the sentence up into two; One for Jonghyun and one for Min Ho.
Correct: Minho just gave them a smile and a little wave, making the girls squealed in delight. Jonghyun, on the other hand, gave them a flirtatious wink that had them hyperventilating.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and sighed as she picked up her books then stood up. But before leaving, she turned to the guy sitting behind her and with a sly smile she said, "See you tonight, Eli-oppa."

‘Then’ should be ‘and’, in my opinion. It sounds better with an ‘and’. Plus, when you use ‘but’, you cannot start it off as a starting word in the sentence. You have words such as ‘however’ to do that job for you. In this case, there shouldn’t be any full stop if you want the ‘but’ to stay. Or in my case, I would just separate the sentence to make it neater.
Correct: Taeyeon rolled her eyes and sighed as she picked up her book and stood up.

However, before leaving, she turned to the guy sitting behind her and with a sly smile, she said, “See you tonight, Eli-Oppa.”

(Chapter 2)

There was a pause for a while, but then both boy's shrugged and nodded. I mean, they found a pretty cool place to live in so why would they not rent it out just because they would live with random strangers, right?  

‘Both boys’ and not ‘Both boy’s’.
Correct: There was a pause for while but then both boys shrugged and nodded. I mean, they found a pretty cool place to live in so why would they not rent it out just because they would live with random strangers, right?

Meanwhile, Jonghyun was on the pool not far from them, wearing his board shorts with Se Kyung wrapped around his arms who was playfully nibbing his ears. 

Woah! Jonghyun’s on the pool? Does he have a superpower or something that allows him to be on the pool? Haha! It’s in the pool, my dear. Oh and nibbling was spelt wrongly.
Correct: Meanwhile, Jonghyun was in the poll not far from them, wearing his board shorts with Se Kyung wrapped around his arms, playfully nibbling on his ears.

(Chapter 3)

"Hmm, well. Let's just see about that." he winked at her and stood up as he made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower. 

Okay, so this was your problem with punctuation. When you have a dialogue and you end it off with a full stop, the next word should start with a capital letter.
Correct: “Hmm, well, let’s just see about that.” He winked at her and stood up as he made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower.

Gwiboon and Jun just laughed at the childishness of both siblings, "Anyway, these are the keys to the house. You can renovate and repaint your rooms if you want to. I don't mind." Jun said, now beaming at them, as he handed Gwiboon the keys. 

I forgot to mention this to you but try not to cramp to sentences together if there’s a dialogue.

Like for example, for your sentence, you can the first sentence off since it didn’t have anything to do with the dialogue and start the dialogue in a new paragraph like so.
Correct: Gwiboon and Jun just laughed at the childishness of both siblings.

“Anyways, these are the keys to the house. You can renovate and repaint your rooms, if you want to. I don’t mind.” Jun said, now beaming at them as he handed Gwiboom the keys.

There were quite a few of such mistakes in your story so please do take note. :)

(Chapter 4)

After three days of making Tae, Onew and her room look fabulous she was too tired to get up just yet and being woken up in an ungodly hour at the crack of dawn wasn't making it easy either. But after ten minutes, Gwiboon's eyes opened slowly, the sunlight streaming into her bedroom causing her finally to wake up.
Correct: After three days of making Tae, Onew and her room looked fabulous, she was too tired to get up just yet and being woken up in and ungodly hour at the crack of dawn wasn’t making it easy either. However, after ten minutes, Gwiboon’s eyes opened slowly, the sunlight streaming into her bedroom, causing her finally wake up.

Well, that’s it. The rest are all repeated mistakes so you could actually slowly find them and use these as a guide. To be honest, it was a pity because your story is really good. It was almost perfect but your grammar and punctuation was holding you back from achieving that desired perfection.

Characterization/Details: [25/25]

Wow. I actually found it flawless. You described every character with such detail. You made sure that everyone understood what each character’s role was and it was amazing because each character was developed and had their own personality and flair. My favorite had to be Taeyeon. I don’t care if she’s short tempered. That girl seriously kicked !

In terms of details surrounding them, it was impeccable. It was very detailed and very fun to read. I was actually having my own little movie time in my head while reading your story. It was that detailed that I just had to give you a full score for this so congratulations!

Overall enjoyment: [4/5]

It was boring at some small parts but overall it was really enjoyable. You got me hooked the moment I read your title. It was really amazing. I loved the relationship that you’re developing between Jonghyun and Gwibwoon and Min Ho and Taeyeon. I liked the iness and all the drama. I simply adore the fact that the girls always had the last word. I’m definitely siding with the girls. Their character just speaks to me. Haha!

I just couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. You had definitely gained a subscriber here. :D

Total score: 84/100

General comments: An amazing story. I’m glad you requested for a review because I’m running low on stories to read and keep me entertain and yours just made my day slightly brighter. Please do update soon! I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for both parties!