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ⒸⒽⒶⓅⓉⒺⓇ ➀➁

 “We Are One”

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“But before I explain anything…” Kris said. He looked over the group of boys in front of him who he considered his friends. When it seemed he was ready to follow up his word to ‘tell them everything’ his eyes had stopped upon Suho. Tao noticed how pointed the boy’s stare was as he spoke his first words.

“I’m sorry I made you carry the responsibility alone all this time.” The statement was clearly made solely for the K leader. From Kris’ expression it was evident he felt ashamed of his actions as a leader. With a serious expression Suho gave a slow nod of acceptance. From the beginning all he had wanted was an apology.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages. I wanted to.” Kris said, this time while looking at Chanyeol. The other tall boy bit his lip instantly and quickly dragged off his hat to run his hand through his hair before putting it back on. He was smiling but his nostrils flared slightly as he breathed. Kris’ eyes had become wet again and he gave a soft smile to the boy. Chanyeol shook his head slightly but Tao could tell he wasn’t mad at the leader.

“I’m truly sorry that your family received hate from our fans because of me.” Kris said in a solemn voice as his eyes connected with Lay’s. The other Chinese member stared at him for a long moment in silence. Then the quiet boy simply gave a small nod.

“I’m sorry for the extra effort you had to put in because of me.” Now Kris was looking at Kai. The dancer was the only member who was sitting. Tao imagined Sehun must have forced him to. Kai just smiled a little and shook his head kindly. He wasn’t the sort to keep grudges in the first place.

When Tao looked back to Kris to see who he would look to next, he saw the leader was staring back at him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was leaving.”

It may have sounded weird to the other members. They, who believed Tao had been in communication since the beginning, couldn’t understand the pain the maknae had felt all this time knowing his favorite hyung hadn’t told him something so important. He had always asked Kris to open up to him but in the end he never did. Even now, while they had spoken a few times, Tao still didn’t know the reasons why things had turned out as they had. Every time he had asked Kris would avoid the questions and suggest they hang up. All this time it had been hard for Tao to accept that the M leader could leave him without a word.  

It seemed his series of apologies were over. Kris’ eyes were looking off at a distant spot on the wall as if he were trying to remember something. Maybe he was just looking for the right words to explain his actions. Whatever it was, he seemed to have figured it out when he finally returned his attention to the group.

“During one of our trips to China my mother noticed I didn’t seem healthy. She had me see a doctor and we found out there were some irregularities with my heart. I didn’t know how serious it was at the time but my mother insisted I take some time from practice to do less stressful activities but as we all know that’s up to the company. With the concert coming they told my mother they would consider it but only after the concert. I thought that was the end of it but when we came back again she had me see a doctor again. They told my mother that my condition had gotten worse.” Kris stopped for a second to think on his next words for before speaking and Tao couldn’t help but wonder if Kris’ next words were actually how he felt or was it what his mother thought. “Even though our concert is important to me I have to think of my health first. If the company doesn’t allow me the proper rest then my condition could become serious. It's better to miss out on this oppurtunity than to risk my health." Kris’ eyes were now focused on a spot of the floor. His expression didn’t seem to match his words. He looked depressed even mentioning missing the opportunity to share their first solo concert together. When he looked up there was a sort of panic in his eyes. “We didn’t know the lawsuit would go public. We just wanted the ability to have more control of my contract since we felt we were being mistreated.” Kris went quiet as he looked at his friends’ expressions. He was probably trying to gauge their reactions when Suho spoke.

“When the lawsuit did go public why didn’t you respond right away? The company was getting a lot of negative press.” His tone sounded a little cold but Tao was sure the K leader was just curious. No one could blame him if he was a little upset. After all, it was Suho who had received most of the blame in the beginning.

Kris’ expression looked guilty once more as he replied.

“At first we didn’t know what to do. We were scared things would get worse. At first she didn’t even want me to leave the house. We didn’t know how people would react. Then when things got worse we got a lawyer. It was his suggestion that we hold off and see how the company would react first.”

“But what about the concert? Hyung you’ve trained even longer than me. How could you not come?” Baekhyun asked, interrupting the other but Kris didn’t seem to mind.

“We thought if I came back it would have all been for nothing. No one would have taken the lawsuit seriously if I came back. We thought because the concert was coming it would force the company to work with us…but they found a way around it.” Kris’ eyes looked pleading once more. “I don’t want people to think I’m some kind of bad guy.” His eyes darted off to the side and his voice lowered “Though maybe I am.”

“What is going to happen now?” This question came from Kai. Tao wondered if the dancer purposefully came up with a question to pull the attention away from the current track. Kris must have thought so too because he gave a weak smile before answering.

“I’m not sure. I’m just going to put my faith in my mother and her lawyer and hope things will work out for the best. Whatever that is…”

“So, you were avoiding the company. I can kinda understand that. But why didn’t you respond to our personal me